Mental discipline - I want a list of backpocket things to think about
July 14, 2018 7:59 AM Subscribe
On bad days, I feel like even when I'm busy doing something, about 20% of my brain is engaged in cooking up major anxiety and worse-case scenario stories. I have a propensity to get nervous easily, go down dark thought spirals and go full negativity panic.
I realize this is a problem and would like to put together a list of POSITIVE, ENGAGING, somewhat RELAXING things to distract myself / focus on. Any ideas?
I like this list, but it is a little bit too.. fluffy to really stick. Any ideas / examples?
I like this list, but it is a little bit too.. fluffy to really stick. Any ideas / examples?
— Plant identification
— something creative you’re working on— the next part of your story’s plot or whatever, what a particular artwork would look like in a totally different mode, an imaginary full-throttle professional presentation of your stuff
— the best/most scenic way to get home or to a favorite space from where you are (without looking at a map)
— good things your pets or loved one’s pets have done recently; something nice you could do for said pets next time you see them
posted by peppercorn at 8:05 AM on July 14, 2018 [3 favorites]
— something creative you’re working on— the next part of your story’s plot or whatever, what a particular artwork would look like in a totally different mode, an imaginary full-throttle professional presentation of your stuff
— the best/most scenic way to get home or to a favorite space from where you are (without looking at a map)
— good things your pets or loved one’s pets have done recently; something nice you could do for said pets next time you see them
posted by peppercorn at 8:05 AM on July 14, 2018 [3 favorites]
I lean towards (fairly simple) math: the volume of a bathtub, my paycheck (down to the exact minute). Barring that, I count my steps.
posted by steady-state strawberry at 8:06 AM on July 14, 2018
posted by steady-state strawberry at 8:06 AM on July 14, 2018
I come up with an alphabetical list of things in a certain positive or neutral category: Flowers (astrolomeria, begonia, Cala lily, etc.), world cities (Amsterdam, Berlin, Cairo, etc.), things found on a beach (anchor, beach ball, crab, etc.) It’s mildly stimulating but simple and calming. I usually do this to fall asleep but also occasionally during any task that’s not so mental engaging that my brain has room to ruminate and worry about other things. (The added bonus is I consistently dominate in the 90s board game “Scattegories”.)
posted by lovableiago at 8:57 AM on July 14, 2018 [14 favorites]
posted by lovableiago at 8:57 AM on July 14, 2018 [14 favorites]
Best things for this will be stuff that brings your attention right back to the current place and present moment, yanking you back from the uncertain but doubtless horrible future or the excruciatingly embarrassing past. Counting how many different sounds I can hear right now, then trying hard to discern at least one more without deliberately making it myself, often works well for me.
But the real trick is not so much having a thing to focus on, because damn near anything in the present will do. The real trick is noticing that you've launched into a spiral, then choosing to respond to having noticed that by deliberately restoring your focus to a pre-chosen point. That's the fundamental technique that a regular mindfulness mediation practice will exercise.
Mindfulness meditation often gets a bad rap from anxiety sufferers, many of whom find that attempting it makes the anxiety worse. Among friends I've talked this over with face to face, it seems that the way the attempt always goes wrong is that simply sitting quietly and trying to tune out external distractions immediately makes room for all the internal sound and fury that anxious people habitually rely on those same external distractions to derail.
So if you're going to try mindfulness meditation, the intent you need before you sit is not "I wish to put aside all distractions"; it's "I wish to focus on this particular aspect of the present moment only, regardless of what else happens". In other words, put your intent on what you want to do rather than what you want to avoid. That will make it clearer to you that even some of the stuff your brain does completely habitually and unconsciously can reasonably be lumped in with other kinds of distraction.
Then, whenever you notice that you're not counting your steps or watching your breath or reaching for more sounds right now, but have instead spent the last little while with a knot in your guts as yet another what-if horror story played itself out on your inner stage, you react exactly the same way that you would have done for a ringing phone or somebody slamming the bathroom door: you just note that you've been distracted without attaching a value either to the distracting phenomenon or to the fact that it did distract you, and you gently put your attention back where you'd decided ahead of time that it should stay.
This is surprisingly difficult work to do, especially given how easy it is to describe, but it's really good exercise. Which is, by the way, all it is; mindfulness meditation is not any kind of contest, or something at which you can achieve any kind of Personal Best, or something you can fail at (except perhaps by not doing any). The exercise itself - the doing of it, the keeping on plugging away, over and over and over - is the point. In particular, nobody else is "better than you at meditation" on the basis that they claim to have experienced fewer internal distractions in any given session, or have a more convincing bliss face.
posted by flabdablet at 9:06 AM on July 14, 2018 [14 favorites]
But the real trick is not so much having a thing to focus on, because damn near anything in the present will do. The real trick is noticing that you've launched into a spiral, then choosing to respond to having noticed that by deliberately restoring your focus to a pre-chosen point. That's the fundamental technique that a regular mindfulness mediation practice will exercise.
