Can I have a bit... less... service, please?
May 30, 2018 1:14 PM   Subscribe

I love elaborate, expensive, multi-course meals. I HATE the service that comes with it. Can I ask for something different?

'This scallop was hand-collected this morning by a 36-year-old former English teacher who started her own scallop diving business as a second career in light of the overwhelming bureaucracy of the education system. It's lightly dusted in rose-hip soil, dried and crumbled by the chef's grandmother, and completed with a dollop of the universe's only naturally-occurring organic fig compote...'

I really, really, really don't want to hear it. I know some people DO and that's fine - but on the two occasions I've been to really exquisite restaurants and paid A LOT of money for multi-course tasting menus, the service theatre has basically ruined the meal for me. I don't want to be interrupted 10 times with long-winded speeches about the food - I just want to be briefly told what I'm eating (here's the scallop with rose-hips and fig compote) so I can get back to drinking wine and talking to my dining companions. If there is some kind of mystery on the plate (are the rose-hips in the compote, or are they this brown dust-looking stuff over here?) I would like to have the option of asking about it OR just living with it. I don't need or want to know all the magic.

So. Is it acceptable to ask for this kind of service? How should I word it? Should I call or email ahead of time or just quietly speak to the maître d when I arrive? Will they think I'm completely insufferable or will they be relieved that we can all just relax a little bit? I was thinking of just saying 'it's been a long time since I've seen my dining companions and we want to catch up and talk without too many interruptions' but that doesn't exactly feel right because I'm not asking for some kind of super efficient, silent ninja service - I don't mind a bit of friendly chat when it comes naturally, and if the server thought that there was something really amazing or exciting about a specific dish and just sort of couldn't help him or herself to talk about it, that's fine too. It's just the stilted, long-winded recitations and interruptions that gets me down.
posted by cilantro to Food & Drink (8 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
 
Best answer: You can politely say something to the maitre'd like, "I would appreciate it very much if the service could be as unobtrusive as possible, as I want to focus entirely on my dining companion. I'll let you know if there is any dish I'd like extra information about, but I would really prefer limited interaction with the server tonight." This seems entirely within the bounds of reasonable requests, as you could be planning on a very important personal conversation or a business meeting that you don't want interrupted. They don't need to know it's just your permanent preference. Id imagine that this is one of the least strange requests that high end restaurants get.
posted by gatorae at 1:28 PM on May 30, 2018 [55 favorites]


"I would appreciate it very much if the service could be as unobtrusive as possible, as I want to focus entirely on my dining companion. I'll let you know if there is any dish I'd like extra information about, but I would really prefer limited interaction with the server tonight."

I think this is good except instead of "limited interaction with the server" you need to spell it out: "I'd prefer to just give our orders from the menu without having the server describe the dishes. We'll be sure to ask if we have questions."
posted by Gnella at 1:41 PM on May 30, 2018 [11 favorites]


gatorae has a good script here. I will also note that this is a relatively common request for business meetings in various forms - for instance, to have various dishes pre-ordered to avoid awkwardness in determining if the expense is appropriate for the host, to compress/expand time between courses, or just flat-out to have the server disappear for the majority of the night. I concur this is one of the least strange requests the restaurant could get.
posted by saeculorum at 1:41 PM on May 30, 2018 [1 favorite]


Your description sounds like a prix fixe sort of place so little to no ordering. If you do have to order and have seen the menu, there's even less of a need for interaction.

I'd use gatorae's script when making the reservation instead of when arriving.
posted by supercres at 1:45 PM on May 30, 2018 [1 favorite]


Agreeing with others that theyre doing it because they think you want it, and it is part of the experience they are used to providing. That said, these sort of very fancy places are, as others note, used to accommodating all sorts of requests and should be able to follow your preferences especially if you make them known when you reserve - most high end spots will have notes included with your reservation about whether its a special occasion, allergies/preferences, whether youre a VIP etc.
posted by Exceptional_Hubris at 1:54 PM on May 30, 2018 [2 favorites]


If it makes you feel any better, high-end restaurants tend to have wealthy regulars who eat there all the time regardless of cost. For these folks, the restaurant is not so much a rare experience as a gilded cafeteria. The staff will absolutely understand that you don't need anything besides brief descriptions. I would stay away from anything that has the whiff of "don't speak unless spoken to", but what you're asking for is well on the reasonable side of things. In fact, I'd say the ability to give patrons the service they want, rather than some manager's vision of "excellent service" is what distinguishes the front of house in a great restaurant.
posted by wnissen at 3:45 PM on May 30, 2018 [1 favorite]


Can I ask what the two places you went were? This kind of service is a stylistic choice, and many places don’t do it.
posted by JPD at 6:00 PM on May 30, 2018 [1 favorite]


> Can I ask what the two places you went were? This kind of service is a stylistic choice, and many places don’t do it.

Agreed, and at some of the places I've been that tend toward the...verbal theatrics...the servers most certainly know how to read their audience and dial the descriptions up or down as appropriate.
posted by desuetude at 11:39 PM on May 30, 2018


« Older Am I going to have to quit my job and grow all my...   |   [AU PR filter] Do they really check the residency... Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.