What is the scheduling etiquette for Meetup.com organizers?
May 27, 2018 2:14 PM Subscribe
A member of the Meetup I just started messaged me saying that the day/time doesn't work for her and asking if there will be Meetups at other days/times. How should I handle this? What do you think of my Meetup's current day/time/frequency?
Recently, in the middle of the night, on a whim, I took charge of a Meetup that had no leader, which came with the title, "The Spokane Communication Skills Meetup." I admit that I don't have a lot of social experience in the real world, since I've always struggled with social anxiety, but I've done a lot of research on communication and related topics. I've even learned some lessons from the limited experience that I do have, and from therapy. While I'm sure there are people out there way better qualified to lead a group like this than me, I figured that it would be worth a try, since I do have at least some relevant knowledge.
The main purpose of my group is for us to give and receive advice, support, and information about communication, relationships, etc.
I found it tricky to pick a day, time, and frequency for my recurring events. I think I've heard that the "average person" in the U.S works from around 8:00 am to 5:00 pm on weekdays, but I'm not sure, since I'm not very familiar with the working world, and it has been surprisingly hard to find anything about the "typical" work schedule on Google. I figured that weekday mornings/afternoons were out. My mom is in the group, and she's only willing to be out pretty early in the day (around 10:00 am - 2:00 pm) so weekday evenings were out. That left Saturday and Sunday in the late morning or early afternoon. A lot of people go to church on Sunday. I figured that late Saturday morning would be the easiest, so I scheduled the events for 10:30 am to 12:00 pm every other Saturday. I picked a twice a month schedule because the options ranged from weekly to monthly, and I assumed that going in the middle would please the most people. However, one website says that people will lose interests in Meetups that meet more than once a month, so I guess I picked wrong.
14 members have already joined over the last couple of days. One of them, who I'll call Abby, messaged me, "Saturday mornings don't work for me, since I already have a regular Saturday morning commitment scheduled. Will there be Meetups at any other days/times?"
To make her happy, I'd either have to change the date/time of the recurring events that I already scheduled, which might make other people unable to go, or even make them angry or judge me as a flake, or I'd have to create additional recurring events at another date/time, which would mean extra time and effort for me. Maybe this is mean of me, but I admit that I'm angry that she asked, because it's now about 2:00 pm my time, and I've been trying to research this since around 7:00 am this morning. I have spent seven hours trying to find a solution. I've looked up all kinds of phrases here and on Google, like "Meetup schedule conflict" and have barely been able to find anything.
My mom is okay with not going to every event, so I could theoretically run another set of events at another day/time to accommodate Abby, and more people in general, but I'm not sure if it's worth the effort. I put a lot of thought and strategy already into creating the events I have now in the first place, and someone asking for even more is exhausting.
My mean side thinks, "Well, if someone can't make it to an event that I put so much effort into coming up with a good day/time for, tough cookies for them," and my nice side thinks, "I want this group to be accessible to everyone and for everyone who wants help with their social skills to get that help. I'll do whatever it takes to make everyone happy."
Maybe there's some middle ground that would accommodate Abby/others without risk of burning me out, but I can't imagine anything between those two options.
I'm really sorry if I sound like an asshole in this question. I created this group because I want to help people. I'm just overwhelmed. I'm new to this. I'm drained. I've had other problems to deal with lately. I just realized from Abby's message that I don't know how to balance my needs with the group's needs, and if there isn't a way to balance them, whose needs come first. Information about organizer etiquette, etc. is surprisingly thin, given how popular Meetup is. That's probably part of my emotional fatigue and frustration. I'm trying my best, I promise not to take my stress out on my members, and I hope that you all understand.
Recently, in the middle of the night, on a whim, I took charge of a Meetup that had no leader, which came with the title, "The Spokane Communication Skills Meetup." I admit that I don't have a lot of social experience in the real world, since I've always struggled with social anxiety, but I've done a lot of research on communication and related topics. I've even learned some lessons from the limited experience that I do have, and from therapy. While I'm sure there are people out there way better qualified to lead a group like this than me, I figured that it would be worth a try, since I do have at least some relevant knowledge.
