Sedentary child
January 10, 2018 4:36 AM Subscribe
We've got an absolutely fantastic, but slightly sedentary child. Let's call our wonderful seven year old Sid. Sid is extremely verbal and loves to joke around, play with words, listen to stories etc etc etc - Sid is NOT so keen on going on walks, playing sports, running around and generally being active.
I wouldn't say Sid is lazy - he bikes to and from school twice a day without even thinking of complaining - and he's not 'slobbish' in his behaviour - he's just inclined more towards a sit and a listen to a story than he is going for a game of football outside with friends. The question is - to what extent do Mefites think one should leave such a child be, and to what extent is it thought it's better to try to stimulate/nag Sid into more action?
Thanks all....!
I wouldn't say Sid is lazy - he bikes to and from school twice a day without even thinking of complaining - and he's not 'slobbish' in his behaviour - he's just inclined more towards a sit and a listen to a story than he is going for a game of football outside with friends. The question is - to what extent do Mefites think one should leave such a child be, and to what extent is it thought it's better to try to stimulate/nag Sid into more action?
Thanks all....!
FWIW, I was a kid like Sid, and I’ve grown up to be a physically healthy, moderately active adult. I walk to/from work, hike on the weekends (weather permitting), and exercise my dog. I just never developed a love for strenuous activity.
As long as Sid is healthy, I don’t think you should pressure him to become more active.
posted by schroedingersgirl at 4:58 AM on January 10, 2018 [31 favorites]
As long as Sid is healthy, I don’t think you should pressure him to become more active.
posted by schroedingersgirl at 4:58 AM on January 10, 2018 [31 favorites]
Seven is a pretty good age to establish as a norm that an hour of screen time needs to be bought with an hour of some kind of outdoors movement.
My childhood preceded readily accessible screens other than TV by a couple of decades, and my parents didn't install a TV until after we'd all finished school, but if they'd forced me to buy book reading and radio listening time with outdoor activity I'd probably be a bit less fat and sedentary than I am.
For what it's worth I hated hated hated competitive sports as a kid. There was no way that they were ever something I was ever going to participate in except under extreme duress. But I loved riding my bike, I didn't mind walking, and playing on slides and swings at the far end of a walk was something I'd actually seek to do of my own volition. If I'd been consistently required to pay for two hours of uninterrupted reading or radio listening time by doing two hours of any of those things, I wouldn't have done much whining about it.
I don't believe that forcing kids to participate in "healthy" activities that they actually loathe - be that tennis or musical instrument practice - does any good whatsoever, but I also believe that allowing them to spend all their free time on doing their favourite thing, when that thing is not something that's actually good for their bones and muscles, is a mistake.
posted by flabdablet at 4:59 AM on January 10, 2018 [5 favorites]
My childhood preceded readily accessible screens other than TV by a couple of decades, and my parents didn't install a TV until after we'd all finished school, but if they'd forced me to buy book reading and radio listening time with outdoor activity I'd probably be a bit less fat and sedentary than I am.
For what it's worth I hated hated hated competitive sports as a kid. There was no way that they were ever something I was ever going to participate in except under extreme duress. But I loved riding my bike, I didn't mind walking, and playing on slides and swings at the far end of a walk was something I'd actually seek to do of my own volition. If I'd been consistently required to pay for two hours of uninterrupted reading or radio listening time by doing two hours of any of those things, I wouldn't have done much whining about it.
I don't believe that forcing kids to participate in "healthy" activities that they actually loathe - be that tennis or musical instrument practice - does any good whatsoever, but I also believe that allowing them to spend all their free time on doing their favourite thing, when that thing is not something that's actually good for their bones and muscles, is a mistake.
posted by flabdablet at 4:59 AM on January 10, 2018 [5 favorites]
I was like this as a kid and now I am a manager at a martial arts academy.:)
I have two kids, one inclined like your child (although he does do an activity, he’s the one who got us all started on martial arts) and one that is at this moment hanging off the chin up bar we installed in his door way and spent half of Christmas break practicing dribbling.
So, from that perspective I want to say first of all that your child is going to be just fine. I don’t think you need to nag Sid. I think it’s more about continuing to provide opportunities for Sid to find joyful ways to move around. For my oldest, as he’s gotten older, he’s regretted “not being good at” more traditional sports and it kind of self-perpetuates in gym class, etc. I remember what that was like and it took me years to get over it.
We do the following, just for thought:
- in good weather as a family we hang out outdoors a few times a week...we are near a beach so we’re lucky that way. Being outdoors leads to playing actively.
- we bike as a family and in the winter we skate some and swim some (plus our martial arts)
- swimming lessons are mandatory for our kids, 2/3 terms per year, one lesson a week, for safety and for future water sports
- march break and a couple of weeks of camp in the summer at active camps so that our kids keep exploring their bodies and fun things to do
Hope that’s helpful.
posted by warriorqueen at 4:59 AM on January 10, 2018 [5 favorites]
I have two kids, one inclined like your child (although he does do an activity, he’s the one who got us all started on martial arts) and one that is at this moment hanging off the chin up bar we installed in his door way and spent half of Christmas break practicing dribbling.
So, from that perspective I want to say first of all that your child is going to be just fine. I don’t think you need to nag Sid. I think it’s more about continuing to provide opportunities for Sid to find joyful ways to move around. For my oldest, as he’s gotten older, he’s regretted “not being good at” more traditional sports and it kind of self-perpetuates in gym class, etc. I remember what that was like and it took me years to get over it.
We do the following, just for thought:
- in good weather as a family we hang out outdoors a few times a week...we are near a beach so we’re lucky that way. Being outdoors leads to playing actively.
- we bike as a family and in the winter we skate some and swim some (plus our martial arts)
- swimming lessons are mandatory for our kids, 2/3 terms per year, one lesson a week, for safety and for future water sports
- march break and a couple of weeks of camp in the summer at active camps so that our kids keep exploring their bodies and fun things to do
Hope that’s helpful.
posted by warriorqueen at 4:59 AM on January 10, 2018 [5 favorites]
I raised three now adult kids who are now hikers and bikers and runners and kayakers and climbers. I sort of cultivated a two-prong approach to this. The first was was using your body to get you places. So if they needed to go to a friend's, library, town center, school, etc., they had to walk or bike or skateboard. It's great your kid bikes to school.
The other part was the importance of being outside and making that recreational. So on weekends and holidays, we'd go biking and hiking. We would try rock climbing and set goals to swim across Walden Pond and kayak in Gloucester and lots of different Boston-area bodies of water because that was our method of killing time and exploring. We'd take the train into Boston on a Saturday and just walk and walk and walk and explore.
Even though only one of the three liked to run around outside with friends, my kids all ended up just thinking that being outside and moving is generally what people do.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 5:01 AM on January 10, 2018 [12 favorites]
The other part was the importance of being outside and making that recreational. So on weekends and holidays, we'd go biking and hiking. We would try rock climbing and set goals to swim across Walden Pond and kayak in Gloucester and lots of different Boston-area bodies of water because that was our method of killing time and exploring. We'd take the train into Boston on a Saturday and just walk and walk and walk and explore.
Even though only one of the three liked to run around outside with friends, my kids all ended up just thinking that being outside and moving is generally what people do.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 5:01 AM on January 10, 2018 [12 favorites]
Is your doctor concerned about Sid? Why are you concerned about Sid? Do you feel like he'll miss out on opportunities because he doesn't play sports? Does he get an active gym/play period at school? If he's biking to and from school and getting a gym class/recess it's not like he isn't getting exercise. Does he have problems being social and you feel that sports or active play would make him more social? Is this about sitting in front of the computer all the time more than about physical activity?
How does Sid respond if you urge him to take a class or go to a group activity? If Sid is isolated and doesn't seem to be hitting his social milestones, working with him to find a class that he might like (not necessarily physical, just something to get out a bit) would be one option. (From personal experience, I suggest not picking some activities for him and insisting that he stick to them for seven or eight years regardless of his interest or ability and regardless of the social conditions in the activities.)
I get the feeling from your question that there's more going on with you emotionally about this than you're letting on. Is this a proxy for your anxieties about Sid in a bad time? Are you anxious that Sid will not be able to succeed in upper middle class life if he's not an all-rounder? (This is an anxiety that a richer friend has expressed to me about their children - I don't know your class background but it seems like a possibility.)
Children are coerced so much now that I have mixed feelings about pushing a kid a lot when he's already riding his bike.
Also, what does it mean to be "slobbish" in his behavior? Is that code for "he's not fat"? Being fat isn't the same as being a slob, and weight anxiety is a bad thing to pass on to a kid.
posted by Frowner at 5:03 AM on January 10, 2018 [33 favorites]
How does Sid respond if you urge him to take a class or go to a group activity? If Sid is isolated and doesn't seem to be hitting his social milestones, working with him to find a class that he might like (not necessarily physical, just something to get out a bit) would be one option. (From personal experience, I suggest not picking some activities for him and insisting that he stick to them for seven or eight years regardless of his interest or ability and regardless of the social conditions in the activities.)
I get the feeling from your question that there's more going on with you emotionally about this than you're letting on. Is this a proxy for your anxieties about Sid in a bad time? Are you anxious that Sid will not be able to succeed in upper middle class life if he's not an all-rounder? (This is an anxiety that a richer friend has expressed to me about their children - I don't know your class background but it seems like a possibility.)
Children are coerced so much now that I have mixed feelings about pushing a kid a lot when he's already riding his bike.
Also, what does it mean to be "slobbish" in his behavior? Is that code for "he's not fat"? Being fat isn't the same as being a slob, and weight anxiety is a bad thing to pass on to a kid.
posted by Frowner at 5:03 AM on January 10, 2018 [33 favorites]
Does Sid bike to school because it's become a habit, because it's an activity with a purpose and not exercise for its own sake, or because he has a particular affection for biking?
If he's one of those people who doesn't really like to exercise just to exercise but is okay with doing purposeful activities that involve a lot of movement, maybe ask him to run errands on his bike, or help wash the windows, do yardwork, etc.
I like yes I said yes I will Yes's thing about family walks and hikes. If he really likes biking and the rest of the family has bikes, maybe family biking.
As an adult I still don't have an exercise habit, but I've found that social pressure hacks that. Hiking, walking, strength training, boxing - if it's with someone I like and enjoy spending time with, it becomes less about whether I enjoy the activity and more about spending time with my buddy, and oh by the way that time will be on a hike. I assume everyone has their own unique set of hacks, including Sid.
posted by bunderful at 5:08 AM on January 10, 2018 [3 favorites]
If he's one of those people who doesn't really like to exercise just to exercise but is okay with doing purposeful activities that involve a lot of movement, maybe ask him to run errands on his bike, or help wash the windows, do yardwork, etc.
I like yes I said yes I will Yes's thing about family walks and hikes. If he really likes biking and the rest of the family has bikes, maybe family biking.
