Parentfilter: Advice about a 3 year old and tantrums?
May 21, 2018 10:05 AM Subscribe
My 3.5 year old daughter has started throwing tantrums at naptime at daycare. I feel like her daycare is overreacting, but I'm really not sure. What do you think?
Basically, my daughter has thrown a giant ugly tantrum at naptime at daycare three times, and twice has had smaller tantrums at the same time that she was able to work her way back out of without the extra crazy (which included hitting teachers and trying to run out the door). This has been in the past three weeks or so.
Her teachers are acting like something is wrong with her, and that I need to take her to her doctor or a psychologist to be evaluated. They genuinely don't have the resources to deal with her naptime tantrums, and the space she's in means that if she's doing that at naptime, none of the other kids can rest, either. It is, for real, a problem for them.
I obviously can't observe her at school. At home she is not a perfect child, but she seems normal to me for a three year old. She doesn't listen very well, and she occasionally throws a tantrum at bedtime (about which more in a moment), but overall, she's not extra defiant compared to when my son was her age. I'd say she's less able to hear me when I'm asking her to do something than he was, but it's not a huge thing that is impacting our lives in a major way. She's not violent towards other children, and in fact seems to get along with other kids pretty well.
As for her nighttime tantrums, I feel like it's similar to what happens at school, it's just that we have a capacity to diffuse them that the school doesn't have, because of the space and the "staff" involved. Basically, if we sit by the door inside the room and don't let her out of her room, stay calm and positive and wait her out, she can work through it and get back into bed. I believe that she's basically outgrown naps, because she goes to bed at night better when she doesn't nap at school. They've said they can't let her skip nap, though, and I believe that's a real thing, a law that daycares have to follow.
Now, about the school: It's a pretty hippie sort of place, loosely based in the idea that the more nature and outside time, the better. I've always liked that aspect of the place, but I've had mixed feelings about the owner (who is a primary caregiver). Well, no: I like her, but she has a temper, and I've seen her snap at her employees, and wondered if she talks like that to the kids when parents aren't around. She's also been hinting around for a while that my daughter is difficult, without coming out to directly say it, to the point where it feels to me like she's just complaining about my child without trying to address these issues in any real way. I know that they outright admit that they prefer easy children, and I've seen them basically drive out kids in the past who were sensitive (the ones who cried the most at drop off, was my impression). I will note that my daughter can be sensitive in that if you show anger, she's more likely to tune out or act out.
This is a scattered mess of a question, and I know it. I'm super upset about all of this and basically just want perspective: Am I being a defensive crazy mom that needs to get her daughter help, or do we just need to move to another school with more structure/capacity to deal with issues like this? Please feel free to ask me to clarify, I feel like I'm leaving important things out. We're meeting with them this afternoon to discuss how to move forward, and I need to have a place to stand before that happens. The first time this tantrum happened, the owner texted to strongly imply that we should find another daycare, which was weird and unprofessional and that afternoon she took it back. But I am worried they're about to ask us to leave, and I really need to go into this with some kind of sense of whether that's an extreme reaction or not.
Basically, my daughter has thrown a giant ugly tantrum at naptime at daycare three times, and twice has had smaller tantrums at the same time that she was able to work her way back out of without the extra crazy (which included hitting teachers and trying to run out the door). This has been in the past three weeks or so.
Her teachers are acting like something is wrong with her, and that I need to take her to her doctor or a psychologist to be evaluated. They genuinely don't have the resources to deal with her naptime tantrums, and the space she's in means that if she's doing that at naptime, none of the other kids can rest, either. It is, for real, a problem for them.
I obviously can't observe her at school. At home she is not a perfect child, but she seems normal to me for a three year old. She doesn't listen very well, and she occasionally throws a tantrum at bedtime (about which more in a moment), but overall, she's not extra defiant compared to when my son was her age. I'd say she's less able to hear me when I'm asking her to do something than he was, but it's not a huge thing that is impacting our lives in a major way. She's not violent towards other children, and in fact seems to get along with other kids pretty well.
