I'm doing everything I can to wreck my health and life. Help?

February 15, 2018 11:52 AM

Bad: I have lipodermatosclerosis. I'm overweight. I eat mostly fast food. I'm tired and depressed and broke (lot of debt brought on from comfort shopping and eating). Good: I have a job. I have insurance and take anti-depressants. I have supportive people in my life. What now?

I will be 51 this year. I know I have to fix these things for myself. I can't get motivated. I don't want to cook. I want comfort food. I want to stop my bad habits, but every day I keep doing the same old thing. I've started thinking that this is just the way I'm going to live and die and it makes me sad. But I feel like the frog in a pot of water heating up - the bad things, esp about my health, keep getting worse and I just sit there in the water, doing nothing.

How do I fix this or am I just stuck here? Thank you.

posted by KleenexMakesaVeryGoodHat to Health & Fitness (20 answers total)

Are you open to seeing a therapist? Anti-depressants are wonderful but sometimes you need to talk to a professional as well to get things into gear.
posted by schroedingersgirl at 11:56 AM on February 15, 2018

A small thing, but if you don't want to cook, then perhaps see if there are "quick casual" restaurants that have healthier options you can get to help solve that "I just want to go out for fast food" cravings. Going out and getting a nice wrap that has salad and some grilled stuff in it can be a substitute for McDonald's (or whatever you like) that doesn't feel like drudgery.
posted by xingcat at 12:01 PM on February 15, 2018 [2 favorites]

Best answer: Ok, full disclosure. I still struggle with my weight. I have no magic advice. But if you want what I can tell you about progress I've made, I'd say:

1. Check your antidepressant dosage: is it high enough?
2. Consider talk therapy also. Maybe with someone specializing in eating disorders.

Ok, day-to-day, I've realized a few things about comfort eating:
1. It works. It does numb bad feelings! I think it's important to acknowledge that we crave that comfort because it does have an effect, so that we're not trying to gaslight ourselves into saying "You don't REALLY want that!" Of course you do. You want it because it makes you feel better.

2. But it doesn't always work that well and it causes other problems. Just like any other addiction. Have you had the experience of dreaming about a certain "bad" food all day and then you eat it and it's kind of a letdown? You can taste the harsh chemicals, or salt, or weird aftertaste a little more than you wanted to? It tears up your mouth and makes your gut feel weird? Pay attention to those feelings. Remember them. Try to start associating that food with those feelings, not with feelings of rebellion or memories of happy times or whatever they mean to you.

3. The next part is the hardest: try, when those cravings come in, to wait a few minutes and sit with the feelings that are making you want to eat. What are you feeling right then and why? If you're like me, this is the last thing you want to do! Because you wouldn't be eating if you weren't in pain, and who wants to face pain? That's why I say a few minutes, and I don't say "don't eat the thing." Eat the thing if you really need to (because if you're like me, making food off-limits is super triggering), but try to pinpoint what is making you want the thing. You may have to talk out loud to yourself, or write, to get a handle on it.

Doing this has helped me not want some things, or not want them as much. It's a start and it will make you feel more in control. It does take discipline, but facing the pain that's making you need comfort is the only way to stop needing that comfort so much.

That's as far as I've gotten though; I'm still working on exercise, which is associated with my entire terrible childhood experience with P. E. and so remains hard for me to embrace.
posted by emjaybee at 12:04 PM on February 15, 2018 [24 favorites]

Best answer: Walking! The benefits of going from a sedentary life to a thirty minute walk each day are bigger than the benefits of going from that walk to running.

Start with just a walk around the block. Go alone or with a friend. Say hi to neighbors along the way, or don’t. Walk in the mall. Walk on your lunch break. Walk on a treadmill if you want. Just. Walk.

There are also apps for 7 minute workouts. There usually twelve exercises and you do each for 30 seconds with 10 seconds rest in between. You can pause if you need longer rests. You can also rest through an exercise.

Seconding therapy. I like DBT because it’s skills focused and there are lots of suggestions for how to think about feelings, how to stop catastrophizing, and activities to do instead of behaviors I want to curtail.

As for food, don’t do anything radical. Make your changes gradual. Start by paying attention to what you’re eating and when. Next move into adding one ‘healthier’ thing per day. Maybe that’s a vegetable or a piece of fruit. Maybe it’s a salad instead of a burger. Maybe it’s cooking now you’re own burger instead of going it. You get to decide and to hell with anyone who would judge you for your choices. Just start choosing.
posted by bilabial at 12:24 PM on February 15, 2018 [6 favorites]

Best answer: Sometimes you have to make a rule for yourself, like "I can't have fast food through the drive thru, I have to get out of the car and go into the restaurant". One change can break the cycle. Or," I can't have fast food unless I walk to the restaurant". All of a sudden the easy thing because less easy.

