Comments on: How many Easter bonnet jokes can a person make?

Question: How many Easter bonnet jokes can a person make?

orange swan — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 10:46:09 -0800

Attention MeFi smart asses! Here's your chance to make justifiable wisecracks on AskMe. I need an Easter-themed witticism.

Every year I host my family's Easter luncheon. I'm starting to design the invitations now. In the past along with the requisite info concerning time and place, I have included some little semi-humourous tag line. Examples of past lines have been "For your egg-hunting convenience, the Easter chocolate will be placed in plain sight", and "The last person to arrive is elected to wear the bunny suit". But this is my fifth year of hosting the Easter luncheon and the well is running dry. I can't think of anything new for this year's invitations. So, help me out. Try to keep it short, i.e., under 15 words or so. Sacreligious and/or risqué won't fly with my family (though if it's truly inspired I'll enjoy it, so throw it in just for the hell of it, and perhaps I can spin something off it).

Full disclosure: This was posted to MetaChat, but I didn't get anything useable, so I'm trying again here where there's a larger peanut gallery.

By: jon_kill

jon_kill — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 10:57:46 -0800

Keep your pants on, Jesus is coming.

By: JekPorkins

JekPorkins — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 10:59:14 -0800

In the event that, after a diligent search, easter egg hunt participants are unable to find hidden eggs, a crack team of empiricists will be on hand to present their conclusion that the eggs, therefore, do not exist.

By: weirdoactor

weirdoactor — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 11:00:21 -0800

"Easter ham + chocolate eggs = CRAZY DELICIOUS"

Eh. That might require too much explanation for the older relatives. I got nothing.

Sort of off topic; this question reminds me of this Bill Hicks bit:

I was over in Australia during Easter, which was interesting...it's interesting to note they celebrate Easter the same way we do...commemorating the death and resurrection of Jesus...by telling our children a giant bunny rabbit... left chocolate eggs in the night. Now...I wonder why we're fucked up as a race...anybody, anybody got any clues out there? Where do they get this shit from? Why those two things, y'know? Why not "A goldfish left Lincoln Logs in your sock drawer," Y'know? As long as we're making shit up, go hog-wild, y'know? At least a goldfish with a lincoln log on its back going across your floor to your sock drawer has a miraculous connotation to it.

"Mummy, I woke up today and there I saw a lincoln log in me sock drawer!"

"That's the story of Jesus..."

Who comes up with this shit? I've read the Bible I can't find the word "bunny" or "chocolate" anywhere in that fuckin' thing! Do Y'all have different books of the Bible than I do? Are Y'all Gideons?!"

By: cosmicbandito

cosmicbandito — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 11:01:50 -0800

Today's the day that Jesus rose, so live it up with liquor and Ho's.

By: chuma

chuma — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 11:03:00 -0800

"Come for the egg hunt, stay for the witch hunt!"

"Apres-luncheon entertainment: Jesus/Easter Bunny cage match"

"Get eggs or get lost!"

"Parents seen assisting their children in the egg hunt will be shot"

(boy I must be in a foul mood right now)

By: nekton

nekton — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 11:06:40 -0800

Parade optional.

Featuring eggs with modern, unbreakable carbon-fiber shells!

Hare we go again...

Partly bunny with an easter-ly breeze.

Please stay off the plastic grass.

By: lunalaguna

lunalaguna — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 11:07:25 -0800

I was over in Australia during Easter, which was interesting...it's interesting to note they celebrate Easter the same way we do...commemorating the death and resurrection of Jesus...by telling our children a giant bunny rabbit... left chocolate eggs in the night. Now...I wonder why we're fucked up as a race...anybody, anybody got any clues out there?

Because all the pagans were having spring fertility rituals, and we can't have that. Easter was imposed over the fertility celebration (hence bunnies and eggs), just like Christmas was imposed over winter solstice celebrations. Ta da!

By: Johnny Assay

Johnny Assay — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 11:12:24 -0800

Are you looking for "cheerfully blasphemous" or "fun for the whole family"?

By: blue_beetle

blue_beetle — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 11:14:19 -0800

Easter derail rerail

By: tew

tew — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 11:15:14 -0800

This year, we're referring to the egg hunt as "stem cell research."

By: catfood

catfood — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 11:16:49 -0800

why not just "cheerfully blasphemous fun for the whole family"?

By: chuma

chuma — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 11:16:49 -0800

More family-oriented...