As an adult I still don't have an exercise habit, but I've found that social pressure hacks that. Hiking, walking, strength training, boxing - if it's with someone I like and enjoy spending time with, it becomes less about whether I enjoy the activity and more about spending time with my buddy, and oh by the way that time will be on a hike. I assume everyone has their own unique set of hacks, including Sid.
posted by bunderful at 5:08 AM on January 10, 2018 [3 favorites]
Hi! I am the (bookish, indoor cat, female) child of a former professional athlete and I agree with other responses that maybe there are other anxieties bound up for you in Sid's physical activity.
In my childhood, physical activity was never neutral but always so charged (why doesn't yhirstforsalt like sports?! She would be good if she only tried?! She will never fit in with the popular girls who are all athletes?!). So of course I hated it.
With time and distance I started practicing yoga, which I love, and bike touring, which I also love, but mostly not thinking about whether! I! Am! Meeting! Fitness! Goals! Which I love most of all. Bookish story-loving sedentary child turns into a bookish story-loving less-sedentary-than-average literature professor. Unless doctors or school counselors are concerned, I bet your kid is fine.
I would, though, recommend theater programs or a theater camp--so much jumping/running/body awareness designed exactly for kids with your kid's interests.
posted by athirstforsalt at 5:38 AM on January 10, 2018 [13 favorites]
In my childhood, physical activity was never neutral but always so charged (why doesn't yhirstforsalt like sports?! She would be good if she only tried?! She will never fit in with the popular girls who are all athletes?!). So of course I hated it.
With time and distance I started practicing yoga, which I love, and bike touring, which I also love, but mostly not thinking about whether! I! Am! Meeting! Fitness! Goals! Which I love most of all. Bookish story-loving sedentary child turns into a bookish story-loving less-sedentary-than-average literature professor. Unless doctors or school counselors are concerned, I bet your kid is fine.
I would, though, recommend theater programs or a theater camp--so much jumping/running/body awareness designed exactly for kids with your kid's interests.
posted by athirstforsalt at 5:38 AM on January 10, 2018 [13 favorites]
Would Sid enjoy combining stories with exercise? Going on Adventures? I remember a lot of my outdoor play being inspired by books like "The Tree Fort Wars" and "Two Little Savages", neither of which books may be appropriate nowadays but both of which were about kids having realistic adventures outdoors.
posted by clawsoon at 5:50 AM on January 10, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by clawsoon at 5:50 AM on January 10, 2018 [3 favorites]
What does "slobbish" mean in the context of a child who doesn't like playing sports? Your kid will hugely resent you later if they feel like you look down in them for having these kind of preferences.
posted by cakelite at 5:50 AM on January 10, 2018 [23 favorites]
posted by cakelite at 5:50 AM on January 10, 2018 [23 favorites]
I wonder how often his parental figures go out for a pickup game of football with friends?
My point is, he likely models his behavior off of what he sees, and I’d not expect him to be running around playing sports unless it’s something encouraged and modeled.
Your kid sounds fine. When my kid is that age, I do plan on going for bike rides with him, letting him watch me and learn how play frisbee, climb trees, etc.
posted by SaltySalticid at 5:54 AM on January 10, 2018 [1 favorite]
My point is, he likely models his behavior off of what he sees, and I’d not expect him to be running around playing sports unless it’s something encouraged and modeled.
Your kid sounds fine. When my kid is that age, I do plan on going for bike rides with him, letting him watch me and learn how play frisbee, climb trees, etc.
posted by SaltySalticid at 5:54 AM on January 10, 2018 [1 favorite]
Please, I beg of you, whatever you do, don't nag. That's not the way to foster a lifelong love of activity, it's the way to foster a lifelong resentment of it, and you.
posted by soren_lorensen at 6:01 AM on January 10, 2018 [24 favorites]
posted by soren_lorensen at 6:01 AM on January 10, 2018 [24 favorites]
During later childhood I think I didn't get as much vigorous exercise as many kids my age did because of how my life and school were structured. (20 minutes of gym a week is not enough!)
As an adult I am acutely aware of how exercise helps my anxiety and makes me feel better and wonder what my (anxious) childhood would have been like if I'd gotten more exercise. I'm not at all athletic in the sense of being good at catching a ball or making a goal but being active (walking a lot) feels really good and more of that might have changed my life as a kid.
I don't know how long your kid's bike rides are (maybe enough not to worry about this!) or if your kid tends toward anxiety or depression or being obsessive at all but I'd keep an eye on that stuff and try to help incorporate more exertion if you see any of those things.
posted by needs more cowbell at 6:04 AM on January 10, 2018 [1 favorite]
As an adult I am acutely aware of how exercise helps my anxiety and makes me feel better and wonder what my (anxious) childhood would have been like if I'd gotten more exercise. I'm not at all athletic in the sense of being good at catching a ball or making a goal but being active (walking a lot) feels really good and more of that might have changed my life as a kid.
I don't know how long your kid's bike rides are (maybe enough not to worry about this!) or if your kid tends toward anxiety or depression or being obsessive at all but I'd keep an eye on that stuff and try to help incorporate more exertion if you see any of those things.
posted by needs more cowbell at 6:04 AM on January 10, 2018 [1 favorite]
Reasons to push Sid to do physical activity: to alienate the experience of exercise, to make it into a battle for control of his body, and to decrease the chance that it'll be unthinkingly fun if he does want to run around sometimes.
Biking to school is already pretty good. I would focus on other integrated things you guys can do (park in the farthest lot, take stairs instead of elevator, make him catch you to find out what's behind your back) that won't make it about something he should be doing that he's not.
posted by velveeta underground at 6:07 AM on January 10, 2018 [8 favorites]
Biking to school is already pretty good. I would focus on other integrated things you guys can do (park in the farthest lot, take stairs instead of elevator, make him catch you to find out what's behind your back) that won't make it about something he should be doing that he's not.
posted by velveeta underground at 6:07 AM on January 10, 2018 [8 favorites]
Hi, parent of similar child (and another who is more active by nature even though they've both seen the same parental models!!) here. Seems like a totally normal concern to me. I am thankful for every-other-day gym class (side note: thanks to well-ish funded, local Education budget and state education guidelines and awesome gym teachers who make a living wage in this state) and walking home from school. My less-active child is in middle school and we try to make sure there are active times built into almost every day. The way I look at it is that if you had a child who loved being active all day long, then you would make sure they build in some reading time for example, that math facts were practiced daily, right? Well, this is just the other way around, less active by nature child who needs to build in active time every day (biking to/from school totally counts!). We are always looking for balance for our children, right? If they got to choose, most (mine at least) would eat brownies and ice cream all day so we teach and model vegetables and balance. Same thing with activity! So my answer to your question, is of course you promote balance in activity as with everything else. I wouldn't call it "nagging", though I'm certainly guilty of "strongly encouraging" my kids to make good decisions whether that is about activity or food or many other life choices.
(I'm somewhat perturbed by the people assuming some nefarious and deep level of parental anxiety here as if being a parent is not by definition anxiety-inducing enough! Maybe a reference to their own childhood??)
And, finally, from a higher level view, with the amount of electronics/screens/computers/videogames /phones/homework/email/tv/mefi in most of our lives, chances are your 7 year old is going to be more and more exposed to sitting at some type of device at the years go. Most of us and most of our children are lucky to have more physical activity that needs to be chosen and encouraged (by self or by parents) so good habits are developed over lifetime. In our local school district, 9 year olds receive iPads, middle schoolers have phones. Even the most active kids need structure and healthy encouragement to make good habits around activity and food and everything else in their lives!
posted by RoadScholar at 6:12 AM on January 10, 2018 [6 favorites]
(I'm somewhat perturbed by the people assuming some nefarious and deep level of parental anxiety here as if being a parent is not by definition anxiety-inducing enough! Maybe a reference to their own childhood??)
And, finally, from a higher level view, with the amount of electronics/screens/computers/videogames /phones/homework/email/tv/mefi in most of our lives, chances are your 7 year old is going to be more and more exposed to sitting at some type of device at the years go. Most of us and most of our children are lucky to have more physical activity that needs to be chosen and encouraged (by self or by parents) so good habits are developed over lifetime. In our local school district, 9 year olds receive iPads, middle schoolers have phones. Even the most active kids need structure and healthy encouragement to make good habits around activity and food and everything else in their lives!
posted by RoadScholar at 6:12 AM on January 10, 2018 [6 favorites]
Go for a walk with him everyday and make it a time that you both talk together. Not everyone is all about sport and that is fine, but you can work exercise into your family life and make it a habit for him by making it relaxing and low stress.
posted by wwax at 6:19 AM on January 10, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by wwax at 6:19 AM on January 10, 2018 [4 favorites]
Leave the kid alone. I was this kid. Efforts to force or even persistently encourage "outside" or "exercise" over reading a book or whatever just made me angry and resentful.
I eventually found outside things I liked. So will Sid. Or maybe he won't; that's okay, too.
posted by uberchet at 6:25 AM on January 10, 2018 [25 favorites]
I eventually found outside things I liked. So will Sid. Or maybe he won't; that's okay, too.
posted by uberchet at 6:25 AM on January 10, 2018 [25 favorites]
Why does Sid dislike going on walks, etc? I'm a relatively active adult (bike year-round though over fairly short distances, hit the gym a few times a week, don't own a car) and went through a very sedentary phase between about eight and fifteen, and I wonder if any of these are factors:
1. Walking was super boring. Sid may not be old enough to appreciate nature/landscape/architecture; Sid may hate mud, bugs, confining hiking gear, etc.
2. Social situation was pretty bad - I was happier at home because I was plausibly afraid of bullies in my neighborhood and I never had a good time at sports for social reasons. This was not apparent to my family, at least not to any significant degree - does Sid have a reason to be happier by himself or indoors? If so, activities that don't require being around other children and/or don't involve the risk of encountering classmates might help.
3. Not that good at sports!!! I am not coordinated. No amount of pilates, etc has made me into someone good at sports. I love skating, biking, swimming, the rowing machine, etc - anything where you can just do a simple, repetitive thing for a while and there really isn't a "become awesome" aspect. If Sid's skills lie more on the talking/reading/brain side, would he enjoy something that is not only not competitive but not even so much about proficiency?
4. No sports mindset - I don't have a strategy brain. Looking down the field and figuring out how to, like, kick the ball is boring given that I could be thinking about books, and I've never gotten good at it. (Or chess.) Sid is a child - "I could be thinking about the books I actually care about but instead I have to play t-ball which I loathe, in addition to being bored and coerced in school" isn't going to be a winner. Again, for me things that don't require sports mindset are much more fun.
What about trying different things - ice skating, roller skating, playing catch (which I weirdly loved as a child), jump rope, longer bike rides, dancing, etc, and seeing if something appeals? Sid may not be able to articulate exactly what sounds like it would be fun and sustainable for him.
posted by Frowner at 6:25 AM on January 10, 2018 [7 favorites]
1. Walking was super boring. Sid may not be old enough to appreciate nature/landscape/architecture; Sid may hate mud, bugs, confining hiking gear, etc.