For me I had a health scare and said, "no food delivery, I have to get it myself". Well, then no more midnight French fries, I guess,

Whatever the system you have in place that leads you to fast food, try to short circuit it if possible.
posted by charlielxxv at 12:37 PM on February 15, 2018 [3 favorites]

Break things down into more manageable steps. You probably can't eat healthy all at once so cut out one thing at a time. My first step was soft drinks. I was drinking them every day. I don't drink them anymore and, after that became no big deal, I moved on to other changes. I've lost some weight and probably improved my long-term health. It does take a while to change habits, so be patient. Find substitutions if you can--I started getting iced tea at lunch instead of Coke so it felt less like I was just not allowed to have anything. Every change you make will suck for a little while but it will suck manageably if you take small steps.

Exercise, which I hate, will also help, but if you start going to the gym every day, you'll stop. Go on short walks or something first. I still hate exercising but it is doable. I watch 25 minute sitcom episodes on the elliptical. A trainer might help, or a workout pal to stay accountable with. Whatever works!

Also possibly make use of technology. MyFitnessPal has helped me monitor my diet, and I am sure there are good budgeting apps someone can recommend.

I don't think you're stuck. I think you've got some pretty fixable stuff going on, and I'm really not much of a Pollyanna.
posted by Smearcase at 1:07 PM on February 15, 2018 [1 favorite]

Best answer: In December I saw a posting on FB about a new fitness group, Kickstart Challenge, at a local Jiu Jitsu place. I have never done any organized exercise ever in my life but I love going to this class. The class/group also has a private Facebook group so we can talk about healthy eating and give each other support. It’s for anyone and there are quite a few women older than yourself in the class.

I would see if there are any such things happening near you. If not, can you join a low cost gym and commit to going to a general cardio class three times a week? We all agree that in class days we don’t want to overindulge because we’ve just worked so hard.

Also, if you just start recording all your food in MyFitnessPal it will guide you to making better choices. Record for two weeks, look back over your days and your macros. After the first two weeks I found I wasn’t hitting my calories but I was going over in fat. The culprit was the half in half I put in my 4-6 cups of coffee w day. So I quit drinking coffee. Switched to ice tea which I can drink black. Second two weeks I noticed I wasn’t getting enough protein so I am making an effort to get more protein.

I think you can totally turn things around, but go slow and make the commitment to yourself that you will succeed. If you are never going to cook fancy meals at home it’s okay. You don’t have to eat fast food or cook a gourmet meal. There is a lot of middle ground.

Does your insurance offer any health counseling or reimbursement for wellness activities? Some plans have free visits with a nutritionist or will pay you for going to the gym.

Once you get going I think you’ll find that objects in motion t nd to stay in motion. As you see yourself hitting goals you’ll want to hit more goals.
posted by MadMadam at 1:29 PM on February 15, 2018

Best answer: Good news. The boiling frog story isn't true, and you aren't stuck in your life either.

First of all, you have a job, you have insurance, you take anti-depressants - so you are motivated to do some things. I think it's important to recognize that your life isn't a total mess. There are things you are managing just fine.

Agree that it's important to find very tiny things you can do and then do them. So if you can eat a few baby carrots before you eat your fast food, good for you. If you can take a short walk, that's an accomplishment. You're doing something for your health. When those things are just part of your life, add something else. If you find you can't do it, then it's too much for you right now. It's crucial to build small successes, then go from there.

One thing that has helped me a lot is intermittent fasting - for me, that's making a rule that I don't eat after 7:00 at night. I lost five pounds just doing that. I'm not saying that's what you should do - but it made me feel a lot more in control.

Good luck.
posted by FencingGal at 1:29 PM on February 15, 2018 [6 favorites]

Best answer: I am also a depressed fat lady and lately I have been Taking Charge Of My Life by:

1. Watching Netflix on my tablet while walking on a treadmill at a gym. My health insurance paid for me to join the gym; maybe yours offers a similar program? Otherwise any old $10/mt place would do it.
2. Eating one piece of fruit and one vegetable a day. I eat whatever the eff else I want.
3. Using a habit-tracker app (I use Habitica but there are many) to reward myself for that shit.
posted by Snarl Furillo at 1:41 PM on February 15, 2018 [8 favorites]

Best answer: I want to stop my bad habits, but every day I keep doing the same old thing.

