I'm having ED. Is it because of porn? What do I do? I feel so scared.
July 25, 2017 1:55 PM Subscribe
I've got a long history with porn. Just met my first girlfriend. We've tried to have sex about 5 times now, and every time, I can't get it up. Can pleasure her and give her desire, but I haven't masturbated or looked at porn since we first hooked up (more than a month ago). According to NoFap, it could take months or even years years of total abstinence to overcome Porn-Induced-Erectile-Dysfunction. That scares the hell outta me.
Hey all,
I started looking at porn at age 13. I'm now 28. So I've been looking at porn for about 15 years. It really ramped up in intensity when I went back to college (in 2013, just graduated this May). For the last 3 years I'd say, I would do this thing where for one night on the weekend, for about 6-8 hours, I'd get really cross faded, listened to music, and look at porn. Cock-Hero music video type stuff. It was almost always soft core (not hardcore or anything super messed up).
Yeah, it was bad. I'd usually have hangovers the next day I'd drink so much.
I'd never had a girlfriend before, and I had made peace with the fact that I never would. This would be my alternative, and I was okay with that. It was something that would make me excited each week, the days leading up to this ritual. I'd work hard, telling myself that this was my reward for all my hard work. For example, I ended up making the Dean's List many semesters and graduated with a high GPA. I had a couple super close friends. Life was good. I had gone on some dates, but I never found the girl all that interesting or attractive.
Then I met this girl. We were friends for about 2 months (I thought she was cute-ish, but as it turns out, she had more of a crush on me than I had thought). A little over a month ago, she told me she liked me, and we kissed (my first kiss). It was beautiful. The next weekend, she asked if I had a condom, and we had sex.
Quick note before I continue. I've known I had a problem for a couple of years. I've tried a couple of times to quit (I've known about NoFap), but the longest I ever made it was 3 weeks. It was really hard to do so. I had given up on quitting. But as soon as we kissed that night (it was June 16th), I made a decision that I would quit for good. It wasn't for me anymore, it was for this girl.
We've grown really close over the last month - we are so good for eachother, and she would say the same thing. I see us sticking together. All of this time, I haven't masturbated or looked at any form of porn. Mostly, the thought of doing so makes me sick. It would be cheating on her. I'm moving out, and yesterday, I threw away all of my magazines and sex toys that I had collected over the years. As I looked at them, I had an urge to look up porn, but I didn't. Didn't even masturbate.
I'm proud of myself. This is the longest I've ever gone without PMO, and I feel like I can go the distance. I'm not doing it for me anymore, I'm doing it for her and this relationship that I very much care about. I love her.
Here's the thing... we've tried sex about 5 times now. I can't ever get it up long enough. I have boners around her very very often (she's as beautiful on the outside as she is personality wise), but when it comes to sex, I just can't get it up. As a result, for about 5-6 weeks now, I haven't ejaculated. I see her usually Friday through Sunday each weekend, and we've tried each time.
I'm scared. I'm starting to go a little nuts. I'm anxious, embarrassed, and I've been feeling a bit bummed lately. This is partly because of a lot of changes going on in my life (I just graduated after all, have to get used to a new life), but I've noticed it getting worse since my abstinence from PMO.
Very early on, after our first time and when I couldn't get it up, later that night I told her my fear about this being my karma for my porn addiction. I didn't go in to the alchohol and weed, but I told her about the addiction. I've reinforced time after time that it's not her - she's so beautiful and sexy - it's me... that I feel the attraction in my brain but my penis isn't on the same page.
She's very patient. She says don't worry about it. But I want to be a man for her. She does seem to want to move this along a bit and for me to find a way to fix it, but from what I'm reading, this could take months or years.
What do I tell her? After all, a successful relationship requires a healthy sex life, especially in the beginning. And as for myself, how do I cope with having sex and never getting it up? It's starting to eat away at my sexual confidence, and I don't initiate - she does - because I'm like, "It won't get up... it will never get up. What's the point?"
It's easy to say that it will take 6 months or a couple of years if you aren't in a relationship. But I'm in one now, and that hard pill of truth isn't as easy to swallow.
Hey all,
I started looking at porn at age 13. I'm now 28. So I've been looking at porn for about 15 years. It really ramped up in intensity when I went back to college (in 2013, just graduated this May). For the last 3 years I'd say, I would do this thing where for one night on the weekend, for about 6-8 hours, I'd get really cross faded, listened to music, and look at porn. Cock-Hero music video type stuff. It was almost always soft core (not hardcore or anything super messed up).
Yeah, it was bad. I'd usually have hangovers the next day I'd drink so much.
I'd never had a girlfriend before, and I had made peace with the fact that I never would. This would be my alternative, and I was okay with that. It was something that would make me excited each week, the days leading up to this ritual. I'd work hard, telling myself that this was my reward for all my hard work. For example, I ended up making the Dean's List many semesters and graduated with a high GPA. I had a couple super close friends. Life was good. I had gone on some dates, but I never found the girl all that interesting or attractive.
Then I met this girl. We were friends for about 2 months (I thought she was cute-ish, but as it turns out, she had more of a crush on me than I had thought). A little over a month ago, she told me she liked me, and we kissed (my first kiss). It was beautiful. The next weekend, she asked if I had a condom, and we had sex.
Quick note before I continue. I've known I had a problem for a couple of years. I've tried a couple of times to quit (I've known about NoFap), but the longest I ever made it was 3 weeks. It was really hard to do so. I had given up on quitting. But as soon as we kissed that night (it was June 16th), I made a decision that I would quit for good. It wasn't for me anymore, it was for this girl.
We've grown really close over the last month - we are so good for eachother, and she would say the same thing. I see us sticking together. All of this time, I haven't masturbated or looked at any form of porn. Mostly, the thought of doing so makes me sick. It would be cheating on her. I'm moving out, and yesterday, I threw away all of my magazines and sex toys that I had collected over the years. As I looked at them, I had an urge to look up porn, but I didn't. Didn't even masturbate.
I'm proud of myself. This is the longest I've ever gone without PMO, and I feel like I can go the distance. I'm not doing it for me anymore, I'm doing it for her and this relationship that I very much care about. I love her.
Here's the thing... we've tried sex about 5 times now. I can't ever get it up long enough. I have boners around her very very often (she's as beautiful on the outside as she is personality wise), but when it comes to sex, I just can't get it up. As a result, for about 5-6 weeks now, I haven't ejaculated. I see her usually Friday through Sunday each weekend, and we've tried each time.
