About to start big new job, and just found out: pregnant with #2. Help!

October 26, 2017 2:19 PM

I am relocating across the country for a big, new executive job and just found out we're expecting a second little one (the first kid is about 18 months old). Terrified I will be judged at the new job for a sudden maternity leave, and terrified it will impact my performance. Could use any working mom hacks to make this work.

We definitely wanted a second kid, but were hoping it would come about 6-12 months later than it did. Whoops! Nature found a way. Due in June. Part of me is happy, but I am also the breadwinner and a few weeks away from starting this huge new job at a startup. The company gives 3-4 months maternity leave, but I don't know what if anything I will have accrued given my short time there (7 mo) before baby arrives. But I am also a key executive. Baby daddy is freelance, can be fully stay-at-home if needed and is on board to support.

— How can I best present this news (when the time is right) to my new company? I don't want them to think I tried to get knocked up the minute I signed the offer letter (Which is what it might look like timingwise).

— What tips/tricks/staffing help can I put in place (both at the company — I get to hire a big team, and at home) to make this work? Night nannies? Personal assistants? Other help?

— How much harder ARE two kids? Our first kid is a perfect gem of child with no issues, and so of course we're worried #2 will be extra-challenging.

posted by yearly to Work & Money (5 answers total)

Best answer: I had a lot of peace of mind having a nanny who came to the house before I left for work in the morning, and stayed until I got home (regular hours, no long commute or OT). It's nice to get up and get ready to go without worrying about getting the baby ready too.

Hiring someone to cook for us for the first year was a godsend.
posted by vignettist at 3:19 PM on October 26, 2017

Best answer: Oh and fwiw, somewhere between 12-18mos was the right time for each of my kids to start daycare. They each needed the socialization and it kept them from being nightmare kids at home. #1 went to daycare and #2 stayed at home with the nanny.
posted by vignettist at 3:22 PM on October 26, 2017

Best answer: On your final question: How much harder two kids are will very much have to do with the individual kids. Before we had our second, folks told us stuff like, "Two kids isn't two times as much work, it's more like the amount of work squared!" Our experience has been that twice the number of kids is, essentially, twice the amount of work. There is the downside that we can't as easily tag-team one kid anymore; it's hard for one of us to take a "break" while the other does something with the (one) kid. Either one of us has to have both kids to give the other a break or neither of us gets a break.

We also had a really great, pretty easy kid as our first. There is always the danger that when you pull that ol' slot machine handle a second time that you're going to end up with a bigger challenge. We got lucky with our second who, if anything, is even easier than our first. We're not pulling the handle again; we're "due" for some pain. Yes, yes. Gamblers fallacy. I know that's not the way it works.
posted by Betelgeuse at 3:32 PM on October 26, 2017 [2 favorites]

Best answer: My well-rested new parent coworkers swear by night nurses and hiring a weekly housekeeper.
posted by asphericalcow at 6:16 PM on October 26, 2017

Best answer: I'd suggest, if you have the space to host someone in your house, looking into an au pair program. We know many people who have used this one and have had great experiences and more reliable child care.

Our experience with two was that is wasn't more than double the work. :) I hear that happens at three.
posted by procrastination at 7:34 PM on October 26, 2017