If you want to be a very different person a year from now than you are today, then you probably aren't going to get there very effectively by just dumping everything about who you currently are tomorrow. If you're in a rut and going the wrong direction, the first step is getting out of the rut, THEN changing direction. Maybe, for example, now is a good time to start cooking, not to diet, but just to cook. Make self-indulgent comfort food stuff, just to get used to a paradigm of meals that involves cooking. Whatever. Start with just the idea that you can do things differently and getting comfortable with that, don't start with the massive lifestyle upheaval.
posted by Sequence at 1:49 PM on February 15, 2018 [2 favorites]

A few food ideas:
-replace one meal a day with something like vega or another decent meal substitute which will give you a bunch of protein and fibre and vitamins and keep you feeling full for a few hours
-eat whatever the thing you want but eat half or otherwise limit the size by buying smaller portions (I do this with coffee and candy, half a coffee is better for me than a full coffee and then I still get coffee, a mini-pack of gummies is better than a big bag of them)
-buy premade soups and dress them up with shredded cheese (I use smoked cheese and it makes anything taste delicious)
-if you're eating out of boredom in the evenings, be aware of that and try not to keep a lot of treats in the house, do something with your hands, call a friend, have a bath, go for a walk
-try a slightly healthier food swap, like a chicken sandwich or caesar salad (still high calorie but you're getting some freshness and fibre instead of carbs/sugar), juice instead of pop, kombucha instead of juice, frozen yogurt instead of ice cream, full fat yogurt with berries instead of ice cream
-create a list of take out places that have options that are healthier and that you like - think pita places, sub places, greek, middle eastern
-I fell into the habit of ordering an appetizer and a main and a dessert and a drink at my favorite mexican place, now I remind myself that all of this abundance is available to me whenever I want so right now I can enjoy just a main, or an appetizer and a dessert, just switching things up, and also putting half of the main course away for lunch the next day

And nthing how great just walking is when you have comfortable shoes.
posted by lafemma at 2:02 PM on February 15, 2018

Response by poster: Thank you all! I marked this "resolved". I also marked a few as "best answer", but I got something from all of them. I think I'll also print your answers and keep them around as a reminder that other people think I can do this.
posted by KleenexMakesaVeryGoodHat at 2:53 PM on February 15, 2018 [9 favorites]

I have some similar issues with my health, mental health and eating/exercise habits.

One of the things I am still in the early days of trying is having meals prepared for me by a personal chef. They take into account both dietary intolerances and food dislikes and can either suggest things for you or take suggestions. The one I use can come into your house and cook food in your own kitchen, or if you prefer (or your kitchen is not big enough - mine isn't) cook elsewhere and deliver pre-portioned meals which can be frozen. I've been eating them pretty much every day for lunch during the week and most nights for dinner as well, though I have the odd night off if I have a hankering for something else, am going out, etc. It's not cheap, but compared to the cost of getting take-away food delivered all the time (which was pretty much what I was doing otherwise), it isn't more expensive and is often less.

I'm not sure where you live - I assume somewhere in the US given your comment about health insurance - but it is worth looking into. For me, it is a huge relief not to have to spend a large portion of the day thinking about food - what am I going to have for breakfast/lunch/dinner; what can I eat that will not disagree with my increasingly irritable digestive system; what is good/bad for me; what SHOULD I eat; what is easily available; what do I actually want to eat - by the time I get to that one, I am usually so exhausted by the rest of it that the answer is often nothing, or reliably tempting food, which is often junk food, and then catapults me back into the loop. I still wish that it were possible to take a pill that would satisfy my nutritional needs and make me feel satisfied, physically and emotionally, but that doesn't seem to be on offer so in the meantime, this is helping.

I'm not having much success yet on the exercise front, but agree with others that any small thing you can do is better than nothing. Praise yourself when you do something. Tell yourself you are proud of yourself. Even if it is only a five-minute walk or stint on the exercise bike, it all helps.

Good luck to both of us. We can do this.
posted by Athanassiel at 2:57 PM on February 15, 2018

Find a company that delivers a weekly "meal prep" menu - healthy meals, pre-portioned and ready to eat, in disposable plastic or foil containers. They cost about $12/meal, and there's no prep or cooking required; you either eat a salad with meat on top, or maybe pop a mini-lasagna, burrito, or breakfast sandwich into the microwave.

Another option is to look for a Lebanese food takeout place in your area- near me there's a great little Lebanese food chain where you can make up little take-out boxes of sliced roast meat + a couple sides (salads, potatoes, rice, or beans). It's tasty and healthy, and works out to about $10/meal. I suggest Lebanese because it involves lots of veggies and lean meat, keeps well in the fridge, and is generally pretty healthy and hearty (just go easy on the few deep-fried / very oily items).

You might be able to achieve the same thing with Mexican, even from a chain like Chipotle- stock your fridge with a few "burrito bowls", containing meat, beans, tons of fresh chunky salsa, and salad fixins. Go easy on the rice and cheese, and skip the sour cream.