As for her nighttime tantrums, I feel like it's similar to what happens at school, it's just that we have a capacity to diffuse them that the school doesn't have, because of the space and the "staff" involved. Basically, if we sit by the door inside the room and don't let her out of her room, stay calm and positive and wait her out, she can work through it and get back into bed. I believe that she's basically outgrown naps, because she goes to bed at night better when she doesn't nap at school. They've said they can't let her skip nap, though, and I believe that's a real thing, a law that daycares have to follow.
Now, about the school: It's a pretty hippie sort of place, loosely based in the idea that the more nature and outside time, the better. I've always liked that aspect of the place, but I've had mixed feelings about the owner (who is a primary caregiver). Well, no: I like her, but she has a temper, and I've seen her snap at her employees, and wondered if she talks like that to the kids when parents aren't around. She's also been hinting around for a while that my daughter is difficult, without coming out to directly say it, to the point where it feels to me like she's just complaining about my child without trying to address these issues in any real way. I know that they outright admit that they prefer easy children, and I've seen them basically drive out kids in the past who were sensitive (the ones who cried the most at drop off, was my impression). I will note that my daughter can be sensitive in that if you show anger, she's more likely to tune out or act out.
This is a scattered mess of a question, and I know it. I'm super upset about all of this and basically just want perspective: Am I being a defensive crazy mom that needs to get her daughter help, or do we just need to move to another school with more structure/capacity to deal with issues like this? Please feel free to ask me to clarify, I feel like I'm leaving important things out. We're meeting with them this afternoon to discuss how to move forward, and I need to have a place to stand before that happens. The first time this tantrum happened, the owner texted to strongly imply that we should find another daycare, which was weird and unprofessional and that afternoon she took it back. But I am worried they're about to ask us to leave, and I really need to go into this with some kind of sense of whether that's an extreme reaction or not.
As I understand it, 3 is a tough age and tantrums are not uncommon, whether they relate to naptime or anything else. Based on your entire question, it sounds like this center is not the right fit for your daughter, because they don't want to/won't deal with behavior that is entirely normal for kids at your daughter's age. I'd find somewhere else. (At the very least, can they tell your daughter that she has to lie down quietly for 30 minutes, but she doesn't have to nap? Most places, as far as I can tell, have this policy for kids of this age. After 30 minutes, the kids who aren't sleeping can get up and do quiet activities like reading or coloring.)
Also, I love Janet Lansbury for things like this. Just go to her site and search for tantrums, or start here.
posted by CiaoMela at 10:17 AM on May 21, 2018 [2 favorites]
Also, I love Janet Lansbury for things like this. Just go to her site and search for tantrums, or start here.
posted by CiaoMela at 10:17 AM on May 21, 2018 [2 favorites]
This sounds really fraught and I'm sorry. I've been there. I know how much emotional weight 'day care' involves.
My take is: this place sounds like a drag. I get the appeal of the hippie dippy stuff, but they're not really hippy dippy. They're faking it.
This person, the woman you are talking to: it is her JOB to take care of your child. It's also her JOB to take care of you. That you got the impression she wanted to out-counsel your three year old after an emotional 'episode' suggests they don't have the stamina to take care of children.
Your bedtime thing, of sitting and guarding the door, suggests to me that some other strategies might be worth examining to make her feel safe and make you feel less than you are flying by the seat of your pants. I'm reading between the lines and apologies if I'm wrong. That's a separate thing though. That's just 'that sounds like a lot of anxiety'.
I would find a place your kid, and you, feel more safe and comfortable.
Also:
I've seen her snap at her employees, and wondered if she talks like that to the kids when parents aren't around.
Even if she doesn't talk to kids like this, it's a terrible example and it suggests bad judgment that she's doing it in front of you.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 10:18 AM on May 21, 2018 [4 favorites]
My take is: this place sounds like a drag. I get the appeal of the hippie dippy stuff, but they're not really hippy dippy. They're faking it.
This person, the woman you are talking to: it is her JOB to take care of your child. It's also her JOB to take care of you. That you got the impression she wanted to out-counsel your three year old after an emotional 'episode' suggests they don't have the stamina to take care of children.