I'm scared. I'm starting to go a little nuts. I'm anxious, embarrassed, and I've been feeling a bit bummed lately. This is partly because of a lot of changes going on in my life (I just graduated after all, have to get used to a new life), but I've noticed it getting worse since my abstinence from PMO.
Very early on, after our first time and when I couldn't get it up, later that night I told her my fear about this being my karma for my porn addiction. I didn't go in to the alchohol and weed, but I told her about the addiction. I've reinforced time after time that it's not her - she's so beautiful and sexy - it's me... that I feel the attraction in my brain but my penis isn't on the same page.
She's very patient. She says don't worry about it. But I want to be a man for her. She does seem to want to move this along a bit and for me to find a way to fix it, but from what I'm reading, this could take months or years.
What do I tell her? After all, a successful relationship requires a healthy sex life, especially in the beginning. And as for myself, how do I cope with having sex and never getting it up? It's starting to eat away at my sexual confidence, and I don't initiate - she does - because I'm like, "It won't get up... it will never get up. What's the point?"
It's easy to say that it will take 6 months or a couple of years if you aren't in a relationship. But I'm in one now, and that hard pill of truth isn't as easy to swallow.
Do you also see a GP on a regular basis? They might be a good starting point.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 2:11 PM on July 25, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by The Underpants Monster at 2:11 PM on July 25, 2017 [2 favorites]
Porn and masturbation only one night a week? That sounds like less than a lot of guys. As a forty-something guy...well, I can say definitely a lot less than certain guys, or so I've heard.
It seems like you have two aspects to this:
I don't have any sure-fire answers for you, but try:
posted by AzraelBrown at 2:23 PM on July 25, 2017 [30 favorites]
It seems like you have two aspects to this:
- Anxiety over sex to begin with
- Conditioned yourself to a very specific set of sexual stimulus
I don't have any sure-fire answers for you, but try:
- Stop treating sex (including masturbation) like a Very Big Deal which Makes You A Man where you don't want to mess up. The Anxiety and Embarrassment aren't helping nor are they sending you down the right path;
- stay away from the no-fap guys, I'm only mildly familiar with that subreddit but what I've seen does not strike me as helpful nor truthful -- they don't seem to be working on sexual health, they're aiming for control, which are not mutually exclusive but different goals than what you're wanting;
- Tell yourself there is no Porn Karma; Porn is not bad, masturbating is not bad, you're just looking for a change in your sexual repertoire that you haven't gotten the hang of yet. You can be a guy who is great at grilling steaks, but also wants to learn how to make awesome sushi -- they're not exclusive of each other, they each take a different set of skills.
- Counseling is good -- because you're obviously on meds for some reason -- your issues may not be a side-effect of the meds, but could be a symptom of the reason you need those meds;
- Don't use alcohol (and other drugs, with your meds who knows) if you're planning on having sex; this affects some people more than others, but "whiskey dick" is definitely a thing.
- Probably the most helpful suggestion I have: increase foreplay for yourself (her paying physical attention to you) -- it may just take you longer to get up that hill, everyone's different, sex needs more than just an erection. Maybe you and her figure out some non-textbook method of sexual contact that stimulates you almost to orgasm, then you start the penis-in-vagina stuff just before you finish. That's fine too, don't worry too much about it. You just work up from there. Edit: remember, you've conditioned yourself that sex lasts HOURS when you masturbate, but now you're expecting it to get done much quicker -- give yourself time with your partner before you freak out.
posted by AzraelBrown at 2:23 PM on July 25, 2017 [30 favorites]
NoFap is a very weird phenomenon and i wouldn't listen to them. you're not broken. you just seem really freaked out.
the thing about erections is that the parasympathetic nervous system causes the relaxation of certain muscles to allow for blood flow. it's literally the result of your body relaxing. this is why morning wood happens. conversely if you're stressed and jumpy and tense, you won't get an erection because those muscles won't relax.
obviously "stop worrying! stop worrying! just be CALM!" is totally unhelpful advice, i'm not saying that. but like if you're looking for an explanation as to why you can't get it up, stress and panic and mental pressure and probably some guilt is way more likely than whatever weird bro-science NoFap is claiming.
ask about viagra or cialis, making it clear how distressed you are by this. i imagine it could be a short term help and put you into a better headspace.
posted by vogon_poet at 2:25 PM on July 25, 2017 [11 favorites]
the thing about erections is that the parasympathetic nervous system causes the relaxation of certain muscles to allow for blood flow. it's literally the result of your body relaxing. this is why morning wood happens. conversely if you're stressed and jumpy and tense, you won't get an erection because those muscles won't relax.
obviously "stop worrying! stop worrying! just be CALM!" is totally unhelpful advice, i'm not saying that. but like if you're looking for an explanation as to why you can't get it up, stress and panic and mental pressure and probably some guilt is way more likely than whatever weird bro-science NoFap is claiming.
ask about viagra or cialis, making it clear how distressed you are by this. i imagine it could be a short term help and put you into a better headspace.
posted by vogon_poet at 2:25 PM on July 25, 2017 [11 favorites]
"After all, a successful relationship requires a healthy sex life, especially in the beginning."
That'd be nice, but I don't think it usually works that way. You're nervous, you haven't figured out what works for the two of you yet, and it takes time to figure out even if you've had other partners before. So, you might partly just be suffering from unreasonable expectations for how this will work at the start. It tends to get better.
Anyway, talking to a professional sounds like a good idea. But just as a random stranger on the internet with no particular expertise, it sounds to me like a lot of unnecessary guilt about your porn use may be causing you to jump to conclusions about what the actual problem is.
posted by floppyroofing at 2:26 PM on July 25, 2017
That'd be nice, but I don't think it usually works that way. You're nervous, you haven't figured out what works for the two of you yet, and it takes time to figure out even if you've had other partners before. So, you might partly just be suffering from unreasonable expectations for how this will work at the start. It tends to get better.
Anyway, talking to a professional sounds like a good idea. But just as a random stranger on the internet with no particular expertise, it sounds to me like a lot of unnecessary guilt about your porn use may be causing you to jump to conclusions about what the actual problem is.
posted by floppyroofing at 2:26 PM on July 25, 2017
NoFap is a very weird phenomenon and i wouldn't listen to them.