The main purpose of my group is for us to give and receive advice, support, and information about communication, relationships, etc.
I found it tricky to pick a day, time, and frequency for my recurring events. I think I've heard that the "average person" in the U.S works from around 8:00 am to 5:00 pm on weekdays, but I'm not sure, since I'm not very familiar with the working world, and it has been surprisingly hard to find anything about the "typical" work schedule on Google. I figured that weekday mornings/afternoons were out. My mom is in the group, and she's only willing to be out pretty early in the day (around 10:00 am - 2:00 pm) so weekday evenings were out. That left Saturday and Sunday in the late morning or early afternoon. A lot of people go to church on Sunday. I figured that late Saturday morning would be the easiest, so I scheduled the events for 10:30 am to 12:00 pm every other Saturday. I picked a twice a month schedule because the options ranged from weekly to monthly, and I assumed that going in the middle would please the most people. However, one website says that people will lose interests in Meetups that meet more than once a month, so I guess I picked wrong.
14 members have already joined over the last couple of days. One of them, who I'll call Abby, messaged me, "Saturday mornings don't work for me, since I already have a regular Saturday morning commitment scheduled. Will there be Meetups at any other days/times?"
To make her happy, I'd either have to change the date/time of the recurring events that I already scheduled, which might make other people unable to go, or even make them angry or judge me as a flake, or I'd have to create additional recurring events at another date/time, which would mean extra time and effort for me. Maybe this is mean of me, but I admit that I'm angry that she asked, because it's now about 2:00 pm my time, and I've been trying to research this since around 7:00 am this morning. I have spent seven hours trying to find a solution. I've looked up all kinds of phrases here and on Google, like "Meetup schedule conflict" and have barely been able to find anything.
My mom is okay with not going to every event, so I could theoretically run another set of events at another day/time to accommodate Abby, and more people in general, but I'm not sure if it's worth the effort. I put a lot of thought and strategy already into creating the events I have now in the first place, and someone asking for even more is exhausting.
My mean side thinks, "Well, if someone can't make it to an event that I put so much effort into coming up with a good day/time for, tough cookies for them," and my nice side thinks, "I want this group to be accessible to everyone and for everyone who wants help with their social skills to get that help. I'll do whatever it takes to make everyone happy."
Maybe there's some middle ground that would accommodate Abby/others without risk of burning me out, but I can't imagine anything between those two options.
I'm really sorry if I sound like an asshole in this question. I created this group because I want to help people. I'm just overwhelmed. I'm new to this. I'm drained. I've had other problems to deal with lately. I just realized from Abby's message that I don't know how to balance my needs with the group's needs, and if there isn't a way to balance them, whose needs come first. Information about organizer etiquette, etc. is surprisingly thin, given how popular Meetup is. That's probably part of my emotional fatigue and frustration. I'm trying my best, I promise not to take my stress out on my members, and I hope that you all understand.
Best answer: I would suggest answering Abby with something like: "Thanks for your interest! We don't have anything else scheduled right now, but we'll post updates [or whatever] if we add additional regular meet-ups or have any special events!"
posted by MangoNews at 2:28 PM on May 27, 2018 [27 favorites]
posted by MangoNews at 2:28 PM on May 27, 2018 [27 favorites]
Best answer: Your needs come first, the benefit of being an organizer is tailoring things to work for you. It sounds like this is a pretty new group, and I'd be concerned that letting Abby create events would spread your crowd too thin. You can ask at the first few meetings if another time would work better. Abby can start her own group or decide that sometimes she can skip her other commitment and come to your Meetup instead.