Your bedtime thing, of sitting and guarding the door, suggests to me that some other strategies might be worth examining to make her feel safe and make you feel less than you are flying by the seat of your pants. I'm reading between the lines and apologies if I'm wrong. That's a separate thing though. That's just 'that sounds like a lot of anxiety'.
I would find a place your kid, and you, feel more safe and comfortable.
Also:
I've seen her snap at her employees, and wondered if she talks like that to the kids when parents aren't around.
Even if she doesn't talk to kids like this, it's a terrible example and it suggests bad judgment that she's doing it in front of you.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 10:18 AM on May 21, 2018 [4 favorites]
Response by poster: I totally do not want to threadsit, but to head off a lot of advice about handling tantrums, I will mention that I am decent at handling tantrums at home, and I'm also a fan of positive parenting. I only sit by the door of her room so she can't run out of it at bedtime--that's my calm place to sit and give her a safe place/boundary while she's working her feelings out.
posted by hought20 at 10:23 AM on May 21, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by hought20 at 10:23 AM on May 21, 2018 [1 favorite]
Are you planning to stay at this place for preschool? I would change providers as soon as possible, ie, to a place that will do preschool for you.
posted by vunder at 10:24 AM on May 21, 2018
posted by vunder at 10:24 AM on May 21, 2018
My gut reaction is that your daughter has indeed outgrown nap time or is on the cusp. Either that or she is exhausted and that is why the tantrum.
I would ask them at the meeting about the skipping nap and doing something quietly and also put it back on them by asking what their solution is to the issue.
Certainly, this is normal (although not acceptable) behavior by your daughter and other children have the exact same issue.
Lastly, I do not think you can totally dismiss your daughter having some fear or anxiety over sleep time. Maybe that should be explored from several angles including what the daycare provider does at naptime and how the setup is. It is hard to tell from the limited information you were able to provide.
posted by AugustWest at 10:35 AM on May 21, 2018
I would ask them at the meeting about the skipping nap and doing something quietly and also put it back on them by asking what their solution is to the issue.
Certainly, this is normal (although not acceptable) behavior by your daughter and other children have the exact same issue.
Lastly, I do not think you can totally dismiss your daughter having some fear or anxiety over sleep time. Maybe that should be explored from several angles including what the daycare provider does at naptime and how the setup is. It is hard to tell from the limited information you were able to provide.
posted by AugustWest at 10:35 AM on May 21, 2018
When my son was 3, his daycare provided cots for napping and the kids who still napped napped and the kids who didn't nap went to a craft table to do something quiet and focused like glue yarn onto construction paper or put beads on pipe cleaners. If she doesn't want to nap and she doesn't know how to say she doesn't want to nap, and they are not in line with how you want that handled, it's okay to look for another daycare.
She's about to drop her nap. You can't force it and it's natural for three year olds to throw tantrums. It's kind of their thing, 3 year olds.
posted by TryTheTilapia at 10:52 AM on May 21, 2018 [5 favorites]
She's about to drop her nap. You can't force it and it's natural for three year olds to throw tantrums. It's kind of their thing, 3 year olds.
posted by TryTheTilapia at 10:52 AM on May 21, 2018 [5 favorites]
It's normal to be outgrowing naps at that age. On the other hand, throwing the tantrums can be a sign of exhaustion and the need to nap. Either way, a different daycare center where the child can have the option of napping or not napping would solve the problem. If she is indeed outgrowing naps, she apparently can't stay where she is anyway.
posted by beagle at 10:52 AM on May 21, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by beagle at 10:52 AM on May 21, 2018 [1 favorite]
I wonder if she had a very upsetting nap time experience at daycare that is surfacing now when they do her naps. I'd pressure them about what they've changed or if there was a bad/traumatic experience prior to the tantrums starting. They should be able to handle this.