Mindfulness meditation often gets a bad rap from anxiety sufferers, many of whom find that attempting it makes the anxiety worse. Among friends I've talked this over with face to face, it seems that the way the attempt always goes wrong is that simply sitting quietly and trying to tune out external distractions immediately makes room for all the internal sound and fury that anxious people habitually rely on those same external distractions to derail.
So if you're going to try mindfulness meditation, the intent you need before you sit is not "I wish to put aside all distractions"; it's "I wish to focus on this particular aspect of the present moment only, regardless of what else happens". In other words, put your intent on what you want to do rather than what you want to avoid. That will make it clearer to you that even some of the stuff your brain does completely habitually and unconsciously can reasonably be lumped in with other kinds of distraction.
Then, whenever you notice that you're not counting your steps or watching your breath or reaching for more sounds right now, but have instead spent the last little while with a knot in your guts as yet another what-if horror story played itself out on your inner stage, you react exactly the same way that you would have done for a ringing phone or somebody slamming the bathroom door: you just note that you've been distracted without attaching a value either to the distracting phenomenon or to the fact that it did distract you, and you gently put your attention back where you'd decided ahead of time that it should stay.
This is surprisingly difficult work to do, especially given how easy it is to describe, but it's really good exercise. Which is, by the way, all it is; mindfulness meditation is not any kind of contest, or something at which you can achieve any kind of Personal Best, or something you can fail at (except perhaps by not doing any). The exercise itself - the doing of it, the keeping on plugging away, over and over and over - is the point. In particular, nobody else is "better than you at meditation" on the basis that they claim to have experienced fewer internal distractions in any given session, or have a more convincing bliss face.
posted by flabdablet at 9:06 AM on July 14, 2018 [14 favorites]
- Something you're looking forward to. You can come up with ideas for making it even better, or, since that can lead to stress, just think about the fun your co-participants might have, or things you want to make sure to notice.
- Things you might plan that would be something to look forward to. This is especially helpful if you have trouble with the first item, above.
- How to make the people around you happier for a moment.
posted by amtho at 9:13 AM on July 14, 2018 [4 favorites]
- Things you might plan that would be something to look forward to. This is especially helpful if you have trouble with the first item, above.
- How to make the people around you happier for a moment.
posted by amtho at 9:13 AM on July 14, 2018 [4 favorites]
I didn't realize how much I do this until recently, but: I learn an interesting thing, and then I think about what I've learned. Especially when my idle fretting time is within reach of a keyboard, but also after I've done the googling I can think about this stuff at length. I've spent time rabbitholing:
- How to build an outdoor pizza oven from various materials ranging from high-end artisanal bricks to "stuff you have laying around".
- Stingless/solitary bees and how to make habitats for them in your garden and raise them from cocoons.
- DIY bird baths
- How sprinkler systems work (first it was lawn, fell down a hole about fire sprinklers and computer server room fire-repression systems
- What are tomatoes and how do they work
- Hummingbirds!
I find that nature stuff, repair and DIY work really well because they are fairly universal and apolitical (that's not true, everything is political, but for the most part you're going to avoid it until you get too deep) and maybe even useful.
This is reinforced by podcasts, which I use to keep my mind occupied during certain tasks (driving, chores, trying to relax in dark or eyes-closed situations). Podcasts like Ologies, 99% Invisible, No Such Thing As A Fish, Sawbones, The Kitchen Sisters Present, The Casual Birder, The Allusionist - they're generally delivering information you didn't know pretty steadily throughout each episode.
When I am trying to sleep, my favorite visualization exercise is Imagine The Best Bed Ever Today, in which you are given unlimited budget, a good bit of leeway with physics and safety best practices, full access to any sort of tool or science or geographical location, and all labor is ethical and fairly compensated, and you imagine in detail the exact bed that would perfectly suit your mood and support/temperature/environmental requirements for this particular night.
posted by Lyn Never at 9:14 AM on July 14, 2018 [5 favorites]
- How to build an outdoor pizza oven from various materials ranging from high-end artisanal bricks to "stuff you have laying around".
- Stingless/solitary bees and how to make habitats for them in your garden and raise them from cocoons.
- DIY bird baths
- How sprinkler systems work (first it was lawn, fell down a hole about fire sprinklers and computer server room fire-repression systems
- What are tomatoes and how do they work
- Hummingbirds!
I find that nature stuff, repair and DIY work really well because they are fairly universal and apolitical (that's not true, everything is political, but for the most part you're going to avoid it until you get too deep) and maybe even useful.
This is reinforced by podcasts, which I use to keep my mind occupied during certain tasks (driving, chores, trying to relax in dark or eyes-closed situations). Podcasts like Ologies, 99% Invisible, No Such Thing As A Fish, Sawbones, The Kitchen Sisters Present, The Casual Birder, The Allusionist - they're generally delivering information you didn't know pretty steadily throughout each episode.
