Pregnant, minimalist... and a little overwhelmed!
October 24, 2017 3:34 PM Subscribe
I'm very early in my pregnancy and already overwhelmed with the advertisements, books, apps, and websites telling me I need to Buy All The Things to have a happy, healthy baby. I'm looking for minimalist, anti-consumer resources (blogs, sites or books) for tracking my pregnancy and acquiring the necessary Baby Things in a sane, thoughtful kind of way. More below the fold.
I'd like....
1. An app
Specifically, I'd like an app to track my baby's development, time contractions, and track post-birth things (feedings, sleeping, vaccinations, etc.). I tried BabyCenter but the ads are driving me nuts.
2. Advice on which products can be bought gently used
There was a question on AskMe a while ago from new parents asking what products they could get away with used, and which products were necessary to buy. I can't find it for the life of me, that that would be helpful too!
3. Books or site recommendations
I bought "Expecting Better" by Emily Oster, and other than that, I haven't bought any books. The nurse recommended "What to Expect When You're Expecting" but I don't want to be scared and worried constantly, so I'm not sure if that's worth buying.
Advice, personal experience or recommendations for any of the above would be immensely helpful. Thanks, Metafilter!
I'd like....
1. An app
Specifically, I'd like an app to track my baby's development, time contractions, and track post-birth things (feedings, sleeping, vaccinations, etc.). I tried BabyCenter but the ads are driving me nuts.
2. Advice on which products can be bought gently used
There was a question on AskMe a while ago from new parents asking what products they could get away with used, and which products were necessary to buy. I can't find it for the life of me, that that would be helpful too!
3. Books or site recommendations
I bought "Expecting Better" by Emily Oster, and other than that, I haven't bought any books. The nurse recommended "What to Expect When You're Expecting" but I don't want to be scared and worried constantly, so I'm not sure if that's worth buying.
Advice, personal experience or recommendations for any of the above would be immensely helpful. Thanks, Metafilter!
Best answer: I love the babytracker app for recording feeds, sleep, nappies etc. It has the WHO growth charts built in which is really handy and you can use it to log pretty much anything else that you want. We are still using it with our now 17mo and it's still useful!
posted by Lotto at 3:42 PM on October 24, 2017
posted by Lotto at 3:42 PM on October 24, 2017
Best answer: What to Expect is terrible. I suggest these two books:
1) Pregnancy and Birth, which covers a ton in a sane manner
2) Baby 411, which handles most of the things new parents worry about (for about the first year), helping to distinguish fact from fallacy, decide when a doctor visit is needed, and all the rest.
Beyond that, not much experience with apps, but I enjoyed this web site for seeing what the critter inside was up to at any moment.
Good luck!
posted by acm at 3:45 PM on October 24, 2017 [3 favorites]
1) Pregnancy and Birth, which covers a ton in a sane manner
2) Baby 411, which handles most of the things new parents worry about (for about the first year), helping to distinguish fact from fallacy, decide when a doctor visit is needed, and all the rest.
Beyond that, not much experience with apps, but I enjoyed this web site for seeing what the critter inside was up to at any moment.
Good luck!
posted by acm at 3:45 PM on October 24, 2017 [3 favorites]
Best answer: Not the metafilter one, but I found this reddit thread of frugal baby tips for what you can do without or get used.
posted by gaybobbie at 3:48 PM on October 24, 2017
posted by gaybobbie at 3:48 PM on October 24, 2017
Best answer: i can't answer all your questions, but I'm currently 14 weeks pregnant and I've LOVED the mayo clinic book on pregnancy. It's level-headed and very thorough without sounding like they are trying to freak you out. I also have the Ovia app that tracks pregnancy and I've really enjoyed it so far. It has some suggestions regarding food and exercises that I really like too.
posted by ruhroh at 4:17 PM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by ruhroh at 4:17 PM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Around these parts, people always seem to be handing off gently used baby stuff to the next generation of babies through the Buy Nothing Project. It's hyperlocal gift economy facebook groups.
