Help my tween have a good time at her first school dance.

September 16, 2017 11:35 AM

This is her first year of middle school in a new district. She's mostly nervous about dancing, so I've been looking for some beginner's tutorials she could be comfortable with, but they look either dated or too advanced. Can you point me to some current, cool, beginner's dance tutorial videos? Bonus: How do kids generally dress for casual dances? Does the dance theme matter for that? Any other tips?

We've got a week, and I don't see her throwing a bunch of time and effort into learning fancy moves. She mostly just doesn't want to be embarrassed. I could throw a step-snap video at her, but that's the kind of thing I'm afraid is super dated/uncool.

posted by Eolienne to Sports, Hobbies, & Recreation (10 answers total)

I remember kids wearing jeans and a "cool" top (something on trend) with whatever shoes-- some kids wore sneakers, some wore flats, whatever matched the outfit. Sneakers are still pretty cool these days.

The best thing she can probably do dancing wise is hip hop dance tutorials. I know that sounds difficult and possibly too "mature," but a lot of beginner hip hop dance is approachable, casual, and fun without being sexy. Hip hop two step tutorials are usually oriented toward men but they show how to keep it moving with some bounce in your step. Learning to bend your knees slightly for a two step makes dancing seem easy and natural!

Here's a video oriented toward men but this is fine for a girl also.

This is like a five part series with lots of good stuff in it, I'd check out his other tutorials as well.
posted by stoneandstar at 12:04 PM on September 16, 2017 [5 favorites]

Are you/is she sure there's going to be lots of actual dancing? Does she want to dance? If she's going with friends, are they the dancing sort, or more the "cluster on the edge of the dance floor talking about omg is the cute boy looking over here???" sort?

With the caveat that things might be different now, from my vague memories of preteen dances there was a lot of just bopping along to the beat of the music, and also lots of awkward hanging out - maybe the best thing would just be some reassurance that no one else has any idea what they're doing and is also probably feeling a little nervous too (and everyone is way too preoccupied with how they're coming across, they're probably not even going to notice how nervous she is anyway). Maybe find some relatively recent movies/TV shows with people her age where there are "school dance" scenes (does the Disney Channel still do stuff like that?) and just observe what is going on in the background.
posted by btfreek at 12:09 PM on September 16, 2017 [21 favorites]

I should also say it's really a shame that so many intro dance videos say like "How to FREAK DANCE" or "Super sexy house club moves!!" because at that level they are not sexy at all, it's just a marketing things. See here.

I would not feel comfortable sending my daughter "sexy dance move" tutorials but if you do see her looking at those, try not to worry too much, because that's pretty much every tutorial out there, annoyingly enough.

I think the benefit isn't to learn these exact movies but to be able to read the crowd and dancers around her and feel comfortable emulating or trying their new moves, because you have the basics down. No pressure to bust out these exact moves; they're just fundamentals.

Obviously a lot of us were high school nerds who love to flout the crowd but dancing is one area where "being cool" is actually a type of skill that can be observed and learned with practice. Part of the fun is seeing someone do something cool you've never seen before and trying to master it, like skateboarding. This is almost definitely NOT a going to be how a middle school dance goes, but it's much less intimidating to know the basics and there will be lots of social opportunities to go dancing throughout her life.
posted by stoneandstar at 12:17 PM on September 16, 2017 [1 favorite]

If you can get a sense of the music that'll actually be played and just have that in the house for a few days. And most social dance is step side to side roughly on some approximation of the beat, arms slightly raised. But the nervousness may be general social anxiety of the unfamiliar so reassuring her that chatting with a friend is totally ok may be what she needs.
posted by sammyo at 12:48 PM on September 16, 2017 [2 favorites]

my kid just went to her first middle school dance and my strong impression was that there was very little actual dancing.
posted by fingersandtoes at 1:39 PM on September 16, 2017 [3 favorites]

6th grade, like 11/12? Kids generally don't know how to dance at that age unless it's a family thing. I'd maybe teach a few downbeat type steps, how to hold your hands at least at elbow level, stuff like that, but it probably won't be a huge deal regardless. If it's anything like my first dances, there will be lots of standing around, people watching, gossipping, like at a mall.
posted by rhizome at 1:43 PM on September 16, 2017 [1 favorite]

It's been long enough since I was in middle school that wild jumping/arm's length "moshing" in small groups likely isn't A Thing anymore...but may I recommend closed-toed shoes, just in case?
posted by armeowda at 1:48 PM on September 16, 2017

"Copy other people" can be good advice.
posted by rhizome at 2:26 PM on September 16, 2017 [6 favorites]

At the middle school I just retired from, the dress is short shorts and a comfy top, plus sneakers. The younger ones mostly just run around in packs and hide in the girls' room talking. Very few people actually dancing per se.
posted by Peach at 5:19 PM on September 16, 2017

We cherish the memory of my youngest kid's first middle school dance. Her friends all met up at our house, and we had other guests over, one being an older, single guy. I asked them if they were going to dance, and they answered with a lot of evasion, excuses, and general lack of confidence "oh, I don't know HOW to dance!" Our older friend spoke up and said "it's so easy, all you have to do is snap your fingers and walk backwards!" And then proceeded to give a 20-second lesson. We bundled them off to the dance and waited for their return. They had a BLAST, all danced, and said it was so easy once they get started with his instructions. We still talk about it today. They learned a great lesson and did not stand along the sidelines wishing they were on the dance floor.
posted by raisingsand at 12:32 PM on September 17, 2017