2. Social situation was pretty bad - I was happier at home because I was plausibly afraid of bullies in my neighborhood and I never had a good time at sports for social reasons. This was not apparent to my family, at least not to any significant degree - does Sid have a reason to be happier by himself or indoors? If so, activities that don't require being around other children and/or don't involve the risk of encountering classmates might help.
3. Not that good at sports!!! I am not coordinated. No amount of pilates, etc has made me into someone good at sports. I love skating, biking, swimming, the rowing machine, etc - anything where you can just do a simple, repetitive thing for a while and there really isn't a "become awesome" aspect. If Sid's skills lie more on the talking/reading/brain side, would he enjoy something that is not only not competitive but not even so much about proficiency?
4. No sports mindset - I don't have a strategy brain. Looking down the field and figuring out how to, like, kick the ball is boring given that I could be thinking about books, and I've never gotten good at it. (Or chess.) Sid is a child - "I could be thinking about the books I actually care about but instead I have to play t-ball which I loathe, in addition to being bored and coerced in school" isn't going to be a winner. Again, for me things that don't require sports mindset are much more fun.
What about trying different things - ice skating, roller skating, playing catch (which I weirdly loved as a child), jump rope, longer bike rides, dancing, etc, and seeing if something appeals? Sid may not be able to articulate exactly what sounds like it would be fun and sustainable for him.
posted by Frowner at 6:25 AM on January 10, 2018 [7 favorites]
This is not a bug, this is a feature.
posted by enfa at 6:37 AM on January 10, 2018 [7 favorites]
posted by enfa at 6:37 AM on January 10, 2018 [7 favorites]
There are only a couple of forms of exercise that I think you might insist on that are basic life skills: swimming and gardening. If kid does not know how to swim it's time to find lessons. If you do not have a yard perhaps you and kid could grow some food plants in pots.
I think of dancing as another basic life skill but it's usually not taught that way. If you like to dance then turn the music up high and dance and invite kid to join in.
Just don't worry. Many of us have never played a sport of any kind in our lives and manage just fine. He's already riding his bike to school and maybe that's enough for now.
posted by mareli at 6:45 AM on January 10, 2018 [2 favorites]
I think of dancing as another basic life skill but it's usually not taught that way. If you like to dance then turn the music up high and dance and invite kid to join in.
Just don't worry. Many of us have never played a sport of any kind in our lives and manage just fine. He's already riding his bike to school and maybe that's enough for now.
posted by mareli at 6:45 AM on January 10, 2018 [2 favorites]
I was a kid like Sid. It was definitely just me - my siblings and my parents are all more into sports and activity for activity's sake.
My parents were pretty fair, I think, in that they expressed to me their honest concern about me being active in a healthy way but allowed me to determine how I wanted to add more activity to my schedule. I did that by trying endless new activities with their support (figure skating, dance, low-key sports leagues, rock climbing, boating, etc.), pursuing "functional" fitness (these days I'm an avid walker and an ok biker) and doing things where I could focus on something other than the activity (walks with friends, getting out with the dog [Have you considered getting a dog?], etc.) I was never talented at physical activity, but hey, that's not the point, and I was able to find enough things that I could enjoy. Even some of my non-sporty activities, like choir, still required physical engagement in a way that sitting at the computer or a book never did and that was probably a good thing.
Kind of like eating vegetables, I do think it's important to discuss with (and model to) a mature kid the fact that physical activity is an important part of a healthy lifestyle. The people above who don't see it as a problem probably aren't considering all the health risks of an inactive lifestyle. It's fine to not be good at sports, but it's not fine to take 6000 steps a day or whatever.
Also, if Sid is likely to be motivated by gamification, is a fitness tracker or a wearable an option?
As to the "to what extent" question - I think you should definitely ensure that he's getting a couple hours a day of some form of activity, and beyond that, I think you should intervene if you're concerned that he hasn't found enough "fun" forms of physical activity while you're still in a position to shape healthy habits for the rest of his life.
posted by mosst at 6:50 AM on January 10, 2018 [4 favorites]
My parents were pretty fair, I think, in that they expressed to me their honest concern about me being active in a healthy way but allowed me to determine how I wanted to add more activity to my schedule. I did that by trying endless new activities with their support (figure skating, dance, low-key sports leagues, rock climbing, boating, etc.), pursuing "functional" fitness (these days I'm an avid walker and an ok biker) and doing things where I could focus on something other than the activity (walks with friends, getting out with the dog [Have you considered getting a dog?], etc.) I was never talented at physical activity, but hey, that's not the point, and I was able to find enough things that I could enjoy. Even some of my non-sporty activities, like choir, still required physical engagement in a way that sitting at the computer or a book never did and that was probably a good thing.
Kind of like eating vegetables, I do think it's important to discuss with (and model to) a mature kid the fact that physical activity is an important part of a healthy lifestyle. The people above who don't see it as a problem probably aren't considering all the health risks of an inactive lifestyle. It's fine to not be good at sports, but it's not fine to take 6000 steps a day or whatever.
Also, if Sid is likely to be motivated by gamification, is a fitness tracker or a wearable an option?
As to the "to what extent" question - I think you should definitely ensure that he's getting a couple hours a day of some form of activity, and beyond that, I think you should intervene if you're concerned that he hasn't found enough "fun" forms of physical activity while you're still in a position to shape healthy habits for the rest of his life.
posted by mosst at 6:50 AM on January 10, 2018 [4 favorites]
Wow, the way the comments are going in this thread are surprising me a lot. So I'll add a few thoughts to my first post.
I am surprised that the idea of leading our kids to an active lifestyle is perceived as too anxious or something. Being active (this is different from being a soccer superstar or forced to lessons crying) to me is a fundamental part of health and well being.
I hear a lot of "my parents pushed me and now I hate sports" stories but mine is the opposite and frankly, I am still a bit mad over it. I was a "good girl" (lost in books all the time) and our family activity, I joke-but-don't-joke, every weekend was "walk 6 blocks to the used bookstore, buy a doughnut on the way home, all sit on the couch and read." I did walk and bike to school 'cause it was the 70s and so I wasn't flatline sedate, but it was easier for my parents to leave me alone.
As a result I ended up with a self-image that being active and sports were not for me and I missed out on so much joy and strength that I am now experiencing. But because I really got going in my mid-30s, I am also experiencing the sadness of having to do it where I am at a higher risk of injury and in fact am writing this working from home 'cause I broke my leg.
I also spent years more tired out and less healthy than I could have.
So while I totally feel for the former kids here who were pushed or made to feel "less than" around sports, that's awful, I want to present the risks of going too far the other way. The choices are not between "be a horrible hockey dad" and "leave your kid alone." There's so much in between.
I'm finding that those who have been more articulate about making activity a joyful part of your family's experience, along with giving your child a wide range of exposure to active activities he might like, are what resonate the most with me both as a newly-minted professional in the healthy activity field and as a parent. When I took a second thought in wake of the comments, that's what we do.
I would add in that not liking things we're not good at yet is a normal response. 7 is an age where kids are learning a lot about what they can't do, and some kids retreat at that age away from anything that bruises their ego.
Forcing them isn't a good path, but I do think guiding them to find activities they love, participate in family activities, and even helping them over the hurdles by saying things like "yeah, I don't feel like going out today either but I think my body would appreciate it and it's only 30 minutes" or "you don't have to go to soccer camp but let's pick one camp from the parks and rec sports section" or watching some American Ninja and seeing if he wants to try gymnastics or parkour are all ways to help connect our kids to find their own ways to a healthy and balanced lifestyle.
If he never finds that, then that's ok, but at 7 I think it's a bit early to put it entirely in his hands.
posted by warriorqueen at 7:06 AM on January 10, 2018 [26 favorites]
I am surprised that the idea of leading our kids to an active lifestyle is perceived as too anxious or something. Being active (this is different from being a soccer superstar or forced to lessons crying) to me is a fundamental part of health and well being.
I hear a lot of "my parents pushed me and now I hate sports" stories but mine is the opposite and frankly, I am still a bit mad over it. I was a "good girl" (lost in books all the time) and our family activity, I joke-but-don't-joke, every weekend was "walk 6 blocks to the used bookstore, buy a doughnut on the way home, all sit on the couch and read." I did walk and bike to school 'cause it was the 70s and so I wasn't flatline sedate, but it was easier for my parents to leave me alone.
As a result I ended up with a self-image that being active and sports were not for me and I missed out on so much joy and strength that I am now experiencing. But because I really got going in my mid-30s, I am also experiencing the sadness of having to do it where I am at a higher risk of injury and in fact am writing this working from home 'cause I broke my leg.
I also spent years more tired out and less healthy than I could have.
So while I totally feel for the former kids here who were pushed or made to feel "less than" around sports, that's awful, I want to present the risks of going too far the other way. The choices are not between "be a horrible hockey dad" and "leave your kid alone." There's so much in between.
I'm finding that those who have been more articulate about making activity a joyful part of your family's experience, along with giving your child a wide range of exposure to active activities he might like, are what resonate the most with me both as a newly-minted professional in the healthy activity field and as a parent. When I took a second thought in wake of the comments, that's what we do.
I would add in that not liking things we're not good at yet is a normal response. 7 is an age where kids are learning a lot about what they can't do, and some kids retreat at that age away from anything that bruises their ego.
Forcing them isn't a good path, but I do think guiding them to find activities they love, participate in family activities, and even helping them over the hurdles by saying things like "yeah, I don't feel like going out today either but I think my body would appreciate it and it's only 30 minutes" or "you don't have to go to soccer camp but let's pick one camp from the parks and rec sports section" or watching some American Ninja and seeing if he wants to try gymnastics or parkour are all ways to help connect our kids to find their own ways to a healthy and balanced lifestyle.
If he never finds that, then that's ok, but at 7 I think it's a bit early to put it entirely in his hands.
posted by warriorqueen at 7:06 AM on January 10, 2018 [26 favorites]
I wouldn't say Sid is lazy - he bikes to and from school twice a day without even thinking of complaining - and he's not 'slobbish' in his behaviour - he's just inclined more towards a sit and a listen to a story than he is going for a game of football outside with friends.
It sounds like it isn't "physical activity" that Sid doesn't like - it sounds like it is team sports that Sid doesn't like. And I don't blame him, I wasn't crazy about that either. I'm not all that physically competitive.
Instead of "going for a walk" just for the sake of going for a walk - how about nature exploration? Going for a walk just for its own sake wouldn't have made much sense to me as a kid, but "wanna go see if we can see any beavers at the creek?" wlould make sense. You're not just going for a walk - you're going on a quest to find beavers! Whoa! Or maybe "go see how many different kinds of trees are on the block." You're not just walking for exercise - you're on a naturalist expedition. That's WAY more interesting. And the beauty of that is - not only are you outside and moving around, you are falling in love with the natural world, and that has its own appeal.