I don't have a solid answer to the original question, but I'll just second this. That subreddit is on some creepy purity-of-essence shit. Don't take them seriously.
posted by tobascodagama at 2:29 PM on July 25, 2017 [15 favorites]
I don't have a solid answer to the original question, but I'll just second this. That subreddit is on some creepy purity-of-essence shit. Don't take them seriously.
posted by tobascodagama at 2:29 PM on July 25, 2017 [15 favorites]
I'm struck by the fact that you had your first kiss at age 28, and then tried full sex the very next weekend. You've skipped the whole "awkward messing around, learning about my body and my partner's body" thing that many people do after they get their first kiss at a much younger age. I'm not a doctor or a porn expert or anything like that, but it feels to me like you need to slow this way, way down. Hopefully your girlfriend is up for that, because there's a lot of fun to be had without full sex.
posted by BlahLaLa at 2:42 PM on July 25, 2017 [41 favorites]
posted by BlahLaLa at 2:42 PM on July 25, 2017 [41 favorites]
Your post sounds full of self-shaming. That's only going to make things worse for you. Masturbation is natural and fine and it's not cheating. Looking at porn isn't bad and it's not cheating. You're not being punished. You don't have to subject yourself to the terrible and backward ideas found at NoFap.
Sex isn't automatically great and easy for most people at first. It can take awhile for partners to become totally comfortable with themselves and each other. Having a healthy sex life is about having a healthy and positive approach to sex. That means learning what each partner finds stimulating - a process that can take time and patience - and being open and accepting is the most critical part of that. Just because you currently are having a challenging time with penis in vagina (PIV) sex doesn't mean that you can't have non-PIV sex and it doesn't mean that you won't be able to overcome your challenges.
Try focusing your sexual time on mutual pleasure and exploration: making out, touching, mutual masturbation, oral, toys, etc. Make the goal pleasure instead of making it all about one act. Find one another's erogenous zones. Have patience with yourself and your partner. ENJOY it. Have fun with it. Make the goal to focus on that for a month or two before you try to have PIV sex again. Take the pressure off. I've had very fulfilling and satisfying sex with men (I'm a woman) with PIV sex never being in the picture. That's not abnormal.
You may also want to experiment with new forms of masturbation. Try new techniques and also look into whether some of your issues could be due to having formed a "death-grip" habit when masturbating. You can get used to new forms of stimulation and reprogram your responses.
Openly communicate with your partner. Be honest with her. Do this together. It's fine. You're fine. You don't have to force yourself into responding to this normal thing with shame and disappointment in yourself.
posted by quince at 2:48 PM on July 25, 2017 [14 favorites]
Sex isn't automatically great and easy for most people at first. It can take awhile for partners to become totally comfortable with themselves and each other. Having a healthy sex life is about having a healthy and positive approach to sex. That means learning what each partner finds stimulating - a process that can take time and patience - and being open and accepting is the most critical part of that. Just because you currently are having a challenging time with penis in vagina (PIV) sex doesn't mean that you can't have non-PIV sex and it doesn't mean that you won't be able to overcome your challenges.
Try focusing your sexual time on mutual pleasure and exploration: making out, touching, mutual masturbation, oral, toys, etc. Make the goal pleasure instead of making it all about one act. Find one another's erogenous zones. Have patience with yourself and your partner. ENJOY it. Have fun with it. Make the goal to focus on that for a month or two before you try to have PIV sex again. Take the pressure off. I've had very fulfilling and satisfying sex with men (I'm a woman) with PIV sex never being in the picture. That's not abnormal.
You may also want to experiment with new forms of masturbation. Try new techniques and also look into whether some of your issues could be due to having formed a "death-grip" habit when masturbating. You can get used to new forms of stimulation and reprogram your responses.
Openly communicate with your partner. Be honest with her. Do this together. It's fine. You're fine. You don't have to force yourself into responding to this normal thing with shame and disappointment in yourself.
posted by quince at 2:48 PM on July 25, 2017 [14 favorites]
If you are having erections around her when you're not trying to have sex, that's pretty good news, actually! It means you find her sexually arousing and are capable of getting a functional erection in her presence-- just not when you actually attempt to have sex with her. I think the fact that she is the first person you have ever kissed, let alone had sex with, is likely a very important factor here. Anxiety-induced loss of erection with a new partner is very common (see some of the "Related Questions" at the bottom of this page) and doesn't necessarily suggest anything about your porn use. But when a new partner is giving you permission to be with them like that for the first time, you may have conscious or subconscious thoughts (cultural taboos that say premarital sex is sinful or naughty, as just one example) that make it difficult to fully give *yourself* permission to commit to the act of intercourse. Which is what I suggest trying-- instead of putting pressure on yourself to perform, perhaps frame it as giving yourself permission to enjoy this delightful activity that she has invited you to share with her.
posted by Dixon Ticonderoga at 2:50 PM on July 25, 2017 [6 favorites]
posted by Dixon Ticonderoga at 2:50 PM on July 25, 2017 [6 favorites]
When you went without for three weeks, you didn't have a girlfriend. Try again, I think you might be surprised.
Good luck, this stuff can really mess with your head such that you think, "OMG SKIP A WEEK?" You can do it.
posted by rhizome at 3:13 PM on July 25, 2017 [1 favorite]
Good luck, this stuff can really mess with your head such that you think, "OMG SKIP A WEEK?" You can do it.
posted by rhizome at 3:13 PM on July 25, 2017 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: I really got aroused the other night when she was over. I've been thinking about sex ever since. It's driving me crazy and I won't be able to see her for another two weeks.
Let's say that I look at porn tonight. I've been messing around with my dick and I've finally figured out what I think she could do to make me hard enough to ejaculate. But in doing so, I just had this urge to look at porn. It's driving me mad.
Should I resist? Should I text her before hand? Should I call her after? If I do it, I want her to know I did it. I don't want to hide it from her.
posted by ggp88 at 3:22 PM on July 25, 2017
Let's say that I look at porn tonight. I've been messing around with my dick and I've finally figured out what I think she could do to make me hard enough to ejaculate. But in doing so, I just had this urge to look at porn. It's driving me mad.
Should I resist? Should I text her before hand? Should I call her after? If I do it, I want her to know I did it. I don't want to hide it from her.
posted by ggp88 at 3:22 PM on July 25, 2017
Masturbating isn't something to be ashamed of. You don't need to "clear it" with your partner before you do it -- it's your body. Masturbate tonight if you want to!
