How do you get a therapist to return your call?

October 2, 2017 2:36 AM

I am finding it impossible to access therapy because I can't get a therapist to call or email me back to schedule an initial appointment. Am I doing this wrong?

The specific reasons for therapy aren't important for this question - the issues I need to deal with are serious enough to affect my quality of life long-term, but not otherwise dangerous or with any immediate risk to me or anyone else.

I did some thorough research and decided that psychotherapy might be the way to go, and used the website itsgoodtotalk.org.uk and the rscpp website to put together a list of about 10 different people that seemed suitable. I emailed or used the web contact form for the first five, and followed up with a phone call - each time going to voicemail. The initial message I left by phone and by email was exactly this: "Hi, my name is xxx, I'd like to schedule an initial appointment to see if we can work together on some issues around Y and Z. I'll be paying privately and my schedule is flexible. You can reach me at (email and phone)."

I waited about a week without hearing from anyone, and then did the exact same thing with the next five people.

It's now been two weeks, three weeks since I contacted the first five people, and I have not heard back from one single person.

I just spent some time doing some more research, and I can't find anyone else who might be suitable - they either don't list any experience with my particular issues, or their personal websites indicate that they might be a little too far over in the woo side of things than I would be comfortable with.

This seems really strange that I would have a 0/10 success rate in getting any return contact at all - not even a "sorry, I'm not taking new patients". I'm not sure what to do now - should I just start at the beginning and keep contacting these same 10 until one of them decides to acknowledge me? Is that even appropriate?

posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (12 answers total)

In my experience, it's very unusual to expect a medical professional to call you back for appointment making purposes. Follow up for test results, sure. But I've never heard of a practice of any kind proactively calling patients back to make appointments, they are not necessarily resourced for it.

Are you calling during business hours? If not, do so, I'd recommend calling first thing if you are able to. Best of luck,
posted by smoke at 2:42 AM on October 2, 2017 [2 favorites]

This is totally normal unfortunately. I couldn't tell you why, but it's definitely a Thing Therapists Do. However, normally what you're asking for is a 10~ minute initial phone convo, often provided for free, where you get a bit of a feel for their practice, and/or setting up a first intake appointment, where you'll then see if they are a good fit in person. The actual appointment scheduling may or may not be handled by their office manager, but the messages you're leaving are basically fine. Make sure to ask if they are taking new patients.

It's unusual someone will pick up the phone even if you call during office hours, they may have a message that says "we will return your call in 48 hours" or something like that. Sincere best of luck, this shit is hard, but eventually someone will call you back!

(Also, being in the US, a referral from a doctor you know or work with of any kind - psychiatrist, GP, another therapist - can sometimes help grease the wheels, don't know if this is the same in the UK.)
posted by colorblock sock at 2:54 AM on October 2, 2017 [1 favorite]

Are you calling the therapists directly, or the reception desk of their practice? My wife is a therapist, and she has actually changed her office voicemail to specifically discourage patients from leaving messages for her. She gets paid based on what she bills to insurance, so listening to and returning calls don't make her any money. Her practice has an intake department for that. So if you're not already calling the front desk, you should be. A therapist is much less likely to return your call (unless you say you're going to kill yourself).

Other general recommendations: Call during business hours. Call frequently - if it's been more than two days, call again. Don't rely on web contact forms. If you're still not getting results, you may have to expand your search.
posted by kevinbelt at 4:31 AM on October 2, 2017 [2 favorites]

Very frequently, therapists will not return calls unless you give the name of the person who referred you, and it does have to be a specific person. I’m not sure why, but I myself have never received a return call from a therapist if I wasnt able to actually say, “Robert Smith referred me to you.” It might help if you can get a recommendation from someone you know and then use that person's name when leaving a message.
posted by holborne at 5:34 AM on October 2, 2017

I've had good luck using the web contact forms at Psychology Today. That's how I've contacted at least 4 - successfully.
posted by bunderful at 5:40 AM on October 2, 2017 [1 favorite]

I'm coming at this from a US perspective, but here, at least, many many many therapists are solo practitioners and most don't have any office staff. When I was in private practice, I was taking my calls myself, and I couldn't answer the phone most of the time because I was in session with other clients.