posted by momus_window at 2:29 PM on May 27, 2018 [7 favorites]
posted by momus_window at 2:29 PM on May 27, 2018 [7 favorites]
Best answer: It’s ok to tell this person that the schedule is what it is. Wish her well with her quest. Move forward with the group you have and try not to feel overwhelmed. She can move along to find something else that fits her schedule or something may change and she will find you later. It’s ok to focus and lead with your purpose and establish reliability.
posted by childofTethys at 2:31 PM on May 27, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by childofTethys at 2:31 PM on May 27, 2018 [4 favorites]
I'd like to add, though, that it's not obnoxious of her to ask if there are plans to meet at other times. "I'm interested in your group but would like to know if you have other dates" is a very reasonable question, even if the answer is no, so when you respond, please make sure you're treating it as such. MangoNews has very good phrasing.
posted by gideonfrog at 2:36 PM on May 27, 2018 [35 favorites]
posted by gideonfrog at 2:36 PM on May 27, 2018 [35 favorites]
Best answer: You can't please everyone. A simple "no other dates/times currently planned- sorry!" is a perfectly fine response here.
posted by emd3737 at 2:36 PM on May 27, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by emd3737 at 2:36 PM on May 27, 2018 [5 favorites]
I think weeknight events anywhere from 6-8 are very standard. I’m speaking as someone who has been working a very typical 9-5 job my entire life. While weekend events are also common, I tend to see that the “workier” the event is, the more likely it will be held during a weeknight. Weekends are often for more personal, family-type events. I might be very willing to go to a networking event or an event that will further my career on a weeknight, but I would be less likely to go to it on a weekend. Of course, many people don’t have traditional Monday through Friday 9 to 5 work schedules, so opinions will vary.
I think it’s completely reasonable for someone to reach out to you if they want to be a part of the group but can’t because of the timing. If people aren’t honest with you about when they’re available, you won’t know how many people would like to attend but can’t because of conflicts. That said, you won’t be able to accommodate everyone. If you are thinking that the time you picked might not be the best for your group, could you send out a Doodle request? I find that tool invaluable for scheduling.
Otherwise, if you think that the number of positive responses that you’ve already received is acceptable for your group, and you don’t have the bandwidth to reschedule, you’re under no obligation to try to find another time. Just tell her you’ll keep her request in mind but for right now, the dates are set. Best of luck!
posted by greermahoney at 2:39 PM on May 27, 2018 [5 favorites]
I think it’s completely reasonable for someone to reach out to you if they want to be a part of the group but can’t because of the timing. If people aren’t honest with you about when they’re available, you won’t know how many people would like to attend but can’t because of conflicts. That said, you won’t be able to accommodate everyone. If you are thinking that the time you picked might not be the best for your group, could you send out a Doodle request? I find that tool invaluable for scheduling.
Otherwise, if you think that the number of positive responses that you’ve already received is acceptable for your group, and you don’t have the bandwidth to reschedule, you’re under no obligation to try to find another time. Just tell her you’ll keep her request in mind but for right now, the dates are set. Best of luck!
posted by greermahoney at 2:39 PM on May 27, 2018 [5 favorites]
My method when I was a meet up organizer was to give people the freedom to organize their own events. That way there could be events for the 9-5ers, the stay at home moms, the young party people, etc. In general, only a couple people took me up on it.
I would say "this is the time that works for me right now, but I'm happy to add you as an organizer so you can add a slot as well."
posted by Snarl Furillo at 2:42 PM on May 27, 2018
I would say "this is the time that works for me right now, but I'm happy to add you as an organizer so you can add a slot as well."
posted by Snarl Furillo at 2:42 PM on May 27, 2018
Good luck I hope being an organiser is a good experience for you. As others have said, it was a fair question to ask, but your needs as organiser need to come first, otherwise you will get resentful and the group won't be sustainable. If it's any consolation, in our support group meetup we have found the more people ask for special accomodation they don't feel any more obligated to attend themselves if they get a better offer. We joked that it almost like an inverse correlation. Make sure the scheduling works for yourself first and foremost - if you try to please everyone you end up pleasing no one.
