What do I say in a one on one with the new boss?

April 24, 2018 11:02 PM

New leader wants to have one on ones with everyone asking what our top issues are and what our long term professional goals are. I don’t know what to say.

The leader said to select 3 issues, but... we have tons of problems in this office. My old unit is always short staffed and overloaded. Somehow our office is always broke and nobody knows why. We have bullies, one of which is a top manager (not mine but they used to be my grandmanager). There are a billion things that are broken in the system that will never be fixed. In my new unit, my so called “team” members literally do not speak to me unless they absolutely have to.

At the very least I’d like to ask to get moved out of my team’s shared office, which I’ve asked for multiple times and been denied because “there’s nowhere else for you to go.” I can think of at least one place I could go but was denied because “we’re going to hire someone soon,” but of course they didn’t. Or maybe I could trade desks with someone they actually like instead. My job doesn’t overlap with the team's jobs so it’s not like I need to talk with them about work. If they are forced to have to talk to me they email anyway.

However: I’ve learned that keeping my mouth shut about everything is always the best option here, because nobody is going to do anything about any of these issues. Our former leaders wanted everything to be happy happy happy and refused to talk about anything that was going bad at all, so the one time I had a one on one with the old boss was pretty much a token thing. I don’t know this new leader at all and while they seem nice, that’s really all I could tell you about them. I have no idea if they are interested or even capable of dealing with huge office problems. I don't think they have any idea what they are letting themselves in for and they may not even know that it is a "problematic" office. I have no idea, and won’t know before the meeting, what kind of person I am dealing with and how I need to handle/work around their issues because this is happening very soon into their hiring. I am afraid of shooting myself in the foot on day one because I said too much or said the wrong thing or was too honest. I tend to be that person, which got me in trouble and is why I no longer speak here unless I have to.

As for professional goals, I have none. This is a dead end job. I cannot get any higher due to union issues (long story) and I can’t get hired elsewhere either. This is probably not something the new leader would have any power to do anything about. When I have to write down goals on the eval I write down “do the same things I did last year.” I’m not happy about it but there’s nothing that can be done. What the hell am I supposed to say?

I don’t know what to say here. I’m afraid if I’m honest it’ll make things worse for myself, I’ll come off as a problem child (and unfortunately I am one anyway), it’s likely I’ll just be denied anyway if I do ask for what I want on the office move and I'm afraid of what happens if I say what huge problems there are. Especially given the bullying/ostracizing. I don’t know how to be politic here, I don’t want to get myself in trouble. I don’t know what is appropriate for me to bring up or not. I need others to tell me how to handle this. What is okay for me to say in a meeting like this and what isn’t?

posted by anonymous to Work & Money (9 answers total)

In this kind of situation, it will always depend on your BATNA (best alternative to negotiated agreement)-- if you ask for something, and they say "no", then what? In a similar situation, I did share my three things and it worked out well. However, I was in a situation where I could walk away if I had to, and that put me in a privileged position to be brave. Not everyone has that luxury. It doesn't sound as though you feel like you do.

I would advise you to think of something to say about your professional goals in case this is also an evaluation with culling in mind. I heard what you said about your reality, but if I were you, I would probably say something like: "I really enjoy my job at EvilCorp, and the things I'm passionate about are 1) 2) 3) (and I probably wouldn't pick anything controversial). One of my challenges at EvilCorp is I'm still exploring what good next steps would be possible or available. I'd like to hear *your* initial thoughts about careers at EvilCorp, if you have any so far."

For your three areas of improvement, even in a case where I am willing to be honest then I always use the formula Strength X --> Overdone Strength X --> Consequence Y.

So: "This office has a great deal of togetherness, which is great! However, sometimes we're so focused on not rocking the boat of our friendships that people are sometimes afraid to speak up. While I'm really happy it feels like a family, I worry if we're building the right culture of achievement."

Or, in your case: "The company is very ambitious and starts lots of projects. That's really exciting. However, sometimes it doesn't feel as though we have the money or the resources to do everything properly. Perhaps we need to cut down on some unnecessary tasks."

The thing about that sentence is that a switched-on manager will know what you mean anyhow, and someone who isn't will just focus on the positive things you need to say. You get what I mean?

Also, ask him or her questions about their experience or views. Good way to burn time while still giving them a conversation they feel good about.
posted by frumiousb at 11:46 PM on April 24, 2018 [34 favorites]

Even two decades after I answered such an opportunity honestly, I still kick myself. The new manager was sympathetic, he listened, but I think it put me in a bad light and made his task seem enormous.
All the suggestions above are good. If you feel you need to say something, say something broad, something about HR offering better interpersonal training.
And for your goals, say you want to improve, strengthen, grow ... don't say the same thing as last year. You may feel that, but it isn't what they want to hear.
Good luck!
posted by bwonder2 at 1:06 AM on April 25, 2018 [2 favorites]

I would come up with two, small goals for the office. Things that could somewhat improve your job or communication with people you do interface with. Something to reduce mixups or waste. Something approachable that makes you seem like a team player. Also, changing offices because you really love sitting next to Cheryl and she brightens your daybed you interface with her.