posted by toomanycurls at 11:07 AM on May 21, 2018
posted by toomanycurls at 11:07 AM on May 21, 2018
Also, popping back in to say that I think the legal requirement is that kids have cots to nap on and time set aside to nap at this age but one cannot force a kid to go to sleep. I mean, that's impossible, as all parents are all too familiar with.
posted by TryTheTilapia at 11:18 AM on May 21, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by TryTheTilapia at 11:18 AM on May 21, 2018 [3 favorites]
Being 3.5 is so hard, because you have so little control over your life and that is an age where you are starting to REALIZE how little control over your life you have. And then top it off with being tired (like near naptime and bedtime), and even grown-ass adults have a hard time keeping their shit together when they are tired and are being told what to do, whether they like it or not.
The law around naptime sounds questionable to me, especially for 3.5 year olds. My kiddo stopped taking naps at home on the weekends when he was 3 and was borderline at a Montessori preschool who were poorly equipped to handle the active non-submissive child he was. They had a room for nappers and the non-nappers went back to class, and it wasn't age-based on who was in which room. Current daycare he still has short naps (almost 5yo), but she also has a list of quiet activities he can do after laying down for X minutes if he just isn't tired.
Are there ways to give this child more agency in her life? More control over her circumstances? Can you talk with her with open-ended questions about these naptime tantrums and see what she feels about their build-up?
posted by jillithd at 11:25 AM on May 21, 2018 [1 favorite]
The law around naptime sounds questionable to me, especially for 3.5 year olds. My kiddo stopped taking naps at home on the weekends when he was 3 and was borderline at a Montessori preschool who were poorly equipped to handle the active non-submissive child he was. They had a room for nappers and the non-nappers went back to class, and it wasn't age-based on who was in which room. Current daycare he still has short naps (almost 5yo), but she also has a list of quiet activities he can do after laying down for X minutes if he just isn't tired.
Are there ways to give this child more agency in her life? More control over her circumstances? Can you talk with her with open-ended questions about these naptime tantrums and see what she feels about their build-up?
posted by jillithd at 11:25 AM on May 21, 2018 [1 favorite]
Well, I'm going to agree that you need to find a new daycare, and definitely one that will let her just rest or go to another room, perhaps, to avoid the nap and not disturb the kids who do want to sleep. But speaking as a former daycare worker, I don't feel like it's that out of line for your current place to not want her to hit the teachers and try to run out the door.
posted by not that mimi at 11:35 AM on May 21, 2018 [7 favorites]
posted by not that mimi at 11:35 AM on May 21, 2018 [7 favorites]
Apologies if you have tried this, but have you asked your daughter whether there is something specific upsetting her? Did something change? Did something happen recently?
posted by ewok_academy at 11:46 AM on May 21, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by ewok_academy at 11:46 AM on May 21, 2018 [2 favorites]
I would ask for a meeting with the center director and discuss the issue, ask what steps she thinks you might be able to take at home and ask what the center is doing to help your child. And I'd be looking for a new day care. Kids have tantrums. Usually because they are tired, hungry, anxious or poorly disciplined. The day care should be expert at dealing with them and developing a plan. If she's getting to where she doesn't need a nap, what's the plan?
posted by theora55 at 12:38 PM on May 21, 2018
posted by theora55 at 12:38 PM on May 21, 2018
I've seen her snap at her employees, and wondered if she talks like that to the kids when parents aren't around. She's also been hinting around for a while that my daughter is difficult, without coming out to directly say it, to the point where it feels to me like she's just complaining about my child without trying to address these issues in any real way. I know that they outright admit that they prefer easy children, and I've seen them basically drive out kids in the past who were sensitive (the ones who cried the most at drop off, was my impression). I will note that my daughter can be sensitive in that if you show anger, she's more likely to tune out or act out.
I don't understand why this person runs a business taking care of very small children if this is her attitude. This is what 3 year olds are like.
posted by desuetude at 12:51 PM on May 21, 2018 [7 favorites]
I don't understand why this person runs a business taking care of very small children if this is her attitude. This is what 3 year olds are like.
posted by desuetude at 12:51 PM on May 21, 2018 [7 favorites]
Age 3.5 is when my previously-easy kiddo started to have freak-outs at daycare about random issues (for us, it was peeing in the potty and having a tantrum if someone flushed without taking a picture, this from a kid that had been issue-free potty trained since early 2.) From my friend group, it seems like a pretty common age for kids to take a stand and get into a power struggle with caregivers about SOMETHING.
