Navigating group conversations in another language?
March 26, 2018 4:20 PM Subscribe
Speakers of more than one language: how do you politely navigate group conversations when everyone is speaking really fast and you don't understand everything?
In my second language (which I have been studying for years), I understand about 90% of everything said to me. Probably more if it is a friend or they speak really clearly.
In group conversations, this drops to something like 20%, especially when people talk over each other/speed up/pay less attention to speaking clearly because they're talking to other native speakers.
I'm often not really sure what to do in these situations. I can't really force people to moderate their speech for my sole benefit. I have been in these situations for years so I don't think it's a question of practice.
What I usually do is just accept that I won't understand everything and use the opportunity as speaking practice. Often, I get a bit bored and zone out.
But then I think I often give off an uncomfortable or rude vibe and people wonder why I am not participating.
What techniques could I use to enjoy these conversations more?
I am particularly interested in those that have English as their second language.
Thanks!
In my second language (which I have been studying for years), I understand about 90% of everything said to me. Probably more if it is a friend or they speak really clearly.
In group conversations, this drops to something like 20%, especially when people talk over each other/speed up/pay less attention to speaking clearly because they're talking to other native speakers.
I'm often not really sure what to do in these situations. I can't really force people to moderate their speech for my sole benefit. I have been in these situations for years so I don't think it's a question of practice.
What I usually do is just accept that I won't understand everything and use the opportunity as speaking practice. Often, I get a bit bored and zone out.
But then I think I often give off an uncomfortable or rude vibe and people wonder why I am not participating.
What techniques could I use to enjoy these conversations more?
I am particularly interested in those that have English as their second language.
Thanks!
I get lost in group conversations all the time regardless of the language being used, tbh? (Mandarin/English bilingual, difficulty with unfamiliar Mandarin accents, difficulty with Taiwanese.) I just do the eye contact, nod occasionally, make appropriate listening-expressions and listening-noises based on the others' expressions and tones of voice rather than the (not understood) words. And then when there is a bit that I understand I try to engage more with that.
If someone actually says anything about it, I don't see any problem with just coming out and saying, "Oh, well, my level of fluency means I'm only understanding 20% of this". After all, they're the ones who wanted to know why. You're not demanding anything.
posted by inconstant at 4:32 PM on March 26, 2018 [1 favorite]
If someone actually says anything about it, I don't see any problem with just coming out and saying, "Oh, well, my level of fluency means I'm only understanding 20% of this". After all, they're the ones who wanted to know why. You're not demanding anything.
posted by inconstant at 4:32 PM on March 26, 2018 [1 favorite]
I do research in a society where nearly everyone is bilingual, with 50% of the people being perfectly fluent in both languages, 25% being fluent in #1 and a little less in #2 and 25% being fluent in #2, and a little less in #1. This is often related to what language you went to school in, which has a lot of social class associations. Anyway...
I've asked people about how this works.
People have an amazing sense for detecting the language preference for others. I even became good at it. I can guess accurately 80% of the time for women, based on dress style and makeup and hair. I can guess accurately 65% of the time with men, based on how they carry themselves. Obviously locals are even better than me.
So that guessing plays a role in the language choice. But also, what seems to happen is that the people in the conversation "read" the group for understanding and/or upon detection that there is ONE individual with lower fluency in the language, the conversation switches to the language best known by that person.
In situations where there is a mixed group, there seems to be a calculation of what the majority prefers, while also being concerned to not leave anyone out.
All these experiences that I've had ring true with Communication Accommodation Theory - which was developed in great part in Quebec. If you have library access, this is a good article on this, but here's Wikipedia. If this is of interest to you, I can share more articles.
posted by k8t at 4:38 PM on March 26, 2018 [6 favorites]
I've asked people about how this works.
People have an amazing sense for detecting the language preference for others. I even became good at it. I can guess accurately 80% of the time for women, based on dress style and makeup and hair. I can guess accurately 65% of the time with men, based on how they carry themselves. Obviously locals are even better than me.