posted by aniola at 4:43 PM on October 24, 2017
posted by aniola at 4:43 PM on October 24, 2017
Best answer: This is kind of tangential but not really: what you want to do is find your neighborhood parents' online community. That's where you'll find people recommending doulas and nannies, selling gently used clothes and equipment (which by the way: just about all of it is fine to buy used. Off the top of my head I can't think of a single thing that wouldn't be fine to get secondhand. Maybe cloth diapers would be gross?) -- Anyway, joining a community like this will give you a huge leg up on your "first kid" experience. When people know each other personally or at least think they might be connected by people they know, they are less likely to get nasty and judgmental (a ubiquitous aspect of most online parenting fora); and finding nice used stuff becomes trivially easy. You'll also have a window into new mom's resources and social groups around you that might become very useful.
posted by fingersandtoes at 4:52 PM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by fingersandtoes at 4:52 PM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I used the app BabyConnect and have gifted it to some new parents. I agree that Lucie’s List has been pretty solid. The only book I read nearly cover to cover was A Girlfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy. Some of it is a little silly (author seemed very concerned about not gaining too much weight) but otherwise it was ok.
In general, with baby stuff, think about it this way - babies only do a handful of things. They eat, sleep, poop/pee, go places with parents and wear clothes. So you need stuff for feeding (breastfeeding pillow, bibs, bottles, formula maybe), blankets (but you don’t need a ton - I still have blankets I never used), a place to sleep, diapers and wipes, a car seat and stroller and maybe a baby carrier, and clothes. You don’t need toys or books at first (it’s good to read to the baby but baby doesn’t know the difference between Dr Seuss and The Handmaid’s Tale) plus you can get books at the library. Almost any product sold for babies in the US has to be tested like crazy so whether you get the expensive car seat or the cheap one, it doesn’t really matter. You can get clothes at Goodwill. If you add yourself to the email list for the formula companies, they send you free samples and coupons (even if you don’t plan to use formula, it’s a good idea to keep some around just in case).
And definitely find the local neighborhood parent groups. I’m on two email lists and in a Facebook group for parents nearby. They have hooked me up with clothes, a rock n play, jumperoo, bottles, etc.
Hope that helps. I tried to be relatively minimalist about baby stuff but then my aunts would be like, baby needs special baby washcloths and towels. And congratulations!
posted by kat518 at 5:01 PM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
In general, with baby stuff, think about it this way - babies only do a handful of things. They eat, sleep, poop/pee, go places with parents and wear clothes. So you need stuff for feeding (breastfeeding pillow, bibs, bottles, formula maybe), blankets (but you don’t need a ton - I still have blankets I never used), a place to sleep, diapers and wipes, a car seat and stroller and maybe a baby carrier, and clothes. You don’t need toys or books at first (it’s good to read to the baby but baby doesn’t know the difference between Dr Seuss and The Handmaid’s Tale) plus you can get books at the library. Almost any product sold for babies in the US has to be tested like crazy so whether you get the expensive car seat or the cheap one, it doesn’t really matter. You can get clothes at Goodwill. If you add yourself to the email list for the formula companies, they send you free samples and coupons (even if you don’t plan to use formula, it’s a good idea to keep some around just in case).
And definitely find the local neighborhood parent groups. I’m on two email lists and in a Facebook group for parents nearby. They have hooked me up with clothes, a rock n play, jumperoo, bottles, etc.