Like other folks have said, I think mentally de-emphasizing PIV sex could be helpful for you. Make out. Touch each other. Go down on her. Let her go down on you, if she wants to. Masturbate side by side -- show her what you do to yourself, and then let her try it (and vice versa). It's okay if you don't ejaculate -- that shouldn't be the goal. Unlike what porn shows, it's normal for people to have sex and not be able to cum from PIV sex, blowjobs, or whatever. When PIV sex feels right, try again -- but try not to put too much pressure on yourself.
posted by kylej at 3:33 PM on July 25, 2017 [7 favorites]
Like other folks have said, I think mentally de-emphasizing PIV sex could be helpful for you. Make out. Touch each other. Go down on her. Let her go down on you, if she wants to. Masturbate side by side -- show her what you do to yourself, and then let her try it (and vice versa). It's okay if you don't ejaculate -- that shouldn't be the goal. Unlike what porn shows, it's normal for people to have sex and not be able to cum from PIV sex, blowjobs, or whatever. When PIV sex feels right, try again -- but try not to put too much pressure on yourself.
posted by kylej at 3:33 PM on July 25, 2017 [7 favorites]
If I do it, I want her to know I did it
Has she told you she wants to know about this?
You say a couple of times in your original question that you're doing this (changing your personal habits) "for her," which is sort of concerning -- this is your private business, and changing or reconditioning yourself is something you're absolutely entitled to do. it sounds like it might be a good idea for your peace of mind and all that. but you've said the content of what you look at isn't problematic, and giving it up was your own idea, so why does it need to be her problem? or maybe a better question is, why does the guilt you feel need to be attached to her, is it a motivation thing? is she going to be ok with being your internal monitor that way? You call it "cheating on her" and some women would agree with that, but other women would find that idea offensive. do not try to convince her of this way of thinking if she doesn't already believe it.
I see that you want to attach all of your sexual desires to her for your own sense of what's right and good in a relationship. that is not wrong, but that is for you, not for her. this confessional need is also for you, not for her.
posted by queenofbithynia at 3:35 PM on July 25, 2017 [7 favorites]
Has she told you she wants to know about this?
You say a couple of times in your original question that you're doing this (changing your personal habits) "for her," which is sort of concerning -- this is your private business, and changing or reconditioning yourself is something you're absolutely entitled to do. it sounds like it might be a good idea for your peace of mind and all that. but you've said the content of what you look at isn't problematic, and giving it up was your own idea, so why does it need to be her problem? or maybe a better question is, why does the guilt you feel need to be attached to her, is it a motivation thing? is she going to be ok with being your internal monitor that way? You call it "cheating on her" and some women would agree with that, but other women would find that idea offensive. do not try to convince her of this way of thinking if she doesn't already believe it.
I see that you want to attach all of your sexual desires to her for your own sense of what's right and good in a relationship. that is not wrong, but that is for you, not for her. this confessional need is also for you, not for her.
posted by queenofbithynia at 3:35 PM on July 25, 2017 [7 favorites]
Stay away from NoFap. They're about toxic spiritual purity, not sexual health.
You are undergoing a HUGE personal paradigm shift right now and it's okay and normal to be freaking out. You had decided for years that solo sexual/sensual experiences would be your only sexual outlet, and now you're trying partnered sex for the first time. Blahlala is right-- going so quickly from a first kiss to intercourse is a lot to emotionally and physically process in a short amount of time. You are learning and relearning ways of being in your body and having a lot of intense new experiences. You're gonna be OK.
One of the things that struck me about your post is how much shame you have around solo sexual activity. I don't know if you're getting this from NoFap or what, but masturbation and partnered sex are not mutually exclusive activities. The vast majority of people would not consider masturbating or watching porn to be "cheating" on their SO. Does your girlfriend agree with you about this? Does she know you have these views?
I think whatever you do tonight, you should not call or text your gf a big confession about something so pedestrian as masturbating. That kind of celibacy/penance kink is something that needs to be negotiated beforehand with a partner and I'm assuming your gf is not a domme keeping you in chastity, so, no. If you want to sext with her though, go right ahead, might be fun.
In general, please take what everyone is saying about anxiety and pressure seriously. It's OK to give yourself a break.
posted by moonlight on vermont at 3:36 PM on July 25, 2017 [7 favorites]
You are undergoing a HUGE personal paradigm shift right now and it's okay and normal to be freaking out. You had decided for years that solo sexual/sensual experiences would be your only sexual outlet, and now you're trying partnered sex for the first time. Blahlala is right-- going so quickly from a first kiss to intercourse is a lot to emotionally and physically process in a short amount of time. You are learning and relearning ways of being in your body and having a lot of intense new experiences. You're gonna be OK.
One of the things that struck me about your post is how much shame you have around solo sexual activity. I don't know if you're getting this from NoFap or what, but masturbation and partnered sex are not mutually exclusive activities. The vast majority of people would not consider masturbating or watching porn to be "cheating" on their SO. Does your girlfriend agree with you about this? Does she know you have these views?
I think whatever you do tonight, you should not call or text your gf a big confession about something so pedestrian as masturbating. That kind of celibacy/penance kink is something that needs to be negotiated beforehand with a partner and I'm assuming your gf is not a domme keeping you in chastity, so, no. If you want to sext with her though, go right ahead, might be fun.
In general, please take what everyone is saying about anxiety and pressure seriously. It's OK to give yourself a break.
posted by moonlight on vermont at 3:36 PM on July 25, 2017 [7 favorites]
Response by poster: Okay, I'm going to take everything here seriously. I just connected NoFap with my inability to get an erection, and I convininced myself that desensitisazioin to porn gave me ED.
The reason I don't want to hide this from my girlfriend is because early on I promised her that I'd never look at porn again. I don't want to lie to her, that's all. Every time I talk about this, she really doesn't have much to say. She even laughed and said that "of course you looked at porn before you had a girlfriend. You had to get your sexual urges out some how". She's never said flat out that porn was bad. That was me saying that to her, confessing my sins in a way. (BTW, I'm agnostic-atheist and very scientific... the thing that had me ashamed was the science that NoFap and YourBrainonPorn was putting out. Also, there are countless articles out there that talk about how porn is toxic for healthy relationships.)
I just want to be a good boyfriend. I want honest communication, a healthy sex life, and a healthy relationship.