So maybe look into outside exploration, or things to do on the walk. Or activities like orienteering or geocacheing, too.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:16 AM on January 10, 2018 [7 favorites]
It sounds like it isn't "physical activity" that Sid doesn't like - it sounds like it is team sports that Sid doesn't like. And I don't blame him, I wasn't crazy about that either. I'm not all that physically competitive.
Instead of "going for a walk" just for the sake of going for a walk - how about nature exploration? Going for a walk just for its own sake wouldn't have made much sense to me as a kid, but "wanna go see if we can see any beavers at the creek?" wlould make sense. You're not just going for a walk - you're going on a quest to find beavers! Whoa! Or maybe "go see how many different kinds of trees are on the block." You're not just walking for exercise - you're on a naturalist expedition. That's WAY more interesting. And the beauty of that is - not only are you outside and moving around, you are falling in love with the natural world, and that has its own appeal.
So maybe look into outside exploration, or things to do on the walk. Or activities like orienteering or geocacheing, too.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:16 AM on January 10, 2018 [7 favorites]
I was pretty bookish and would happily be sedentary for hours at a time while engrossed in a book. My parents freaked out, and I hated a lot of the sports my parents tried to push on me (largely because they all featured Dad as my coach... and I didn't, and have never, responded well to parental coaching) but once they found the activities that I loved as much as reading (horseback riding, biking on rail trails, day hikes witih good lookouts), I was happy to be active.
So I'd say keep introducing Sid to different activities to see if one catches. Maybe he'd enjoy rock climbing, or yoga, or beach/snow sports, if accessible to you. I agree with EG's comments that you want to give things some sense of adventure/purpose, but I also think it's worth saying, "let's all try rock climbing this weekend because it's fun/useful to learn new skills!" is always worth pitching, too.
posted by TwoStride at 7:29 AM on January 10, 2018 [3 favorites]
So I'd say keep introducing Sid to different activities to see if one catches. Maybe he'd enjoy rock climbing, or yoga, or beach/snow sports, if accessible to you. I agree with EG's comments that you want to give things some sense of adventure/purpose, but I also think it's worth saying, "let's all try rock climbing this weekend because it's fun/useful to learn new skills!" is always worth pitching, too.
posted by TwoStride at 7:29 AM on January 10, 2018 [3 favorites]
My reading of your question differs from others-- I see your concern as primarily about his not taking up sports. Of course it's important to move one's body--sounds like he does-- but sports are not for everyone. I wouldn't consider someone who bikes daily to be "sedentary."
Some people are not sports and games people, and that's natural and okay. Some people are never going to get the urge to just run around. Just as some kids would never just get the urge to read a book or play an instrument or engage in clever wordplay. We all have different energies and different things energize us. I'd rather've died than go out to play sports with neighborhood kids as I'm sure they'd rather've died than read at adult levels.
There could be other reasons he's not into sports and games that aren't related to moving his body. Sports can be loud, overstimulating, boring, painful, dirty and not everyone enjoys that kind of competition.
Going for walks can be boring depending upon setting. (Put me in the city for shopping or the woods to look at trees, and I won't even notice I've been on my feet for ten hours--but I'd never volunteer to walk boring suburban streets especially if pressured to do so.) What about going to a museum or the mall or the fair or the beach or whatever floats his boat, is he okay moving around in that context?
I don't know if it's just awkward phrasing but I'd banish words like lazy and slob form your mind when you evaluate him. "Nag" is also either a bad word choice or a totally unkind approach that will backfire.
If you are concerned he doesn't get enough activity, I'd consult a doctor then figure out ways you can build more movement into his daily life in ways that he enjoys rather than making it a chore and referendum on his worth.
posted by kapers at 7:40 AM on January 10, 2018 [10 favorites]
Some people are not sports and games people, and that's natural and okay. Some people are never going to get the urge to just run around. Just as some kids would never just get the urge to read a book or play an instrument or engage in clever wordplay. We all have different energies and different things energize us. I'd rather've died than go out to play sports with neighborhood kids as I'm sure they'd rather've died than read at adult levels.
There could be other reasons he's not into sports and games that aren't related to moving his body. Sports can be loud, overstimulating, boring, painful, dirty and not everyone enjoys that kind of competition.
Going for walks can be boring depending upon setting. (Put me in the city for shopping or the woods to look at trees, and I won't even notice I've been on my feet for ten hours--but I'd never volunteer to walk boring suburban streets especially if pressured to do so.) What about going to a museum or the mall or the fair or the beach or whatever floats his boat, is he okay moving around in that context?
I don't know if it's just awkward phrasing but I'd banish words like lazy and slob form your mind when you evaluate him. "Nag" is also either a bad word choice or a totally unkind approach that will backfire.
If you are concerned he doesn't get enough activity, I'd consult a doctor then figure out ways you can build more movement into his daily life in ways that he enjoys rather than making it a chore and referendum on his worth.
posted by kapers at 7:40 AM on January 10, 2018 [10 favorites]
1) I feel like what you're really saying is you're concerned about Sid getting fat because he's not active enough. Is that what you're saying?
2) Does he have anxiety? I ask because my not wanting to do things as a child was because of my anxiety and hatred of being around loud garrulous people. But I couldn't express that as a child so it was just me being petulant and not wanting to participate.
3) Do not force him into sports or activities he really doesn't want to do. It will just breed resentment and anger.
posted by misanthropicsarah at 7:50 AM on January 10, 2018 [10 favorites]
2) Does he have anxiety? I ask because my not wanting to do things as a child was because of my anxiety and hatred of being around loud garrulous people. But I couldn't express that as a child so it was just me being petulant and not wanting to participate.
3) Do not force him into sports or activities he really doesn't want to do. It will just breed resentment and anger.
posted by misanthropicsarah at 7:50 AM on January 10, 2018 [10 favorites]
he's just inclined more towards a sit and a listen to a story than he is going for a game of football outside with friends
This really reads like one of those parent worries that is more about the parent (I am familiar, as I walk this territory on a regular basis.)
There is no need for you to worry about this, it's just one more thing to guide a kid on like teeth brushing and homework and socks go in the hamper. Everybody needs some exercise, but it really doesn't matter how one gets it. Nobody gets super psyched to do things they are forced to do.
That said: it is perfectly fine to be more inclined to stories than football. If you would like kiddo to do more exercise type things, either enlist kiddo in shared fun activities like bike riding or sign kiddo up for shared activities with friends, like swimming lessons, or get into butterfly identification and go for walks in the woods. But it should be more 'exercise is fun and good for everyone! It's great to have a body and go outdoors!' as opposed to something sad and judgmental.
Kids need to know their parents love them *as they are* and are highly, highly aware when they are not loved as they are. Parents deny it, but kids know.
I was a bookish kid. 'Go outside and play' is a phrase that still makes my skin crawl, along with 'Why don't you call a friend? When I was a kid I had dozens of friends to call!'
If it were me, or, if I could be my own mom, I'd go back and time and invite me for evening walks and actually listen to what I had to say instead of making me feel like shit for not being a cheerleader and having tons of friends and furthermore 'being too sensitive' and 'thinking too much'.
Ah, good memories....
posted by A Terrible Llama at 8:10 AM on January 10, 2018 [10 favorites]
This really reads like one of those parent worries that is more about the parent (I am familiar, as I walk this territory on a regular basis.)
There is no need for you to worry about this, it's just one more thing to guide a kid on like teeth brushing and homework and socks go in the hamper. Everybody needs some exercise, but it really doesn't matter how one gets it. Nobody gets super psyched to do things they are forced to do.
That said: it is perfectly fine to be more inclined to stories than football. If you would like kiddo to do more exercise type things, either enlist kiddo in shared fun activities like bike riding or sign kiddo up for shared activities with friends, like swimming lessons, or get into butterfly identification and go for walks in the woods. But it should be more 'exercise is fun and good for everyone! It's great to have a body and go outdoors!' as opposed to something sad and judgmental.
Kids need to know their parents love them *as they are* and are highly, highly aware when they are not loved as they are. Parents deny it, but kids know.
I was a bookish kid. 'Go outside and play' is a phrase that still makes my skin crawl, along with 'Why don't you call a friend? When I was a kid I had dozens of friends to call!'
If it were me, or, if I could be my own mom, I'd go back and time and invite me for evening walks and actually listen to what I had to say instead of making me feel like shit for not being a cheerleader and having tons of friends and furthermore 'being too sensitive' and 'thinking too much'.
Ah, good memories....
posted by A Terrible Llama at 8:10 AM on January 10, 2018 [10 favorites]
Being active is good for your physical and mental health, so I think it makes sense for you to pay attention to how active Sid is ... but I agree with everyone who's said that pushing him to do something he doesn't enjoy is likely to backfire.
I think one thing that's important is to avoid instilling the idea that physical activity is "bad." Part of living an active life isn't just exercising, it's making more active choices normal and pleasant. A lot of people avoid physical activity in their daily lives even if they don't have to; they view it a kind of imposition or inconvenience. Having him bike to school is great. But I suspect if you put a lot of emphasis on "ACTIVITY" it could give it unpleasant emotional overtones.
If you think he should be more active, have you considered things other than playing sports with his friends? What does Sid like? For example, would he enjoy karate or dance lessons? Would he enjoy joining an outdoors exploration group? In the spring/summer, would he enjoy gardening?
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 8:17 AM on January 10, 2018
I think one thing that's important is to avoid instilling the idea that physical activity is "bad." Part of living an active life isn't just exercising, it's making more active choices normal and pleasant. A lot of people avoid physical activity in their daily lives even if they don't have to; they view it a kind of imposition or inconvenience. Having him bike to school is great. But I suspect if you put a lot of emphasis on "ACTIVITY" it could give it unpleasant emotional overtones.
If you think he should be more active, have you considered things other than playing sports with his friends? What does Sid like? For example, would he enjoy karate or dance lessons? Would he enjoy joining an outdoors exploration group? In the spring/summer, would he enjoy gardening?
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 8:17 AM on January 10, 2018
I think finding active things that he enjoys certainly couldn't hurt anything. I agree that he sounds normal and healthy, but finding a physical activity that brings one joy and exercise is a nice thing to have as a person. Perhaps you could build on the bike-riding, as several people have suggested. My son is not all that interested in team sports, but it turns out he likes fencing a lot, and parkour (there's a parkour gym that opened near us--lots of fun). I enrolled my son in a yoga class at school, which he totally griped about but then ended up loving. There are lots of ways to get physical activity, so I think encouraging it is great. Don't feel like it has to be a soccer team to count.
posted by LKWorking at 8:18 AM on January 10, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by LKWorking at 8:18 AM on January 10, 2018 [2 favorites]
I agree warriorqueen's points about the potential flip side of being TOO hands off about encouraging physical activity and trying new things--as a bookish child who hated sports, I would have resented getting signed up for soccer or something, but I also feel (as an adult) like I may have missed a lot of early opportunities to make physical activity into a more joyful habit by not exploring other non-team-sport possibilities more as a child.
