Best strategy for getting groceries home without a car?
January 27, 2018 3:51 AM   Subscribe

I'm unable to drive due to my disability, but my therapist doesn't think that I qualify for a caregiver. How can I get my groceries home?

I'm used to living with one or both of my parents or in assisted living. I just moved into an apartment on my own and need to quickly figure out how to get my groceries home, since the foody my parents helped me get before moving will only last for a few more days.

I'm very tempted to just throw money at the problem and take a cab home once a week, but my mommy, who's very frugal, thinks this would be a waste of money. To me, it's the simplest solution, and I like simple. I also enjoy the experience of being a customer, though I do love helping others as well with things that I'm capable of doing. Am I justified to take a cab every week? As a grown up, do I even need to justify how I spend my money? I'm used to doing what my parents tell me to do.

My mommy wants me to use a cart on the bus, but I live on a bus route that gets very, very crowded. I'm already worried about the amount of space I take up, being fat and always having a backpack with me. I try to be mindful of not inconveniencing people. It seems like it would not only be more convenient for me to take a cab, but also for others.

I'm on disability, so I don't have a lot of money, but I live in a place for low income people, so the low rent gives me some room in my budget.

Even at my most recent living situation, when I was living with my daddy on a less crowded bus route, I was afraid that the cart would inconvenience people on the bus, so I only got foody if he offered to take me into town. If he didn't offer, I'd just starve. I'm afraid that I'll starve at my apartment cuz of my fear. I'm also afraid of going to the store itself cuz a couple of times, people have had outbursts at me there.

There's a grocery delivery service in my city for $10 per delivery, but they don't currently take foody stamps. This store also doesn't have as much selection as Walmart, which is where I wanna shop. Walmart has some interesting things, such as chocolate cheesecake flavored hazelnut spread. I can order things online like video/board games and pick them up at the counter at the same trip I shop for foody, which is convenient.

Since my therapist doesn't think that I qualify for a caregiver through my insurance, I'm also thinking about hiring someone on care.com to take me to the store or at least home from the store once a week. I'm not sure if that would be less or more expensive than a cab, though, and my mommy also thinks that would be a waste of money. I think it might actually be even more convenient than a cab, since I wouldn't have to keep calling for rides.

Also, I'm gonna get a kitty soon and will need to buy kitty foody and litter for it, which will both be heavy items.

Please help me decide what to do so that I don't just let myself go hungry and have to give up getting a kitty.
posted by Eevee to Human Relations (35 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
 
I think it's reasonable to get a cab or uber to the grocery store. Your mom is not in charge of how you get groceries. It makes sense to me to get the help you need to get to walmart comfortably. Please prioritize getting yourself food over what your mom says or if your dad volunteers to help.
posted by Kalmya at 4:20 AM on January 27, 2018 [16 favorites]


Best answer: As a grown up, do I even need to justify how I spend my money? I'm used to doing what my parents tell me to do.

No, you do not. Take a cab or a Lyft. Get kitty food and litter delivered by Amazon -- even not-disabled people do not want to carry that shit.

Decide that you do not give two shits about unusual people having unusual outbursts at Walmart. Walmart is literally famous for the variety of unusual people who shop there. Outbursts are nothing to do with you; they are to do with non-standard brain chemistry exhibiting in less than optimal ways.

Empower your own adulthood as you transition to this living situation. Embrace the words mom, dad, and food.
posted by DarlingBri at 4:20 AM on January 27, 2018 [100 favorites]


Rosauer's will deliver for $10 and they have an option when you check out to pay by using food stamps. Have you tried them? They're all over Spokane, so it's likely you're in their delivery area. I use them a lot when I don't feel like leaving the house to get groceries.

it's cheaper a lot of times to buy kitter litter and cat food on Amazon.
posted by ilovewinter at 4:22 AM on January 27, 2018 [2 favorites]


Oh if you are in Spokane, are you qualified for Paratransit?
posted by DarlingBri at 4:29 AM on January 27, 2018 [4 favorites]


Use Amazon for heavy items like cat litter and larger quantities of food you eat/drink or cook with often (this would be things like canned tomatoes, dried beans, and flavored seltzer water for me). You can then supplement this by making trips to local stores on foot or on the bus with your backpack and/or cart to buy smaller quantities of fresh food. This way you can eat healthy and it also gives you the experience of going out and being a person in the world, being a customer, and having those daily interactions. Do not worry about being fat and taking up space - you have just as much right to space as anyone else! Keep telling yourself that. You have the right to exist, to take up space, and to bring your potatoes and ice cream home on the bus (or in a taxi, if that's what you want).