It may be helpful to leave messages asking if they are taking new clients and asking to be put on their waitlist.

And yes, this sort of horribleness is extremely common in the US, at least; therapists are often awful about returning calls to say "Sorry, can't help." Which is why asking to be put on the waitlist can be a helpful way of phrasing the question -- then they can call you back and say "Yes" rather than "No." (And no, you shouldn't have to be managing a therapist's feelings quite this much, but at least it may help you get what you need initially.)
posted by lazuli at 6:16 AM on October 2, 2017 [3 favorites]

My experience is in the US as well, but calls going to voicemail seems standard for therapists in private practice. I'm not sure the intent is EVER for them to be around and answer the phone, at least with the numbers listed publicly--I get the sense it's intended to be a situation where they call you back.

Something that might be helpful is to tell them that it's OK to leave a voicemail for you, if that is indeed OK--therapists have to be sensitive to the possibility that someone else might be listening to your voicemails and that you might not want that person to know that you're seeking therapy. Also, again speaking from a US perspective, be aware that they might not return calls from the same number that you called, especially if it's set up to serve as a voicemail box rather than a way to take live calls.
posted by needs more cowbell at 6:46 AM on October 2, 2017 [3 favorites]

I've found that leaving messages for potential therapists is like sending out resumes: no answer can mean 1) they don't have [a position / slot] for you, or 2) they overlooked your [resume/message] and you have to call to follow up. I've had 3 therapists for whom I left two voicemails, one week apart, *months* ago call me back with apologies trying to make an appointment with me. MONTHS.

My approach has been similar to applying for jobs: Choose my top-tier, and leave messages for them all. Wait a week. Call again. Wait a week. Choose my next-tier top-picks, and leave messages for them all. Wait a week. Call again. Wait a week. By that time I've generally spoken to a few, crossed a few (no space available confirmed) off my list, and set up an appointment with the therapist I felt most comfortable with of the ones who got back to me within that time frame.

Good luck, I'm sorry, it's wretched.
posted by pammeke at 8:48 AM on October 2, 2017 [1 favorite]

What? No, this is nuts. When I did therapy I ONLY contacted them via email. This is a good way to screen out people who are living in the last century. Still, I don't think I ever didn't receive a response. You don't want to see someone who isn't responsive. I've never, ever been referred by anyone, nor would I want to see a therapist who required that. They should want your business, you're paying them. There's no point in even trying with someone you can't trust.
posted by Violet Hour at 8:59 AM on October 2, 2017 [3 favorites]

This seems unusual to me. I've emailed therapists in the uk (say around 6 or 7 over the years) always using the contact forms or a contact email from the website. I've almost always got a reply, using a message not dissimilar to the message you wrote! The replys weren't always super speedy so I guess I could have waited up to two weeks to hear back. Which area are you in? Could it be that the therapists in your area are in high demand and just don't have space right now?
posted by Nilehorse at 1:34 PM on October 2, 2017

Definitely agree with using the Psychology Today database, I just helped someone find a therapist through that in about a day, first appt scheduled already. I got I think 5 out of 5 responses back all within 48 hours.
posted by fairlynearlyready at 2:04 PM on October 2, 2017

I run rscpp.co.uk which you say above that you used. I'm sorry to hear you haven't heard back from a therapist yet, I assure you that is very unusual for our web site and not the kind of experience we've been working on creating for the past 10 years. If you'd like to email me on tommy [at] rscpp.co.uk I'll be happy to look into it and assist you further.
posted by TommyNewman at 4:00 PM on October 3, 2017 [1 favorite]