How to handle (real or trivial) criticism by my manager
April 24, 2018 1:59 AM Subscribe
Suddenly I find myself getting called in by my manager, who'll be leaving in about 6 weeks being demoted in span of control, on a weekly basis! My numbers are good, although the system is not measuring all I do, but after first this, now my tasks are matter of suspicion, apparently. I'm having a hard time explaining what I do, it feels as if I'm ridiculed and that shuts me down before I even try. It also makes me mad. I never have headaches, I do now.
As I only work two days for this company, but need the income, I'm having meetings with him every other day. He's being demoted because of lack of oversight. He doesn't seem to grasp numbers, but just shoots in the dark. But that turns out bad for me, because I put a lot of time in trying to get things sorted business-wise. It's clear now, and on spreadsheets etc. but now he's onto other criticisms of me and it feels like if it's not one thing, it's another. I'm one of the few seniors, so maybe he just expects me to carry the flag of the policy more enthusiastically than I do. I feels very unjust that I am harassed like this, with meetings that don't lead anywhere, and are just there to push my buttons, right before he leaves. Also, he is getting another manager involved. And he says colleagues have give him signals, but won't tell me who, and is all vague about things. This department has cornered another young senior last year, and pushed her out. This could be happening to me.
I am partially opposed to the newest policy (especially the extreme version I'm asked to applaud), and find it hard to keep smiling. Thinking differently, is, in this place of professional workers who are all of a higher education, apparently a bad thing now. I still can't believe it, although that may be naive and stubborn of me. And I'm fed up. I've had about 7-9 managers in 6 years and people don't seem to see I work hard. I'm not a elevator pitch person. I do whatever is needed, and am reasonably quiet. They want to hear more from me, but anything I'd say from the heart, would be going against the grain of the new policy. Even just a watered down version, a sensible version, it's all bad in their eyes. I help a lot of juniors on the work-floor, but apparently not the ones that the manager talks with. If they want me to leave, I want that too, but in about 6 months and I can't be specific because it depends on other activities and I don't want to say I'm leaving because I feel that would work against me in some way.
I'd love to step out of this hunted-rabbit position, where I have to prove myself when I already work overtime (when I asked for unpaid leave, I now get less salary but still make the same hours, so will have to save these up and take leave days later on), the dynamic is just very off.
I'm experienced but I've taken a back seat because of plans to leave in the longer run, and also because I don't agree with the policy changes of last 1,5 years. New policy, 180degrees towards my liking, are on the horizon in June, so: very soon, but they'll get implemented much later and aside from that it seems I find myself in a very silly work-culture where I can't speak up and think differently, even for the sake of a good discussion. I'd fake as much as possible, but I'm starting to feel that even faking it, would not be believed right now.
This dynamic could have to do with me: I tend to be a bit of a dissident usually, but I want to handle this in a practical manner. Managers in my company can get very intimidating (together with selected colleagues), this is a well known fact and I should stay out of that pickle, because it will drain energy that I'd prefer to spend on my other work and activities (those are more important to me than these two workdays and this company or even field of work, but still, I need the salary for two more months).
I hope I've made this somewhat clear. My question would be: what to do, any advice to handle this in a de-escalating fashion (even though inside I don't agree with the way I'm treated nor with the policy and the intolerant atmosphere) and maybe even generously, elegantly, or with humor. The manager and possibly another, are experienced, but not very intellectual or ironic, and never seem to approach their jobs with humor. Also, any ideas on what's going on, and what I may be missing in my thoughts on this would be much appreciated.
As I only work two days for this company, but need the income, I'm having meetings with him every other day. He's being demoted because of lack of oversight. He doesn't seem to grasp numbers, but just shoots in the dark. But that turns out bad for me, because I put a lot of time in trying to get things sorted business-wise. It's clear now, and on spreadsheets etc. but now he's onto other criticisms of me and it feels like if it's not one thing, it's another. I'm one of the few seniors, so maybe he just expects me to carry the flag of the policy more enthusiastically than I do. I feels very unjust that I am harassed like this, with meetings that don't lead anywhere, and are just there to push my buttons, right before he leaves. Also, he is getting another manager involved. And he says colleagues have give him signals, but won't tell me who, and is all vague about things. This department has cornered another young senior last year, and pushed her out. This could be happening to me.