You should also feel free to use the language that makes you happy at home, with your family and friends in real life or online- lots of family and friend groups have language quirks, in-jokes, funny words, etc. I know I do - if you heard how my husband and I talk at home you would think we were from another planet! However, it's a good idea to try to use adult language when navigating the world, asking for help, etc. from people you don't know well. Baby words and silly talk can make people feel uncomfortable and make the interactions awkward for them and less useful for you.
posted by cilantro at 4:31 AM on January 27, 2018 [36 favorites]


Response by poster: Thanks, everyone. I think I'll go with ordering heavy items on Amazon and using a cart for smaller items on the bus to save money.
posted by Eevee at 4:37 AM on January 27, 2018 [6 favorites]


If you do feel the need to say anything to your mom, you could decide the frugal bus idea is a longer-term goal that therapy will help you with, then tell her she needs to not keep asking about your progress with it because that is upsetting and non-productive. You'll get to riding-bus-with-groceries on your own timeline, and until then, you've still got to eat. But honestly? Just move away from discussing daily-life details like this with her because yes, you're an adult and it's your money.

It sounds, by the way, as if you don't have a clear sense of what a cab ride would cost. I'd recommend calling a couple companies and asking about setting up a weekly Walmart trip. You can also search for things like "disability transportation groceries" (without quotes), as there might actually be a very cheap ride service for exactly this situation.

[On preview: or, sure, go with the bus! Whatever you want. And if there's bad weather, or you're unwell, or you just don't feel like dealing with the bus, you could always take a one-off cab ride.]
posted by teremala at 4:44 AM on January 27, 2018 [9 favorites]


For kitty supplie, Patco has a “repeat delivery” where you can set up how often you want a certain item delivered. And it’s free shipping this way. They send an email reminding you that a delivery is scheduled, so you can go in and change I to next month if you’re not ready for it yet. [I live in an apartment with a Petco 3 blocks away, but still order delivery because heavy things.]

Oh other benefits to this option:
-Ight discount on your order (I think 5%)
-they carry a huge range of options for every budget
-they have a rewards program, which is you get a $5 discount after spending so much money there
-you can set it to automatically apply your reward discount to your repeat purchase
posted by DoubleLune at 5:52 AM on January 27, 2018 [2 favorites]


My brother is on disability and does most of his shopping/errands on his own via the bus (and he mostly shops at Walmart). Taking a cab/uber/lyft is convenient, and lots of people do it, but on an extremely tight SSI budget I would recommend that you explore using public transportation when possible. Lots of low-income people also take the bus to do their shopping and other errands, and a lot of them are fat, carry backpacks, have mobility problems, have children to shepherd on and off and taking up seats, etc. Perhaps you can time your grocery trips for a time when the bus is less crowded. You are certainly free to make your own decisions about how to use your money, but part of that includes figuring out how to balance your budget. Also, becoming familiar with the public transportation system in general will greatly enhance your independence.
posted by drlith at 5:57 AM on January 27, 2018 [12 favorites]


Thanks, everyone. I think I'll go with ordering heavy items on Amazon and using a cart for smaller items on the bus to save money.

I think that's a really good compromise. Another compromise I've used on not great days is to take bus/feet/whatever to the shopping, and a cab or whatever back. You can find out how much that one way trip would be on Lyft with their fare calculator. Good luck, you are doing great solving these totally normal issues.
posted by DarlingBri at 5:57 AM on January 27, 2018 [17 favorites]


If you can, look for a pet-focused delivery service for pet food and litter. Amazon is necessary for some things, but it's probably cheaper and better to use a local service when possible.
posted by amtho at 7:11 AM on January 27, 2018


Taking the bus to your shopping destination and a Lyft home is really common, it's a good compromise between saving money and getting home easily.
posted by julie_of_the_jungle at 7:48 AM on January 27, 2018 [12 favorites]


You are transitioning to living on your own. It's good to be cautious about your budget. But you'll have a better understanding of your expenses after a few months. There will be times when you can splurge on a taxi. Keeping that under control allows more budget for nicer food, games, etc.
posted by theora55 at 8:25 AM on January 27, 2018 [3 favorites]


As time goes on, be open to making friends with people in your new building who either a) drive and could use company while they shop or b) don't drive and would be interested in sharing the cost of the ride home from the store.
posted by carmicha at 8:39 AM on January 27, 2018 [3 favorites]


Another reason to try being more frugal with grocery shopping is that with your kitty, you may have unexpected vet bills in addition to food and litter. Sorry if this is obvious, but there are routine vet bills too, including shots. And you may need a cab to take kitty to the vet. So if you can manage a bus at least to the store, that would help.
posted by FencingGal at 9:08 AM on January 27, 2018 [4 favorites]


Maybe try each of the options at least once in the next few weeks, so you’ve got the experience and confidence to know how each of them will go, what they’ll cost, who you need to speak to arrange your taxi etc.