When I am trying to sleep, my favorite visualization exercise is Imagine The Best Bed Ever Today, in which you are given unlimited budget, a good bit of leeway with physics and safety best practices, full access to any sort of tool or science or geographical location, and all labor is ethical and fairly compensated, and you imagine in detail the exact bed that would perfectly suit your mood and support/temperature/environmental requirements for this particular night.
posted by Lyn Never at 9:14 AM on July 14, 2018 [5 favorites]
Along the lines of bringing yourself into the present moment, as flabdablet says, the 5th exercise on this page is called "re-orienting to the present." I've found this sort of thing helpful.
posted by bunderful at 9:20 AM on July 14, 2018
posted by bunderful at 9:20 AM on July 14, 2018
Belly breathing is a great technique to learn because it activates the parasympathetic nervous system, calming things down while also helping you to extricate yourself from anxious thoughts. Many of us have gotten out of the habit of diaphragmatic breathing, so it can take some effort to learn. It's worth it because as you get better at it, it will become easier to do while also doing other tasks.
posted by jazzbaby at 9:27 AM on July 14, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by jazzbaby at 9:27 AM on July 14, 2018 [4 favorites]
I like to imagine various interesting houses for myself and then decorate them. How would I decorate a houseboat? What about a tiny studio apartment overlooking the city? Or a tree house?
Or sometimes I'll design the exact right outfit given unlimited funds that i would want to wear for different exciting events, like winning a big award, or attending the Met gala.
posted by LeeLanded at 9:46 AM on July 14, 2018 [4 favorites]
Or sometimes I'll design the exact right outfit given unlimited funds that i would want to wear for different exciting events, like winning a big award, or attending the Met gala.
posted by LeeLanded at 9:46 AM on July 14, 2018 [4 favorites]
Similar to lovableiago, when I can't sleep and find my mind spiraling with anxiety, I try and name a theoretical flock of chickens, with the names following a theme (pizza toppings, famous authors, constalations, etc.) but the names have to be good names. It can't just be a random collection of words. And to really keep me focused, I have to remember all the names as I go through the list. I find it hard to keep more than 7 or so names in my head at the same time, but sometimes I can get more.
When the chicken game is uninspiring, I try and count backwards from 100, painting each number with a paintbrush in my mind. I can only move on from a number when I can picture painting the number from start to finish— if I skip a step and just picture the complete number, I can't move on. This is shockingly difficult for me because my mind wants to hurry and skip to the end of painting the number. The necessary focus it takes keeps my mind from spiraling— I don't think I've ever gotten below 75. It takes me a long time to make my way through the numbers, picturing each step.
posted by Bibliogeek at 9:48 AM on July 14, 2018 [8 favorites]
When the chicken game is uninspiring, I try and count backwards from 100, painting each number with a paintbrush in my mind. I can only move on from a number when I can picture painting the number from start to finish— if I skip a step and just picture the complete number, I can't move on. This is shockingly difficult for me because my mind wants to hurry and skip to the end of painting the number. The necessary focus it takes keeps my mind from spiraling— I don't think I've ever gotten below 75. It takes me a long time to make my way through the numbers, picturing each step.
posted by Bibliogeek at 9:48 AM on July 14, 2018 [8 favorites]
I've been thinking of times people have been kind / loving to me in the past while in trying to fall asleep sometimes, and it's pretty great. Feels good, provides objective evidence to counter some of my negative thoughts.
posted by momus_window at 10:15 AM on July 14, 2018 [6 favorites]
posted by momus_window at 10:15 AM on July 14, 2018 [6 favorites]
You can recite poetry or euphonious prose to yourself. Sometimes it helps to recite cheerful, comforting poetry, and sometimes it helps me to pick a poem that takes the unhelpful emotion of the moment and dials it up all the way.
posted by clew at 1:17 PM on July 14, 2018
posted by clew at 1:17 PM on July 14, 2018
I like food so sometimes I plan elaborate dinner party menus, like seven courses for a fall pumpkin-themed dinner. I will probably never actually make seven courses of pumpkin-related food for a dinner party, but considering all the options (pumpkin crostini or pumpkin salsa? Pumpkin bread pudding or pumpkin gelato? What’s the best way to include pumpkin in a salad? How should I plate it? What else should I serve?) is fun and pretty distracting.
posted by bananacabana at 4:13 PM on July 14, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by bananacabana at 4:13 PM on July 14, 2018 [3 favorites]
I used to work a repetitive lab job with a lot of background machinery noise and when my Discman/MP3 player ran out of batteries, I would try to see how much of my favorite albums I could quietly sing from memory.
posted by yeahlikethat at 7:23 AM on July 16, 2018
posted by yeahlikethat at 7:23 AM on July 16, 2018
When I'm bored out of my mind proctoring, I compose haikus. Short, creative, structured, and I think the rhythmic counting of syllables is kind of soothing.
posted by Salamandrous at 6:12 AM on July 18, 2018
posted by Salamandrous at 6:12 AM on July 18, 2018
This thread is closed to new comments.
In other words, I guess, mindfulness meditation.
posted by 3FLryan at 8:04 AM on July 14, 2018 [10 favorites]