Is it okay to ask new therapist who they voted for?
July 12, 2018 6:39 PM Subscribe

I'm seeing a new therapist on a referral from someone who thought it would be a good pairing. I kind of get the vibe that this person might have voted for Trump, which would, frankly, be a deal-breaker for me since it would make it hard for me to ever trust them. Is it reasonable to ask them or is that too personal a question?
posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (32 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite

Yes. It would be a deal-breaker for me as well, and I have asked this in the past with no problem (and also once with a problem), the answers as to why one therapist didn't were illuminating of the their general attitude/personality/philosophy and helped me in deciding to go with them.
posted by colorblock sock at 6:43 PM on July 12, 2018 [4 favorites]

If you kind of get the feeling they voted for Trump, I think that's already enough information to conclude you don't want them to be your therapist.
posted by something something at 6:46 PM on July 12, 2018 [102 favorites]

It's fine to ask, but they may not answer. As a therapist, I probably wouldn't answer that question, and it's not information a client is entitled to have (unlike my education, licensing, etc.). It may be more helpful to point out where you're feeling misunderstood or not clicking and ask or talk more about that.
posted by lazuli at 7:07 PM on July 12, 2018 [21 favorites]

There is no question too intimate to ask a potential therapist while trying to figure out whether you could trust this person to help you rearrange your psyche.

There are many questions for which it is appropriate for a therapist to react with, "I'm sorry; that's personal and I'm not willing to discuss it with a potential client," or something similar. In those cases, how they react is often just as useful as a complete answer, for figuring out whether you could learn to trust them.

You may not need to know whether they voted for Trump, but you definitely need to know if Trumpist ideals are going to influence the advice they give you. They're not required to tell you how they voted, but they do have an obligation to tell you their approach to understanding people and communities.
posted by ErisLordFreedom at 7:08 PM on July 12, 2018 [8 favorites]

I guess it's worth interrogating why you're getting that feeling. Does your therapist have a MAGA hat in their office or something that indicates Trump support? If not, I guess that I'm wondering if "getting the feeling they voted for Trump" is a shorthand for being someone with whom you don't feel comfortable. And if so, it's ok to look for a therapist with whom you do feel comfortable. You don't have to know someone's voting record to know that you're not vibeing with them and need to find someone who is a better fit for you.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 7:17 PM on July 12, 2018 [4 favorites]

I agree that it’s totally fine to ask, relatively likely that they won’t give you a direct answer, and you still might find the way they handle the question helpful in figuring out if they’re a good therapist for you.
posted by insectosaurus at 7:18 PM on July 12, 2018 [4 favorites]

I'm really uncomfortable with the new norm of people believing they have be right to know the voting record of every person in their lives.

I take the question less as a literal, "what box did you mark on your 2016 ballot?" and more an amalgam of "if the 2016 election were held today, who would you want to win," and "do you approve of the current administration?"

The first is cumbersome to bring into conversation, and the second leaves open the possibility of "of course not--that wall's not up yet." Both are potentially relevant to finding out if a client can work with a particular therapist.
posted by ErisLordFreedom at 7:39 PM on July 12, 2018 [3 favorites]

I'm with cessair. Of course you can't ask.
You lay yourself bare to the therapist, yes, but it is a pretty fundamental misunderstanding of the therapeutic relationship to expect the same from them. Do you ask your medical doctor to turn their head and cough?
posted by pH Indicating Socks at 7:43 PM on July 12, 2018 [7 favorites]

As others have said, you can ask but they may not answer. It might be helpful to re-frame your question/s so that you get a sense of their values which impact how they do therapy.

Some possibilities, without knowing your specifics:
* I'm very politically involved and very concerned about the current political environment which is affecting my mental health. How would you approach this in therapy?
* I'm a member of X marginalized/minority group/community. Does this have any impact on your plan of treatment for me?