Hope that helps. I tried to be relatively minimalist about baby stuff but then my aunts would be like, baby needs special baby washcloths and towels. And congratulations!
posted by kat518 at 5:01 PM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I asked a similar question a couple of years ago and found the responses to be very helpful: http://ask.metafilter.com/292454/ Help-my-baby-to-be-a-minimalist
I found the Mayo Clinic to be a good overview book - similar in scope to What to Expect, but better written. I used Ovia to track the pregnancy, although you do have to sift through ads for cord banking and stuff like that I believe. The NHS has a good weekly email digest as well (some of it is UK centric, like when they recommend certain appointments or tests, but the basics are the same).
posted by cpatterson at 5:14 PM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
I found the Mayo Clinic to be a good overview book - similar in scope to What to Expect, but better written. I used Ovia to track the pregnancy, although you do have to sift through ads for cord banking and stuff like that I believe. The NHS has a good weekly email digest as well (some of it is UK centric, like when they recommend certain appointments or tests, but the basics are the same).
posted by cpatterson at 5:14 PM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
Best answer: 1. I like Ovia Pregnancy. There are some ads but not too annoying. It's positive and informative. (They have a parenting app too, but I haven't tried that yet)
2. I'd trust everything but car seats. If you get a used crib, check the modern safety standards (bar gaps, no drop front) because some things have changed.
3. "What to Expect When You're Expecting" was horrible! Bad writing and I didn't find it useful. Oster's book is cool. Personally I thought the app was informative enough and picked a couple of fun / focused parenting books instead. (Like "Bringing up Bebe" and "The Fifth Trimester")
posted by beyond_pink at 5:19 PM on October 24, 2017
2. I'd trust everything but car seats. If you get a used crib, check the modern safety standards (bar gaps, no drop front) because some things have changed.
3. "What to Expect When You're Expecting" was horrible! Bad writing and I didn't find it useful. Oster's book is cool. Personally I thought the app was informative enough and picked a couple of fun / focused parenting books instead. (Like "Bringing up Bebe" and "The Fifth Trimester")
posted by beyond_pink at 5:19 PM on October 24, 2017
Best answer: 1. Not an app, but I liked the spacefem.com Daily Pregnancy tracker during pregnancy.
2. Almost everything is just as good second hand. It just depends on how much time you have to spend tracking things down and picking them up.
posted by Kriesa at 5:29 PM on October 24, 2017
2. Almost everything is just as good second hand. It just depends on how much time you have to spend tracking things down and picking them up.
posted by Kriesa at 5:29 PM on October 24, 2017
Best answer: Congratulations! A minimalist approach to baby stuff pays off in less to keep clean and organized when baby arrives. The hardest part was convincing friends and relatives that this is true!
1. No great pregnancy apps to recommend, but I enjoyed Amalah's weekly pregnancy calendar and Rookie Moms. Baby Daybook was useful for tracking feedings, diapers, etc. We liked the simple, customizable activity logs, notifications, and charts.
2. Any non-consumable can be had gently used. In our area there are lots of kids consignment shops, but parent networks mentioned above will be useful too. You'll find that every baby has different preferences, so outside of the basics there is no definitive list. #1 loved a swing and baby carrier and hated swaddles, so based on that I would have told you they were must haves/must avoid...but now # 2 hates the swing and carrier and loves the swaddle. *Shrug*
3. My OB told me not to read What to expect. I read Raising competent children, Montessori from the start, and Celebrating Life Customs Around the World: From Baby Showers to Funerals instead.
posted by this-apoptosis at 6:01 PM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
1. No great pregnancy apps to recommend, but I enjoyed Amalah's weekly pregnancy calendar and Rookie Moms. Baby Daybook was useful for tracking feedings, diapers, etc. We liked the simple, customizable activity logs, notifications, and charts.
2. Any non-consumable can be had gently used. In our area there are lots of kids consignment shops, but parent networks mentioned above will be useful too. You'll find that every baby has different preferences, so outside of the basics there is no definitive list. #1 loved a swing and baby carrier and hated swaddles, so based on that I would have told you they were must haves/must avoid...but now # 2 hates the swing and carrier and loves the swaddle. *Shrug*
3. My OB told me not to read What to expect. I read Raising competent children, Montessori from the start, and Celebrating Life Customs Around the World: From Baby Showers to Funerals instead.
posted by this-apoptosis at 6:01 PM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I also used BabyConnect for my third (the app I used for my first two having been discontinued!).
