Yes yes no
October 2, 2017 2:36 AM Subscribe
I'm a man. Orgasms hurt. Can they not? (NSFW & graphic, obviously.)
I was circumcised when I was 7: my foreskin got infected. The socialized healthcare in my country wouldn't remove it, so a hospital doctor was paid to do it. I was in recovery for 6 days. I still remember the excruciating pain, the face of the nurse, and the blood when the bandages came off.
Thirty years later, and when I am about to come, it feels like severe rope burn. When I'm inside my (female) partner, we have to freeze otherwise I cry out in pain. Condoms, which my partner doesn't like, only dull the sensation by 5%. The only part of my penis that is actually pleasurable for me is (um, looks up anatomy diagram on Wikipedia for exact name) the frenulum. The whole rest of the glans hurts like I've poured diesel on it.
It's a mystery to me how full-on oral sex is pleasurable.
My partner knows about this and is loving and sympathetic, but it can't not hurt our relationship. Sex is not something that should create pain. Is this common for circumcised men? Is there a solution—some sort of cream, yoga, surgery? Nanobots? A special helmet or something. Just whatever. Something?
I was circumcised when I was 7: my foreskin got infected. The socialized healthcare in my country wouldn't remove it, so a hospital doctor was paid to do it. I was in recovery for 6 days. I still remember the excruciating pain, the face of the nurse, and the blood when the bandages came off.
Thirty years later, and when I am about to come, it feels like severe rope burn. When I'm inside my (female) partner, we have to freeze otherwise I cry out in pain. Condoms, which my partner doesn't like, only dull the sensation by 5%. The only part of my penis that is actually pleasurable for me is (um, looks up anatomy diagram on Wikipedia for exact name) the frenulum. The whole rest of the glans hurts like I've poured diesel on it.
It's a mystery to me how full-on oral sex is pleasurable.
My partner knows about this and is loving and sympathetic, but it can't not hurt our relationship. Sex is not something that should create pain. Is this common for circumcised men? Is there a solution—some sort of cream, yoga, surgery? Nanobots? A special helmet or something. Just whatever. Something?
Yes, see a urologist. Who may refer you to a dermatologist. Healthy oral pH is neutral. Healthy vaginal pH is around 3.8 - 4.5. The mechanics (for want of a better word) are different too -- in terms of what skin is being pulled/rubbed in which direction and how.
I agree that it's not normal, and that it may be unrelated to the circumcision.
posted by snuffleupagus at 5:35 AM on October 2, 2017 [2 favorites]
I agree that it's not normal, and that it may be unrelated to the circumcision.
posted by snuffleupagus at 5:35 AM on October 2, 2017 [2 favorites]
Urologists deal with all sorts of issues related to penises, male sexual health, and male urinary health.
There are some doctors who work more specifically with problems related to botched circumcisions and penile surgery. If you have access to a major medical center, I would suggest looking for one of those doctors. But if you can't find one then, yes, a urologist is the place to start.
posted by Winnie the Proust at 8:23 AM on October 2, 2017 [1 favorite]
There are some doctors who work more specifically with problems related to botched circumcisions and penile surgery. If you have access to a major medical center, I would suggest looking for one of those doctors. But if you can't find one then, yes, a urologist is the place to start.
posted by Winnie the Proust at 8:23 AM on October 2, 2017 [1 favorite]
Sorry you're experiencing this! Is this the first time this has happened, or has it always happened? Is the pain on the inside or the outside of the glans? Does it happen when you masturbate, and is there a difference with lubrication? Has it happened with other partners, and has it gotten any better or worse? Have you noticed any skin changes (redness, discharge, spots, or lumps)? Any pain or blood with ejaculation or urination? Do you also have pain on the shaft of the penis? How are you cleaning your penis, do you use soaps, gels, etc.?
It is not common for circumcised men to have pain during intercourse. However, in some cases, if it's possible to remove too much of the foreskin during a circumcision, which can cause pain when the penis is erect as the skin is stretched too taut, it sounds like you think that might be what's happening for you.
It's impossible to say here what's going on, but you should definitely see someone about this issue as you shouldn't suffer, and the treatment will likely depend on the cause. Not sure where you are, but urologist is a good first step. Depending on your location/insurance coverage, it can sometimes be hard to get in to see a urologist, so you could also try a sexual health clinic first to check for fungal infections, STIs, etc.
(TINMA, I am a nurse practitioner, IANYNP). Hope you are able to sort this out soon.
posted by stillmoving at 8:33 AM on October 2, 2017 [3 favorites]
It is not common for circumcised men to have pain during intercourse. However, in some cases, if it's possible to remove too much of the foreskin during a circumcision, which can cause pain when the penis is erect as the skin is stretched too taut, it sounds like you think that might be what's happening for you.
It's impossible to say here what's going on, but you should definitely see someone about this issue as you shouldn't suffer, and the treatment will likely depend on the cause. Not sure where you are, but urologist is a good first step. Depending on your location/insurance coverage, it can sometimes be hard to get in to see a urologist, so you could also try a sexual health clinic first to check for fungal infections, STIs, etc.
(TINMA, I am a nurse practitioner, IANYNP). Hope you are able to sort this out soon.
posted by stillmoving at 8:33 AM on October 2, 2017 [3 favorites]
OP here. Sockpuppet account.
Thank you all so much. I live in a world city known for good free healthcare, so I think I can get this seen to.