Honestly, I think this age is right when a lot of kids do better moving from a hippy-dippy unstructured sort of environment (which is great for infants/toddlers) to a more structured preschool. If you're having any thoughts about moving your kid anyway, I think now is probably a good time to do it - the things you'd be looking for in a good preschool / pre-k program are so different from what you were probably looking for when your kid was younger. You'll probably be looking with brand-new eyes even at places you may have considered before. Plus, if your childcare market is anything like ours, you probably have a lot more options than you did before - we live in a place with really limited quality childcare for infants and toddlers, but even the best places don't have a waitlist once you get to the preschool level.
posted by iminurmefi at 1:08 PM on May 21, 2018
Honestly, I think this age is right when a lot of kids do better moving from a hippy-dippy unstructured sort of environment (which is great for infants/toddlers) to a more structured preschool. If you're having any thoughts about moving your kid anyway, I think now is probably a good time to do it - the things you'd be looking for in a good preschool / pre-k program are so different from what you were probably looking for when your kid was younger. You'll probably be looking with brand-new eyes even at places you may have considered before. Plus, if your childcare market is anything like ours, you probably have a lot more options than you did before - we live in a place with really limited quality childcare for infants and toddlers, but even the best places don't have a waitlist once you get to the preschool level.
posted by iminurmefi at 1:08 PM on May 21, 2018
If the owner of a daycare facility "strongly implies" that I should remove my child from the facility (even if that was taken back later) -- I would do so IMMEDIATELY. I appreciate all the thoughtful answers about tantrums and children's feelings, but honestly -- the owner doesn't like your kid. She has a temper that you've seen. Get the kid out of there, find another place. It's better to over-react than regret you didn't so something later.
posted by kestralwing at 1:28 PM on May 21, 2018 [10 favorites]
posted by kestralwing at 1:28 PM on May 21, 2018 [10 favorites]
Her teachers are acting like something is wrong with her, and that I need to take her to her doctor or a psychologist to be evaluated.
When my son was 2.5, he was kicked out of a very well respected daycare for something like tantrums. This was not behavior we saw at home.
In long retrospect, these "tantrums" were actually a very early manifestation of my son's autism, that nobody (not them, not us, not his subsequent caregivers) picked up on at the time. They did, actually, suggest we go through an early intervention evaluation with him at the time they requested we pull him out, but we did not take their suggestion seriously. In retrospect, I really wish we had.
I am now a huge proponent of EI evaluations for every child. There is no reason not to get one, and early diagnosis of issues, particularly executive functioning issues or just plain anxiety, can be so beneficial in making sure a child get appropriate support as she grows.
Whatever you do about the daycare, I'd urge you to have an eval done anyhow. I wish - fervently wish - I could go back to past me and tell her to take those "tantrums" more seriously. Our lives would be different - an my son's life easier - if we had.
posted by anastasiav at 2:02 PM on May 21, 2018 [4 favorites]
When my son was 2.5, he was kicked out of a very well respected daycare for something like tantrums. This was not behavior we saw at home.
In long retrospect, these "tantrums" were actually a very early manifestation of my son's autism, that nobody (not them, not us, not his subsequent caregivers) picked up on at the time. They did, actually, suggest we go through an early intervention evaluation with him at the time they requested we pull him out, but we did not take their suggestion seriously. In retrospect, I really wish we had.
I am now a huge proponent of EI evaluations for every child. There is no reason not to get one, and early diagnosis of issues, particularly executive functioning issues or just plain anxiety, can be so beneficial in making sure a child get appropriate support as she grows.