Luckily, there are lots of options for gently inviting Sid to come out of the house that don't involve enforced outdoor play time or dragging him kicking and screaming to sports practice. Nthing trying out something like geocaching or other kind of goal-oriented activity (mushroom foray, berry picking, bird watching, etc.) to see if any of those spark his interest.
As a grown-up Sid-like kid, I didn't seek out physical activities because they seemed pointless to me--why would I take a boring walk when I could be reading Goosebumps, amirite? But having something engaging to do (look for minnows! try to find four different kinds of bug! collect as many different types of leaves as you can!) shifted the focus away from moving for the sake of moving (SO BORING) and onto doing something fun with my brain that just HAPPENED to also require that I be mobile. You can even change it up every time if you like!
posted by helloimjennsco at 8:21 AM on January 10, 2018 [3 favorites]
Luckily, there are lots of options for gently inviting Sid to come out of the house that don't involve enforced outdoor play time or dragging him kicking and screaming to sports practice. Nthing trying out something like geocaching or other kind of goal-oriented activity (mushroom foray, berry picking, bird watching, etc.) to see if any of those spark his interest.
As a grown-up Sid-like kid, I didn't seek out physical activities because they seemed pointless to me--why would I take a boring walk when I could be reading Goosebumps, amirite? But having something engaging to do (look for minnows! try to find four different kinds of bug! collect as many different types of leaves as you can!) shifted the focus away from moving for the sake of moving (SO BORING) and onto doing something fun with my brain that just HAPPENED to also require that I be mobile. You can even change it up every time if you like!
posted by helloimjennsco at 8:21 AM on January 10, 2018 [3 favorites]
I was raised in a house that did not really exercise, and while I wasn't overweight until I was an adult, I do kind of wish my parents had modeled better family behavior in terms of hiking, biking, walking. So I do very much agree that you should adopt more physical activities as a family. But I will also say as a bookish 7 year old, I would have spotted and resisted "subtle" signs that I, personally, should get out and exercise from a mile away.
posted by nakedmolerats at 8:59 AM on January 10, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by nakedmolerats at 8:59 AM on January 10, 2018 [2 favorites]
Adults tend to do a lot of projecting about childhood activity based on some combination of our own filtered memories of childhood, iconic images, and what is "normal" or "recommended." He bikes back and forth to school -- that's active! Let him be. Let him have a measure of bodily autonomy and enjoy recreation on his own terms.
I found it maddening as a child to be assertively guided into types of play like competitive games--which were boring and horrible for me--when I was perfectly happy sitting and reading, or futzing around playing make-believe in my own way, or biking idly around the neighborhood, etc. As an adult, I see my friends' kids get frustrated at their parents being anxious about whether they are playing in some particular way or another.
How come the kids running around at recess were never gently directed to consider bringing a book to the playground, finding a good patch of grass, and enjoy reading for leisure in the sunshine? Why didn't ballet classes count as doing something "athletic?" Heck, why wasn't singing in the choir or taking instrument lessons considered physical activity?
posted by desuetude at 9:10 AM on January 10, 2018 [3 favorites]
I found it maddening as a child to be assertively guided into types of play like competitive games--which were boring and horrible for me--when I was perfectly happy sitting and reading, or futzing around playing make-believe in my own way, or biking idly around the neighborhood, etc. As an adult, I see my friends' kids get frustrated at their parents being anxious about whether they are playing in some particular way or another.
How come the kids running around at recess were never gently directed to consider bringing a book to the playground, finding a good patch of grass, and enjoy reading for leisure in the sunshine? Why didn't ballet classes count as doing something "athletic?" Heck, why wasn't singing in the choir or taking instrument lessons considered physical activity?
posted by desuetude at 9:10 AM on January 10, 2018 [3 favorites]
I think a lot of people are being very hard on you here. It's not wrong for you to worry about the downsides of sedentary-ness on a child. It's bad for their physical and mental health, just like it is for adults, and even more so.
But, I doubt that pressure to play team sports or randomly go outside and play is going to benefit any of you. You'd know if he wanted to do that. He doesn't. Who can blame him?
Consider a trampoline. If possible, figure out a way for him to try trampolining at someone else's house, or at a bounce park, rather than springing it on him. Once he tries it he'll probably ask for one, and that will set it up much more favorably than you just all of a sudden bringing it home.
Your best bet is probably to get one that's big enough for you to use too. It's fun for everyone.
Research day hikes near your home, too, and do those. All of you, together. Shady places, probably! If it doesn't sound fun to you, it won't to him either.
And if you haven't limited screen time, do that. There's a big cognitive difference between reading a book and watching Youtube.
And, honestly, if he resists all this -- let him be. Probably the worst thing you can do is nag him about it. Set an example, and the rest will come in time.
posted by fingersandtoes at 9:11 AM on January 10, 2018 [2 favorites]
But, I doubt that pressure to play team sports or randomly go outside and play is going to benefit any of you. You'd know if he wanted to do that. He doesn't. Who can blame him?
Consider a trampoline. If possible, figure out a way for him to try trampolining at someone else's house, or at a bounce park, rather than springing it on him. Once he tries it he'll probably ask for one, and that will set it up much more favorably than you just all of a sudden bringing it home.
Your best bet is probably to get one that's big enough for you to use too. It's fun for everyone.
Research day hikes near your home, too, and do those. All of you, together. Shady places, probably! If it doesn't sound fun to you, it won't to him either.
And if you haven't limited screen time, do that. There's a big cognitive difference between reading a book and watching Youtube.
And, honestly, if he resists all this -- let him be. Probably the worst thing you can do is nag him about it. Set an example, and the rest will come in time.
posted by fingersandtoes at 9:11 AM on January 10, 2018 [2 favorites]
My kids know they need to get outdoor exercise every day. It's routine, like how they have to brush their teeth every night. There are occasional exceptions (illness, dangerous weather, doing a big indoor athletic thing that day, just feel like taking the day off) but if you make it a thing you do, it ends up being pretty easy. Recess counts, going for a 30-mile bike ride counts, walking around the block counts, playing in the driveway with the neighbor kids counts, going on a six-milke hike while geocaching with the family counts. This is also true for myself and Mr. Corpse. I believe this makes us healthier now and is setting my kids up with good habits for adulthood.
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:15 AM on January 10, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:15 AM on January 10, 2018 [2 favorites]
I was very much like Sid as a kid. My mom was very concerned and pushed me to play basketball all the time, suggesting that I'd 1) lose weight and 2) grow taller if I just play more basketball.
I resented my mom, hated basketball even more, and developed a very negative body image which made me even more unwilling to leave the house.
Now that I am in my 30s and have finally started to come into my own, I realized:
1) I don't categorically dislike exercise, actually. I love long solitary walks and now walk 10km a day without any external rewards. I love hiking. I love swimming. I love cycling-- the key for me is to do these things alone. I find it contemplative and relaxing.
What I really hate is competitive organized sports. I have a lot of social anxieties about it.
My point is-- maybe Sid likes forms of exercise that's not currently available to him. Can you take him to a really huge bookstore and let him walk around the aisles?
2) Both of my parents were very sedentary, and being told to do something THEY don't do felt like a punishment that came out of nowhere. I am not saying that you are sedentary, but maybe let Sid see what you and/or your partner getting active.
posted by redwaterman at 9:18 AM on January 10, 2018
I resented my mom, hated basketball even more, and developed a very negative body image which made me even more unwilling to leave the house.
Now that I am in my 30s and have finally started to come into my own, I realized:
1) I don't categorically dislike exercise, actually. I love long solitary walks and now walk 10km a day without any external rewards. I love hiking. I love swimming. I love cycling-- the key for me is to do these things alone. I find it contemplative and relaxing.
What I really hate is competitive organized sports. I have a lot of social anxieties about it.
My point is-- maybe Sid likes forms of exercise that's not currently available to him. Can you take him to a really huge bookstore and let him walk around the aisles?
2) Both of my parents were very sedentary, and being told to do something THEY don't do felt like a punishment that came out of nowhere. I am not saying that you are sedentary, but maybe let Sid see what you and/or your partner getting active.
posted by redwaterman at 9:18 AM on January 10, 2018
I'll add: one of my concerns that I didn't articulate well above is that, while bike-riding to school is an awesome way that he has activity built into his every day, is that something that adults in your family still do? Or will it be more of a situation where the day he turns 16, cars are the go-to? Will it continue into adulthood for him or will it end when he has access to something physically easier?
I did a lot of walking and biking as a kid that pretty much stopped once I got old enough to drive (or got old enough that many of my activities required traveling longer distances whether by car or transit). Biking's awesome but not all families treat it as a thing adults do regularly. I've started bike commuting again but it's very much an anomaly for most adults outside of, like, Holland and Copenhagen.
posted by mosst at 9:23 AM on January 10, 2018
I did a lot of walking and biking as a kid that pretty much stopped once I got old enough to drive (or got old enough that many of my activities required traveling longer distances whether by car or transit). Biking's awesome but not all families treat it as a thing adults do regularly. I've started bike commuting again but it's very much an anomaly for most adults outside of, like, Holland and Copenhagen.
posted by mosst at 9:23 AM on January 10, 2018
I hated exercise until I found a way to do it that met the following criteria:
1. No other people involved. I had the stereotypical bad experience in gym class, plus a big helping of social anxiety. Exercising with other people is not for me. I’ll walk to a store or use a stationary bike at home, but walking with other people, playing sports, or going to a gym are not for me.
2. Nothing that requires me to get up even earlier than I already have to or go outside in bad weather. Ugh.
3. I don’t enjoy exercise as such, so I need something else to focus on while doing it. I get motion sick, so reading isn’t a great option.
The exercise that works for me is, I got an under-desk stationary bike and pedal while playing video games. Would it be helpful to Sid if he could avoid some of the peripheral things about exercise that he doesn’t like? I was never able to get motivated to exercise regularly until I found a way around those barriers. The under-desk bike was around $35 from Amazon (although there are fancier ones that cost a lot more)
If he likes screen time, maybe find a way he can exercise while watching TV or playing video games, and let him have some extra screen time if he’s exercising while he does it?
posted by Anne Neville at 9:30 AM on January 10, 2018 [1 favorite]
1. No other people involved. I had the stereotypical bad experience in gym class, plus a big helping of social anxiety. Exercising with other people is not for me. I’ll walk to a store or use a stationary bike at home, but walking with other people, playing sports, or going to a gym are not for me.
2. Nothing that requires me to get up even earlier than I already have to or go outside in bad weather. Ugh.
3. I don’t enjoy exercise as such, so I need something else to focus on while doing it. I get motion sick, so reading isn’t a great option.
