Funeral clothing options
July 22, 2017 10:44 PM Subscribe
I had a friend pass away, and the funeral is later today. Is this an appropriate outfit for a funeral home? If not, please advise me on other options.
I have one black dress option that I think would work, but I'd like to know if it's appropriate. It's a black cotton eyelet dress with nude fabric underneath. Here is a picture for reference.
If it isn't appropriate, I'm not sure I have anything else to wear in the summer heat. If there is some other outfit that I could cobble together I'd appreciate any suggestions you may have.
I have one black dress option that I think would work, but I'd like to know if it's appropriate. It's a black cotton eyelet dress with nude fabric underneath. Here is a picture for reference.
If it isn't appropriate, I'm not sure I have anything else to wear in the summer heat. If there is some other outfit that I could cobble together I'd appreciate any suggestions you may have.
I would not personally wear that dress without a shrug or shawl to cover the shoulders.
It's not really required to wear black to funerals any more. Any reasonably clean, neat, and modest outfit, even dark jeans, will be appropriate.
posted by bq at 10:50 PM on July 22, 2017 [25 favorites]
It's not really required to wear black to funerals any more. Any reasonably clean, neat, and modest outfit, even dark jeans, will be appropriate.
posted by bq at 10:50 PM on July 22, 2017 [25 favorites]
It would be fine with a shrug. But really, any modest outfit will do. It doesn't have to be black. Do keep your own comfort in mind, though. The last funeral I went I went to I wore a seasonally inappropriate sweater dress and I was so uncomfortable through the after funeral gathering. You could even do a muted color t-shirt over the dress.
posted by Ruki at 10:57 PM on July 22, 2017
posted by Ruki at 10:57 PM on July 22, 2017
What kind of funeral is it? Will you be going to a religious ceremony like at a church? If so I'd definitely consider something to go on top as the other posters suggested.
posted by FireFountain at 11:01 PM on July 22, 2017
posted by FireFountain at 11:01 PM on July 22, 2017
Response by poster: FireFountain, the service will be at a funeral home, and as far as I know will not be religious.
posted by Champagne Supernova at 11:06 PM on July 22, 2017
posted by Champagne Supernova at 11:06 PM on July 22, 2017
I'm sorry for your loss, Champagne Supernova.
If you can wear a shrug or short sleeved cardigan over it, I think this dress would be okay. The main thing that would make me hesitant to wear it to a funeral by itself is the lower neckline and thin, sundress-like straps. And, as others have said, you don't have to wear black to a funeral. Do you have anything in a muted colour--grey, brown, taupe, navy or dark blue?
This article has some good advice. In the end, the last paragraph is the most relevant: Finally, what you wear is not as important as your attendance. Few will even notice what you’re wearing; as long as you don’t dress to receive attention you will be just fine. The dress you posted doesn't look like you're dressing to receive attention, so I think you're fine--you just may feel more at ease with a shrug or wrap.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 11:08 PM on July 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
If you can wear a shrug or short sleeved cardigan over it, I think this dress would be okay. The main thing that would make me hesitant to wear it to a funeral by itself is the lower neckline and thin, sundress-like straps. And, as others have said, you don't have to wear black to a funeral. Do you have anything in a muted colour--grey, brown, taupe, navy or dark blue?
This article has some good advice. In the end, the last paragraph is the most relevant: Finally, what you wear is not as important as your attendance. Few will even notice what you’re wearing; as long as you don’t dress to receive attention you will be just fine. The dress you posted doesn't look like you're dressing to receive attention, so I think you're fine--you just may feel more at ease with a shrug or wrap.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 11:08 PM on July 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
That is fine with a cardigan or shrug. The important thing is to be there. Funeral attire has really shifted the last 25 years. You will very likely see people in jeans/t-shirts/hoodies.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 11:25 PM on July 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 11:25 PM on July 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
What are your other options? For me the nude fabric would be too much for a funeral, because it looks like a dress where you're supposed to wonder if there's skin there, and that is the last thing you want people to be thinking about.
