Mysterious Meditation Sensation
April 4, 2018 7:21 PM Subscribe
I have been meditating for 5-7 minutes daily for the past few months, and was recently interrupted during one of these sessions by a profound fearful antsiness such as nothing I have ever known before. Is this a thing?
It sounds kind of obvious that trying to sit still and be quiet and introspective for an extended period of time might make a person squirmy, but this is sort of a next-level of squirminess -- like a strong, sudden desire to fix an unknown problem, that "what I am doing right now is not okay, and that not okayness has taken an almost physical form and is bouncing around in my chest." Moving around did cause it to subside, but in the moment it didn't feel like a straightforward "gotta move" -- I didn't really know what it "wanted" from me, only that some sort of alarm was going off in my mind to get some kind of change/reaction.
Could the stillness have triggered the world's tiniest anxiety attack? Did I sit so quietly that I frightened my brain into thinking I could no longer move and it needed to check? Though I described a bouncy chest feeling, I didn't get the impression anything was physically wrong, just a weird urge like I needed to jump out of my skin.
Has anyone else experienced this (particularly during meditation or similar), and if so, any idea what it is and how best to approach it if it recurs? I think I've experienced more subdued versions of it occasionally in previous sessions that felt more like a jittery inability to 'settle,' but this was the first time it was a striking, scary-ish experience.
I briefly entertained the thought while it was going on of trying to use the meditation to explore it, but the urgency and fear associated with the feeling kind of overrode any attempt to ride it out and observe it. I think what weirded me out about it the most is that I was unusually calm just moments before it happened, almost like the calm brought it on -- is it possible to be afraid of not being afraid?
I do have anxiety in normal life, but it usually takes the form of rumination or avoidance rather than a dramatic physical state like this.
It sounds kind of obvious that trying to sit still and be quiet and introspective for an extended period of time might make a person squirmy, but this is sort of a next-level of squirminess -- like a strong, sudden desire to fix an unknown problem, that "what I am doing right now is not okay, and that not okayness has taken an almost physical form and is bouncing around in my chest." Moving around did cause it to subside, but in the moment it didn't feel like a straightforward "gotta move" -- I didn't really know what it "wanted" from me, only that some sort of alarm was going off in my mind to get some kind of change/reaction.
Could the stillness have triggered the world's tiniest anxiety attack? Did I sit so quietly that I frightened my brain into thinking I could no longer move and it needed to check? Though I described a bouncy chest feeling, I didn't get the impression anything was physically wrong, just a weird urge like I needed to jump out of my skin.
Has anyone else experienced this (particularly during meditation or similar), and if so, any idea what it is and how best to approach it if it recurs? I think I've experienced more subdued versions of it occasionally in previous sessions that felt more like a jittery inability to 'settle,' but this was the first time it was a striking, scary-ish experience.
I briefly entertained the thought while it was going on of trying to use the meditation to explore it, but the urgency and fear associated with the feeling kind of overrode any attempt to ride it out and observe it. I think what weirded me out about it the most is that I was unusually calm just moments before it happened, almost like the calm brought it on -- is it possible to be afraid of not being afraid?
I do have anxiety in normal life, but it usually takes the form of rumination or avoidance rather than a dramatic physical state like this.
Best answer: I am wondering if you felt relaxed and safe enough for other more latent feelings to arise.
Another idea... maybe you had one of those half thoughts where the mind didn't fully think it but you veered close to a thought that is laden with anxiety for you. So the brain coughed out bad feelings. Kind of like intrusive thoughts but in slow motion.
Last idea... did you feel your sense of "I" start to fade? This can at times trigger primordial fear.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 9:40 PM on April 4, 2018 [4 favorites]
Another idea... maybe you had one of those half thoughts where the mind didn't fully think it but you veered close to a thought that is laden with anxiety for you. So the brain coughed out bad feelings. Kind of like intrusive thoughts but in slow motion.