"Don't forget your coupon for a free egg waxing! (See reverse)" (leave reverse blank)

By: AwkwardPause

AwkwardPause — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 11:19:46 -0800

"Hare brained, potty trained - it's Easter lunch time again!"

By: JMOZ

JMOZ — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 11:20:32 -0800

Easter: the one day of the year you get to eat things you found on the floor!

By: twiggy

twiggy — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 11:31:52 -0800

Easter: The holiday that just makes sense.

Let us celebrate the historic day on which Jesus came back to earth dressed as a bunny rabbit and hid multicolored eggs!

By: spock

spock — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 11:33:28 -0800

In the immortal words of Lyle Lovett: To the Lord, let praises be. It's time for dinner now, let's go EAT!

By: spock

spock — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 11:35:35 -0800

Like most other Christian religious holidays — brought to you by PAGANS !

By: Thorzdad

Thorzdad — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 11:35:36 -0800

Fuck Easter and the cross it rode in on

By: Grangousier

Grangousier — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 11:35:59 -0800

Political Subversive Meets Bloody End in Bizarre Carpentry Incident.

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 11:40:51 -0800

All the best ham(s) will be here.

By: Chrischris

Chrischris — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 11:46:10 -0800

If alcohol is to be served: Hooray! It's Swill a Beer for Christ Day!

By: joshuaconner

joshuaconner — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 11:50:31 -0800

Easter? Damn near killed 'er!

By: Thorzdad

Thorzdad — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 11:50:51 -0800

One of my faves from the old National Lampoon...
"What do you expect from a god who would crucify his own son?"

By: joshuaconner

joshuaconner — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 11:52:51 -0800

These would all make great MeFi taglines.

By: Johnny Assay

Johnny Assay — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 11:55:55 -0800

Celebrate the New Covenant with some delicious ham!

By: KathyK

KathyK — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 12:04:15 -0800

Every~~body~~ bunny is invited!

Some play on the words egg-citing, egg-stravaganza, eggs-traordinary?

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 12:07:14 -0800

Come celebrate basket cases, ham bones, and bad dye jobs. And it's Easter, too!

By: chuma

chuma — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 12:07:28 -0800

This year we are proud to be 100% free of deviled eggs.

By: frogan

frogan — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 12:11:52 -0800

I think the comedian Tom McTigue said it best.

"Easter. When we celebrate the resurrection of the son of God by looking for hidden, painted eggs. This, of course, is from the scene in the Bible where the Apostles rolled back the rock, saw that the Savior's body was missing, and someone said, 'Did you look under the couch?'"

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 12:11:58 -0800

This year, we'll be leaving the hip-hop to the Easter Bunny.

By: orange swan

orange swan — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 12:13:53 -0800

Hoo boy, would that devilled egg thing NOT go over well. Devilled eggs are a staple at every family reunion. Seriously, if I didn't serve them, I'd hear a LOT of griping.

By: frykitty

frykitty — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 12:15:53 -0800

"Hop to it."

"You're nobunny until somebunny passes the ham."

"If you want chocolate, please leave the lucky rabbit's foot at home."

"Rabbit stew will not be served."

"Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled bunnies, yearning to eat chocolate."

"Admission: one horrible bunny pun."

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 12:18:01 -0800

Maybe play off that, then, orange swan? Include a picture of a devilled egg and say something like, "A heavenly meal (with just a dash of the devil)."

By: Otis

Otis — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 12:19:21 -0800

Enjoyed our deviled eggs...Now with 30% less Satan!

By: Otis

Otis — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 12:20:07 -0800

"Enjoy" duh.

By: Ogre Lawless

Ogre Lawless — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 12:20:50 -0800

"You'll never guess what I put in the deviled eggs..."

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 12:20:55 -0800

That's even better, Otis. But it would probably be best to go all the way with it:

Enjoy our devilled eggs... Now 100% Satan free!

By: chuma

chuma — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 12:28:08 -0800

orange swan, that's just going to encourage us

Deviled eggs: friend or foe? You decide!

Deviled eggs may be replaced with Jesused eggs on request.

By: Robot Johnny

Robot Johnny — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 12:30:45 -0800

Don't be afraid to ask for seconds of the delicious Cruci-fixins

By: logicpunk

logicpunk — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 12:35:51 -0800

"Come share your frank opinions about the potato salad"

By: Robot Johnny

Robot Johnny — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 12:37:31 -0800

...anybody got any clues out there? Where do they get this shit from?

weirdoactor, the bunnies and eggs seem random and but they are just saccharine metaphors for spring and rebirth (ie: the resurrection). Not saying they aren't ridiculous, but they're not complete non sequiturs.

