Wealth, Power, and Flattery

January 20, 2006 5:26 AM

Why are rich and/or powerful people nevertheless so succeptible to flattery?

Advice on establishing close relationships with the rich and powerful usually puts ingratiation at the top of the list of tactics. If this really works, why aren't they more suspicious of this patently obvious ploy? I would think maintaining one's wealth and power required more skepticism and distrust.

posted by ZenMasterThis to human relations (19 comments total)

I think pretty much everyone is susceptible to flattery, regardless of how much money is in their wallets. We evolved to be social creatures and want to be liked.
posted by grumblebee at 5:30 AM on January 20, 2006

Ego :-)
posted by ataraxian at 5:31 AM on January 20, 2006

The rich and powerful are just as stupid and vain as everyone else. It's just that no one bothers to suck up to the poor and weak unless they're beautiful.
posted by rdr at 5:33 AM on January 20, 2006

I think they might even be more susceptible to flattery.

Pop psy: to become rich or powerful is often the result of a very strong drive to have the esteem of a peer group, which is often attributable to some underlying insecurity. Insecure people crave (and believe) flattery more than self assured people.
posted by NekulturnY at 5:41 AM on January 20, 2006

My feeling is that one of the ways rich and powerful people get that way is because they WANT to be that way. Obviously class and family history and other privilege have a lot to do with it, but I think that one of the things that makes famous people famous is their extreme desire to be famous and do whatever it takes to be famous, compared to someone with an equal amount of talent and/or looks who just may not want to give their entire life over to their being-famousness. I understand that famous does not necessarily equal powerful, but in many ways in the US it does. It's like being valedictorian, with few exceptions those people specifically set out to be valedictorian, it's not just that they're smart, lots of people are smart.

So, with this in mind, flattering a person who has almost single-mindedly gone in that direction is all part of justifying and/or rationalizing the accomplishments they have which in turn help them boost themselves enough to stay in that narrow "success or bust" mindset.

Also, good general advice is flattery, but I think there are also a lot of rich/powerful people who have close associates who are more critical, and possibly even denigrating of that person's sucess in sort of a "keeping it real" way -- maybe it's someone they've known since high school or college who remembers them from way back when, or maybe they're just a new associate who isn't a fawning toady. This is not good advice if you're trying to get to know one of these people since this tactic can backfire pretty severely, but I'm always surprised that in every pecking order there seem to be people who are in the inner circle despite being not at all obsequious to the person at the center of that circle.
posted by jessamyn at 5:47 AM on January 20, 2006

NekulturnY took the words right out of my mouth. Of course, your question makes a generalization - there are also many rich/powerful people who would call bullshit on insincere flattery.
posted by amro at 5:57 AM on January 20, 2006

there are also many rich/powerful people who would call bullshit on insincere flattery.

Where "insincere" = "not subtle enough."
posted by languagehat at 6:02 AM on January 20, 2006

Is it that they are susceptible to flattery, or that they are aware of their power (social or otherwise) and thus expect it of you? Maybe part of having social power is enforcing a situation where people are either flattering you or not part of the picture at all. If the advice you're reading is about establishing relationships with the rich and famous, it's not for people who knew them before they got that way. It's for people who want to get in on it now, and those people have to submit before they're allowed to play.
posted by heatherann at 6:09 AM on January 20, 2006

rich people have a serious need to feel like there's something more special about them than having a rich daddy or being really lucky.

if they didn't, they'd lose their minds with guilt every time they take the wealth created by people working minimum wage with no health insurance, and blow it on hookers.

by helping rich people believe that the are so special and amazing that they deserve blowjobs more than poor people deserve AIDS medications, you're providing a vital service for their mental health.

that's my theory anyway.
posted by crabintheocean at 6:09 AM on January 20, 2006

Of course, that's a huge generalization, and so in some cases it may apply, and there may be explanations when it applies - the above pop psych makes sense to me. In other cases, it probably doesn't apply.