Last idea... did you feel your sense of "I" start to fade? This can at times trigger primordial fear.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 9:40 PM on April 4, 2018 [4 favorites]
You can explore all of this in meditation btw. You are physically safe. The only fear here is generated by mind and cannot hurt you.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 9:42 PM on April 4, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by St. Peepsburg at 9:42 PM on April 4, 2018 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Relaxation-induced anxiety is a real thing. Ask me how I found myself researching that on the web three weeks after I started meditating for anxiety.
posted by tzikeh at 9:52 PM on April 4, 2018 [12 favorites]
posted by tzikeh at 9:52 PM on April 4, 2018 [12 favorites]
Best answer: Has anyone else experienced this (particularly during meditation or similar), and if so, any idea what it is and how best to approach it if it recurs?
Yeah, that's a thing. It's a next-level distraction. Shows you're getting somewhere.
The best way I know to deal with it is to welcome it, note it, and do my best to return my attention to the breath. This is difficult because the anxiety episode is doing its best to shut my cortex down entirely, but just like every other Interior Special Effect encountered during meditation, it comes easier with practice.
posted by flabdablet at 10:59 PM on April 4, 2018 [8 favorites]
Yeah, that's a thing. It's a next-level distraction. Shows you're getting somewhere.
The best way I know to deal with it is to welcome it, note it, and do my best to return my attention to the breath. This is difficult because the anxiety episode is doing its best to shut my cortex down entirely, but just like every other Interior Special Effect encountered during meditation, it comes easier with practice.
posted by flabdablet at 10:59 PM on April 4, 2018 [8 favorites]
By the way, one of the most valuable lessons I've learned as an inner space cadet is that overwhelming feelings are not necessarily a reliable guide for action and/or belief. In particular, I know from personal experience that the feeling of being completely certain of any given thing is generally worth reacting to by seeking external reality checks until it can be beaten back down into ordinary balance-of-probabilities confidence.
I've only ever managed to find one complete certainty that has yet to be undermined by extensive scrutiny: that something is going on right now. Every belief with more moving parts than that is open to interpretation.
did you feel your sense of "I" start to fade? This can at times trigger primordial fear.
The sense that I am obviously, inherently and necessarily distinct from not-I is one of those multiple-moving-part certainties that is well worth musing on and following up when one is not meditating. Jill Bolte Taylor and Daniel C. Dennett provide some useful jumping-off points.
posted by flabdablet at 11:20 PM on April 4, 2018 [2 favorites]
I've only ever managed to find one complete certainty that has yet to be undermined by extensive scrutiny: that something is going on right now. Every belief with more moving parts than that is open to interpretation.
did you feel your sense of "I" start to fade? This can at times trigger primordial fear.
The sense that I am obviously, inherently and necessarily distinct from not-I is one of those multiple-moving-part certainties that is well worth musing on and following up when one is not meditating. Jill Bolte Taylor and Daniel C. Dennett provide some useful jumping-off points.
posted by flabdablet at 11:20 PM on April 4, 2018 [2 favorites]
I didn't really know what it "wanted" from me, only that some sort of alarm was going off in my mind to get some kind of change/reaction.
That's a valuable and insightful observation. Here's Jill Bolte Taylor again, with a presentation that covers, among other things, what's going on in your brain during one of those extreme spontaneous anxiety episodes.
posted by flabdablet at 11:32 PM on April 4, 2018 [1 favorite]
That's a valuable and insightful observation. Here's Jill Bolte Taylor again, with a presentation that covers, among other things, what's going on in your brain during one of those extreme spontaneous anxiety episodes.
posted by flabdablet at 11:32 PM on April 4, 2018 [1 favorite]
You might want to read up on sleep paralysis - which can be linked to mediation for some people - and which might cause some of the feelings you describe.
posted by rongorongo at 2:17 AM on April 5, 2018
posted by rongorongo at 2:17 AM on April 5, 2018
Best answer: As other people have said, this is definitely a thing. I have anxiety and have had similar experiences while meditating. this article has a good description of what may be happening and some suggestions of objects of your attention other than the breath/body sensations that can be particularly triggering for anxiety.
posted by camyram at 3:16 AM on April 5, 2018
posted by camyram at 3:16 AM on April 5, 2018
I do have anxiety in normal life, but it usually takes the form of rumination or avoidance rather than a dramatic physical state like this.