But thank you all. You've given me a lot of comfort and a lot of ideas about how we can approach sex in the future.
posted by ggp88 at 3:56 PM on July 25, 2017
The reason I don't want to hide this from my girlfriend is because early on I promised her that I'd never look at porn again. I don't want to lie to her, that's all. Every time I talk about this, she really doesn't have much to say. She even laughed and said that "of course you looked at porn before you had a girlfriend. You had to get your sexual urges out some how". She's never said flat out that porn was bad. That was me saying that to her, confessing my sins in a way. (BTW, I'm agnostic-atheist and very scientific... the thing that had me ashamed was the science that NoFap and YourBrainonPorn was putting out. Also, there are countless articles out there that talk about how porn is toxic for healthy relationships.)
I just want to be a good boyfriend. I want honest communication, a healthy sex life, and a healthy relationship.
But thank you all. You've given me a lot of comfort and a lot of ideas about how we can approach sex in the future.
posted by ggp88 at 3:56 PM on July 25, 2017
Seriously, get to your doctor and ask for something. The company that makes Viagra is rich for a very good reason. If you get a prescription for 100mg tablets you will probably find that a quarter or a third of a tablet taken early evening will make all your concerns go away.
Not that you shouldn't be thinking about other things around this, but that you can make he problem temporarily go away so that you can stop worrying and both enjoy yourselves. You will then be in a much better place to make good decisions.
If there were a camp of people telling you not to go on and on about your porn addiction, your self-control, your anxiety, what you achieved yesterday, where/when you masturbate to your new girlfriend? I'd be firmly in it.
posted by tillsbury at 3:57 PM on July 25, 2017 [1 favorite]
Not that you shouldn't be thinking about other things around this, but that you can make he problem temporarily go away so that you can stop worrying and both enjoy yourselves. You will then be in a much better place to make good decisions.
If there were a camp of people telling you not to go on and on about your porn addiction, your self-control, your anxiety, what you achieved yesterday, where/when you masturbate to your new girlfriend? I'd be firmly in it.
posted by tillsbury at 3:57 PM on July 25, 2017 [1 favorite]
Foreplay? Is she open to pleasuring you with her hands and/or mouth?
Since you can achieve tumescence it suggests that there's no physical problems. Try using a cock ring to maintain tumescence. They come in stretchy rubber.
If you're too embarrassed (which you shouldn't be or in a rush and can't wait) to acquire one, a nylon stocking (maybe a knee high, or cut off from a pair of pantyhose/knee-highs that has a run in it and would have been discarded) as a light tourniquet is also an option.
Would not recommend most scrunchies - most have a metal fastener (which might be hidden) that can cause painful scratches/irritant.
posted by porpoise at 3:57 PM on July 25, 2017
Since you can achieve tumescence it suggests that there's no physical problems. Try using a cock ring to maintain tumescence. They come in stretchy rubber.
If you're too embarrassed (which you shouldn't be or in a rush and can't wait) to acquire one, a nylon stocking (maybe a knee high, or cut off from a pair of pantyhose/knee-highs that has a run in it and would have been discarded) as a light tourniquet is also an option.
Would not recommend most scrunchies - most have a metal fastener (which might be hidden) that can cause painful scratches/irritant.
posted by porpoise at 3:57 PM on July 25, 2017
If you won't see your girlfriend for a while, consider having phone sex with her instead of masturbating to porn - you get to masturbate and have sexy times with her, it's a win-win, and the distance may help you anxiety over performance. Plus, it let's you both exchange ideas on what is sexy for the next time you see each other.
posted by AzraelBrown at 4:08 PM on July 25, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by AzraelBrown at 4:08 PM on July 25, 2017 [2 favorites]
Maybe you could try to de-couple porn from masturbation. I dunno, try masturbating in a different way - like, listen to the music you like, or not, light a candle to separate your mental space from your fade out weekends, don't be inebriated, and try to be more meditative and sensual in your approach. Maybe write down a fantasy date earlier in the day, a few lines to get you started on a story you develop as you masturbate. Maybe you use a pic of your girlfriend to gently shift your desire from anonymous sex workers to a particularised passion, start the fantasy date mentalscape, and start to imagine how it goes. What are you doing, what are you exploring, what does it smell like, taste like, sound like. Get into your own imaginings of sensual pleasure, rather than the seeking, hungry, disposable, visual habits of porn use. Close your eyes, drift, and even if you don't get off with an orgasm this way at first, it might help you get in touch with your own 'powers' to pleasure yourself, both physically and emotionally by lingering on fantasies that *you* construct.
If you feel shame about masturbation and feel the need to check in with your partner, maybe alter your approach from policing, to a kind of sexy dialogue with your gal - like say, not every time, you could tell her how you had a super fantasy about her, and you were enjoying x, y, z, and it was so lovely, and you love to think of her and how your intimacy makes you feel.
posted by honey-barbara at 4:14 PM on July 25, 2017
If you feel shame about masturbation and feel the need to check in with your partner, maybe alter your approach from policing, to a kind of sexy dialogue with your gal - like say, not every time, you could tell her how you had a super fantasy about her, and you were enjoying x, y, z, and it was so lovely, and you love to think of her and how your intimacy makes you feel.
posted by honey-barbara at 4:14 PM on July 25, 2017
"After all, a successful relationship requires a healthy sex life, especially in the beginning."
Healthy sex life /= PIV sex.
Lots of people have successful relationships without having lots of PIV sex, or any sex at all, in the beginning.
Maybe take PIV sex off the table for a while. Tell your GF that the next few times you get together you just want to fool around - make out, cuddle, mutual masturbation, etc - there are tons of resources for fun and sexy things to do together that don't have anything to do with PIV. Maybe have a few date that aren't sexual at all - hiking, museums, sporting events, movies - whatever you both enjoy.
And yes, talk to your doctor.
posted by bunderful at 4:30 PM on July 25, 2017
Healthy sex life /= PIV sex.
Lots of people have successful relationships without having lots of PIV sex, or any sex at all, in the beginning.
Maybe take PIV sex off the table for a while. Tell your GF that the next few times you get together you just want to fool around - make out, cuddle, mutual masturbation, etc - there are tons of resources for fun and sexy things to do together that don't have anything to do with PIV. Maybe have a few date that aren't sexual at all - hiking, museums, sporting events, movies - whatever you both enjoy.
And yes, talk to your doctor.
posted by bunderful at 4:30 PM on July 25, 2017
From my perspective, your problem isn't porn or masturbation. It's performance anxiety.
I mean, your anxiety in your original post and your multiple updates is palpable. YOU ARE WAAAAY OVERTHINKING ALL OF THIS.