Then you can revert to regularly taking the bus, but if one week you’re feeling under the weather you can treat yourself to a taxi without also having to deal with the stress of doing the trip for the first time.

One of the disadvantages of living alone is that even when you feel like crap, you have to go to the shops, because there’s nobody else to buy your dinner for you. And now that you have control over your own life, going hungry should never be an option the way it was in the past. You deserve to eat! Of course, having some extra canned, frozen and dried foods in storage can provide a buffer against that, so it’s worth buying a little extra each week if you can afford it, to build up a reserve for emergencies. Good luck, and go, you, for making this move!
posted by penguin pie at 9:33 AM on January 27, 2018 [3 favorites]


First of all, you are totally justified in making your own choices, and I see nothing wrong with taking a cab to get groceries. I like the idea of taking a bus there to save money and a cab home when you have so many heavy bags with you.

Also, it would be a good idea to buy one of those rolling folding shopping carts ("granny carts") if it makes it easier for you to transport the groceries! I think they have them at Walmart and Target.

But just in case, there might be other options. Where do you live?

After breaking my leg really badly this year, I've needed to use a wheelchair and crutches. I'm not allowed to drive by my doctor, and can't easily get to the bus on crutches. I was surprised to discover that where I live (Portland, OR) there's a paratransit bus service. It's called Trimet LIFT, and they drive folks around who can't use the regular bus for a variety of reasons. It's a door-to-door service, so you don't have to deal with transfers. Rides are $2.50, just like the regular bus. You must call and reserve your rides at least a day ahead of time, so it requires some planning, but it's made me able to travel on my own to work, school, the grocery store, etc., which is amazing.

Maybe your town has a similar door-to-door ADA or paratransit bus service?
posted by cnidaria at 10:27 AM on January 27, 2018 [3 favorites]


If you're still in Spokane, definitely apply for paratransit if you have difficulty using the regular bus system due to your disability. The similar service in Portland helps folks with a whole variety of different needs, and like I said, it's been a lifesaver for me.
posted by cnidaria at 10:38 AM on January 27, 2018 [2 favorites]


Response by poster: I live in Spokane. I hope your recovery goes well, cnidaria.

I wish that people had just focused on my question and not confronted me about my language, when I wasn't even hurting anyone, but I'll change my language to protect myself from further criticism, since the thought of dealing with this even more in the future is unbearable.
posted by Eevee at 10:40 AM on January 27, 2018 [8 favorites]


When I lived in a neighborhood with no supermarkets in walking distance, I used to take the bus to Trader Joe's and then either bus or take a Lyft back. Whether I bussed or took a Lyft depended on: the weather, my budget that week, how much stuff I had, how tired I was, whether or not the bus was likely to be crowded, how long I was going to have to wait for the bus, etc. What I'm trying to say is that there are a lot of potential factors involved, but you are now empowered to make this decision on your own. Your mother's opinion can be just one factor of many. And you don't need to explain to her why you're taking a Lyft back from the store, or even tell her.
posted by lunasol at 10:42 AM on January 27, 2018 [3 favorites]


I came in to suggest investigating paratransit.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:49 AM on January 27, 2018 [1 favorite]


I forgot to say congratulations on getting out on your own!
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:53 AM on January 27, 2018 [2 favorites]


Thanks for the well-wishes. And also, yes, congratulations on your new place! :-)
posted by cnidaria at 11:38 AM on January 27, 2018 [1 favorite]


Chiming in to suggest Chewy for online purchase/home delivery of the cat litter and pet stuff.

YMMV, but I've found it to be cheaper than Amazon for some key things, especially if you like their house brands (which I do).

They deliver very quickly, and the one time I've ever had a problem with an order they made it right plus some straight away, even though I suspect it was really the fault of UPS.

Congrats on your big move!!
posted by mccxxiii at 1:11 PM on January 27, 2018 [4 favorites]


It's perfectly okay to take your cart onto the bus. People do that all the time, because everybody has groceries to get home at some point or another. You sound like a considerate, responsible person, so I know you'll always be alert and ready to move it whenever necessary.

Congratulations on your swingin' new pad and future new kitty!
posted by Soliloquy at 1:52 PM on January 27, 2018 [3 favorites]


Also order your toilet paper on Amazon. It’s light but still awkward to carry. I order a case at a time for about $27 and it lasts 2-3 months. I also order things like moisturizer, sonicare heads, soap and mouthwash. I know that I’ll always need these things and ordering them from Amazon ensures that I always have them. Plus it means that when I go to the grocery store I don’t have to buy that stuff ever. Do the math and see if it’s cost-effective for you.
posted by bendy at 2:53 PM on January 27, 2018 [1 favorite]