I am partially opposed to the newest policy (especially the extreme version I'm asked to applaud), and find it hard to keep smiling. Thinking differently, is, in this place of professional workers who are all of a higher education, apparently a bad thing now. I still can't believe it, although that may be naive and stubborn of me. And I'm fed up. I've had about 7-9 managers in 6 years and people don't seem to see I work hard. I'm not a elevator pitch person. I do whatever is needed, and am reasonably quiet. They want to hear more from me, but anything I'd say from the heart, would be going against the grain of the new policy. Even just a watered down version, a sensible version, it's all bad in their eyes. I help a lot of juniors on the work-floor, but apparently not the ones that the manager talks with. If they want me to leave, I want that too, but in about 6 months and I can't be specific because it depends on other activities and I don't want to say I'm leaving because I feel that would work against me in some way.
I'd love to step out of this hunted-rabbit position, where I have to prove myself when I already work overtime (when I asked for unpaid leave, I now get less salary but still make the same hours, so will have to save these up and take leave days later on), the dynamic is just very off.
I'm experienced but I've taken a back seat because of plans to leave in the longer run, and also because I don't agree with the policy changes of last 1,5 years. New policy, 180degrees towards my liking, are on the horizon in June, so: very soon, but they'll get implemented much later and aside from that it seems I find myself in a very silly work-culture where I can't speak up and think differently, even for the sake of a good discussion. I'd fake as much as possible, but I'm starting to feel that even faking it, would not be believed right now.
This dynamic could have to do with me: I tend to be a bit of a dissident usually, but I want to handle this in a practical manner. Managers in my company can get very intimidating (together with selected colleagues), this is a well known fact and I should stay out of that pickle, because it will drain energy that I'd prefer to spend on my other work and activities (those are more important to me than these two workdays and this company or even field of work, but still, I need the salary for two more months).
I hope I've made this somewhat clear. My question would be: what to do, any advice to handle this in a de-escalating fashion (even though inside I don't agree with the way I'm treated nor with the policy and the intolerant atmosphere) and maybe even generously, elegantly, or with humor. The manager and possibly another, are experienced, but not very intellectual or ironic, and never seem to approach their jobs with humor. Also, any ideas on what's going on, and what I may be missing in my thoughts on this would be much appreciated.
Two things stick out from your story:
1. the manager you have difficulty with is leaving in 6 weeks and you are only there 2 days per week (if I understood correctly). So these are 12 days to get through.
I would just try to sit it out, to be honest.
1. this "I find myself in a very silly work-culture where I can't speak up and think differently, even for the sake of a good discussion. "
I have never been in a work culture where being contrary or dissident simply for sake of a good discussion was in any way appreciated, or even appropriate.
I would frankly be annoyed if I found out a colleague was just disagreeing with me only for the sake of discussion, but rather feel like this would be a total waste of my time. I am not a manager but have worked for enough managers to think they would also view this as a waste of time.
I currently work for two managers - one is totally open and interested in an any genuine discussion, even if our opinions are completely at odds. The other simply prefers solutions, and not get involved in any factual discussion, only to hear I solved the issue on my own.
If I were you I would focus on passing the 6 weeks, and then try a new start with new manager.
posted by 15L06 at 3:10 AM on April 24, 2018 [14 favorites]
1. the manager you have difficulty with is leaving in 6 weeks and you are only there 2 days per week (if I understood correctly). So these are 12 days to get through.
I would just try to sit it out, to be honest.
1. this "I find myself in a very silly work-culture where I can't speak up and think differently, even for the sake of a good discussion. "
I have never been in a work culture where being contrary or dissident simply for sake of a good discussion was in any way appreciated, or even appropriate.
I would frankly be annoyed if I found out a colleague was just disagreeing with me only for the sake of discussion, but rather feel like this would be a total waste of my time. I am not a manager but have worked for enough managers to think they would also view this as a waste of time.
I currently work for two managers - one is totally open and interested in an any genuine discussion, even if our opinions are completely at odds. The other simply prefers solutions, and not get involved in any factual discussion, only to hear I solved the issue on my own.