posted by AuroraSky at 2:48 PM on May 27, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by AuroraSky at 2:48 PM on May 27, 2018 [2 favorites]
Best answer: Also, if I can give a general tip: I enjoyed meet up the most when I had modest expectations. I didn't put more than a couple hours into picking location, time, etc. I made sure to pick events and locations that I would be happy to go to even if no one showed up. Meet up is an easy platform to use. You aren't responsible for the personal development of every single person on the site. If you get stressed and worried, you are putting too much weight on what the platform can be or should be.
posted by Snarl Furillo at 2:48 PM on May 27, 2018 [13 favorites]
posted by Snarl Furillo at 2:48 PM on May 27, 2018 [13 favorites]
Response by poster: Don't worry, I'll be nice to her when I answer, regardless of whether I accommodate her or not. I'm mulling over the answers now to make a final decision. There has been an interesting variety of perspectives.
posted by Social Science Nerd at 2:53 PM on May 27, 2018
posted by Social Science Nerd at 2:53 PM on May 27, 2018
Response by poster: I wound up messaging her, "Hey Abby! I'm happy to work something out with you. What days/times would work well for you? It would be great to have you. Thanks for the question."
I suppose if scheduling the extra Meetups winds up burning me out, I can reevaluate then.
Thanks for the answers.
posted by Social Science Nerd at 3:19 PM on May 27, 2018 [1 favorite]
I suppose if scheduling the extra Meetups winds up burning me out, I can reevaluate then.
Thanks for the answers.
posted by Social Science Nerd at 3:19 PM on May 27, 2018 [1 favorite]
Best answer: In general, when you find a time, date and place that works for most people, you're good. You can have some polls to see if there's enough interest to justify changing, but there will always be folks who are interested but can't make it. It's reasonable to just stick with what's working and not change or add a meeting for every single person who asks. Because there's always someone who can't make Sunday afternoons, or who doesn't want to meet at x cafe because of the owner's politics, or can't come until 7pm because of whatever, etc etc etc. If you stick with this you'll get multiple queries along these lines.
In this case I would have said something like 'thanks for your interest, we just have the one meeting right now and I'm not ready to add another one as I've only just now stepped into the organizer role. I'm open to the possibility of adding more meetings in the future, if there's enough interest from other members, but that will be a few months down the road.'
posted by bunderful at 4:13 PM on May 27, 2018 [2 favorites]
In this case I would have said something like 'thanks for your interest, we just have the one meeting right now and I'm not ready to add another one as I've only just now stepped into the organizer role. I'm open to the possibility of adding more meetings in the future, if there's enough interest from other members, but that will be a few months down the road.'
posted by bunderful at 4:13 PM on May 27, 2018 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I think that I would have waited until I'd gotten more feedback from other potential members. One person not being able to attend does not justify adding additional Meetups or changing the existing schedule, to me. I do think that you can hear what works for her and not actually make any adjustments until you can assess whether there's interest or need outside of hers.
posted by sm1tten at 4:19 PM on May 27, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by sm1tten at 4:19 PM on May 27, 2018 [3 favorites]
If you are thinking that the time you picked might not be the best for your group, could you send out a Doodle request?
Ahhhh please don't do this. If you did this and I'd signed up for your group but as of now you haven't had any meetings I would strongly assume you were a flake. I wouldn't have signed up for your group if I didn't have way to participate now or in the future.
Move forward, having a couple of meetings and then ask about scheduling.
posted by arnicae at 4:40 PM on May 27, 2018
Ahhhh please don't do this. If you did this and I'd signed up for your group but as of now you haven't had any meetings I would strongly assume you were a flake. I wouldn't have signed up for your group if I didn't have way to participate now or in the future.
Move forward, having a couple of meetings and then ask about scheduling.
posted by arnicae at 4:40 PM on May 27, 2018
Response by poster: I sent another message saying, "I'm really sorry, but I thought it about it some more, and I'll have to say no I'm new to this and don't feel like I can take on additional events for this group right now in addition to the ones that I have scheduled. As for changing the existing events, a lot of people have already seen them, and I don't want to throw them off. I hope that you find something fun that works with your schedule."