Also, have you looked at their Psychology Today or other online profile info? My therapist's profile said that they were GLBTQ-friendly and although I'm not GLBTQ myself, I felt it was more likely that they would share my values than, say, a therapist who emphasizes their Bible-based approach to treatment.
posted by bunderful at 7:49 PM on July 12, 2018 [32 favorites]

I would phrase it a little differently. For me, it would be something like "I'm feeling threatened politically by our white supremacist president and his anti-gay political party. I need to feel safe talking to you about the current political situation and do not feel able to have a therapist who supports Trump or the Republicans. Are you the therapist for me?"

This avoids the specific question of the vote and gets to the heart of the issue.
posted by Nelson at 7:56 PM on July 12, 2018 [65 favorites]

I would have to know and it would be a dealbreaker for me. A lot of my anxiety relates to Trump. I wouldn't want to spend a lot time talking to someone who really didn't get where I was coming from.
posted by xammerboy at 8:04 PM on July 12, 2018 [7 favorites]

The thing is, therapists are ethically required to set aside their own political beliefs in order to help clients work toward the client's own values and priorities. Quizzing a therapist on whether they support Trump is not likely to be super-helpful, because most decent therapists are going to deflect answering and say that they're open to helping everyone, regardless of political belief (because they'd be unethical if they couldn't do that). Asking them how they'd work with someone with your own set of beliefs and values, however, is more likely to open up the conversation in more helpful ways.

I absolutely support leaving a therapist who can't support you in processing what you need to process and developing the life you want consistent with the values you hold. But the therapist's voting record is not the best way to gauge whether or not they can do that.
posted by lazuli at 8:04 PM on July 12, 2018 [7 favorites]

I'm with those who think that whether they literally voted for Trump per se is something of a red herring. What if they were to ambiguously reply, as so very many people could, that they didn't vote at all? Would that make you feel any better, or are you actually looking for someone who is so affirmatively anti Trump and everything he stands for that that shines through regardless of the topic? Maybe the person who referred you simply misjudged how much that matters to you.
posted by teremala at 8:08 PM on July 12, 2018

Alternatively, you could look up their voter registration, party affiliation, political donations, etc. These are public records, unlike their actual vote.
posted by ryanrs at 8:22 PM on July 12, 2018 [4 favorites]

I asked, when I started seeing a new therapist. I was upfront about it, "OK, I'd like to set up an appointment, but first, I need to know if you're a Trump supporter. If you are a Trump supporter I am not comfortable having you as my therapist, because part of the anxiety issues I am having center around the current political situation." The therapist in question simply said, "No, I'm not a Trump supporter, it's fine," and he was very understanding.
posted by The otter lady at 8:23 PM on July 12, 2018 [22 favorites]

As someone licenced to do therapy, likely I wouldn't answer this question directly . In some instances I might, but it would be a pretty rare exception.

I would encourage you to think about the fears and what you are afraid voting for Trump means for you in this relationship.

Some possibilities:

Do you think it is because you think he/she is actively working against needs or wants you have?

Is it that you feel they are not being genunine?

Is there something specific you strongly believe in you are seeking support for?

It is okay to find a therapist that you feel you can trust. Obviously if your uncomfortable bringing up key issues... they won't get addressed. Not all therapists are created equal, there are good and bad ones. However some people have lots of issues with trust, and if this may describe you you might want to try a liitle bit longer before switching, especially if you have doubts your fears are valid.

If someone thought I'd voted for trump I'd like to know as a therapist. Mostly because for me, if this happened something I communicated really didn't come out the way I wanted. But, that's me and not the situation you are currently in.
posted by AlexiaSky at 8:31 PM on July 12, 2018 [2 favorites]

I would ask, understanding that the therapist might not answer. If I decided I didn't feel comfortable bluntly asking, I might set out some political beliefs that I need to share with people to feel safe and ask about those. Pick things like "do you believe the current situation separating refugee children from parents is not okay" or "the way the current administration handles the media is scary" or "police brutality against unarmed civilians needs to be curtailed" or "it is not okay to discriminate against queer people just because your religious beliefs are bigoted." Those are some of mine, and they hinge on knowing whether I can trust my therapist to have compassion for others (and, by extension, for me).