If you can manage to eat even one healthy, veggie-packed meal a day, you'll be doing yourself a great service.
posted by pseudostrabismus at 3:12 PM on February 15, 2018

Check out the frozen foods at Trader Joe's. They have some really affordable options. If you stock up on enjoyable frozen food then at least you're saving money without having to cook. Supplement your frozen dinner with salad or fruit.

When I have the energy to cook I explore dinners that have that element of comfort but also some redeeming healthy qualities. Like the first answer on an ask I posted a few weeks ago. The sausage and potatoes hit that comfort button but hey, it's got arugula in it too. So there's a balance between comfort and green veg. This is freaking delicious but it also has some green beans in it and red peppers. So again, balance.

That said I agree with the suggestions above to consider therapy and medication adjustment. Working with a therapist was what really got me started with getting out of debt and improving my financial situation.

Good luck!
posted by bunderful at 3:51 PM on February 15, 2018

If you are a person who's been overweight for a long time, and has tried to diet in the past but found it incredibly difficult and/or unsuccessful, I have a totally other suggestion for you. If you haven't tried a ketogenic (keto) diet, it might make a big difference for you. This is a very very low carb/moderate protein/high fat diet, essentially the same as the induction phase of the Atkins diet. There is growing awareness about keto diets and a lot of people have remarkable success where other diets really did not work. I've lost 80 lbs and counting and it has made an immense difference in my mobility.

I make this suggestion to you specifically because keto kind of changes the game entirely about comfort eating. One very common result of eating a keto diet is that the experience of hunger and satiation change a lot. Hunger is diminished and much less urgent, and satiation is far more pronounced. I bring this up because, while it's certainly true that emotions still can make me want to have something in my mouth, when I stick with eating keto-friendly foods, I literally cannot overeat because I will get to a point where I have no tolerance for eating more. As a result I'll soothe myself with naturally sweet tea (like Good Earth or Celestial Seasonings Bengal Spice) or by chewing gum.

Reddit is mostly a cesspool, but the /r/keto subreddit is tremendously supportive. Lots of success stories, a built-in community for troubleshooting your challenges and celebrating your successes. I encourage you to check it out and give it a try. Good luck.
posted by Sublimity at 4:52 PM on February 15, 2018 [4 favorites]

Best answer: A quick comment/more anecdata about food that I don't think has been mentioned - sharing this because I assume your fast food diet is carb heavy.

I've been keeping a relatively low carb diet for the past couple of years, which isn't too difficult (despite my sweet tooth and ~60 years of not thinking much about carbs at all) when I am alone and only buying groceries for myself, i.e., I only have to resist temptation at the to grocery store, not every single minute I'm at home. However, I sometimes fall off the low-carb bandwagon when my kids visit. For me, the best way to get back to my healthy eating habits is all be eliminate carbs for ~3-4 days - pretty miserable days, for sure, but once the craving is gone, I don't miss the crappy food.

I know this is contrary to the advice to make gradual changes in your diet and I'm not saying my way is the best method. I'm just saying that I find it easier to keep healthy eating habits when I do my best to virtually eliminate the "treats" that aren't good for me in the first place and also upset my healthier routine.

I've started thinking that this is just the way I'm going to live and die...

Considering the points in your "good" column, as well as your self-awareness of the issues, this is far from a given. Seconding those who have suggested therapy - meds alone aren't always sufficient for dealing with depression. Best wishes going forward.
posted by she's not there at 5:49 PM on February 15, 2018 [3 favorites]

Seconding Sublimity's comment. Although my diet is too high in carbs to be keto, just cutting back has changed my outlook regarding food, especially "comfort" foods.
posted by she's not there at 6:02 PM on February 15, 2018

You can totally do this! It's great that you are taking antidepressants, but if your internal med/gp prescribed them, they may not be at the right dose or the optimal fit for you. Since you have insurance, it may be worthwhile to meet with a psychiatrist to make sure the meds are doing all they can. (Source: my psychiatrist dad had a medical subspecialty in fixing meds prescribed by well-meaning gp's.) Maybe a different med or a different dose would help boost your energy to make a few changes like those suggested above and help your outlook about your ability to succeed.
posted by *s at 7:57 AM on February 16, 2018 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: FOLLOW UP: I'm much improved! Thank you for the loving support. I have joined WeightWatchers and am in a very positive frame of mind. All of you were a BIG help! I bought special-order compression stockings, got stuck putting them on, and had to cut myself out with scissors. Ugh $118 down the drain. But I'll try again when I lose 20 pounds or so. Much love from me!
posted by KleenexMakesaVeryGoodHat at 3:39 PM on February 20, 2018