Your personal goals are to learn new skill sets x and y. You want to be a pro on y in 5 years. Maybe y could actually get you a different job, but don't tell new manager that.
posted by Kalmya at 2:29 AM on April 25, 2018 [2 favorites]

I told my manager that I wanted to share an office with someone not on my team, because I get easily distracted. I definitely said something about since we do the same thing, when they do something out loud, I want to jump in and help, whether they're on the phone or with someone else. Try that, just make up a nice reason why you need an office switch.
posted by Valancy Rachel at 5:54 AM on April 25, 2018 [2 favorites]

If there are no advancement opportunities at EvilCorp for you and you're confident that your manager agrees with this assessment, then here's a few ways to finesse the professional goals question: a) using whatever the performance standards are for your job, e.g., improve customer response times to within X hours or increase widget productivity by y; b) make organization more resilient by teaching my skills x and y to candidate junior staffers a and b and/or learning new skills X and y from whoever; c) addressing commonly understood task backlog or orphan tasks, especially those that have no one in charge (and, better, ones that will give you something valuable for your resume), like updating this brochure or that policy, creating a problem logging system, whatever. In short, express your professional goals in terms of solving company problems and position yourself as being a valued ally for your manager.
posted by carmicha at 6:34 AM on April 25, 2018 [3 favorites]

First off, I think that long term, you would be best served by finding a new job. Regarding your actual question: if I were a manager at a new company and one of my reports used this meeting to ask for a desk change, I would not be impressed. You sound super jaded and that’s understandable since it sounds like your company culture is extremely very much not good. But if this person turns out to be a good manager and effective at their job, you stand to gain their respect and maybe even some of the actual changes you desire if you make a good-faith effort to engage with them. If they turn out to be just as sucky as the rest of your company, and take reasonable feedback as trouble-making, it’s not going to matter much, yes? You’re basically just maintaining your current rep as the company black sheep. (Which sucks, which is why you should look for a new job.)

Instead, I would recommend thinking about three specific, clear-cut issues make it hard for you to be effective at your job, along with constructive suggestions on what management could do to change that. I would try to be as matter-of-fact and unemotional as possible in describing them. If one of your major headaches is that year-old ticket about that one software bug has required time-consuming and soul-killing workarounds for your team, don’t frame it as “the company doesn’t care if it takes us hours to do a simple task” even if that is your personal truth. Instead, “our work on major project A for Client has been delayed due to the problem with x feature. Escalating priority on ticket 12345 to be resolved in the next sprint would accelerate production schedules by 2 weeks minimum and allow us to begin work earlier on Project B, which in turn could help us exceed revenue goals for the second quarter.”

About the professional goals part, I think Carmicha's advice is excellent! I would also make an effort to present yourself as a helpful, friendly resource for your new manager. It’s hard to step in to a new company, and often managers rely on their reports to help fill them in and help them find their footing. At the same time, someone coming in fresh can sometimes bulldoze seemingly “impossible” obstacles since they’re not yet indoctrinated into the status quo. A good manager would make it their business to advocate for the changes you need to do your job.

You can always mention the desk request at the end of the meeting, as a side-note, or in a separate conversation. I have had crappy desk placements so I know how much it can suck, but even if it’s something that you strongly desire you don’t mention that your desk location has any actual impact on your work, so I wouldn’t bring it up as one of your “top three issues.” Using a meeting like this to bring it up makes you seem like you’re not taking it seriously and already looking for special favors.
posted by prewar lemonade at 6:51 AM on April 25, 2018 [4 favorites]

Oh, one other tip: I would write up what you want to talk about so you have notes ready, and then email yourself and your new manager a rundown of what you talked about after the meeting. If the company culture is really so toxic that you could get in trouble for raising legitimate concerns in a meeting where you were specifically asked to raise concerns, you'll have a record of what you actually said. You can frame it to your manager as "Hi Managername, it was great having the opportunity to talk with you today about TerribleCorp and my professional goals! As we talked about, here's a summary of my top three issues and goals for 2018-2019. Looking forward to working with you. Best, anonymous."
posted by prewar lemonade at 7:02 AM on April 25, 2018 [1 favorite]

it's seriously unlikely that the manager is really looking to get ideas for what THEY need to work on in these sessions. It is much more likely that the goal is for them to suss out their new team and what's on their mind -- that is, to evaluate YOU, not to get action items. Their action items will come later if at all.

If you want that new desk, a better way to get it, rather than asking for it at this session, is to create a positive vibe with this person. Find out what THEIR goals are and how you can help. Don't complain about anything.
posted by fingersandtoes at 8:51 AM on April 25, 2018

If I was coming in to a new organisation, I would want to do something like this. It feels like a completely normal, expected thing to do. I would want to get to know my team, how I can help them develop, and where the main sticking points or quirks are.

When I do intro meetings with new people at my workplace I talk about my background, the main area/project I'm working on at the moment, anything I can specifically help them with that they might not realise, and I try to find out a bit about their background and what they are working on (or for someone more senior what their initial priorities are).

For long-term professional goals, I stick to things that would be in the interests of the business as well as me. So, one of the things I'm looking to develop is an expertise in insight and evaluation. Not, I'm looking to move out of this team as soon as I can (even if that may be true).
posted by plonkee at 12:49 PM on April 25, 2018