Or I might just turn tail and run. I needed very, very badly to feel like I could be myself, including my politics and my fear, without having a therapist minimize my fear or my emotions about the political climate. I needed help to handle that fear without being gaslit about it by someone who I was trusting to help me. I have a long history of being told to sideline my own feelings and needs in favor of other people's, and I needed to work on not doing that; choosing someone who made me feel uneasy about my politics (which are based in my own personal morality) would have been counterproductive at best. And the last time I chose a mental health care professional, I chose wisely.

That might be a less charged way to bring up the same ideas, if you are concerned about it. You don't have to mention Trump's name for everyone to know exactly who and what you are talking about, these days.
posted by sciatrix at 8:50 PM on July 12, 2018 [2 favorites]

This seems similar to me as when I’m crisis counseling and someone asks me if I’ve ever suffered depression/anxiety/whatever is afflicting them. We are trained not to answer that question in the way that they’re asking. Taking the focus off of them and putting it on me is unproductive at the least. What they really want to know is “Are you going to be able to help me, because I have a preconceived notion that people who have suffered as I have will be able to help me more.” There’s no way to know if that’s actually true.

If you don’t click with your therapist that’s one thing. But their personal politics shouldn’t enter in to YOUR therapy.

That said, I’m sure they’re getting this a lot lately. You likely wouldn’t be the first. Or last, sadly.
posted by greermahoney at 9:48 PM on July 12, 2018 [4 favorites]

When I was concerned about this, I went to the website for the counseling group I'd been recommended, looked at the photos of the therapists who worked there, and chose a woman of color on the grounds that she was statistically very unlikely to be a Trump supporter. It worked, and I immediately started talking quite explicitly about Trump-related anxiety during our sessions. She's been great.
posted by waffleriot at 11:31 PM on July 12, 2018 [5 favorites]

I would encourage you to think about the fears and what you are afraid voting for Trump means for you in this relationship.

Um, it means that I don't want to support racist rapists in any way, including monetarily. I don't talk to them unless it's to verbally hurt them, I definitely don't give them money for services.
posted by Violet Hour at 12:08 AM on July 13, 2018 [15 favorites]

I would not see any doctor for any reason if I knew they were a trump supporter, much less if they were someone I was seeing for mental health reasons; there is absolutely no way I would trust them to treat me in an ethical manner under any circumstances. I think it's definitely reasonable for you to ask, but they may refuse to answer, or deflect as others have mentioned above. Chances are whatever feelings you've had already that led to your suspicion will continue to nag at you if they deflect or refuse to answer, so in the long run it might be better to just go with someone else.
posted by poffin boffin at 12:28 AM on July 13, 2018 [17 favorites]

It's a secret ballot for a reason. I'm really uncomfortable with the new norm of people believing they have be right to know the voting record of every person in their lives. I get that this is a historically unprecedented terrible election but further eroding long standing societal norms (that exist to protect people from harrassment) does not seem productive.

I know ask.me is not supposed to be a back and forth between answers, but the point of a ballot being secret is not that people shouldn't talk about how they voted. Talk away if you want to!

The point of a secret ballot is to prevent people being able to 1) directly sell their vote or 2) be coerced to vote a particular way. In essence, if the individual doing the coercion / buying has no way to verify that a voter has voted the way they wanted them too then a voter can simply vote however they like and lie about it afterwards, making vote buying / coercion ineffective.

People are at liberty to advertise how they voted or not as they choose, to anyone or no-one. They can also lie like the proverbial rug about how they voted without fear of being found out - /that’s/ the point of a secret ballot.
posted by pharm at 1:37 AM on July 13, 2018 [24 favorites]

As a therapist who works in a conservative community where individuals have fallen into the hands of a therapist who is a "pray away the gay" therapist, I believe firmly that it is important that individuals know who their therapist is. In addition, many people come into therapy with historical and systemic trauma, even when the therapist is well-meaning, microaggressions can find their way into a therapeutic relationship. Therefore, I think it is appropriate to ask questions about a therapist's background. As others have said, maybe asking indirectly and having a conversation about how the current political climate impacts you.
posted by LinneaJC at 7:37 AM on July 13, 2018 [13 favorites]

I don't think it's appropriate to ask who they voted for, because I don't think it would be appropriate for them to answer directly. If I were in their shoes, I certainly wouldn't answer, no matter how much I felt that my politics and those of my client were or were not aligned.