If I were you I would focus on passing the 6 weeks, and then try a new start with new manager.
posted by 15L06 at 3:10 AM on April 24, 2018 [14 favorites]
In reading through a lot of the detail here - I think you may be coming off to your floor employees and management as disengaged bordering on jaded. I look at the comment "if only for the sake of a good discussion" and it reminds me of employees I've worked with who were contrary often for the sake of it or because they'd been there before, seen everything before, and therefore no new ideas or policies could work. Those people often spent a lot of time talking about how bad management is, how much better things used to be, valued not being "part of the machine" and would suck the energy out of a workplace to be honest.
You're waffling throughout this between being very invested (wanting to "speak from the heart" about policies) and not invested at all (not wanting to invest energy because it's two days a week and other things are more important.) You're envisioning a six month timeline to leaving but also caring deeply about policies that will be implemented well after that. I think you need to pick a lane - either you fully engage with a new manager, give new policies a chance and try to be a positive voice for change (vs. litigating the long list of things that have gone wrong in the past) or you need to speed up your job search.
posted by notorious medium at 5:17 AM on April 24, 2018 [12 favorites]
You're waffling throughout this between being very invested (wanting to "speak from the heart" about policies) and not invested at all (not wanting to invest energy because it's two days a week and other things are more important.) You're envisioning a six month timeline to leaving but also caring deeply about policies that will be implemented well after that. I think you need to pick a lane - either you fully engage with a new manager, give new policies a chance and try to be a positive voice for change (vs. litigating the long list of things that have gone wrong in the past) or you need to speed up your job search.
posted by notorious medium at 5:17 AM on April 24, 2018 [12 favorites]
Honestly to me it sounds like your manager is pissed at being demoted and is taking it out on you. This person is probably going to continue to make up ridiculous stuff to criticize you for because they like to have power over other people and they know they will be losing that power in 6 weeks.
Facts:
- This manager will be gone in 6 weeks.
- You yourself are planning to be gone in 6 months.
Solution:
- Invest in a hearty internal eye-roll and let your manager be pissy at you. Say whatever you need to to get them off your back and keep your head down for 6 weeks.
- Emotionally detach from work entirely. Do your job. Don't get emotionally invested, knowing that you will be free of that shitty place in 6 months.
- Leave in 6 months. Never look back.
posted by chainsofreedom at 5:34 AM on April 24, 2018 [12 favorites]
Facts:
- This manager will be gone in 6 weeks.
- You yourself are planning to be gone in 6 months.
Solution:
- Invest in a hearty internal eye-roll and let your manager be pissy at you. Say whatever you need to to get them off your back and keep your head down for 6 weeks.
- Emotionally detach from work entirely. Do your job. Don't get emotionally invested, knowing that you will be free of that shitty place in 6 months.
- Leave in 6 months. Never look back.
posted by chainsofreedom at 5:34 AM on April 24, 2018 [12 favorites]
"he's onto other criticisms of me [unrelated to my productivity] and it feels like if it's not one thing, it's another."
"he is getting another manager involved"
"colleagues have give him signals, but won't tell me who"
"I'd love to step out of this hunted-rabbit position"
I can see how it would feel horribly stressful to feel like a "hunted rabbit." Unfortunately, I am very confused by your description of the events. What are his criticisms? Setting aside the fact that you think they are vague, or they don't make sense, or they aren't good business or good strategy, or you won't agree to change... what, actually, ARE they?
All I can see in your question is that you think "maybe" the criticism is related to your lack of productivity (which you effectively debunked) and lack of enthusiasm about policy. Did the manager actually say either of those things? Surely that is not enough content to fill daily meetings, involving two managers. Can you remember any concrete items that you were asked to accomplish? What happens when you ask them for direction? Is the second manager able to reframe things in a way you can act on, or understand?
Also, they don't really need to tell you "who" raised complaints about you. I wonder if you're getting distracted by red herrings (Who complained about me? Does the complaint make sense and does it feel fair?) rather than concentrating on the substance of the issue (What is the complaint? What am I being asked to do differently?).
"when I asked for unpaid leave, I now get less salary but still make the same hours, so will have to save these up and take leave days later on."
