What do I say to the fox?

October 30, 2017 9:05 AM

Help me process my feelings about this fox skull that was gifted to me.

[I'm a little uncomfortable with how weird / stupid this might get, hence me asking anonymously. I can't imagine that you would need any more information than I'm providing here but if you do just say as much and I'll be happy to send you a MeMail to clarify.]

I passively collect things that might edge into occult or goth or whatever but really I just like bones, especially skulls. I have a pretty small group of skulls (4, I think) that I've amassed over the past few years, and I know the provenance on some of them: found in the woods, most likely killed by hunter and later used as a base for taxidermy, ordered from a skull supply company ... you get the point.

A friend of mine sells this kind of stuff online and recently she sent me a gift of an item that she didn't feel right selling in her store. It's a fox skull that has a very clear bullet hole in it. It's pretty much dead in the center of the head, and looks to have been straight on, and it's small caliber so I'm guessing a .22.

Turns out I myself don't feel absolutely right about it either. I can't look at it without thinking of a fox trapped for its fur or something and put out of its misery by the trapper.

I want to find a way to tell the fox "Hey, I'm sorry for what happened and how you came to your end ...


... but I'm still going to keep your skull."

I'm not a religious or spiritual person, but I do find some comfort in rituals even when there's no underlying foundation of a belief system. For example, taking the time to smudge my new house made it feel very clean and refreshed to me. This is something that was recommended by a friend and which I would never think to do myself, but it really helped. I didn't even think there was a problem but I felt better when it was done.

Back to the fox: I keep thinking about covering up the hole, but can't get my mind away from the silly idea of a Band-Aid. I do have some artistic talent so maybe I could incorporate it into a sculpture, parts of which would obscure or fill the hole? Or paint it after having patched the hole?

Or maybe you know the Fox Prayer that I should intone while holding the skull aloft and spinning in a circle three times.

Or maybe I'm supposed to craft a brass plug for the hole which will accentuate, not hide, this fox's tragic end.

Or maybe you think the only way I'll truly be at peace with this fox's skull is if I take it out and bury it, and I'm willing to hear that as well.

Anyway, point is: go nuts. What would you do to put your mind at ease if you were in my situation?

posted by anonymous to Religion & Philosophy (16 answers total)

I would make a stand for it that holds it at the right angle so that a very small test tube could be placed into the hole and used as a bud vase, or maybe just a way to hold dried floral pieces like wheat or eucalyptus.

okay actually if I really were given that skull I'd put it strategically in my backyard so it gets used as a house by some bird or critter and makes my yard a teeny bit spooky.
posted by Mizu at 9:15 AM on October 30, 2017 [4 favorites]

An artist friend of mine has a saying: "Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable". It sounds to me like you have a powerful piece of 'found art' there; the fact that it is disturbing is part of what it is. Maybe think about accepting the fact that it is a clear memento of a sudden death, that the fox gave its life, willingly or no, to provide this message into the future with its remains. What does it mean to you? What might it mean to others? It's already made me very thoughtful, just from your description; maybe if you take photos and share them, or write a story or a description of it, it will pass on the impact of its existence. I think incorporating it into your own art (be it with a bandaid, or memorial poem, or simply keeping the memory of it as part of your life experiences) is a good tribute in and of itself.
posted by The otter lady at 9:18 AM on October 30, 2017 [10 favorites]

Maybe make a donation to these or these nice people in the fox's name? Then deck it with flowers - as above, or stick some dried ones through the hole.
posted by runincircles at 9:20 AM on October 30, 2017 [3 favorites]

Hm. I think in our current times, it seems very unsettling. There’s a general mean-spiritedness going on right now and a fox is a mischievous, small, beautiful creature seemingly always on the run. Kind of an underdog and legacy of sport hunting. While a bullet to the brain can be an act of mercy, it is a kind of violence. It’s one thing to feel the fleeting nature of life and contemplate the mercies of death, it’s another when the end of a life is so clearly intentional. It’s not a pretty scene. I think I would give the fox skull a burial with rites.
posted by amanda at 9:34 AM on October 30, 2017 [18 favorites]

I would honour the fox by making some kind of artwork from its skull and giving it a special place in your house. That way, the fox has not died for nothing and its remains can be turned into a thing of beauty. You could place it into a shadow box or on a stand, as a starting point.
posted by Too-Ticky at 9:44 AM on October 30, 2017 [1 favorite]