However, I don't disagree with your concerns, and I think a different question that gets to the heart of the same matter is totally fine.
posted by desuetude at 7:54 AM on July 13, 2018 [1 favorite]

kind of get the vibe that this person might have voted for Trump

What kind of vibe is that? Are there any concrete examples or is it "just" a feeling? (And yes, if that feeling won't go away and it's interfering with your therapy, then that might be something to bring up as kind of a meta-concern about your therapy.)

Generally, a good and ethical therapist should be kind of a black box and/or mirror (yes, two different metaphors) for the client to explore their own thoughts, emotions, issues, and so forth.

The therapist should generally not bring his or her own values and judgments to the client-therapist relationship. If this therapist is doing so to such a degree that you perceive a specific political slant, that sounds kind of inappropriate.
posted by theorique at 8:01 AM on July 13, 2018

I don't care if my car mechanic voted for Trump because it likely (presumably) wont impact the job he does on my brakes or oil change.

I do care if my therapist voted for Trump because

1. to me it shows such a colossal lack of judgment and introspection that I can maybe forgive the average schmoe for, but a therapist? That is astounding.
2. I don't want to invite anyone with such poor judgment tinkering with my brain guts.
posted by ian1977 at 8:51 AM on July 13, 2018 [11 favorites]

Please don’t debate each other here, thanks.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 10:12 AM on July 13, 2018 [1 favorite]

you don't need me to tell you to ignore all the people who think they know better than you do what your "real" concern is, but I hope you do anyway. If you were unwilling to hire anyone who had ever been, voted for, or associated themselves with any conservative or Republican person, that might well indicate some inflexibility or unrealistic expectation. but this very specific concern is a reasonable one, and it is both wise and humble of you to recognize that you can't trust a "vibe" alone to tell you how someone voted (though you can trust it to tell you who you're comfortable with, if it's strong enough.) I think it would be better to ask if they are a Trump supporter than if they voted for him, specifically. to make it less about their personal history and more about their value system, which as a client is certainly your business in certain respects.

If this is your only absolute political screening question, you might want to spell out that you don't require perfect political agreement from a therapist, to avoid lectures -- obviously people who meet the basic ethical standard of not supporting Trump still disagree with each other on all sorts of things, but it may reassure a therapist to know that you yourself know that. It might also help with getting an answer if you tell them that you aren't interested in/don't feel entitled to their private biographical details, and that this is strictly to do with establishing trust in their judgment, very broadly speaking, and their ethical/philosophical orientation. You might also leave out the T word but ask something more general about their outlook, in case they are a non-Trump-supporter but still conservative enough to make you uncomfortable with personal disclosures.

There are therapists who believe that their personal moral principles or lack thereof have no impact on their ability to practice or the manner in which they practice. You are not obligated to take that on faith just because they do, or just because it simplifies things for them if you do.

If they understand your explanation of why you're asking but decline to answer the question, which they may, it is reasonable of you to seek out someone else if you wish to.
posted by queenofbithynia at 1:55 PM on July 13, 2018 [4 favorites]

The way I have dealt with this (important!!) general concern is to only work with therapists who say progressive/feminist things in their profile. For example, if the profile says, "My clients come from many ethnic, racial, cultural, and economic backgrounds" or even better, "I work with people of diverse gender identities."
posted by MiraK at 2:54 PM on July 13, 2018 [5 favorites]

Yes, ask. A good therapist will want to talk about why you're asking, though they might not pursue it a lot in the first phone call or session. If they don't want to answer directly, they can still find ways to let you know if their political bent will affect how they help you.

You should ask a therapist anything you want. They won't necessarily answer, but the question itself can lead to fruitful talk.
posted by wryly at 3:50 PM on July 13, 2018 [1 favorite]

I asked my partner, a therapist, and she said she thinks it's OK to ask but they may not answer - it would probably be a discussion.
posted by latkes at 3:55 PM on July 14, 2018

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