Amazon will overnight just about anything, so don't worry TOO much about buying stuff beyond diapers, basic clothes, and somewhere to sleep. YOU CAN OVERNIGHT IT IN A CRISIS.
Two of my favorite books, that I often buy for other pregnant ladies, are:
Heading Home with Your Newborn: From Birth to Reality, which covers the first four months, and has information about all the things you have to do special with a newborn baby (bathing with an umbilical stump) and all the things you're learning to do and decisions you're making ... and then at four months, which is right about the point you're getting some sleep again and starting to feel confident in your parenting ability, it's done. It gets you over the hump of "OMG EVERYTHING IS NEW WHAT DO I DO" and into the part where you've basically got it. It's by two pediatricians who are also moms. The medical information is good, and it's not didactic about things like breast vs. bottle; it tells you how to healthily feed your infant either way! It's sensible, it's calm, it's supportive, and it can replace like 30 panicked calls to your pediatrician, like clearly these women have fielded many panicked calls!
The Philosophical Baby, by Alison Gopnik. This isn't a how-to, but I think it's a great book for smart, thinking parents of newborns. It talks about recent revolutions in neuroscience and psychology that help us understand how infants think, and how that informs our philosophical understandings of classic questions like "how do we learn?" and "what does it mean to have a self?" and "how do ethics develop?" Parenting books are always about the practical and the day-to-day; this one gives you specific practical information about how babies think, and invites you to consider high-level philosophical questions about humanity, and I think it's terribly joyful in how it illuminates for you the bigger picture of your baby's development and humanity. It isn't practical, but parenting an infant is so much about slogging through the ultra-mammalian day-to-day that it's really wonderful to have something that reconnects you to the larger human picture and invites you to celebrate your infant's humanity. It's a little way to appreciate and enjoy the tiny human your baby is, while you're otherwise bogged down in feeding and pooping. Plus, some of the information about how infant brains work does turn out to be pretty insightful as they get a bit bigger and can act on their thinking. ("oooh, this is lantern mind at work!") And really, while having a baby is a lot about the practical side of keeping them alive, the interesting part of having children, and why most of us do it, is to come to know the people that those children are. It's hard when they're babies because they need so much from us in the practical, keeping-alive sense! This book helps you know them as people, from very early on. It's just lovely.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 6:31 PM on October 24, 2017 [11 favorites]
Amazon will overnight just about anything, so don't worry TOO much about buying stuff beyond diapers, basic clothes, and somewhere to sleep. YOU CAN OVERNIGHT IT IN A CRISIS.
Two of my favorite books, that I often buy for other pregnant ladies, are:
Heading Home with Your Newborn: From Birth to Reality, which covers the first four months, and has information about all the things you have to do special with a newborn baby (bathing with an umbilical stump) and all the things you're learning to do and decisions you're making ... and then at four months, which is right about the point you're getting some sleep again and starting to feel confident in your parenting ability, it's done. It gets you over the hump of "OMG EVERYTHING IS NEW WHAT DO I DO" and into the part where you've basically got it. It's by two pediatricians who are also moms. The medical information is good, and it's not didactic about things like breast vs. bottle; it tells you how to healthily feed your infant either way! It's sensible, it's calm, it's supportive, and it can replace like 30 panicked calls to your pediatrician, like clearly these women have fielded many panicked calls!