Whatever you do about the daycare, I'd urge you to have an eval done anyhow. I wish - fervently wish - I could go back to past me and tell her to take those "tantrums" more seriously. Our lives would be different - an my son's life easier - if we had.
posted by anastasiav at 2:02 PM on May 21, 2018 [4 favorites]
My take is that three year olds throw tantrums. The day care can choose to deal with that fact or not. If yes, then deal with it. If no, I'd put my kid somewhere else. (Obviously, the hitting needs to stop).
Disclaimer: I've observed what I see as a trend of adults expecting children to act like adults. This seems absurd to me, because adults often can't manage to act like adults.
posted by cnc at 2:20 PM on May 21, 2018 [1 favorite]
Disclaimer: I've observed what I see as a trend of adults expecting children to act like adults. This seems absurd to me, because adults often can't manage to act like adults.
posted by cnc at 2:20 PM on May 21, 2018 [1 favorite]
I worked in day cares for many years and can say that teachers acting like a child not napping is THREAT LEVEL MIDNIGHT was a constant source or irritation for me.
You cannot force another person to sleep. Trying to do so is a stupid power struggle. They should be able to provide an alternative quiet activity for her to do on her mat or at a table.
Your idea that they have to "let" her nap is likely wrong. Most minimum standards state that children much be given the chance to nap but not forced to lay quietly for hours at time. In Texas (where I am) minimum standards specifically mention giving alternative activities to non-nappers.
Is there an older classroom that doesn't nap which she could visit during nap time?
Is she eating enough at lunch? I wonder if the tantrums are low blood sugar combined with power struggle equaling a situation she cannot cope with. When we had children who couldn't nap they'd often get a small snack (usually dry cheerios) on their mat and some books to keep them occupied while everyone else settles down and then they'd transition to other, pre-agreed upon activities.
You might ask what the ratio in the room is during nap time. In Texas you can have fewer teachers present during nap time. If that's the case where you are part of the problem may be that a teacher alone panics when met with defiance.
posted by Saminal at 3:08 PM on May 21, 2018 [4 favorites]
You cannot force another person to sleep. Trying to do so is a stupid power struggle. They should be able to provide an alternative quiet activity for her to do on her mat or at a table.
Your idea that they have to "let" her nap is likely wrong. Most minimum standards state that children much be given the chance to nap but not forced to lay quietly for hours at time. In Texas (where I am) minimum standards specifically mention giving alternative activities to non-nappers.
Is there an older classroom that doesn't nap which she could visit during nap time?
Is she eating enough at lunch? I wonder if the tantrums are low blood sugar combined with power struggle equaling a situation she cannot cope with. When we had children who couldn't nap they'd often get a small snack (usually dry cheerios) on their mat and some books to keep them occupied while everyone else settles down and then they'd transition to other, pre-agreed upon activities.
You might ask what the ratio in the room is during nap time. In Texas you can have fewer teachers present during nap time. If that's the case where you are part of the problem may be that a teacher alone panics when met with defiance.
posted by Saminal at 3:08 PM on May 21, 2018 [4 favorites]
Also, popping back in to say that I think the legal requirement is that kids have cots to nap on and time set aside to nap at this age but one cannot force a kid to go to sleep.
Yeah, so here is the thing. They can't force kids to sleep, it is bad and counterproductive to try to force kids to sleep, but at the same time many daycares are staffed extremely poorly, and they're probably trying to cut corners on lunch breaks for employees or something if they are insisting that children Must Nap and any child trying not to do so is Impossible. So instead of having staff rotating so that everyone gets a normal lunch break and the staffing levels are maintained, they're probably having people lunch during naptime except for one or two people who are watching the room and lunch separately. Which is their staffing problem, not your child's problem.
Ask if she can read a book or color instead during that time.
posted by corb at 4:13 PM on May 21, 2018 [1 favorite]
Yeah, so here is the thing. They can't force kids to sleep, it is bad and counterproductive to try to force kids to sleep, but at the same time many daycares are staffed extremely poorly, and they're probably trying to cut corners on lunch breaks for employees or something if they are insisting that children Must Nap and any child trying not to do so is Impossible. So instead of having staff rotating so that everyone gets a normal lunch break and the staffing levels are maintained, they're probably having people lunch during naptime except for one or two people who are watching the room and lunch separately. Which is their staffing problem, not your child's problem.