In an alternate universe I was rich and powerful for a few years. That experience leads me to believe that how a person became rich & powerful may be a factor as well - if it just sort of happened to them, they may feel less entitled to their wealth and power, and as a possible correlary might be more suspicious of flattery, and even genuine esteem. One of the things I liked least about being rich and powerful was the feeling that I couldn't trust anyone, other than my peers, because everyone must want something of me.
posted by Amizu at 6:16 AM on January 20, 2006

Being rich creates a certain amount of guilt and they want to be reassured that they do, in fact, deserve it.
posted by dagnyscott at 7:07 AM on January 20, 2006

There's a big difference between wealth and power especially in America where everybody likes to pretend they're just 'Joe Blow Normal Guy' off the street. Flattery rarely works on your everyday wealthy people because they don't enjoy being reminded of their wealth. As for powerful people, flattery is just social protocol. Flattery, you might say, is the language that's spoken. Of course, it rarely works in practice. Indeed, I think that this notion that such people love flattery is just a convienient myth propagated by the rich and powerful. After all, the best way to get people to treat you like a snob is to act like a snob.
posted by nixerman at 7:17 AM on January 20, 2006

What an astute question, ZenMasterThis! You are a close observer of human nature to ask so perceptive a question. And you phrased it nicely too--long enough to fully explain what you are asking, but no longer. Your admirable talents with the English language are what make you such a valuable member of our online community.

I think everyone is susceptible to flattery.
posted by LarryC at 8:04 AM on January 20, 2006

nixerman, maybe the very act of flattering is what flatters....... Reminds the powerful person that other people are working hard trying to come up with compliments just to win his attention. Even if the toady doesnt come across as sincere, the effort of paying compliments may be appreciated. Its the same as a girl might appreciate a guy trying to seduce her with all kinds of sweet nothings even though she knows he's doing it just to get her to go out with him.
posted by gregb1007 at 8:06 AM on January 20, 2006

The one rich, powerful man I've known didn't seem that insecure or desirous of flattery. He was actually fairly down to earth and interested in meeting people who didn't, in fact, associate him with money and power. I think he had the trust issues that Amizu described.

He was a self-made rich powerful person, though, so maybe people who inherit their wealth are more vulnerable to flattery? And perhaps we should also make a distinction here between wealth and fame -- I'd guess that people who seek out fame specifically might be more susceptible to flattery than those who seek out wealth or power.
posted by footnote at 8:22 AM on January 20, 2006

Disclaimer: this is a purely personal pop psychology opinion with no hard evidence to back it up.

I think many rich and powerful people become rich and powerful at least in part because of a combination of unusual narcissism, selfishness and egotism. It matters to them to acquire more money, power and influence than most other people. That's why they have the drive to do it. Most of us don't feel especially driven to wield power over others, or to acquire a disproportionate quantity of assets and wealth. I think most of those who do have an over-inflated sense of their own worth, therefore it follows that such people will relish having that sense pandered to by flattery.

This says nothing about folk who are born wealthy, of course. Only the acquisitive, ambitious, squirrely nut-hoarders.
posted by Decani at 8:23 AM on January 20, 2006

The rich and powerful are just as stupid and vain as everyone else.

Well said. I think everyone is susceptible to flattery, on varying levels. Why else do we have a floral industry, or a greeting card industry, or stores devoted to selling "gifts"? It's just noticed more often when flattery affects the rich and powerful ... because they're rich and powerful.
posted by frogan at 9:59 AM on January 20, 2006

Essential reading on this subject is Robert Caro's Master of the Senate: The Years of Lyndon Johnson Lyndon Johnson was twelth-degree Suckup Master to anyone in a position to help him, and an essential element of his rise to power was how he worked on powerful men on the House and Senate like Sam Rayburn and Russell Long with relentless and shameless flattery.

It's very extremely instructive story for anyone who's ambitious and unencumbered by self respect. The objects of Johnson's attention were extremely accomplished, intelligent, and experienced men, and yet they could not get enough of Johnson's tongue work. For all of their power and position they were human, with all the self-doubt and insecurities that implies, and Johnson played these men like violins.
posted by mojohand at 11:11 AM on January 20, 2006

I agree with mojohand. 'The Years of Lyndon Johnson' (all three volumes) is essential reading for those interested in power. I'm eagerly awaiting volume the fourth.
posted by NekulturnY at 2:10 AM on January 21, 2006