Another thought..... maybe you do have these feelings. Maybe these are the feelings underneath the thoughts that you've not been conscious of till now. So now you are in touch with the feelings, the 'engine' driving the anxiety. Which is great! Now you can weaken and break the cycle.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 7:52 AM on April 5, 2018
Another thought..... maybe you do have these feelings. Maybe these are the feelings underneath the thoughts that you've not been conscious of till now. So now you are in touch with the feelings, the 'engine' driving the anxiety. Which is great! Now you can weaken and break the cycle.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 7:52 AM on April 5, 2018
Best answer: as an inner space cadet
I have never identified with a label more than I do with this one.
OP — I don’t know if this is what’s going on with you, but for me I find it can be useful to think about my body and brain having a huge bias for stasis, because even if the stasis conditions suck, they at least know how to navigate them. So anything that feels too far afield from what feels normal (again, even if normal is far from great) sets off a bit of a panic response and a reflexive, sometimes violent turn back towards the familiar. So the sudden absence of anxiety or critical inner thoughts (or any number of other states) feels peaceful and amazing...and then BAM wait that’s weird and unknown, we have to go back to freaking out immediately.
It sometimes feels like the emotional or cognitive equivalent of straining a muscle or something.
posted by schadenfrau at 8:04 AM on April 5, 2018 [2 favorites]
I have never identified with a label more than I do with this one.
OP — I don’t know if this is what’s going on with you, but for me I find it can be useful to think about my body and brain having a huge bias for stasis, because even if the stasis conditions suck, they at least know how to navigate them. So anything that feels too far afield from what feels normal (again, even if normal is far from great) sets off a bit of a panic response and a reflexive, sometimes violent turn back towards the familiar. So the sudden absence of anxiety or critical inner thoughts (or any number of other states) feels peaceful and amazing...and then BAM wait that’s weird and unknown, we have to go back to freaking out immediately.
It sometimes feels like the emotional or cognitive equivalent of straining a muscle or something.
posted by schadenfrau at 8:04 AM on April 5, 2018 [2 favorites]
Best answer: 45 year meditator here. It's normal. Keep going. Don't fight it; don't resist it. There is no ride in meditation that can possibly harm you. So proceed blithely, accepting, but letting go of your own reactiveness. Whatever pops up is yadda-yadda.
Your mind and body will concoct horror and delight to helpfully fill the silence of meditation. Don't do battle, don't make it stop, don't get involved, just view it with detachment as you would passing clouds. If you engage, your body/mind will just keep giving you more, assuming you liked it (you "vote" via your engagement).
Let your body/mind make these silence-filling offers. Nod in bemused thanks, and keep going. Back to mantra, or whatever your practice. Favor practice over scenery.
posted by Quisp Lover at 10:06 AM on April 5, 2018 [10 favorites]
Your mind and body will concoct horror and delight to helpfully fill the silence of meditation. Don't do battle, don't make it stop, don't get involved, just view it with detachment as you would passing clouds. If you engage, your body/mind will just keep giving you more, assuming you liked it (you "vote" via your engagement).
Let your body/mind make these silence-filling offers. Nod in bemused thanks, and keep going. Back to mantra, or whatever your practice. Favor practice over scenery.
posted by Quisp Lover at 10:06 AM on April 5, 2018 [10 favorites]
Seconding looking into sleep paralysis. I get it while falling asleep, and it does cause that kind of sudden, physical but undirected panic that moving around helps.
posted by gaybobbie at 10:32 AM on April 5, 2018
posted by gaybobbie at 10:32 AM on April 5, 2018
This happened to me when I did one of those flotation tank sessions. I was totally fine, floating and a little bored...and then all of a sudden I was like, I need to get out right now.
It wasn't claustrophobia, just antsiness like you describe.
posted by exceptinsects at 2:55 PM on April 5, 2018 [1 favorite]
It wasn't claustrophobia, just antsiness like you describe.
posted by exceptinsects at 2:55 PM on April 5, 2018 [1 favorite]
Yes, I've felt it. It is similar to the build up to a panic attack.