Ask if she can read a book or color instead during that time.
posted by corb at 4:13 PM on May 21, 2018 [1 favorite]
Change schools, do an early evaluation. Tantrums are normal range, but IME if teachers are reporting an issue and some of the behaviour is happening at home, then there's an issue. It's almost certainly not what the teacher thinks because they don't have diagnostic skills, but they do see a ton of kids. It's like a Venn diagram - if both parents and teachers overlap, time to check in with a professional. It's hard not to be defensive of your kid who is clearly awesome and the school does sound fake-hippy with a not good head. But - early intervention where they say "nah, everything's fine" is a huge relief, and early intervention where they say "hmm, do they also do X, Y and Z? Come back in 6 months and try this meanwhile to help" is ALSO a huge relief.
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 9:29 PM on May 21, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 9:29 PM on May 21, 2018 [1 favorite]
Data point: when I was about that age, a daycare worker found me lying on a cot propping my eyelids open with my fingers. I don't think anyone could have got me to sleep then.
It's totally normal for a kid to stop napping at that age, and very odd that a daycare provider can't manage that.
One other thing that makes our otherwise fairly chill dudelet crack a tanty is being thirsty- sometimes he can get patched and not articulate it.
posted by the duck by the oboe at 11:43 PM on May 21, 2018
It's totally normal for a kid to stop napping at that age, and very odd that a daycare provider can't manage that.
One other thing that makes our otherwise fairly chill dudelet crack a tanty is being thirsty- sometimes he can get patched and not articulate it.
posted by the duck by the oboe at 11:43 PM on May 21, 2018
Your daycare should be able to put her quietly on a cot with some books. If they can't deal with this fundamental of running a childcare room, you need a different daycare. I think you probably need one anyway.
posted by DarlingBri at 4:18 AM on May 22, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by DarlingBri at 4:18 AM on May 22, 2018 [1 favorite]
*snort* "crack a tanty"
posted by jillithd at 7:16 AM on May 22, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by jillithd at 7:16 AM on May 22, 2018 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: Thank y'all for all of the excellent answers, this was super helpful. We met with the owner yesterday and it went better than I expected, BUT we are also quietly looking for another place (with more structure and more staff) and I'm going to talk to my girl's doctor sometime soon about an evaluation. My gut tells me she's fine, but I also know I am super biased, so your answers gave me perspective.
posted by hought20 at 7:49 AM on May 22, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by hought20 at 7:49 AM on May 22, 2018 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Another question reminded me to come back here. In the end, after another tantrum and some more awful texting, we left this place and moved to another daycare.
We LOVE it. It's like being in a healthy relationship after being in an abusive one, the difference is so pronounced. This place has very strong standards, clear rules around naptime (she's still struggling but they're handling it and keeping us informed without giving us any grief at all, and she'll be able to stop going to naptime after her 4th birthday in November). So yeah. If anybody comes here to read this, looking for help, just leave the school that's feeling difficult.
posted by hought20 at 8:30 AM on August 6, 2018 [2 favorites]
We LOVE it. It's like being in a healthy relationship after being in an abusive one, the difference is so pronounced. This place has very strong standards, clear rules around naptime (she's still struggling but they're handling it and keeping us informed without giving us any grief at all, and she'll be able to stop going to naptime after her 4th birthday in November). So yeah. If anybody comes here to read this, looking for help, just leave the school that's feeling difficult.
posted by hought20 at 8:30 AM on August 6, 2018 [2 favorites]
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If they aren’t willing to accommodate her not napping in some way (quiet play in a corner, stay in this chair, whatever), I might seek another daycare just based on that.
Also those tantrums as you describe sound well within normal range. Sure, maybe she has abnormal problems and needs an evaluation, but this alone is not a sure sign of that.
posted by SaltySalticid at 10:15 AM on May 21, 2018 [15 favorites]