I'm not sure if you're looking for feedback on this point or not, but it is very confusing. Why are you working during an unpaid leave? If they've granted you an unpaid leave, surely you just stop being assigned work and/or stop attending work for the agreed-upon timeframe?
posted by cranberrymonger at 7:17 AM on April 24, 2018 [2 favorites]
"he is getting another manager involved"
"colleagues have give him signals, but won't tell me who"
"I'd love to step out of this hunted-rabbit position"
I can see how it would feel horribly stressful to feel like a "hunted rabbit." Unfortunately, I am very confused by your description of the events. What are his criticisms? Setting aside the fact that you think they are vague, or they don't make sense, or they aren't good business or good strategy, or you won't agree to change... what, actually, ARE they?
All I can see in your question is that you think "maybe" the criticism is related to your lack of productivity (which you effectively debunked) and lack of enthusiasm about policy. Did the manager actually say either of those things? Surely that is not enough content to fill daily meetings, involving two managers. Can you remember any concrete items that you were asked to accomplish? What happens when you ask them for direction? Is the second manager able to reframe things in a way you can act on, or understand?
Also, they don't really need to tell you "who" raised complaints about you. I wonder if you're getting distracted by red herrings (Who complained about me? Does the complaint make sense and does it feel fair?) rather than concentrating on the substance of the issue (What is the complaint? What am I being asked to do differently?).
"when I asked for unpaid leave, I now get less salary but still make the same hours, so will have to save these up and take leave days later on."
I'm not sure if you're looking for feedback on this point or not, but it is very confusing. Why are you working during an unpaid leave? If they've granted you an unpaid leave, surely you just stop being assigned work and/or stop attending work for the agreed-upon timeframe?
posted by cranberrymonger at 7:17 AM on April 24, 2018 [2 favorites]
By the way I hope my comment above doesn't come across as rude; I worked in a toxic environment for a few years and I know that it can really wear a person down. I was just hoping to try and clarify the issues so that people could give you more pointed advice on how to hide/pretend/cope for the next 6 months until you can make your career switch.
posted by cranberrymonger at 7:23 AM on April 24, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by cranberrymonger at 7:23 AM on April 24, 2018 [1 favorite]
Lots of good advice above, and what I'd echo is that much of this sounds like the manager's issue. He's been demoted for not being a good manager - and now he's scrambling to pretend he knows how to do it. That sucks for you, but its temporary, hopefully. Get a calendar and start marking off days till he's gone, and buy yourself a treat on his exit day.
One other angle: I do think its very common for workers that don't do do full time work, or make work accommodations (whether that's maternity/paternity leave, or reducing hours) to deal with resentment and disrespect, especially in toxic work environments.
In a previous office position, I supervised two folks that did this - they reduced their hours to four days, or 32 hours. It was tremendously difficult to get my higher ups to respect or even acknowledge that it was okay that these workers didn't work on Fridays, and that they were allowed to manage their workloads appropriately for what they got paid for. I'd get my bosses to see it once in a while, but there was recurring resentments because "Jessica" and "Abby" didn't hand some TPS report in on a Friday. Total bull, but its worth considering how much those chained to 9-to-5 drudgery will simmer their frustrations to those who have, if only a bit, escaped it.
posted by RajahKing at 9:10 AM on April 24, 2018 [2 favorites]
One other angle: I do think its very common for workers that don't do do full time work, or make work accommodations (whether that's maternity/paternity leave, or reducing hours) to deal with resentment and disrespect, especially in toxic work environments.
In a previous office position, I supervised two folks that did this - they reduced their hours to four days, or 32 hours. It was tremendously difficult to get my higher ups to respect or even acknowledge that it was okay that these workers didn't work on Fridays, and that they were allowed to manage their workloads appropriately for what they got paid for. I'd get my bosses to see it once in a while, but there was recurring resentments because "Jessica" and "Abby" didn't hand some TPS report in on a Friday. Total bull, but its worth considering how much those chained to 9-to-5 drudgery will simmer their frustrations to those who have, if only a bit, escaped it.
posted by RajahKing at 9:10 AM on April 24, 2018 [2 favorites]
I worked for a large multinational for about 7 years. I had maybe 13 managers in that time, some individuals more than once. The shortest was for 8 weeks. Many were terrible, a few were good.