For what it's worth, when I started meditating regularly it was great for a while and then I started having panic attacks and severe anxiety that made me catatonic at times. I had to have proper psychiatric intervention and now I am medicated (and much better). Apparently there is a link between certain types of meditation and panic disorder (though it could be argued that anxious people are the ones trying the meditation in the first place). I would be really cautious of not treating this seriously. It sounds like your anxiety isn't as bad as it could be yet.
I think for anxious people it is better to do visualisations and mindfulness exercises (using the senses - what do I feel, what do I hear etc).
(It pains me to say this because I was a great believer in mediation. i can't do it anymore, though. )
posted by thereader at 1:05 PM on April 6, 2018 [1 favorite]
For what it's worth, when I started meditating regularly it was great for a while and then I started having panic attacks and severe anxiety that made me catatonic at times. I had to have proper psychiatric intervention and now I am medicated (and much better). Apparently there is a link between certain types of meditation and panic disorder (though it could be argued that anxious people are the ones trying the meditation in the first place). I would be really cautious of not treating this seriously. It sounds like your anxiety isn't as bad as it could be yet.
I think for anxious people it is better to do visualisations and mindfulness exercises (using the senses - what do I feel, what do I hear etc).
(It pains me to say this because I was a great believer in mediation. i can't do it anymore, though. )
posted by thereader at 1:05 PM on April 6, 2018 [1 favorite]
I'm one of the "ignore" posters from above.
If things get anywhere near to the point that thereader describes, the trick is to meditate for a shorter time period. Too much of a good thing can be a problem in all life activities.
Serious effects that linger into everyday life (i.e. don't just take effect during meditation) mean you're overdoing it. Cut your meditation period in half, and see how that goes for a few weeks (understanding that effects - both positive and negative - can be delayed, so wait some time before making further adjustments in either direction). Whatever you do, my very strong advice (based on much experience) is not to stop. Cut down to as little as a 30 sec period if you must, but don't stop. Feel free to message me for the rationale behind this.
The determining factor of whether to ignore meditation symptoms is how the effect lingers in everyday life. Crazy stuff happening in meditation: ignore. Crazy stuff happening outside meditation, cut down the meditation period. And (slowly/gradually) cut further if necessary.
And if the problem is just during meditation, and it's leaving you hesitant to keep meditating, that's a sign to cut down the period as well. Everyone has their optimal meditation period, and it should be adjusted sensitively/wisely.
Thank you, thereader, for giving me opportunity to improve my answer.
posted by Quisp Lover at 1:49 PM on April 6, 2018
If things get anywhere near to the point that thereader describes, the trick is to meditate for a shorter time period. Too much of a good thing can be a problem in all life activities.
Serious effects that linger into everyday life (i.e. don't just take effect during meditation) mean you're overdoing it. Cut your meditation period in half, and see how that goes for a few weeks (understanding that effects - both positive and negative - can be delayed, so wait some time before making further adjustments in either direction). Whatever you do, my very strong advice (based on much experience) is not to stop. Cut down to as little as a 30 sec period if you must, but don't stop. Feel free to message me for the rationale behind this.
The determining factor of whether to ignore meditation symptoms is how the effect lingers in everyday life. Crazy stuff happening in meditation: ignore. Crazy stuff happening outside meditation, cut down the meditation period. And (slowly/gradually) cut further if necessary.
And if the problem is just during meditation, and it's leaving you hesitant to keep meditating, that's a sign to cut down the period as well. Everyone has their optimal meditation period, and it should be adjusted sensitively/wisely.
Thank you, thereader, for giving me opportunity to improve my answer.
posted by Quisp Lover at 1:49 PM on April 6, 2018
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With meditation, you will have different experiences over the course of time, from boredom to stillness to agitation. I don't think the stillness triggered the experience exactly, rather when the mind is still, things can come to the surface.
I'm not a meditation teacher, these are just a few of my thoughts. You might find a book that covers what to expect in meditation helpful and reassuring. Maybe one by Jack Kornfield or Tara Brach.
posted by daikon at 9:32 PM on April 4, 2018