The exercise that works for me is, I got an under-desk stationary bike and pedal while playing video games. Would it be helpful to Sid if he could avoid some of the peripheral things about exercise that he doesn’t like? I was never able to get motivated to exercise regularly until I found a way around those barriers. The under-desk bike was around $35 from Amazon (although there are fancier ones that cost a lot more)
If he likes screen time, maybe find a way he can exercise while watching TV or playing video games, and let him have some extra screen time if he’s exercising while he does it?
posted by Anne Neville at 9:30 AM on January 10, 2018 [1 favorite]
Thinking further:
The biggest obstacle I had to overcome with exercise was the pointlessness I perceived in exercise for its own sake. Like - going for a walk is just sort of....random. But walking to that friends' house? Or that coffee shop? Sure, why not?
You see what I mean? It's not the walking itself that's the issue, it's the reason why I'm walking - if I'm walking to nowhere, then that's kind of pointless. But if walking is the means of transport I happen to be using to get to a place, then I have no problem whatsoever.
I point that out because you say Sid isn't interested in "going for a walk", but he has no problem riding his bike to and from school every day. Well, yeah - he has to be at school, his bike is the means he uses to get himself there. There you go. Whereas just going for a walk....well, why is he walking? Where is he going to go and why does he need to go there? ....Oh, you say he should begin and end the walk in the same place? Why not just stay put and save himself the trouble?
That's also why I was suggesting the naturalist/exploration angle. As "pointless" as I consider a walk just for its own sake to be, if you instead suggest that I go on a "hike", then that's different - I'm not just walking, I'm outside in the natural world exploring the woods and shit. Even though I effectively still am just taking a walk where I begin and end in the same place. Or geocaching: I'm not just taking a walk, I'm trying to find the weird treasure chest box someone left behind in my neighborhood.
If you think there's something to the natural-world-exploration angle, Greg Nog tipped me off to a great web site with an app - iNaturalist. It's for recording animals and plants you happen to see day by day - post a picture (even from a camera phone) and the location, and it adds to the collective count of "animals/plants you can see in this area". Even if you don't know what it is you're looking at, you can post the picture anyway, and other users can help identify what it is. The phone app has a great feature called "Missions" as well, where it lists what possible animals or plants you might find in your location - that's actually what Greg Nog was talking about, and compared it to "like Pokemon Go for real life". And that was enough to make me download the app and try it out - I was walking through a local park on my way to the subway anyway, but I pulled up the "missions" as I did and had my eye out for things ("oh hey, there's some bittersweet over there!.....Oh and I got a monarch butterfly too! SWEET!").
In my fun-loving brain, I was on a scavenger hunt looking for wildlife. But - i was also walking around outside.
I think Sid just needs a "why" for why he would go for a walk or go outside, and team sports or "for exercise" isn't a good enough "why". Nature may be a good enough "why."
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:46 AM on January 10, 2018 [6 favorites]
The biggest obstacle I had to overcome with exercise was the pointlessness I perceived in exercise for its own sake. Like - going for a walk is just sort of....random. But walking to that friends' house? Or that coffee shop? Sure, why not?
You see what I mean? It's not the walking itself that's the issue, it's the reason why I'm walking - if I'm walking to nowhere, then that's kind of pointless. But if walking is the means of transport I happen to be using to get to a place, then I have no problem whatsoever.
I point that out because you say Sid isn't interested in "going for a walk", but he has no problem riding his bike to and from school every day. Well, yeah - he has to be at school, his bike is the means he uses to get himself there. There you go. Whereas just going for a walk....well, why is he walking? Where is he going to go and why does he need to go there? ....Oh, you say he should begin and end the walk in the same place? Why not just stay put and save himself the trouble?
That's also why I was suggesting the naturalist/exploration angle. As "pointless" as I consider a walk just for its own sake to be, if you instead suggest that I go on a "hike", then that's different - I'm not just walking, I'm outside in the natural world exploring the woods and shit. Even though I effectively still am just taking a walk where I begin and end in the same place. Or geocaching: I'm not just taking a walk, I'm trying to find the weird treasure chest box someone left behind in my neighborhood.
If you think there's something to the natural-world-exploration angle, Greg Nog tipped me off to a great web site with an app - iNaturalist. It's for recording animals and plants you happen to see day by day - post a picture (even from a camera phone) and the location, and it adds to the collective count of "animals/plants you can see in this area". Even if you don't know what it is you're looking at, you can post the picture anyway, and other users can help identify what it is. The phone app has a great feature called "Missions" as well, where it lists what possible animals or plants you might find in your location - that's actually what Greg Nog was talking about, and compared it to "like Pokemon Go for real life". And that was enough to make me download the app and try it out - I was walking through a local park on my way to the subway anyway, but I pulled up the "missions" as I did and had my eye out for things ("oh hey, there's some bittersweet over there!.....Oh and I got a monarch butterfly too! SWEET!").
In my fun-loving brain, I was on a scavenger hunt looking for wildlife. But - i was also walking around outside.
I think Sid just needs a "why" for why he would go for a walk or go outside, and team sports or "for exercise" isn't a good enough "why". Nature may be a good enough "why."
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:46 AM on January 10, 2018 [6 favorites]
He bikes to and from school twice a day
Seems quite ok to me in terms of exercise and "being active" (a little depending on the actual distance traveled, of course).
Not so keen on:
-- going on walks,
Well, going on walks is maybe somewhat more of a grown-up activity, but if you can combine the listening-to-stories interest with a walk...perhaps?
-- playing sports,
The fact that so many people really like sports and are so interested in sports doesn't mean that sports in themselves are good, or that no interest in sports is bad. The goodnes of it all depends on people finding it good. Your kid apparently doesn't.
If Sid is interested in whatever he does do, and doesn't just sit around wasting his time, I would vote for leave be.
posted by Namlit at 10:13 AM on January 10, 2018 [1 favorite]
Seems quite ok to me in terms of exercise and "being active" (a little depending on the actual distance traveled, of course).
Not so keen on:
-- going on walks,
Well, going on walks is maybe somewhat more of a grown-up activity, but if you can combine the listening-to-stories interest with a walk...perhaps?
-- playing sports,
The fact that so many people really like sports and are so interested in sports doesn't mean that sports in themselves are good, or that no interest in sports is bad. The goodnes of it all depends on people finding it good. Your kid apparently doesn't.
If Sid is interested in whatever he does do, and doesn't just sit around wasting his time, I would vote for leave be.
posted by Namlit at 10:13 AM on January 10, 2018 [1 favorite]
I can't imagine what you think is a problem here. He bikes to school happily; he's getting regular exercise and doesn't hate it. Why in the world is it important that he should like football more than stories?
posted by waffleriot at 11:03 AM on January 10, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by waffleriot at 11:03 AM on January 10, 2018 [5 favorites]
My son is 6. He loves being outside at the playground in the summer, and I do push him out when it's not hot out, or we go to the beach (where he runs in and out of the water for an hour or two and collapses after). He doesn't want to ride a bike but he loves his scooter. In the winter it's harder but we'll go to an indoor playground so he can run around or when it's not super freezing he loves climbing snow piles. Inside I'll play with balloons with him or play catch, we'll have a dance party.
The moment I try to get him to walk down the street he becomes the slowest, whiniest kid and begs to drive, I think it's just a developmental thing for some kids. My son also doesn't really do group sports but he loves playing beyblade with other kids, and he's social in the playground. I try not to compare him to the kids that have been in a soccer league since they were 3 and seem to love that sort of thing, my son loves make believe and stories and making stuff, as long as he does something physical each day (or twice a day) I think it's fine.
posted by lafemma at 12:04 PM on January 10, 2018
The moment I try to get him to walk down the street he becomes the slowest, whiniest kid and begs to drive, I think it's just a developmental thing for some kids. My son also doesn't really do group sports but he loves playing beyblade with other kids, and he's social in the playground. I try not to compare him to the kids that have been in a soccer league since they were 3 and seem to love that sort of thing, my son loves make believe and stories and making stuff, as long as he does something physical each day (or twice a day) I think it's fine.
posted by lafemma at 12:04 PM on January 10, 2018
Take heart OP it's important that kids and adults alike are active, this is a very common parental concern. You might be bringing some anxieties in or not, but safe to say so is everyone answering.
How we deal with it :
Mandated "outside time" to get tablet access. This is typically for less than an hour a day, and didn't happen every day. I don't care what they do outside, but they have to be in the yard or on the deck.
We bought a trampoline. Kids haven't been into it quite as much as I would like given the expense but they are coming around.
"family walks" after dinner in summer. Just around the block, looking at plants and stuff.
Playground excursions. On the weekends I always take them to a playground. It might be the one just down the road, it might be one further afield. I'll play with them there as well as supervise.
Swimming lessons. Weekly. Not negotiable. Could save their or someone else's lives one day.it's only half an hour.
Let them walk, run, muck around on the treadmill after I'm done. They love this bizarrely. The novelty I think. But it's only for five or ten minutes.
Walks through the bush/park. The big one, like me, loves nature and the more wild the setting the more interested she is.
Playdates. They tend to race around a lot whether they are inside or outside.
Next year my eldest will be trying out girl guides to see if she likes it. It's once a week. Seven is quite young for team sports.
This isn't like a checklist I have to get through every week, it's more about mindset and creating opportunities.
Do I wish my kids spent long hours in the afternoon, traipsing through paddocks and rainforest making up their own adventures, chasing after cattle, or picking strawberries etc like I did? Yeah sometimes. But neither their nor my lives accommodate that stuff anymore. I just try to expose them to a wide range of activities so that they don't feel their only entertainment can come from a screen, and I try to model that with varying success.
posted by smoke at 12:17 PM on January 10, 2018 [3 favorites]
How we deal with it :
Mandated "outside time" to get tablet access. This is typically for less than an hour a day, and didn't happen every day. I don't care what they do outside, but they have to be in the yard or on the deck.
We bought a trampoline. Kids haven't been into it quite as much as I would like given the expense but they are coming around.
"family walks" after dinner in summer. Just around the block, looking at plants and stuff.
Playground excursions. On the weekends I always take them to a playground. It might be the one just down the road, it might be one further afield. I'll play with them there as well as supervise.
Swimming lessons. Weekly. Not negotiable. Could save their or someone else's lives one day.it's only half an hour.
Let them walk, run, muck around on the treadmill after I'm done. They love this bizarrely. The novelty I think. But it's only for five or ten minutes.
Walks through the bush/park. The big one, like me, loves nature and the more wild the setting the more interested she is.
Playdates. They tend to race around a lot whether they are inside or outside.
Next year my eldest will be trying out girl guides to see if she likes it. It's once a week. Seven is quite young for team sports.
This isn't like a checklist I have to get through every week, it's more about mindset and creating opportunities.