To clarify, it's not a burning sensation per se—I don't have an unusually alkaline penis—but it feels thin and over-sensitive. At rest the glans feels like your rubbing a finger on the roof of your mouth; not painful but you'd kind of like it to stop. An erection is 'ow' in 12pt type, and when the moment comes it's 'ow' in Helvetica Ultra Bold in 140pt type written in red on the side of an aircraft carrier. No difference with lube, also happens without a partner.
A urologist will be able to say for sure, but I really suspect that the operation was botched. It's only coming up now because I might be considering a vasectomy, and making sex more painful isn't really going to work for me.
Thanks again.
posted by Mistake Not... at 5:06 PM on October 2, 2017
Thank you all so much. I live in a world city known for good free healthcare, so I think I can get this seen to.
To clarify, it's not a burning sensation per se—I don't have an unusually alkaline penis—but it feels thin and over-sensitive. At rest the glans feels like your rubbing a finger on the roof of your mouth; not painful but you'd kind of like it to stop. An erection is 'ow' in 12pt type, and when the moment comes it's 'ow' in Helvetica Ultra Bold in 140pt type written in red on the side of an aircraft carrier. No difference with lube, also happens without a partner.
A urologist will be able to say for sure, but I really suspect that the operation was botched. It's only coming up now because I might be considering a vasectomy, and making sex more painful isn't really going to work for me.
Thanks again.
posted by Mistake Not... at 5:06 PM on October 2, 2017
A question for you from a slightly different direction: are there any other aspects of your life where you have sensitivities that seem to be different from other peoples' tolerance?
I ask because I wonder if what is going on might be a more generalized sensory issue, rather than specifically a genital issue.
I had a lover once who had sexual/genital challenges a lot like what you describe. In his case, he also had a pretty low threshold for other kinds of sensory experience as well. For instance, quite limited tolerance for food textures and tastes; difficulty tolerating being in loud situations, like clapping at the end of a performance; difficulty tolerating generalized touch on his body, like hugging or stroking his skin.
Avoiding of those other situations were so deeply ingrained in his everyday lived experience that he didn't have any challenge or conflict about them--it was the way he was, you know? But sexuality is fraught in a way that choosing quiet hobbies or non-crunchy food is not, and so there was a lot of tension and embarrassment and relationship bobbles about it. But it seeemed very clear to me that all of these sensory tolerance issues were all part of the same package--which he seemed to start to re-assess when his preschooler was diagnosed with sensory issues that were severe enough to be disruptive in many ways.
If that rings true to you--that there are other areas of life where you've just worked around irritating stimuli, but you can't really work around it sexually--might be worth talking to your GP about finding a sensory specialist and taking a more holistic approach.
Best of luck. It's a tricky challenge.
posted by Sublimity at 4:57 AM on October 3, 2017 [1 favorite]
I ask because I wonder if what is going on might be a more generalized sensory issue, rather than specifically a genital issue.
I had a lover once who had sexual/genital challenges a lot like what you describe. In his case, he also had a pretty low threshold for other kinds of sensory experience as well. For instance, quite limited tolerance for food textures and tastes; difficulty tolerating being in loud situations, like clapping at the end of a performance; difficulty tolerating generalized touch on his body, like hugging or stroking his skin.
Avoiding of those other situations were so deeply ingrained in his everyday lived experience that he didn't have any challenge or conflict about them--it was the way he was, you know? But sexuality is fraught in a way that choosing quiet hobbies or non-crunchy food is not, and so there was a lot of tension and embarrassment and relationship bobbles about it. But it seeemed very clear to me that all of these sensory tolerance issues were all part of the same package--which he seemed to start to re-assess when his preschooler was diagnosed with sensory issues that were severe enough to be disruptive in many ways.
If that rings true to you--that there are other areas of life where you've just worked around irritating stimuli, but you can't really work around it sexually--might be worth talking to your GP about finding a sensory specialist and taking a more holistic approach.
Best of luck. It's a tricky challenge.
posted by Sublimity at 4:57 AM on October 3, 2017 [1 favorite]
I have to say that when you say, "it feels like your rubbing a finger on the roof of your mouth; not painful but you'd kind of like it to stop", that makes me think you may have more generalized sensitivity issues.
For me, at least, rubbing a finger on the roof of my mouth isn't painful, but equally I don't feel that I'd like it to stop anymore than rubbing the skin on my arm.
posted by blue_wardrobe at 7:48 AM on October 3, 2017 [1 favorite]
For me, at least, rubbing a finger on the roof of my mouth isn't painful, but equally I don't feel that I'd like it to stop anymore than rubbing the skin on my arm.
posted by blue_wardrobe at 7:48 AM on October 3, 2017 [1 favorite]
Andrew Baranowski at UCLH prob world expert, are you in London? his secretary's e-mail is jean.meikle@uclh.nhs.uk
they might be able to tell you of expert where you are.
posted by Wilder at 7:49 AM on October 3, 2017 [2 favorites]
they might be able to tell you of expert where you are.
posted by Wilder at 7:49 AM on October 3, 2017 [2 favorites]
That's really intriguing Sublimity/blue_wardrobe. Guess what my preschooler was just also diagnosed with?
And thanks Wilder, not there but I'll inquire
posted by Mistake Not... at 4:30 PM on October 3, 2017
And thanks Wilder, not there but I'll inquire
posted by Mistake Not... at 4:30 PM on October 3, 2017
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posted by Candleman at 4:04 AM on October 2, 2017 [10 favorites]