The Philosophical Baby, by Alison Gopnik. This isn't a how-to, but I think it's a great book for smart, thinking parents of newborns. It talks about recent revolutions in neuroscience and psychology that help us understand how infants think, and how that informs our philosophical understandings of classic questions like "how do we learn?" and "what does it mean to have a self?" and "how do ethics develop?" Parenting books are always about the practical and the day-to-day; this one gives you specific practical information about how babies think, and invites you to consider high-level philosophical questions about humanity, and I think it's terribly joyful in how it illuminates for you the bigger picture of your baby's development and humanity. It isn't practical, but parenting an infant is so much about slogging through the ultra-mammalian day-to-day that it's really wonderful to have something that reconnects you to the larger human picture and invites you to celebrate your infant's humanity. It's a little way to appreciate and enjoy the tiny human your baby is, while you're otherwise bogged down in feeding and pooping. Plus, some of the information about how infant brains work does turn out to be pretty insightful as they get a bit bigger and can act on their thinking. ("oooh, this is lantern mind at work!") And really, while having a baby is a lot about the practical side of keeping them alive, the interesting part of having children, and why most of us do it, is to come to know the people that those children are. It's hard when they're babies because they need so much from us in the practical, keeping-alive sense! This book helps you know them as people, from very early on. It's just lovely.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 6:31 PM on October 24, 2017 [11 favorites]
Best answer: 2. I bought or was given mostly second-hand things for my first baby (clothes, cot, baby carrier, toys). Things I bought new which could have been second-hand - pram (which was suuuch a waste of money as the baby hated being in a pram), reusable nappies. Things which should be new, in my opinion - car seat.
3. My favourite pregnancy book was "Up The Duff" by Kaz Cooke (this is the American edition, retitled "A Bun in the Oven") - it's light-hearted and funny, and I used it as a "ok, what's happening around XX week" sort of reference. My favourite new-baby book was "Baby Love" by Robin Barker - it is a great informative reference book that has a reassuring tone, and I used it a lot for "is this weird skin thing normal" sort of questions.
posted by fever-trees at 6:34 PM on October 24, 2017
3. My favourite pregnancy book was "Up The Duff" by Kaz Cooke (this is the American edition, retitled "A Bun in the Oven") - it's light-hearted and funny, and I used it as a "ok, what's happening around XX week" sort of reference. My favourite new-baby book was "Baby Love" by Robin Barker - it is a great informative reference book that has a reassuring tone, and I used it a lot for "is this weird skin thing normal" sort of questions.
posted by fever-trees at 6:34 PM on October 24, 2017
Best answer: One thing we were told when our second son was born (seven weeks early, 22 years ago, boy did he make up for an early start) was to not buy many preemie clothes. They are super cute, but the kid outgrows them fast. I think that’s true of most baby clothes; they don’t wear them long enough to wear them out. Used baby clothes are great!
posted by lhauser at 7:10 PM on October 24, 2017
posted by lhauser at 7:10 PM on October 24, 2017
Best answer: One thing you might not have thought about yet is what to do about a baby shower. People might want you to have one, I anticipated this and decided to call mine a coed diaper party instead. My reasoning is that I can find almost everything used and i don't want people to spend money on new stuff or just buy me stuff i don't want or need. it hasn't happened yet so i don't know how successful i'm going to be at getting people to just buy diapers instead of stuff but that's my strategy.
i use & like the Ovia app. and I resisted What to Expect but ended up caving because even though I wasn't reading a whole book about what could go wrong, there are a lot of things i've worried about and without one authoritative source I was ending up googling and then i was on babycenter forums reading conflicting advice from randos and it was better to just buy the book and then take it with a grain of salt. but that might not be the best one book for you.
posted by katieanne at 7:33 PM on October 24, 2017
i use & like the Ovia app. and I resisted What to Expect but ended up caving because even though I wasn't reading a whole book about what could go wrong, there are a lot of things i've worried about and without one authoritative source I was ending up googling and then i was on babycenter forums reading conflicting advice from randos and it was better to just buy the book and then take it with a grain of salt. but that might not be the best one book for you.
posted by katieanne at 7:33 PM on October 24, 2017
Best answer: Not a parent, but Erin Boyle's blog Reading My Tea Leaves is about minimalist, sustainable living (I started reading it for her series of posts about living in small apartments). She did/continues to do a series on having a baby and raising kids in a minimalist, sustainable way, called Baby proof.