Do I wish my kids spent long hours in the afternoon, traipsing through paddocks and rainforest making up their own adventures, chasing after cattle, or picking strawberries etc like I did? Yeah sometimes. But neither their nor my lives accommodate that stuff anymore. I just try to expose them to a wide range of activities so that they don't feel their only entertainment can come from a screen, and I try to model that with varying success.
posted by smoke at 12:17 PM on January 10, 2018 [3 favorites]
If you need someone to take him to a large bookstore to walk around and look at books, I’m available. Very reasonable rates.
Family walks do include something of interest to him and don’t become talks about how he needs to shape up, right? If they don’t take his interests into account or end up being background for lectures, it’s not surprising if he doesn’t like them.
Everybody should exercise, but not everybody is going to enjoy the same kinds of exercise, and that’s OK. Some people, even some boys and men, don’t play sports. You can’t make your kid have the interests you think they should. Trying to shape their interests isn’t likely to work and is likely to damage your relationship with them.
posted by Anne Neville at 12:23 PM on January 10, 2018
Family walks do include something of interest to him and don’t become talks about how he needs to shape up, right? If they don’t take his interests into account or end up being background for lectures, it’s not surprising if he doesn’t like them.
Everybody should exercise, but not everybody is going to enjoy the same kinds of exercise, and that’s OK. Some people, even some boys and men, don’t play sports. You can’t make your kid have the interests you think they should. Trying to shape their interests isn’t likely to work and is likely to damage your relationship with them.
posted by Anne Neville at 12:23 PM on January 10, 2018
I had kind of a bathtub curve of activity: I was very active as a child, until puberty, then stopped being active until I went away to university. Bad brains sob story below, feel free to skip:
---- personal anxieties/projection starts here ----
Both my parents were sedentary and overweight. It is and was none of my business what someone else weighs or how they choose to spend their finite time on this earth. But they were adamant that barely-not-underweight me start exercising regularly. Why? Not because I would be healthier, but because otherwise I'd get fat. Exercise was never presented to me as something that could be enjoyed for its own sake, as something I could use to explore what my body could accomplish with persistent effort, or as a way to experience more of the world. It was instead a way to control my disgusting body and to show the world how virtuous I was. Neither of them exercised and they were also very firm that second best means first loser. I was younger and smaller than the other kids so I quit sports (which I had previously enjoyed) very quickly. They didn't smooth the way for me to exercise (we never rode bikes or went for runs or hikes or anything), just constantly shamed me for what I wasn't doing and how I looked. I have a distinct memory of being told I was too "sloppy" and "flabby" to swim in front of my mom's work friends. "You have to exercise, but not where anyone can se you, and also you aren't allowed out after dark" - mixed messages!
I finally discovered all the nice things about exercise I enumerated above once I was living on my own and could explore at my own pace (heh). I took up running again, and then biking, and now I walk a lot. My family members are so confused by this.
---- personal anxieties/projection stops here ----
I don't think you're like the people in my life who treated me badly. You seem like a caring parent, who is interested in Sid's health and happiness. Which is a rare enough thing. But this topic can be so fraught (see big blob o' feelings up there) it's worth treading carefully.
Like Sid, I love to read. One way I read a lot is by taking my Kindle with me on walks, especially on separated paths where I don't have to worry about getting hit by a car while I'm distracted. I read so many books like this, it's a good way to pass the more "boring" parts of my walk. The Kindle is light and means I don't have to lug a 1000+ page doorstopper with me. Since I have ADHD the walking motion helps me focus on what I'm reading. In fact I've ended up pacing back and forth along my block in front of my house because I just have to finish this chapter! I listen to audiobooks and podcasts (history podcasts with big back catalogues are a fave, if something like that would interest Sid?) on walks if I need to be more attentive to what's in front of me.
I think in general positive motivation (rather than nagging or shaming) is the best approach to getting a kid to do something and especially with this topic. Does Sid like animals/plants? You might also consider getting a birding guide/wildlife book (like with lizards) and trying to identify as many of the creatures as possible. Even in built up urban areas there's an amazing amount of wildlife, and of course this is even more true out in the woods or on the beach.
posted by threementholsandafuneral at 12:37 PM on January 10, 2018 [2 favorites]
---- personal anxieties/projection starts here ----
Both my parents were sedentary and overweight. It is and was none of my business what someone else weighs or how they choose to spend their finite time on this earth. But they were adamant that barely-not-underweight me start exercising regularly. Why? Not because I would be healthier, but because otherwise I'd get fat. Exercise was never presented to me as something that could be enjoyed for its own sake, as something I could use to explore what my body could accomplish with persistent effort, or as a way to experience more of the world. It was instead a way to control my disgusting body and to show the world how virtuous I was. Neither of them exercised and they were also very firm that second best means first loser. I was younger and smaller than the other kids so I quit sports (which I had previously enjoyed) very quickly. They didn't smooth the way for me to exercise (we never rode bikes or went for runs or hikes or anything), just constantly shamed me for what I wasn't doing and how I looked. I have a distinct memory of being told I was too "sloppy" and "flabby" to swim in front of my mom's work friends. "You have to exercise, but not where anyone can se you, and also you aren't allowed out after dark" - mixed messages!
I finally discovered all the nice things about exercise I enumerated above once I was living on my own and could explore at my own pace (heh). I took up running again, and then biking, and now I walk a lot. My family members are so confused by this.
---- personal anxieties/projection stops here ----
I don't think you're like the people in my life who treated me badly. You seem like a caring parent, who is interested in Sid's health and happiness. Which is a rare enough thing. But this topic can be so fraught (see big blob o' feelings up there) it's worth treading carefully.
Like Sid, I love to read. One way I read a lot is by taking my Kindle with me on walks, especially on separated paths where I don't have to worry about getting hit by a car while I'm distracted. I read so many books like this, it's a good way to pass the more "boring" parts of my walk. The Kindle is light and means I don't have to lug a 1000+ page doorstopper with me. Since I have ADHD the walking motion helps me focus on what I'm reading. In fact I've ended up pacing back and forth along my block in front of my house because I just have to finish this chapter! I listen to audiobooks and podcasts (history podcasts with big back catalogues are a fave, if something like that would interest Sid?) on walks if I need to be more attentive to what's in front of me.
I think in general positive motivation (rather than nagging or shaming) is the best approach to getting a kid to do something and especially with this topic. Does Sid like animals/plants? You might also consider getting a birding guide/wildlife book (like with lizards) and trying to identify as many of the creatures as possible. Even in built up urban areas there's an amazing amount of wildlife, and of course this is even more true out in the woods or on the beach.
posted by threementholsandafuneral at 12:37 PM on January 10, 2018 [2 favorites]
My daughter generally prefers reading to sports, as do I. I like taking walks, but I really need them to have some kind of point (library trip, getting berries from the produce stand, pretty views at the beach even). I've discovered that playing Pokemon Go can even be enough of a point for me to take extra walks. My daughter will nearly always agree to extra walks with me, even long Pokemon catching ones, if we talk about things she's interested in. (By which I mean Harry Potter, that's what we always talk about.) She's gotten good at walking and hiking and I've gotten better at arguing character theories.
If you and Sid exercised together, it might be more fun for him. Especially if he got to pick things to talk about that he's interested in. (Or maybe you could get him into Pokemon Go.)
posted by Margalo Epps at 6:05 PM on January 10, 2018 [2 favorites]
If you and Sid exercised together, it might be more fun for him. Especially if he got to pick things to talk about that he's interested in. (Or maybe you could get him into Pokemon Go.)
posted by Margalo Epps at 6:05 PM on January 10, 2018 [2 favorites]
So, this was me as a youngster. Sure I liked to play outside, but with my toys and sitting in the dirt, not running around chasing...hockey putts or whatever. I turned out okay, but fat, which I still struggle with.
Looking back, I was a kid who loved nature, and so stuff like bushwalking/exploring was always something I enjoyed, and I could have done more of that (or been encouraged to do more, or had the doing facilitated by my parents). So, perhaps "exploring" might be a good form of exercise? Head out to a national park that has a guided tour? Perhaps little Sid's love of reading could be expanded into a love of learning (about nature), which might translate into a love of going walkabout?
Later on, we got a dog, who I walked every day - LONG walks as she loved exercise. That might be an option.
Finally, I really REALLY wish I had started training with weights way, way younger. Maybe not seven years young, but bodyweight training might be a goer at that age.
There are other activities like target archery that I did and enjoyed, as well as karate which was fine until I sprained my ankle, but anyway, there are a few ideas. Plenty of sports that don't require a team.
posted by turbid dahlia at 7:29 PM on January 10, 2018
Looking back, I was a kid who loved nature, and so stuff like bushwalking/exploring was always something I enjoyed, and I could have done more of that (or been encouraged to do more, or had the doing facilitated by my parents). So, perhaps "exploring" might be a good form of exercise? Head out to a national park that has a guided tour? Perhaps little Sid's love of reading could be expanded into a love of learning (about nature), which might translate into a love of going walkabout?
Later on, we got a dog, who I walked every day - LONG walks as she loved exercise. That might be an option.
Finally, I really REALLY wish I had started training with weights way, way younger. Maybe not seven years young, but bodyweight training might be a goer at that age.
There are other activities like target archery that I did and enjoyed, as well as karate which was fine until I sprained my ankle, but anyway, there are a few ideas. Plenty of sports that don't require a team.
posted by turbid dahlia at 7:29 PM on January 10, 2018
And, while I'd not suggest people "push" their kids to do anything (although, telling your kids what to do and making sure they do it is pretty much what parenting is), exercise and general fitness habits really should be instilled at a young age. It's just finding the right fit.
posted by turbid dahlia at 7:31 PM on January 10, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by turbid dahlia at 7:31 PM on January 10, 2018 [1 favorite]
Like others, I am going to project a bit. So I also hated 'sports' as a kid, despite being somewhat athletically inclined. I also had a lot of pressure on me to do exercise because I was chubby; it wasn't explicit pressure on my looks, but I could feel it hanging in the air. My family signed me up for gymnastics and tennis, kept hammering at me about exercise and fitness, and it backfired incredibly. And I was actually top of my class at tennis and showed great promise. I hated it. Later, all the 'encouraging' my family would do to get me to play a sport or go outside-- all it did was make me feel small and inadequate the way I looked, (and in hindsight, I wasn't even fat, just really tall for my age). I firmly believe today, that had I been left alone and accepted, I'd probably be less inclined to hate exercise. After all, I actually was outside quite a bit, rode my bike, swam, went for walks, explored neighborhoods etc. It was their insistence that I should be doing these things rigidly that made me want to recoil. Running around having fun somehow didn't count-- doing a 'sport' or 'exercise' did.