That, and all good holidays need chocolate.

By: pdb

pdb — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 12:37:49 -0800

Easter? I've never even met her!

By: Pollomacho

Pollomacho — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 12:45:50 -0800

Under a picture of a baby chick you could put the caption:

"No fat chicks."

By: craniac

craniac — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 13:05:27 -0800

I really like the eating things off the ground idea above.

Stop on by and eat things you find on the ground

We'll hide the food, you hide the X

Come look for eggs and chocolate, just not in the bottom of my sock drawer or under the mattress please.

Brought to you by the boiled egg council of america

because somewhere, a chicken is pissed.

Why must we have an excuse to stuff food into our furniture?

Easter: a completely acceptable thinly-veiled pagan holiday.

/got nothing.

By: disillusioned

disillusioned — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 13:14:58 -0800

Robin Williams:
"For me, the one big question is: how do you get Crucifixion, Resurrection...and then chocolate bunnies, colored eggs?
How do you do that one?
Even the little kids are going: "Bunnies don't lay eggs. What is this?"
And you don't want a kid biting the head off a chocolate Jesus.
You don't want a cream filled cross going...
You don't wanna put raspberry jam in the grass going:
"We're looking for Jesus, kids, come on!"
—Robin Williams Live On Broadway

By: found missing

found missing — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 13:19:03 -0800

The perfect caption to the old empty tomb picture?

By: found missing

found missing — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 13:19:53 -0800

Works for crucifixion scenes too.

By: spicynuts

spicynuts — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 13:25:01 -0800

How about: Easter 2006 - Get Yer Bonnet in a Twist

By: mdevore

mdevore — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 13:57:22 -0800

Should brand new ideas not be a requirement, there are various mildly semi-amusing family-friendly Easter one-liners floating around out there. This list, for example, contains several lines at least as funny as the original examples (that's not a value judgement, I'm just saying...). If you want short silly Easter riddles, here are a few (except the first one isn't family-friendly).

By: ObscureReferenceMan

ObscureReferenceMan — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 13:58:37 -0800

Move yer kiester; It's time for Easter!

By: organguy

organguy — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 14:12:53 -0800

Eh,...

"Come to the luncheon and no one gets crucified."

"I'm sorry if you had to sit next crazy Uncle Carl last year, but we all have our crosses to bear."

...which makes me think of this next one...

Steal or create and image such as this one.
Your them shall be "Gladly the Cross-Eyed Bear".

Just make sure you spell "gladly" correctly.

By: QIbHom

QIbHom — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 14:59:18 -0800

"This year's Easter celebration is sponsored by the Conservative Party of Canada."

Just wish I could figure out a way to work lowering the age of consent or ignoring Ontario now in to that...

By: Radio7

Radio7 — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 15:57:50 -0800

Remember folks: Only eat the eggs that the bunny left covered in foil!

By: Chrischris

Chrischris — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 16:16:31 -0800

(With a picture of Bowie in his Ziggy Stardust phase)

Wham, Bam, thank you, Lamb!

By: Frank Grimes

Frank Grimes — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 16:18:37 -0800

Egg Donors Wanted.

By: vers

vers — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 16:34:31 -0800

Frrom an Easter card my sister made when she was quite young:

Hell! It's Eater!!!

We still use it as a family greeting.

By: orange swan

orange swan — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 16:36:33 -0800

"This year's Easter celebration is sponsored by the Conservative Party of Canada."

This is way too close to home to be funny. I think I might be one of the few in my family who didn't vote Conservative [weeps].

I have thought of something:

I regret to inform you that due to 2006 budget constraints the Easter Bunny can only deliver treats to one household within our family: mine. Show up or go without.

By: QIbHom

QIbHom — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 17:17:26 -0800

Sorry, orange swan. It is difficult to recalibrate one's sense of humour after the election.

I guess that means jokes about crossing the aisle for treats are right out, too.

By: krisjohn

krisjohn — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 21:22:09 -0800

"Witty but sacreligious comment omitted so you don't burn down my embassy"

By: orange swan

orange swan — Fri, 10 Feb 2006 07:36:49 -0800

I, er, ended up going up with a modified version of the one I came up with myself:

The Easter Bunny regrets to inform you that
due to 2006 budget constraints he will only deliver goodies to one household within the family: mine.

This is therefore your only chance to get treats.

But thanks, everyone, for your contributions. I'll probably revisit this thread when I'm trying to come up with future taglines and use some of your ideas then.