Of late, she has done more sponsored posts, but still continues to write about living simply and describes her approach to buying stuff for babies as "wait and see".
posted by AnnaRat at 10:43 PM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
Of late, she has done more sponsored posts, but still continues to write about living simply and describes her approach to buying stuff for babies as "wait and see".
posted by AnnaRat at 10:43 PM on October 24, 2017 [1 favorite]
Best answer: My parents were extremely anti-consumer, I was a second child, and it was before the car seat era, so the absolute only new baby things I had were consumable/disposable items.
It helped that there was a lot of extended family around on the hand-me-down circuit. But when my group of friends was in their baby and toddler raising years, there was never a get-together without an exchange of bags of baby clothes and other items.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:38 PM on October 24, 2017
It helped that there was a lot of extended family around on the hand-me-down circuit. But when my group of friends was in their baby and toddler raising years, there was never a get-together without an exchange of bags of baby clothes and other items.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:38 PM on October 24, 2017
Best answer: I just want to note that buying cloth diapers used is a huge win, actually, and not gross. They have to be laundered to be re-used, anyway. I bought a bunch cheap off of craigslist and it worked out very well for my first child. For a minimalist parent, cloth diapering can be a real win.
(On the other hand, sometimes it doesn't work out, like with my second, where I could NOT get it right to keep her dry, no idea why).
Otherwise, everything used except the carseat, and make sure the crib is safe. For real. There's so much used baby stuff out there. SO MUCH. The thing about tiny kids is that they grow so fast that nothing wears out. My son mostly wore hand-me-downs from friends until he was fourish and started growing more slowly.
posted by hought20 at 8:36 AM on October 25, 2017 [2 favorites]
(On the other hand, sometimes it doesn't work out, like with my second, where I could NOT get it right to keep her dry, no idea why).
Otherwise, everything used except the carseat, and make sure the crib is safe. For real. There's so much used baby stuff out there. SO MUCH. The thing about tiny kids is that they grow so fast that nothing wears out. My son mostly wore hand-me-downs from friends until he was fourish and started growing more slowly.
posted by hought20 at 8:36 AM on October 25, 2017 [2 favorites]
Best answer: Its true, there's soooo much stuff out there, and its all lovely, but you may never really need it. hought20 is right about the car seat, thats a biggie. A nice diaper bag that doubles as a purse is nice. The best thing for me was to have on hand clothing and diapers in the next size up. Kids do seem to grow over night.
posted by PJMoore at 9:43 AM on October 25, 2017
posted by PJMoore at 9:43 AM on October 25, 2017
Best answer: Maybe you would like Frugalwoods! It's a blog about a couple who moved from Boston to Vermont to homestead and live in a very minimal (but comfortable) way.
It's not totally baby-focused, but she writes about what's going on right now, and they have one baby w/ another on the way. In fact, the top post right now is "How to Remain Frugal While Pregnant." Maybe check out her "Kids" category?
posted by nosila at 12:52 PM on October 25, 2017 [1 favorite]
It's not totally baby-focused, but she writes about what's going on right now, and they have one baby w/ another on the way. In fact, the top post right now is "How to Remain Frugal While Pregnant." Maybe check out her "Kids" category?
posted by nosila at 12:52 PM on October 25, 2017 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: This is SO helpful. Thank you, everyone.
posted by onecircleaday at 1:52 PM on October 25, 2017
posted by onecircleaday at 1:52 PM on October 25, 2017
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2. Everything except a car seat can be bought used. (Car seats should be bought new for safety reasons--they have expiration dates and are not supposed to be used if they've ever been in a crash.) It's definitely not anti-consumer, but I found the Lucie's List website to have a good overview of baby necessities. Babies need very little for their first few months and you can pick up a lot of it as you go.
3. I found the BabyCenter weekly emails to be less annoying than the app, and something I was more likely to read than a book. YMMV!
posted by JuliaJellicoe at 3:41 PM on October 24, 2017 [2 favorites]