For me, personally, my aversion to it was two-fold. Firstly, that exercise for the sake of exercising was just mind-numbingly boring (and still is). When I was bored, and tired, and everything hurt, it was tough to continue or ever want to do that activity again. That was the other thing: I was often pushed beyond my limits by adults, and that often backfired. But there were activities I responded to. Dancing, martial arts, table tennis, ice-skating, rollerblading, skipping, skateboard-- these were actually work and these were way more interesting than (barf) jogging or football. But they were often dismissed as not exercise. But I found that when I was tricked into having fun, I forgot I was doing exercise. Especially if there was no toxic competitiveness to it. There has to be something that he may be inclined to do. And nthing exploring-- I also liked to explore as a kid-- look at places or parks. Exploring new places is a big part of what makes walking fun, and I do that even today. From someone who never did exercise, I can outwalk everyone in my family pretty easily. I sometimes walk to the store-- 3 miles away. If I were to randomly go walk 3 miles, I'd get bored. As a kid, I was the same. Walking with a purpose makes exercise not feel like exercise-- I was thinking of this on Christmas Eve when we went outside to look at Christmas lights and catch Pokemon with my nephews. Never have they been so eager to go outside before. They ran around so much; oblivious to the fact they were currently exercising. This was the kind of exercise I needed as a kid.
The other thing that compounded my hatred for exercise was that PE was terrible. I was ok at it, but PE teachers gave preferential treatment to athletes and made non-athletes feel like crap for being unfit. It also had weird and random timed trials-- for example, we'd go from doing Volleyball for 2 months, and then one day the entire grade was to forced to run 4 kms on a timer. People too slow would be forced to go around again. This was ridiculous to me; they in no way trained us up for these runs-- they instead tried to shame people who were unfit-- and they very much made us feel awful for failing, instead of praising us for trying. I remember being screamed at for walking the track, despite having a stitch and being in so much pain. I remember the same thing during swimming-- one day was 'timed trials' and we had to swim long-distance. I practically did it at a snails pace at the 2k mark-- It killed my love for the water. don't know how PE is in the states or if it's like this at all, but these kind of things were terrible, made me feel worse about being 'unfit' and made me less likely to try again. Being chubby made it all the worse; it somehow made me less worthy of respect in the eyes of my teachers. It was terrible, and even though it was so long ago, I still kind of resent it. So, I mean, removing or lessening that kind of toxicity about working out would have done absolute wonders for me.
Lastly, being ok with the amount of activity I do, and understanding I'm not my (highly active) brother, would have helped me too. I'm not suggesting there is an ulterior motive here necessarily; like if Sid is chubby or such, and you're worried about that-- but if there is-- even if you don't make it a big deal, he will pick up on it, and it does have the potential to backfire. A lot of losing weight is more than just being fit, or doing exercise-- weight training helps, intervals, and a lot of it is diet. Pure cardio, as I was brought up on-- actually didn't do me any favors. Learning proper nutrition, no-longer treating activities and food as 'bad' and 'good' also helped. And doing activities with my parents-- that was the best part. Sure they wanted me to exercise, but often, they wanted me to do stuff on my own. Basically, shame didn't work for me. YMMV.
I'm never going to be super fit, but I still walk, and occasionally dance. Sometimes I go 'scooterring' with my nephews (who love it, and that's another option too). Anyway, I hope it goes well.
posted by Dimes at 12:34 PM on January 11, 2018 [1 favorite]
For me, personally, my aversion to it was two-fold. Firstly, that exercise for the sake of exercising was just mind-numbingly boring (and still is). When I was bored, and tired, and everything hurt, it was tough to continue or ever want to do that activity again. That was the other thing: I was often pushed beyond my limits by adults, and that often backfired. But there were activities I responded to. Dancing, martial arts, table tennis, ice-skating, rollerblading, skipping, skateboard-- these were actually work and these were way more interesting than (barf) jogging or football. But they were often dismissed as not exercise. But I found that when I was tricked into having fun, I forgot I was doing exercise. Especially if there was no toxic competitiveness to it. There has to be something that he may be inclined to do. And nthing exploring-- I also liked to explore as a kid-- look at places or parks. Exploring new places is a big part of what makes walking fun, and I do that even today. From someone who never did exercise, I can outwalk everyone in my family pretty easily. I sometimes walk to the store-- 3 miles away. If I were to randomly go walk 3 miles, I'd get bored. As a kid, I was the same. Walking with a purpose makes exercise not feel like exercise-- I was thinking of this on Christmas Eve when we went outside to look at Christmas lights and catch Pokemon with my nephews. Never have they been so eager to go outside before. They ran around so much; oblivious to the fact they were currently exercising. This was the kind of exercise I needed as a kid.
The other thing that compounded my hatred for exercise was that PE was terrible. I was ok at it, but PE teachers gave preferential treatment to athletes and made non-athletes feel like crap for being unfit. It also had weird and random timed trials-- for example, we'd go from doing Volleyball for 2 months, and then one day the entire grade was to forced to run 4 kms on a timer. People too slow would be forced to go around again. This was ridiculous to me; they in no way trained us up for these runs-- they instead tried to shame people who were unfit-- and they very much made us feel awful for failing, instead of praising us for trying. I remember being screamed at for walking the track, despite having a stitch and being in so much pain. I remember the same thing during swimming-- one day was 'timed trials' and we had to swim long-distance. I practically did it at a snails pace at the 2k mark-- It killed my love for the water. don't know how PE is in the states or if it's like this at all, but these kind of things were terrible, made me feel worse about being 'unfit' and made me less likely to try again. Being chubby made it all the worse; it somehow made me less worthy of respect in the eyes of my teachers. It was terrible, and even though it was so long ago, I still kind of resent it. So, I mean, removing or lessening that kind of toxicity about working out would have done absolute wonders for me.
Lastly, being ok with the amount of activity I do, and understanding I'm not my (highly active) brother, would have helped me too. I'm not suggesting there is an ulterior motive here necessarily; like if Sid is chubby or such, and you're worried about that-- but if there is-- even if you don't make it a big deal, he will pick up on it, and it does have the potential to backfire. A lot of losing weight is more than just being fit, or doing exercise-- weight training helps, intervals, and a lot of it is diet. Pure cardio, as I was brought up on-- actually didn't do me any favors. Learning proper nutrition, no-longer treating activities and food as 'bad' and 'good' also helped. And doing activities with my parents-- that was the best part. Sure they wanted me to exercise, but often, they wanted me to do stuff on my own. Basically, shame didn't work for me. YMMV.
I'm never going to be super fit, but I still walk, and occasionally dance. Sometimes I go 'scooterring' with my nephews (who love it, and that's another option too). Anyway, I hope it goes well.
posted by Dimes at 12:34 PM on January 11, 2018 [1 favorite]
our son is 9. While I would not say he is sedentary he is definitely not the athletic type with great physical courage and not fond of outdoor sports.
This leads to quite some conflicts with my husband who is into fitness and athletics and trying hard to hide his disappointment in having a not athletic and not physically courageous child.
I think there are two factors that contribute to our son not being as physically active as he could be: one is anxiety and downright fear of injury (although he never has seriously injured himself yet). This was something he has only been able to verbalise quite recently but I think has been on his mind a very long time. He is very logic driven, and so he tends to draw conclusions that do not always pass the test of life experience, eg in this case he convinced himself that excersizing daily increases the chance for injury. I know this is weird for a 9 year old to say that but this is what he told us is preventing him from doing more sports. He explained to us that he stopped biking because doing it daily will increase the likelyhood of injury. He used to go ice skating every winter with dad once a week, but had a hard fall (but no serious injury) and promptly refuses to go any more. He sees his body as fragile while really he is quite wiry and tough.
The second one is somewhat similar: he is a perfectionist. He stopped playing soccer because in his own opinion he is not as good as his peers.
what we did find still works is group activities, where the focus is not that much on his individual achievement. Not so much team sports but sports activities done in groups but not competitive. So he now (voluntarily) goes to a weekly tennis group (but not one on one coaching), and in the summer voluntarily went to 3 camps with no focus on individual achievement but just general activities outdoors, one of them father/son sports camp, and really did enjoy all three. It toook a bit to find settings that do not focus solely on competition but luckily we found some.
Another sport he loves is swimming, we do that lot in summer, as a family.
I feel like the combined pressure of my husband's disappointment (which he tries to suppress and overcome but nevertheless is often palpable) and our son's own anxieties and prefectionism effectively drive him into non-athletic activities.
So he reads a lot (literally for hours), but also of course there is screen time. we started recently to do the "buy screen time with out door time" as several have suggested upthread, but to be honest I am not convinced it is a good thing but for now we do it.
posted by 15L06 at 3:05 AM on January 12, 2018
This leads to quite some conflicts with my husband who is into fitness and athletics and trying hard to hide his disappointment in having a not athletic and not physically courageous child.
I think there are two factors that contribute to our son not being as physically active as he could be: one is anxiety and downright fear of injury (although he never has seriously injured himself yet). This was something he has only been able to verbalise quite recently but I think has been on his mind a very long time. He is very logic driven, and so he tends to draw conclusions that do not always pass the test of life experience, eg in this case he convinced himself that excersizing daily increases the chance for injury. I know this is weird for a 9 year old to say that but this is what he told us is preventing him from doing more sports. He explained to us that he stopped biking because doing it daily will increase the likelyhood of injury. He used to go ice skating every winter with dad once a week, but had a hard fall (but no serious injury) and promptly refuses to go any more. He sees his body as fragile while really he is quite wiry and tough.
The second one is somewhat similar: he is a perfectionist. He stopped playing soccer because in his own opinion he is not as good as his peers.
what we did find still works is group activities, where the focus is not that much on his individual achievement. Not so much team sports but sports activities done in groups but not competitive. So he now (voluntarily) goes to a weekly tennis group (but not one on one coaching), and in the summer voluntarily went to 3 camps with no focus on individual achievement but just general activities outdoors, one of them father/son sports camp, and really did enjoy all three. It toook a bit to find settings that do not focus solely on competition but luckily we found some.
Another sport he loves is swimming, we do that lot in summer, as a family.
I feel like the combined pressure of my husband's disappointment (which he tries to suppress and overcome but nevertheless is often palpable) and our son's own anxieties and prefectionism effectively drive him into non-athletic activities.
So he reads a lot (literally for hours), but also of course there is screen time. we started recently to do the "buy screen time with out door time" as several have suggested upthread, but to be honest I am not convinced it is a good thing but for now we do it.
posted by 15L06 at 3:05 AM on January 12, 2018
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My daughter (9) has a similar approach to life as things stand. There are so far two things that I've noticed that will get her up and interested in physical exertion. One, is that we got a trampoline in the garden for Christmas for the three of them to share. They can and do spend ages on it, on a regular basis.
Secondly, she would happily run around a field with a dog for literally hours on end. Wouldn't run or participate in sports, but playing ball, and running to/from a little dog and she never stops...
Sadly, we can't really get a dog ourselves at the moment, so we go to the park and she plays with other peoples at the moment. It took awhile for these two things to come to light as stimulants, but they most definitely are.
posted by thingonaspring at 4:46 AM on January 10, 2018 [3 favorites]