For the love of God, do not make your girlfriend your personal porn confessional.
posted by Brittanie at 4:37 PM on July 25, 2017 [20 favorites]
I mean, your anxiety in your original post and your multiple updates is palpable. YOU ARE WAAAAY OVERTHINKING ALL OF THIS.
For the love of God, do not make your girlfriend your personal porn confessional.
posted by Brittanie at 4:37 PM on July 25, 2017 [20 favorites]
Dude. Slow the fuck down here. You are putting yourself under enormous pressure to perform like a sexually accomplished partnered person, and you are just not. Faced with that realisation, you are flailing around desperately looking for something to blame and ended up pledging your troth to the Scientology of masturbation, which is what NoFAP is.
Slow. Down. First of all, during solo time, there is absolutely no reason not to masturbate. I would 100% avoid masturbating with porn, because it's fucking with your head and you for some reason told her you wouldn't. Be open to that changing because that last restriction is... perhaps not typical.
If you can get hard when masturbating alone, great. If you can ejaculate, even better but only because you'll know your orgasms are not broken. Hurrah.
This may make you incrementally more confident with a partner. For the love of god, PLEASE take penetrative sex off the table for a while. JFocus on just being naked together and learning pleasurable touch. Then try masturbating together. Then try oral and manual sex and make a game out of seeing how you can make each other orgasm.
IT WILL BE RIDICULOUS. There will be noises and elbows and all of that is FINE. When you have some confidence in each other, move on to penetrative sex. Read this and make sure you're ready. And take it much more slowly and with much, much less pressure.
posted by DarlingBri at 4:50 PM on July 25, 2017 [7 favorites]
Slow. Down. First of all, during solo time, there is absolutely no reason not to masturbate. I would 100% avoid masturbating with porn, because it's fucking with your head and you for some reason told her you wouldn't. Be open to that changing because that last restriction is... perhaps not typical.
If you can get hard when masturbating alone, great. If you can ejaculate, even better but only because you'll know your orgasms are not broken. Hurrah.
This may make you incrementally more confident with a partner. For the love of god, PLEASE take penetrative sex off the table for a while. JFocus on just being naked together and learning pleasurable touch. Then try masturbating together. Then try oral and manual sex and make a game out of seeing how you can make each other orgasm.
IT WILL BE RIDICULOUS. There will be noises and elbows and all of that is FINE. When you have some confidence in each other, move on to penetrative sex. Read this and make sure you're ready. And take it much more slowly and with much, much less pressure.
posted by DarlingBri at 4:50 PM on July 25, 2017 [7 favorites]
I can't speak to any of the psychological stuff, but I've taken every one of the meds you're on at some point. And yes, they can have profound sexually related side effects individually, either positive or negative, but taken together this is a whole 'nother level of pharmaceutical complexity.
Please talk to whoever prescribes your psych meds and a pharmacist before even considering taking Viagra or any other similar medication.
Adderall does have ED as a known side effect, though it is probably somewhat dose dependent. Loss of libido is known with Clonazepam. Quetiapine, well, it has many possible side effects and isn't given out on a whim. Meds in that class are not known for making one feel utterly wonderful, even if they are saving your life. But it doesn't sound like the meds are the problem.
Listen to the other people here who have very good suggestions about dealing with the mental side of this before treating it as a physical problem. Because from what you say, the parts work. It is just the damn brain weasels getting in the way. Anxiety messes with your body in lots of ways, so give yourself a chance to learn and enjoy the process of having a partner. Everyone has a learning curve for sex, and everyone has embarassing moments while they learn. Being honest with your partner is a good start. Smile together and keep on trying. I think you'll find your way.
posted by monopas at 5:22 PM on July 25, 2017 [6 favorites]
Please talk to whoever prescribes your psych meds and a pharmacist before even considering taking Viagra or any other similar medication.
Adderall does have ED as a known side effect, though it is probably somewhat dose dependent. Loss of libido is known with Clonazepam. Quetiapine, well, it has many possible side effects and isn't given out on a whim. Meds in that class are not known for making one feel utterly wonderful, even if they are saving your life. But it doesn't sound like the meds are the problem.
Listen to the other people here who have very good suggestions about dealing with the mental side of this before treating it as a physical problem. Because from what you say, the parts work. It is just the damn brain weasels getting in the way. Anxiety messes with your body in lots of ways, so give yourself a chance to learn and enjoy the process of having a partner. Everyone has a learning curve for sex, and everyone has embarassing moments while they learn. Being honest with your partner is a good start. Smile together and keep on trying. I think you'll find your way.
posted by monopas at 5:22 PM on July 25, 2017 [6 favorites]
Speaking as another 'late bloomer' (I didn't have my first girlfriend or sex until I was almost 19), I had a little bit of trouble initially "keeping it up". It is entirely performance anxiety and totally normal. Because you are a virgin it has a huge psychological significance for you and it is stressing you out. It is one of those things where the more you think about it, the more it stresses you out, like a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If you are getting an erection during foreplay but then go soft when it comes to do the actual deed, it is simply performance anxiety and you don't have ED.
It will definitely not take months/years and you don't need to stop looking at porn or masturbating.
Here is a tip. If you are having trouble getting/staying fully hard enough to penetrate, it is much easier if you lie on your back and let her get on top and put you in.
Once you have done it a few times it won't be such a big deal for you anymore.
Good luck!
posted by karakumy at 6:20 PM on July 25, 2017 [1 favorite]
If you are getting an erection during foreplay but then go soft when it comes to do the actual deed, it is simply performance anxiety and you don't have ED.
It will definitely not take months/years and you don't need to stop looking at porn or masturbating.
Here is a tip. If you are having trouble getting/staying fully hard enough to penetrate, it is much easier if you lie on your back and let her get on top and put you in.
Once you have done it a few times it won't be such a big deal for you anymore.
Good luck!
posted by karakumy at 6:20 PM on July 25, 2017 [1 favorite]
I'm a pharmacist and I completely agree with monopas. I wouldn't be at all surprised if meds were causing a problem. I'm glad you've got an appointment with a doctor scheduled because you shouldn't just stop taking them on your own. You should talk about what your options are - maybe you could try a prescription for Viagra or Cialis instead of changing meds that are working for you. Or maybe different meds or different doses would work better.
posted by selfmedicating at 6:25 PM on July 25, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by selfmedicating at 6:25 PM on July 25, 2017 [4 favorites]
See a GP to get your testosterone checked.