Flowers. Fresh if possible, but given the time of year, I think dried would be acceptable, but not artificial.
posted by Sequence at 10:07 AM on October 30, 2017

I don't think the Band-Aid idea is silly, actually. The Band-Aid for a bullet hole imagery is powerful, imo, and it also fits what you're trying to do, I think. You want to heal your new relationship with this fox skull, to make amends with the fact the fox came to a violent end, but no matter what you do, it's not going to bring the fox back to life. Maybe there's a reason your mind can't get away from this idea.
posted by Ruki at 10:07 AM on October 30, 2017 [2 favorites]

You could find an appropriately sized wooden box with a lid, line it with a bed of straw or small twigs, and nestle the skull inside. You can keep the box closed until you want or need to think about life, death, kindness, and cruelty.
posted by gyusan at 10:14 AM on October 30, 2017 [4 favorites]

I have some huge, bushy flowering lantana plants out front. I would nestle the skull among those, drape the flowers in such a way that the skull is now organically part of the yard. And leave it that way. That way it is respected, it is among nature, while still being "present" for those curious enough to look at it and realize that this creature was, in fact, shot. I don't think burying it is the right approach. What happened to it should be known, but it doesn't have to be in a garish or obvious way.
posted by Crystal Fox at 10:15 AM on October 30, 2017

Maybe googling for how other cultures honor fallen prey will give you ideas.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 10:19 AM on October 30, 2017 [2 favorites]

I think you should find a living person and help them. That way you will have paid the fox's spirit forward. I think this is a beautiful idea for the fox's sake, and you should execute some plan to do some good in its name.
posted by karmachameleon at 10:19 AM on October 30, 2017 [8 favorites]

I'd say hiding the hole fundamentally denies the foxes' reality and is almost disrespectful-ish. When I worked for Greenpeace, I learned that one of their mandates was simply to bear witness if no action could successfully be undertaken. I think bearing witness to the truth of this creature's death is deeply important, even kind of reverent, and beautiful in a way. I personally would display it as is, with the rest of my collection, if I had such a collection.

It is disturbing to think that the fox was shot, but dying of a gunshot isn't really worse than dying of starvation, or predation, or disease. It's just more obvious. And, of course, undeniably human-caused. Remember that wild animals do not typically die peacefully of old age.

Smudging the skull is for sure a thing that you can do and might find cleansing. I would personally sit with the skull for a while, say anything that I felt needed saying (apology and gratitude probably) and then smudge it. (I would probably pet it and cleanliness pending kiss the bullet hole as well because I am a bit of an odd duck and maybe cry but that's me).

It's sad that this creature died this way, but it did. That fact is. Truth is beauty, beauty truth. I don't think it needs to be hidden or dressed up.
posted by windykites at 2:45 PM on October 30, 2017 [1 favorite]

I think the bandaid seems like the perfect kind of mundane, everyday magic for this. It’s a skull, which clearly can’t be healed, but a band aid (as pink and iconic as you can find) is a potent symbol of the intent to give comfort. Think of the little kid who wants a bandaid even if they’re not really hurt.
posted by duien at 6:08 PM on October 30, 2017 [1 favorite]

Sounds like it's bugging you in a way that magic might not fix.

I had a monkey skull gifted to me. It seemed pretty cool at the time but it bothered me more and more over the passing years because I could only guess that it had been killed for the sole purpose of harvesting of it's skull. I hung onto it because it was unusual and because I thought it might actually be worth a few bucks as a collectable. Eventually, my life got upended and in the midst of a general purging, I said, "sorry for my passive role in keeping you out of the food chain" and threw the thing into a creek. I immediately felt better and still do.
posted by bonobothegreat at 6:30 PM on October 30, 2017 [2 favorites]

That fox killed an awful lot of voles and mice by biting their skulls in his life. I think he understands. I wouldn't worry about it.
posted by fshgrl at 7:13 PM on October 30, 2017 [1 favorite]

I'm not sure what you should say, but what you should DO is repair the damage, kindly, and beautifully. Like Kintsugi.
posted by dirtdirt at 8:06 AM on October 31, 2017 [1 favorite]