So that guessing plays a role in the language choice. But also, what seems to happen is that the people in the conversation "read" the group for understanding and/or upon detection that there is ONE individual with lower fluency in the language, the conversation switches to the language best known by that person.
In situations where there is a mixed group, there seems to be a calculation of what the majority prefers, while also being concerned to not leave anyone out.
All these experiences that I've had ring true with Communication Accommodation Theory - which was developed in great part in Quebec. If you have library access, this is a good article on this, but here's Wikipedia. If this is of interest to you, I can share more articles.
posted by k8t at 4:38 PM on March 26, 2018 [6 favorites]
Honestly, I just try to hang in there and throw in a comment when I can. I’ll focus on one person for a while if the setup of the room allows, and I sorta fake understanding for the rest. And I cut myself a huge amount of slack for not being as participatory as I would in my own language or in a one-on-one situation.
posted by Liesl at 4:43 PM on March 26, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by Liesl at 4:43 PM on March 26, 2018 [5 favorites]
I generally do okay following difficult-to-parse conversations if I know the basic topic that's being discussed. If you have a friend in the crowd who understands this, they can regularly key you in on the general topic when you ask, or give you a head's up when the topic totally changes.
If I can't do that, I generally smile and nod a lot. Which means I sometimes volunteer for weird things I didn't understand, but overall this has worked out for me.
posted by tofu_crouton at 4:57 PM on March 26, 2018 [4 favorites]
If I can't do that, I generally smile and nod a lot. Which means I sometimes volunteer for weird things I didn't understand, but overall this has worked out for me.
posted by tofu_crouton at 4:57 PM on March 26, 2018 [4 favorites]
What k8t says is true in places where multilingualism is common. But I get the sense you are in a more monolingual place and you are a learner of the main language that everyone else speaks all the time. When I was in that situation, I just used group situations as listening practice and smiled a lot. If it's at pubs, you can go a long way towards not being seen as unfriendly by buying everyone a round of drinks.
I also used to try to persuade people at the stage of planning a get-together to go somewhere quiet - a quiet restaurant, someone's house, a picnic in a park, rather than somewhere with lots of background noise like a busy pub or a nightclub. If you get your preferences in early in the discussion, people don't feel like they are having to go out of their way for you, because they haven't even decided what they are doing yet.
posted by lollusc at 6:11 PM on March 26, 2018
I also used to try to persuade people at the stage of planning a get-together to go somewhere quiet - a quiet restaurant, someone's house, a picnic in a park, rather than somewhere with lots of background noise like a busy pub or a nightclub. If you get your preferences in early in the discussion, people don't feel like they are having to go out of their way for you, because they haven't even decided what they are doing yet.
posted by lollusc at 6:11 PM on March 26, 2018
Best answer: For me, it is a question of trying to teach myself to watch, listen and relax. The watch and listen parts are important for having the best grasp of picking up threads - as well as for staying present in the conversation. The "relax" part is important for trying not to become fixed on understanding A - to the point where we miss out on B, C and D. It is often possible to pick up the general gist of a conversation on an instinctive level - when it would be way too tricky to do so analytically. I think the idea is to try to channel the approach of a child who listens in on an adult conversation (or - if you are less proficient - maybe a family pet).
Anecdotally, I've also noticed that, when having conversations with other native English speakers in another language - what they say in that language is more interesting than what they say when speaking English. I think this is because they decide not to go through the effort of sharing stories unless they are really worth telling. And when they do pick a story their limited vocabulary makes them pare it down to its essence - and perhaps use some more unusual vocabulary. So: watch and listen, choose your story well, and then become a raconteur extraordinaire when it is your turn!
