Looking for 'fuck off fund' style articles for a friend in need

January 13, 2018 1:59 AM

Old story - young kids, unsupportive husband, career progress rocky. Couples therapy has gone nowhere. I'd like to send her good pieces on planning for disaster - on how having a 'fuck off fund' or at least a 'fuck off plan' can make you feel more confident and actually *help* you solve problems rather than being a commitment to leaving. But she's a middle-aged British lady and a lot of the pieces are (no offense intended) to her eyes schmlatzy American selfhelp B$ and/or aimed at much younger women (without kids). Any suggestions for more mature reads on the same topic?
posted by AFII to Human Relations (3 answers total)

I don’t have any specific articles, but the Relationships board on Mumsnet is British and is... not schmaltzy, put it like that. Most women posting are middle-aged, have kids and find themselves trapped in crappy marriages by their lack of earning power and reluctance to share child residency.

She might find reading about other people in the same situation helpful, whether she leaves or not (and I would say that most people on there don’t leave). It’s a very supportive board, although it can be pretty blunt if they think you need to face reality.
posted by tinkletown at 3:41 AM on January 13, 2018 [3 favorites]

Best answer: Gail Vaz-Oxlade writes books and articles about finances. She also has wonderful TV series (Til Debt Do Us Part and Money Moron).

She is a middle -aged, no-nonsense woman, and decidedly not schmaltzy. Her website is full of great articles, but here are a few starters:
Protecting yourself
Making a divorce plan

She is Canadian, so some of the details will not be relevant to the UK. Good luck to your friend.
posted by Sauter Vaguely at 7:06 AM on January 13, 2018 [4 favorites]

I feel like I've seen a few old stories where there's some sort of family situation where the day is saved by the lady of the house, who has been secretly setting aside and saving up the "egg money". I don't remember any titles, but it's not my usual reading so I'm guessing I may have been forced to read these in high school -- "classics", perhaps.

Maybe "fuck off fund" isn't the best name to encourage this sort of thing? Seems like it's the secretly saving up that you want to encourage, not the idea it has to be spent on a certain thing...
posted by yohko at 9:32 AM on January 13, 2018