It's a job. They pay you to do things. Do the things they want; ask how you can help the manager this week, what his specific expectations are for the upcoming week and focus on that. If you have leave and can take it without ruffling feathers, do so. Keep quiet and to yourself otherwise at work, and try to be productive.
Keep a daily log of your accomplishments (e.g. I presented to group X about Y, I updated a template of Z, I prepared ABC for tomorrow's meeting) so you have a clearly defensible record if asked. Count down each week as one less to go. Be all business - I don't think humor is going to help in this situation.
A weekly update is, in my experience, not a big deal. It's a checkpoint to see where you are on progress, what your accomplishments were, what your objectives are this week, any concerns you might have. Maybe he got feedback he should've done this more, and now is in hopes of an orderly transition, because he's already been demoted.
posted by OneSmartMonkey at 9:12 AM on April 24, 2018 [4 favorites]
It's a job. They pay you to do things. Do the things they want; ask how you can help the manager this week, what his specific expectations are for the upcoming week and focus on that. If you have leave and can take it without ruffling feathers, do so. Keep quiet and to yourself otherwise at work, and try to be productive.
Keep a daily log of your accomplishments (e.g. I presented to group X about Y, I updated a template of Z, I prepared ABC for tomorrow's meeting) so you have a clearly defensible record if asked. Count down each week as one less to go. Be all business - I don't think humor is going to help in this situation.
A weekly update is, in my experience, not a big deal. It's a checkpoint to see where you are on progress, what your accomplishments were, what your objectives are this week, any concerns you might have. Maybe he got feedback he should've done this more, and now is in hopes of an orderly transition, because he's already been demoted.
posted by OneSmartMonkey at 9:12 AM on April 24, 2018 [4 favorites]
Update from the anonymous OP:
Thanks for these comments! Apologies for being vague! For privacy reasons but also because I feel very stressed about this. And by the sentence "for the sake of discussion" I was thinking of real, valid concerns (side-effects of the policy for patients) that are now brushed off the table instead of discussed (by the whole team, because we're so pushed to comply/cooperate).posted by LobsterMitten at 10:13 AM on April 24, 2018
Cranberrymonger: it doesn't come across as rude, it's very helpful to see this from different angles!
Criticism was that I wasn't more pro-active, and didn't do the one task that the new policy prescribes. I said yes to the task. But as I am only there for a small amount of the week, and am not included in the bi-weekly policymeeting (I did ask a couple of times) I am more following what goes on, than initiating.
This manager has in the past falsely accused a very hard-working single mom friend-colleague of mine of low production rates. She only just barely managed to keep her job. In the first meeting a couple of weeks ago, he accused me of not having filled in the unpaid leave in the right way. Later I found out it got delayed by hrm. But then he made a joke about me wrongly checking the box in parental leave, but that I'd have to have children to do that (I don't have children yet, not by choice).
Unpaid leave: manager has approved my unpaid leave, but then the week after he starts inviting me for the talks about the criticism etc. It takes me weeks to figure out the productivity mistakes are not mine but part of the new system. He puts pressure on me to take more tasks, because of my alleged lack of proactivity and saying no to tasks. So I take them on, rendering it impossible to cut back in hours for the amount of my unpaid leave. So salary is less now, work hours are not.
This all brings a combination of anger and stress, and I want to keep being calm, practical, assertive but also just a good worker.
Stop accepting the lower salary, as in cancel your unpaid leave if you are not able to take it. Don't do unpaid work and don't take on tasks that you will have to do unpaid. Be upfront that you can't handle more tasks due to your reduced hours.
posted by soelo at 1:41 PM on April 24, 2018
posted by soelo at 1:41 PM on April 24, 2018
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My thing is, if your work isn't being measured make a metric. Even if it's not one that's offically recorded it helps to be able to say, " i helped ten sales people this week complete 22 different sales. " Or whatever it is you are doing.
Be concrete and back it up however you can.
I can't gauge your work culture based on this post, it's convoluted. If you need to hold on, try to on as long as you can and start looking for a way out. It sounds like they are moving people around for some reason or another and you may be next on the list.
posted by AlexiaSky at 2:10 AM on April 24, 2018 [6 favorites]