Imagine no ... commute.

March 27, 2018 11:21 PM

Life is too short to continue to sell my labor in tech if I don't have to. I'm seriously considering life in an intentional community. I'm scouting out places like La'akea in Hawaii, Twin Oaks, and Catholic Worker houses that accept Buddhists. Would like to hear from MeFites about their experiences in ANY intentional community.

I'm over 50 and unattached... the over-50 part may pose some challenges, but I'm already getting favorable initial responses from some of my choices, so I'm optimistic for now.

Consensus decision-making is important to me, as are clarity of vision and procedures for conflict resolution. I'll keep an eye on division of labor and how work gets assigned as well.

What I'd like to know from the hive:

1) Have you lived in intentional community (if religious, an ecumenical one)?
2) Are you still there? If not, why not? If so, why?
3) What would you watch out for?
4) Any other recommendations, even for communities outside the US?

If you'd rather write something in confidence, let me know in your response and I'll MeMail you. (I'm a member. )

posted by anonymous to Human Relations (4 answers total)

There is a Fellowship for Intentional Community. I am a member of an intentional community, though not a developed one. Like most of the intentional communities in my region (which is a hub of such things, though not listed on ic.org), it is secular with a pagan / earth-mother tinge as protecting the land and connecting to it has often been the driving force bringing community-minded people to this region, and together in this region. Most ICs around here operate by 'consensus'.

Here's the thing I've found out about consensus in secular, interest driven communities. Active, dominant voices achieve their wishes via consensus more than quiet thoughtful contemplative voices. True consensus is not possible without a distinct and jointly-held understanding of how differences (conflict) are considered, communicated, and resolved. Rules don't maintain, sustain or manifest non-violent conflict resolution; emotional maturity does. And writing that out makes me realise the benefits of an IC built on common practice of emotional behaviour rather than a common goal.
posted by Thella at 2:29 AM on March 28, 2018 [11 favorites]

It sounds like you're looking for more of a commune than intentional community, correct? ICs don't necessarily have anything to do with what work you do to earn your living the way that Twin Oaks does - they're just communities with a more central design and intend to spend more time interacting with it than your typical neighborhood at this point. But they don't necessarily provide a source of income/work or pooled resources beyond a common house and some rec facilities.

Consensus decision-making is important to me, as are clarity of vision and procedures for conflict resolution

Honestly, those sounds great in theory but are often difficult to put into practice. When you scale beyond a handful of people, getting a consensus can be difficult and so you end up in a situation where nothing gets done or a few dominant people push others into agreeing which leads to people feeling bullied. The types of people that are attracted to ICs are generally my type of people but they're also the types that can find a million reasons to disagree with *anything* or feel the need to interject clauses into decisions that can make consensus a nightmare.

As to clarity of vision, one issue that many ICs are grappling with now are that they're getting an influx of their 2nd or 3rd generation of new residents and the new waves may have very different visions for what they want out of the community in ways that clash with what the founders want.
posted by Candleman at 4:20 PM on March 28, 2018 [2 favorites]

I'm 50 and unattached, no kids, and I live in Portland, OR. I understand and share your reluctance to sell your labor, though despite a lifetime of trying, I've been unable to find a sustainable way to avoid doing so. The life of a "digital nomad" freelance writer is as close as I've been able to get.

I'm a veteran of an intentional community-ecovillage effort that collapsed on the launching pad about 15 years ago; I was one of the founders. For many years I've been in search of a sort of hermit community in which I can live out a monastic calling as a Norse polytheist. I'm now planning to relocate to rural Sweden to "retire" and live near a Pagan religious group I'm affiliated with, assuming I can figure out how to pull off the logistics.

If you're considering Buddhist communities in particular, the Dharma Rain Zen Center in Portland maintains a householder refuge. I have no idea if there are any openings, and I've never been there myself, but they have an informative website; it might be worth a look.

As for finding the right place, I completely agree with Thella's assertion that Rules don't maintain, sustain or manifest non-violent conflict resolution; emotional maturity does.

Here are my top three tips on what to watch out for:

1. Look for community members with emotional maturity.
2. Look for community members with emotional maturity.
3. Look for community members with emotional maturity.

Seriously, emotional maturity and responsibility are of the utmost importance. Many people - especially Americans, and I say this as an American myself - are ill-prepared for true cooperative living. A lot of people think they'd do well in an intentional community, but then when they actually take the leap, they discover deal-breakers they could never have predicted, and then they bail.

If I had it to do over, I'd spend a lot less time talking about shared politics and a lot more time simply getting to know all of the members beforehand - working alongside them in all kinds of conditions, observing the power dynamics that arose, gauging how everyone handles stress and conflict resolution, etc. That's how you screen for the sort of emotional maturity that makes for sustainable community.

I'd also spend a lot more time familiarizing myself with the infrastructure, zoning laws, and local social norms of any community that attracted my interest. Structural factors outside of my control were high on the list of reasons my previous community effort failed.

Feel free to MeMail me if you'd like more detail on any of this. Good luck!
posted by velvet winter at 12:35 AM on March 29, 2018 [4 favorites]

I spent a week at the Findhorn Foundation recently, which is a new age intentional community I think. They have a very good programme for exploring whether you might be interested in living with them more permanently (although it's not super cheap). They have also been going for 50 years and are fairly open with guests about the challenges that their way of doing things brings them. I think you would need to lean their specific kind of 'new age-y' to truly enjoy living their for a long period of time, even though they are open to a wide variety of beliefs.
posted by plonkee at 2:41 AM on March 29, 2018 [1 favorite]