Finally: it can help to take part in conversations where the group of you are working on something: peeling potatoes, moving furniture, sailing a boat, climbing a hill... that way the vocabulary will be more predictably constrained and oriented in actions of the present.
posted by rongorongo at 11:21 PM on March 26, 2018 [1 favorite]
Anecdotally, I've also noticed that, when having conversations with other native English speakers in another language - what they say in that language is more interesting than what they say when speaking English. I think this is because they decide not to go through the effort of sharing stories unless they are really worth telling. And when they do pick a story their limited vocabulary makes them pare it down to its essence - and perhaps use some more unusual vocabulary. So: watch and listen, choose your story well, and then become a raconteur extraordinaire when it is your turn!
Finally: it can help to take part in conversations where the group of you are working on something: peeling potatoes, moving furniture, sailing a boat, climbing a hill... that way the vocabulary will be more predictably constrained and oriented in actions of the present.
posted by rongorongo at 11:21 PM on March 26, 2018 [1 favorite]
I focus on those whose faces I can see - I can't do lip reading but it still seems to help a lot to see the mouth of whoever's speaking - and when I feel like I'm missing something important, I ask someone next to me right away or after the conversation.
posted by meijusa at 11:58 PM on March 26, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by meijusa at 11:58 PM on March 26, 2018 [1 favorite]
Multiple people quickly alternating speaking can be challenging. It takes such a lot of concentration to fill in the blanks that it can become too much. With zoning out as a result.
In a similar situation I try to engage somebody specific in conversation. Because that provides a lot more options to have a high interaction conversation where you can signal that you don't get a specific word immediately, make a joke about it etc.
posted by jouke at 4:11 AM on March 27, 2018 [1 favorite]
In a similar situation I try to engage somebody specific in conversation. Because that provides a lot more options to have a high interaction conversation where you can signal that you don't get a specific word immediately, make a joke about it etc.
posted by jouke at 4:11 AM on March 27, 2018 [1 favorite]
Very difficult. I smile and nod a lot, and laugh when others laugh. This sometimes leads to awkwardness when the native speakers are surprised that I 'got the joke' and then quiz me about it, at which point I must confess with some embarrassment that no, I didn't actually get it, in fact I don't understand much of what anybody's saying.
posted by Rash at 5:15 AM on March 27, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by Rash at 5:15 AM on March 27, 2018 [1 favorite]
This describes my entire experience of interacting with my partner's family. We see them infrequently, almost always in groups of 10-20+ people. My understanding in these situations hasn't improved much over the years, even though my one-on-one language skills have improved a lot.
I wouldn't say that I cope very well. I feel bored, zone out, and try hard to not say passive-aggressive stuff about everyone talking at once (which annoys the crap out of me even in English).
I hope that my positive one-on-one interactions with these family members offsets my apparent/actual rudeness in the group setting. I make a special effort to talk to each person at least briefly, if I can get them alone. In these one-on-one conversations, I make sure to ask when I don't understand something, just as a reminder that I'm not as fluent as everyone else. Also, I am honest about my lack of understanding in the group setting - e.g., on the rare occasion that someone asks me something in the group, I'll just say "Sorry, I wasn't able to follow most of that."
posted by Frenchy67 at 9:22 AM on March 27, 2018 [1 favorite]
I wouldn't say that I cope very well. I feel bored, zone out, and try hard to not say passive-aggressive stuff about everyone talking at once (which annoys the crap out of me even in English).
I hope that my positive one-on-one interactions with these family members offsets my apparent/actual rudeness in the group setting. I make a special effort to talk to each person at least briefly, if I can get them alone. In these one-on-one conversations, I make sure to ask when I don't understand something, just as a reminder that I'm not as fluent as everyone else. Also, I am honest about my lack of understanding in the group setting - e.g., on the rare occasion that someone asks me something in the group, I'll just say "Sorry, I wasn't able to follow most of that."
posted by Frenchy67 at 9:22 AM on March 27, 2018 [1 favorite]
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posted by frumiousb at 4:30 PM on March 26, 2018 [4 favorites]