Oh gosh, the group hasn't even met in person yet, and I've already been a disaster at handling things. There are things that I can try to help me improve, though, like talking to my therapist about it when I next see her. Going forward, I'll just stick to the schedule. It would be nice if everyone could come, but a stressed out, stretched thin organizer won't be a good organizer.
I don't want to clutter the thread up too much, so I'll stop here with the updates.
Thanks again for the help.
posted by Social Science Nerd at 5:04 PM on May 27, 2018 [2 favorites]
Oh gosh, the group hasn't even met in person yet, and I've already been a disaster at handling things. There are things that I can try to help me improve, though, like talking to my therapist about it when I next see her. Going forward, I'll just stick to the schedule. It would be nice if everyone could come, but a stressed out, stretched thin organizer won't be a good organizer.
I don't want to clutter the thread up too much, so I'll stop here with the updates.
Thanks again for the help.
posted by Social Science Nerd at 5:04 PM on May 27, 2018 [2 favorites]
Best answer: You're putting way, way more weight on very minor bumps in the road than they deserve. You sent one person a friendly email and then sent her another one that was just as friendly but less what she wanted to hear. That is in no way a disaster.
I want to warn you in advance that the number of people who sign up for your meetup group will be much greater than the number of people who sign up for any given event which will, in turn, be greater (but hopefully not *much* greater) than the number of people who show up on the day and date. Your inclination toward catastrophizing suggests that you will think yourself a massive failure when only two of your 14 members show up to your first meeting and you are one of them, but really, that's totally normal. You can build up from there.
posted by jacquilynne at 8:19 PM on May 27, 2018 [18 favorites]
I want to warn you in advance that the number of people who sign up for your meetup group will be much greater than the number of people who sign up for any given event which will, in turn, be greater (but hopefully not *much* greater) than the number of people who show up on the day and date. Your inclination toward catastrophizing suggests that you will think yourself a massive failure when only two of your 14 members show up to your first meeting and you are one of them, but really, that's totally normal. You can build up from there.
posted by jacquilynne at 8:19 PM on May 27, 2018 [18 favorites]
I will tell you from personal experience that if you bend over backwards to change the date/time/place of a meeting to accommodate one person, that person will still not show up.
posted by Joleta at 9:18 PM on May 27, 2018 [8 favorites]
posted by Joleta at 9:18 PM on May 27, 2018 [8 favorites]
Best answer: You are not and were not a disaster - it's just tricky figuring out how to handle this stuff. I hope your meeting go well!
posted by bunderful at 7:01 AM on May 28, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by bunderful at 7:01 AM on May 28, 2018 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I've already been a disaster at handling things.
With kindness, work on your positive self-talk. It's not your job to make everyone in the world happy, particularly if you have to do a lot of other work to do that. I look at it this way: what if you had two potential meetup people who had diametrically opposed schedules (i.e. there was literally no time that would work for both of them, ever)? Is it your job to make sure both of them can participate? No, your job is to try to make a time that works for most people most of the time and to make the tough decisions like "Hey Sorry Abby" with kindness and grace. If you have a hard time saying "No" you could soften it to "Not right now" and see what happens. There might be a spin-off group that would like to meet on some weekday night. Doesn't work for your mom, but might work for other people (and that would be okay too "Sorry Mom")
I have spent seven hours trying to find a solution.