Also consider reading this excellent book on sexual problems:
Resurrecting Sex: Solving Sexual Problems and Revolutionizing Your Relationship by David Schnarch, James Maddock
Spoiler: most sexual problems are either Anxiety, or a physical cause like lack of physical fitness, poor blood circulation, medication side effects, or lack of sleep.
Porn is VERY UNLIKELY to be your problem. My 58-year-old partner watches porn once or more per week (and has done for more than 20 years), and has no problem having an erection for penis-in-vagina sex three times per week.
posted by Murderbot at 7:09 PM on July 25, 2017 [2 favorites]
Also consider reading this excellent book on sexual problems:
Resurrecting Sex: Solving Sexual Problems and Revolutionizing Your Relationship by David Schnarch, James Maddock
Spoiler: most sexual problems are either Anxiety, or a physical cause like lack of physical fitness, poor blood circulation, medication side effects, or lack of sleep.
Porn is VERY UNLIKELY to be your problem. My 58-year-old partner watches porn once or more per week (and has done for more than 20 years), and has no problem having an erection for penis-in-vagina sex three times per week.
posted by Murderbot at 7:09 PM on July 25, 2017 [2 favorites]
Listen. There is nothing wrong with masturbation. There is nothing wrong with watching mainstream porn. You are needlessly filled with guilt about all this.
Once you get over this hump, you'll find that masturbation and partnered sex are two different things in lots of ways and fill different needs. Solo-time and partnered time co-exist in tons of relationships.
A problem with overuse of porn these days is it can kill your sexual imagination. Can you masturbate and climax just from the images in your head and fantasies? Try that a few times.
Can you masturbate with your new girlfriend while you cuddle and kiss? That would be a good start. Do that for several sessions.
If you feel uncomfortable doing that, can you try masturbating with her in the house but in another room? Let her know what you're doing and work up to allowing yourself to feel vulnerable. Another time, maybe you'll feel comfortable enough to let her join you.
posted by Leontine at 8:23 PM on July 25, 2017 [1 favorite]
Once you get over this hump, you'll find that masturbation and partnered sex are two different things in lots of ways and fill different needs. Solo-time and partnered time co-exist in tons of relationships.
A problem with overuse of porn these days is it can kill your sexual imagination. Can you masturbate and climax just from the images in your head and fantasies? Try that a few times.
Can you masturbate with your new girlfriend while you cuddle and kiss? That would be a good start. Do that for several sessions.
If you feel uncomfortable doing that, can you try masturbating with her in the house but in another room? Let her know what you're doing and work up to allowing yourself to feel vulnerable. Another time, maybe you'll feel comfortable enough to let her join you.
posted by Leontine at 8:23 PM on July 25, 2017 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Woman here... in my experience, men that are putting pressure on themselves to perform/stay hard/impress me can tend to have trouble keeping it up. It's not a big deal, they've just psyched themselves out. The trick usually is to help them relax, let them know it's not a big deal and to keep playing in other ways (make out, grind, play with other body parts, oral etc). Sex doesn't stop and start with hard penis in wet vagina. Good times can still be had and often when the pressure is off and we're both having a good time the problem takes care of itself. So... what can you do when this happens to keep play going? To make sure you and your partner are having a good time and making each other feel good?
I think the two problems you have with porn are
A) massive unjustified guilt - maybe ask your gf how she feels about porn. Many people are quite happy for their partner to watch porn and masturbate. Frankly, I don't want to be responsible for ALL of my partners sexual needs and I'd want him to have his own private fantasy life, as I have mine. Everyone has different values, and it's fine if you both DO consider porn cheating, but do you and does she? It's a discussion worth having. As is how you would feel about her masturbating and about her watching port - you guys get to create the relationship you want, with the boundaries you want, but only if you use your words.
B) the "now go!"/pentetration centric approach to sex. Take time to explore the whole of each others bodies, different sensations, hard/light touches, erogenous zones etc. Sex is awesome and there's always something new to discover. Enjoy!
posted by Chrysalis at 10:39 PM on July 25, 2017 [2 favorites]
I think the two problems you have with porn are
A) massive unjustified guilt - maybe ask your gf how she feels about porn. Many people are quite happy for their partner to watch porn and masturbate. Frankly, I don't want to be responsible for ALL of my partners sexual needs and I'd want him to have his own private fantasy life, as I have mine. Everyone has different values, and it's fine if you both DO consider porn cheating, but do you and does she? It's a discussion worth having. As is how you would feel about her masturbating and about her watching port - you guys get to create the relationship you want, with the boundaries you want, but only if you use your words.
B) the "now go!"/pentetration centric approach to sex. Take time to explore the whole of each others bodies, different sensations, hard/light touches, erogenous zones etc. Sex is awesome and there's always something new to discover. Enjoy!
posted by Chrysalis at 10:39 PM on July 25, 2017 [2 favorites]
Best answer: The reason I don't want to hide this from my girlfriend is because early on I promised her that I'd never look at porn again. I don't want to lie to her, that's all. Every time I talk about this, she really doesn't have much to say.
Probably because you are taking a thing that is totally common and average (masturbating to porn), and making a Big! Serious! Confessional! Deal! out of it. It sounds like you're assuming a lot of things about porn and porn use and how women feel about porn and about how porn affects relationships without actually covering the basic first step of talking to your partner about the topic.
BTW, I'm agnostic-atheist and very scientific...
Yah. See, the thing is, though, is that being a good boyfriend, being in a good relationship, having good sex, is not about discovering Universal Principles that underly all relationships and apply in all situations. You need to ease up on the "SCIENCE!!!!" aspect of this and recognize that each relationship is an unique combination of two unique individuals. You're not Finding Answers, you're learning about another person, physically and mentally and emotionally.
was the science that NoFap and YourBrainonPorn was putting out
I swear to Buddha the second Google result when I searched for YourBrainonPorn was this Psychology Today article calling bullshit on the "science" of YourBrainonPorn and NoFap. So there ya go - the "science" you've been basing your reaction on is not nearly as settled as you seem to think it is. Walk away from the bad websites. Talk to your psychiatrist about why you might be having such strong guilt reactions to porn and porn use - that's the kind of science you should be paying attention to.
posted by soundguy99 at 11:45 PM on July 25, 2017 [3 favorites]
Probably because you are taking a thing that is totally common and average (masturbating to porn), and making a Big! Serious! Confessional! Deal! out of it. It sounds like you're assuming a lot of things about porn and porn use and how women feel about porn and about how porn affects relationships without actually covering the basic first step of talking to your partner about the topic.
