Can't contact friend, I'm worried, what to do
August 11, 2017 1:15 PM   Subscribe

One of my best friends is in a new city a few hours away from me. He contacted me almost two weeks ago saying that he realizes he has a problem as he's depressed and been doing a lot of drugs (nothing like heroin but still) and can we talk tom or the next day. I haven't heard from him since.

One of my best friends is in a city a few hours away from me. He contacted me almost two weeks ago saying that he realizes he has a problem as he's depressed and been doing a lot of drugs (nothing like heroin but still) and can we talk tom or the next day. I didn't have service over the weekend and so I don't actually know when he sent this but as soon as I regained service I messaged him back and called him. I haven't heard from him since. Ive texted him multiple times. He frequently doesn't respond to texts though so three days ago I texted him saying im worried and can he just text me back that he's fine. His phone still rings which is weird. I also sent him an email yest asking if his phone is lost. At this point I only have one way left to contact him (iMessage). Realistically is there anything I should be doing in this situation? I don't know his address where he's living in this city. But I also hesitate to call his parents in case it's nothing. I also know from another of his good friends that he also hasn't heard from him in weeks.
posted by aaabbbccc to Human Relations (10 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
 
If you know his address you can call the non emergency line of his local police and ask that they please do a wellness check. If you know where he works you can call his place of business and ask if he's available (just to find out if he's been coming in to work--you don't have to give any further information).
posted by phunniemee at 1:19 PM on August 11 [3 favorites]


I don't know his address and he's not working right now (his job doesn't start until later in the fall). Maybe figuring out if I can find his address is the best first step (I believe he's staying in a hotel).
posted by aaabbbccc at 1:22 PM on August 11 [1 favorite]


Given the information you have, I would not hesitate to call his parents at this point. I might make an exception if you know they're abusive or that he's not on speaking terms with them for some reason. If it turns out to be nothing, he might be upset with you, true. But from the information you have, it definitely seems like he might need help, and I think it's worth the risk.
posted by Diablevert at 1:32 PM on August 11 [14 favorites]


Contact his parents. Tell them you've been able to reach him and ask if they've heard from him. If they have, grand; if they've not, let them know you are concerned.

There is not a better option from what you've said and this is the grownup way to approach this.
posted by DarlingBri at 1:33 PM on August 11 [9 favorites]


I assume you've checked and messaged him via FB/instagram/whatever social media he might be on? I would call his parents, myself - if he's fine, your biggest risk is that you scared them, but if he's not fine, they NEED to know. You don't have to give a lot of details (like about the drugs) if you don't want - just say you're worried because you haven't heard from him.
posted by john_snow at 1:34 PM on August 11


Yes, definitely contact his parents. You can ease in (he's not responding, does he have a new number?) and ease in to "actually the last message I got from him was a little worrisome."

To ask the obvious, he's not on social media either, is he?

Many hospitals will confirm if someone is a patient, if you think he might have gone to an ER telling them he was suicidal and got taken into their care.
posted by salvia at 1:45 PM on August 11 [1 favorite]


He has no social media other than twitter and hasn't posted there in a while. My hesitation is that it's not unprecedented for him to go off the grid and if his parents can't get in contact with him either they will just worry so much. I plan on first sending him more urgent messages on all the medium through which I can reach him and let him know that I'm going to reach out to his parents if I don't hear back from him by tom night. Then unfortunately I think I'll take your advice and contact his parents. Though I suspect they won't know his address or how to contact him either and will be even more worried than I am. I don't think he's suicidal and think it's far more likely that he checked himself into a rehab center and doesn't have internet access which is why I don't want to call his parents and force him to explain himself not on his own terms.
posted by aaabbbccc at 2:00 PM on August 11 [1 favorite]


Crisis averted!! Thanks for the advice everyone! I finally got in touch with him over email and his phone broke and he's puking and feeling shitty but otherwise okay. Glad I guess that I didn't reach out to his parents (though I'm sure he won't tell them so maybe it would've been good). Sorry for the false alarm!
posted by aaabbbccc at 6:29 PM on August 11 [13 favorites]


Now that you've found him, please get his address.
posted by Napoleonic Terrier at 6:44 PM on August 11 [10 favorites]


Sorry for the false alarm!
posted by aaabbbccc at 8:29 PM on August 11

I don't see it as a false alarm. You're a good friend, is all. I'm glad your friend is ok.
posted by dancestoblue at 3:17 AM on August 13 [4 favorites]


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