This is not a good use of your time. You may want to think about whether the commitment of this group will work with the time you have available and whether it's going to be something you can adjust (i.e. spend 45 min looking for a way to manage this and then be decisive). I agree with others, it was fine for Abby to ask about schedules and it's also AOK fine for you to be like "Hey that's not going to work right now" but being the leader/convener of a group means that you will need to not only set expectations but be able to put yourself out there in terms of setting boundaries with other people. This sounds like it may be challenging for you, so you may want to buddy up (with your mom or someone else from the group you hit it off with) to see if you can play off each other's strengths (you seem to have time available which is great and a willingness to take responsibility, maybe someone else can help manage members who are questioning, or help with schedules) to make the group a success, however you define that.
posted by jessamyn at 8:33 AM on May 28, 2018 [8 favorites]
With kindness, work on your positive self-talk. It's not your job to make everyone in the world happy, particularly if you have to do a lot of other work to do that. I look at it this way: what if you had two potential meetup people who had diametrically opposed schedules (i.e. there was literally no time that would work for both of them, ever)? Is it your job to make sure both of them can participate? No, your job is to try to make a time that works for most people most of the time and to make the tough decisions like "Hey Sorry Abby" with kindness and grace. If you have a hard time saying "No" you could soften it to "Not right now" and see what happens. There might be a spin-off group that would like to meet on some weekday night. Doesn't work for your mom, but might work for other people (and that would be okay too "Sorry Mom")
I have spent seven hours trying to find a solution.
This is not a good use of your time. You may want to think about whether the commitment of this group will work with the time you have available and whether it's going to be something you can adjust (i.e. spend 45 min looking for a way to manage this and then be decisive). I agree with others, it was fine for Abby to ask about schedules and it's also AOK fine for you to be like "Hey that's not going to work right now" but being the leader/convener of a group means that you will need to not only set expectations but be able to put yourself out there in terms of setting boundaries with other people. This sounds like it may be challenging for you, so you may want to buddy up (with your mom or someone else from the group you hit it off with) to see if you can play off each other's strengths (you seem to have time available which is great and a willingness to take responsibility, maybe someone else can help manage members who are questioning, or help with schedules) to make the group a success, however you define that.
posted by jessamyn at 8:33 AM on May 28, 2018 [8 favorites]
"I want this group to be accessible to everyone and for everyone who wants help with their social skills to get that help. I'll do whatever it takes to make everyone happy."
This will never, ever happen. Unless you start doing mass brainwashing on everyone in your group (and it's questionable whether this leads to more happiness in the long run), you can't make everyone happy. There has never, ever been a meetup group where everyone with any interest in the group is happy. There will always be something that isn't working for someone.
The sooner you accept that this is normal and expected, the less stressed out and unhappy you will be.
If the meetup group isn't working for someone, there's a great site called meetup where they can start their own group that does work for them and schedule it whenever they want.
Also -- your group is not going to be able to accessible for everyone who wants help with their social skills to get help. For some people, they will need help from a trained professional, not a group. For other people, a group might be helpful but your group might not be the best fit.
If you want to keep this group going, you'll need to do it in a way where you aren't spending hours worrying about everyone being happy -- which is already not working as a goal, because it seems like the person worrying about this is already pretty unhappy and you haven't even had a meeting yet.
posted by yohko at 6:18 AM on June 1, 2018
This will never, ever happen. Unless you start doing mass brainwashing on everyone in your group (and it's questionable whether this leads to more happiness in the long run), you can't make everyone happy. There has never, ever been a meetup group where everyone with any interest in the group is happy. There will always be something that isn't working for someone.
The sooner you accept that this is normal and expected, the less stressed out and unhappy you will be.
If the meetup group isn't working for someone, there's a great site called meetup where they can start their own group that does work for them and schedule it whenever they want.
Also -- your group is not going to be able to accessible for everyone who wants help with their social skills to get help. For some people, they will need help from a trained professional, not a group. For other people, a group might be helpful but your group might not be the best fit.
If you want to keep this group going, you'll need to do it in a way where you aren't spending hours worrying about everyone being happy -- which is already not working as a goal, because it seems like the person worrying about this is already pretty unhappy and you haven't even had a meeting yet.
posted by yohko at 6:18 AM on June 1, 2018
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by teragram at 2:25 PM on May 27, 2018 [1 favorite]