BTW, I'm agnostic-atheist and very scientific...
Yah. See, the thing is, though, is that being a good boyfriend, being in a good relationship, having good sex, is not about discovering Universal Principles that underly all relationships and apply in all situations. You need to ease up on the "SCIENCE!!!!" aspect of this and recognize that each relationship is an unique combination of two unique individuals. You're not Finding Answers, you're learning about another person, physically and mentally and emotionally.
was the science that NoFap and YourBrainonPorn was putting out
I swear to Buddha the second Google result when I searched for YourBrainonPorn was this Psychology Today article calling bullshit on the "science" of YourBrainonPorn and NoFap. So there ya go - the "science" you've been basing your reaction on is not nearly as settled as you seem to think it is. Walk away from the bad websites. Talk to your psychiatrist about why you might be having such strong guilt reactions to porn and porn use - that's the kind of science you should be paying attention to.
posted by soundguy99 at 11:45 PM on July 25, 2017 [3 favorites]
Best answer: If you'd like a more effective, more science-based approach than NoFap, I think you might find Emily Nagoski's work very useful. She writes about desire and sexuality in a kind, accessible, and science-based way. She's got a great blog and a great book, Come As You Are (the book is mostly focused around women, but the science in it is applicable to men, too).
Here's one of her posts summarizing the dual control model which you might find useful. The gist is this:
- Your brain has two separate processes going on at all times: one notices things that get you aroused (the gas pedal) and one notices things that turn you off (the brakes).
- For many people worried about their sexual desire, the issue is not with the gas pedal, but with the brakes. Your gas pedal could be pressed all the way down (you're very turned on by your girlfriend), but if your brakes are also pressed all the way down (you're stressed and worried and feel a lot of performance anxiety), then the car isn't going anywhere.
- You might find it useful to not worry about the gas pedal, but instead to do things that ease up on the brakes. That generally means being kind to your whole self, brain and body, even in non-sexual ways (ie: getting enough sleep, taking a walk, stretching your body, talking in trustful way with your partner, having a snack, or whatever else helps you relax and de-stress).
She also has some good posts about working through stress and how to relax into sex which you might find helpful.
posted by ourobouros at 5:37 AM on July 26, 2017 [4 favorites]
Here's one of her posts summarizing the dual control model which you might find useful. The gist is this:
- Your brain has two separate processes going on at all times: one notices things that get you aroused (the gas pedal) and one notices things that turn you off (the brakes).
- For many people worried about their sexual desire, the issue is not with the gas pedal, but with the brakes. Your gas pedal could be pressed all the way down (you're very turned on by your girlfriend), but if your brakes are also pressed all the way down (you're stressed and worried and feel a lot of performance anxiety), then the car isn't going anywhere.
- You might find it useful to not worry about the gas pedal, but instead to do things that ease up on the brakes. That generally means being kind to your whole self, brain and body, even in non-sexual ways (ie: getting enough sleep, taking a walk, stretching your body, talking in trustful way with your partner, having a snack, or whatever else helps you relax and de-stress).
She also has some good posts about working through stress and how to relax into sex which you might find helpful.
posted by ourobouros at 5:37 AM on July 26, 2017 [4 favorites]
we kissed (my first kiss).… The next weekend, … we had sex.
I think anyone who went from their first kiss, to losing their virginity in the course of just one week (!!!) would have performance problems, regardless of their masturbation or porn habits.
As other commenters have said, this is just going too fast for you given your lack of any prior experience. Be totally honest and upfront with about the need to go slower.
Don't rush this. There is no reason to rush, and there is every reason not to rush. Slow down and enjoy.
posted by jejune at 10:41 AM on July 26, 2017
I think anyone who went from their first kiss, to losing their virginity in the course of just one week (!!!) would have performance problems, regardless of their masturbation or porn habits.
As other commenters have said, this is just going too fast for you given your lack of any prior experience. Be totally honest and upfront with about the need to go slower.
Don't rush this. There is no reason to rush, and there is every reason not to rush. Slow down and enjoy.
posted by jejune at 10:41 AM on July 26, 2017
Best answer: Another woman chiming in: I've been in your girlfriend's position. It never upset me, and it never made me worry that I wasn't attractive enough. My partner's clear frustration and shame did make me sad, though, because I wanted him to understand that my level of happiness isn't based on the hardness of his dick -- I'm happy just to be spending time getting to know each other better. While new relationship energy makes early-relationship sex frequent and fun, the best sex comes later when you have a deeper bond.
What generally helps is to do something else for a while -- whether that's another sexy activity or just hanging out in bed, snuggling and talking about whatever -- until you've relaxed a little. Non-sex things that I have enjoyed doing with a pantsless partner: bubble bath (wine optional), taking turns answering "the 36 questions that lead to love" (certainly didn't hurt), reading Sherlock Holmes stories to each other (funny voices optional), talking about sexy activities we'd always wanted to try someday but haven't yet (and not doing them immediately, just making a note for later).
posted by katieinshoes at 5:31 PM on July 26, 2017 [1 favorite]
What generally helps is to do something else for a while -- whether that's another sexy activity or just hanging out in bed, snuggling and talking about whatever -- until you've relaxed a little. Non-sex things that I have enjoyed doing with a pantsless partner: bubble bath (wine optional), taking turns answering "the 36 questions that lead to love" (certainly didn't hurt), reading Sherlock Holmes stories to each other (funny voices optional), talking about sexy activities we'd always wanted to try someday but haven't yet (and not doing them immediately, just making a note for later).
posted by katieinshoes at 5:31 PM on July 26, 2017 [1 favorite]
When was the last time you had your blood pressure checked? High blood pressure can cause ED.
posted by eustacescrubb at 1:46 PM on August 29, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by eustacescrubb at 1:46 PM on August 29, 2017 [2 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
I'm having my regular meeting with my psychiatrist on August 10th. I've looked at my medications and none of them (Adderall, Quitiapine, Lamotragine, Clonozopam) have any sexual side effects. I'm going to tell her everything about my problem that I told you guys. Is it abnormal for psychiatrists to prescribe a pill to aid in eliminating this problem?
One more thing. I don't think about other girls. I thought about looking up porn the other day, but then I looked at a picture of my girlfriend, and I was like "I want to see my girl's face and body, not this random strangers." So it's not like she isn't good looking enough. And her voice and mannerisms and care she shows me... it's a huge turn on. I just wish my penis would get the damn message!
posted by ggp88 at 2:04 PM on July 25, 2017