Amazon gives discounts on Prime memberships to people who receive food stamps. (You mentioned food stamps, so I assume you get them.) It's $6 a month. The main benefit of Prime is that you get free 2-day shipping. You'd have to price out whether your shipping would cost more than $6 a month, but it might be worth it to get Prime if you're planning to buy a lot of your bulky/ heavy stuff from Amazon.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 3:47 PM on January 27, 2018 [3 favorites]


Who cares what your parents think? I walk to the grocery store every week, and I'm pretty good at judging the weight of what I'm buying so I don't overload, but, if the weather is bad or the bag does turn out to be that bit much too heavy, I'll take a cab home. I am a basically ablebodied person. I have to say, it's one thing to be frugal on one's own behalf, but it would not even occur to me to scold a disabled person for spending money on something like transporting food home! If it is perfectly reasonable for anyone to spend money for assistance...

If you can afford it and the other options stress you out too much, do it. Good luck with the kitty!
posted by praemunire at 4:21 PM on January 27, 2018 [1 favorite]


In addition to Amazon, there's also Google Express, which appears to also be in Washington. They do local deliveries of non-perishable items from big box stores like Walmart, Target, Petsmart, etc. We get all our household supplies (cleaning supplies, paper towels, etc) from Target via Google Express, and also some food items like peanut butter and canned food. I also get our dog food and sometimes treats and dog toys delivered from Petsmart. Delivery is free if you spend $30 or more, and they deliver next day.
posted by radioamy at 4:22 PM on January 27, 2018 [1 favorite]


I don't know about where you are, but grocery stores where I am often still have direct lines to the local cab company in the entryway, and that's not for no reason.

I have long had this weird, internalized thing about people who take cabs home from the grocery store, and what that said about them so it was something I tried to avoid. But I've been car free for a number of years, and I've repeatedly done the math between delivery (comparing both delivery fees and the higher prices of the grocery stores that deliver) and renting a zipcar and even the number of bus trips it takes me to buy a decent amount of groceries and the math comes out in favour of taking a cab (or, nowadays, an Uber) home from the grocery store. It's borderline between a cab and shlepping home on the bus, but the difference in convenience is worth what is actually a fairly minor uptick in price, and Uber is cheap enough to reverse the margin.

Amazon Prime might change things, but it's not quite the same in Canada as it is in the US, so I haven't compared it.
posted by jacquilynne at 5:06 PM on January 27, 2018


Seconding what people are saying about using Amazon and/or Chewy for bulky supplies. I bike almost everywhere, so I also have pretty limited carrying capacity, and getting kitty litter, kibble, paper towels, toilet paper, and anything else that might be large or heavy delivered to my door instead of having to figure out how to get it home from elsewhere is a real life saver.

In my experience Chewy often has different selection and prices than Amazon, so look at both of them (I use Dr. Elsey's kitty litter, which is often either unavailable or expensive on Amazon, but reasonably priced on Chewy). They both have subscription services which give you a discount, so you can save money on things you buy regularly. One word of warning: Chewy's subscription service will charge you for shipping on orders under $50, so it makes more sense to schedule less frequent big orders from them than more frequent small ones.

And as for other supplies, yeah, you can take your cart on the bus. It's designed for that and there's usually going to be enough room. A good personal shopping cart can get you well-supplied for a month at a time with non-perishables, so you might not even have to do that too often.
posted by jackbishop at 6:51 PM on January 27, 2018 [1 favorite]


When I didn't have a car, I walked to the store and took an Uber home. The store was close so the Uber was cheap.
posted by Jacqueline at 8:34 PM on January 27, 2018


I wish that people had just focused on my question and not confronted me about my language, when I wasn't even hurting anyone

Eevee - Mrs. cnc mentioned your question to me in the car, and people's negative words to you. I was upset that people did this to you, so I came in when I got home to acknowledge their bad behavior and send my encouragement. You are most certainly not hurting anyone, and you are right that people should focus on the question instead of lecturing you. You didn't deserve that criticism, and I'm sorry that it happened. It reflects a lot more poorly on the person lecturing you than it does on you.

If you go to Lyft's website here:
https://www.lyft.com/cities/tacoma-wa

Scroll down a little bit and you can put in your address and your local Walmart or grocery store, and it should tell you about how much the trip will cost.

Your best bet might be Paratransit, and some of the other great advice you got from other folks here. Congratulations on your new place and your (soon to be) kitty. Take care!
posted by cnc at 8:40 PM on January 27, 2018 [4 favorites]


I've gotten some amazing deals on cold cereal on Amazon. Sure, it's awkward to store five boxes of Special K, but it all got eaten in the end.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:02 PM on January 27, 2018 [1 favorite]


How about you take the bus sometimes and occasionally treat yourself to a cab to Walmart? Seems like it doesn't have to be just one or the other.
posted by decathexis at 1:51 AM on January 28, 2018 [3 favorites]


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