Do you maybe have some plain dark dresses or skirts?
posted by corb at 11:26 PM on July 22, 2017 [7 favorites]
Do you maybe have some plain dark dresses or skirts?
posted by corb at 11:26 PM on July 22, 2017 [7 favorites]
Black skirt maybe? Or that dress with a dark or muted color tee-shirt or blouse?
The dress looks a little more 'flirty' on the model than I'd be going for comfortable in at a funeral. I noticed at the last funeral I went to that I was way on the dowdy end and most people didn't wear black, but some sort of muted/formal/somber appearance is best.
posted by Lady Li at 11:35 PM on July 22, 2017 [2 favorites]
The dress looks a little more 'flirty' on the model than I'd be going for comfortable in at a funeral. I noticed at the last funeral I went to that I was way on the dowdy end and most people didn't wear black, but some sort of muted/formal/somber appearance is best.
posted by Lady Li at 11:35 PM on July 22, 2017 [2 favorites]
Correction: most people didn't wear *all* black. Black skirt or slacks with a white top, navy dress, black skirt suit with a blue shirt...
posted by Lady Li at 11:35 PM on July 22, 2017
posted by Lady Li at 11:35 PM on July 22, 2017
Depending on your body type and how the dress sits on you, you might wear a white or solid color button down shirt underneath it. This can look terrible or fantastic on different people and it's all about cut and the two pieces fitting you very well. But if you have a shirt with linen in it or some other very breathable natural material it will handle the heat issue and the modesty issue and the formality issue all at once.
People wear tons of different things to a funeral. Many colors will work, mostly dark jewel tones (purples, forest greens, burgundy, navy) but if the deceased had a favorite color I've seen people wearing pops of that in tribute. (My friend loved pink so much that half her funeral attendees looked a bit like bridesmaids.) You would also be well dressed in an outfit composed of neutrals, like a grey skirt and ivory top, or a pair of (clean, no rips or frays) dark wash jeans and white blouse. Some color in jewelry is okay, wear only one thing, and nothing that jingles. Do yourself the favor of wearing comfy shoes. Literally nobody will notice your shoes.
posted by Mizu at 11:51 PM on July 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
People wear tons of different things to a funeral. Many colors will work, mostly dark jewel tones (purples, forest greens, burgundy, navy) but if the deceased had a favorite color I've seen people wearing pops of that in tribute. (My friend loved pink so much that half her funeral attendees looked a bit like bridesmaids.) You would also be well dressed in an outfit composed of neutrals, like a grey skirt and ivory top, or a pair of (clean, no rips or frays) dark wash jeans and white blouse. Some color in jewelry is okay, wear only one thing, and nothing that jingles. Do yourself the favor of wearing comfy shoes. Literally nobody will notice your shoes.
posted by Mizu at 11:51 PM on July 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
With the eyelet and the scalloped hem, the dress looks happy/fun to me, so I'd advise against it. You really don't need to wear black at all -- just something reasonably subdued.
posted by wryly at 12:10 AM on July 23, 2017 [8 favorites]
posted by wryly at 12:10 AM on July 23, 2017 [8 favorites]
I would find something/anything else.
Although black is a traditional symbol of mourning in this culture, the cut/style of this dress—the thin straps, nude underlayer, scalloped hem—is anything BUT somber and to my eye over-rule the symbolism of the color.
Do you have something "business casual", maybe?
posted by she's not there at 12:16 AM on July 23, 2017 [20 favorites]
Although black is a traditional symbol of mourning in this culture, the cut/style of this dress—the thin straps, nude underlayer, scalloped hem—is anything BUT somber and to my eye over-rule the symbolism of the color.
Do you have something "business casual", maybe?
posted by she's not there at 12:16 AM on July 23, 2017 [20 favorites]
I don't think the scalloping or the lace would be a problem if it weren't for the sleevelessness. One of the things about funerals is that while black is no longer mandatory, "serious" still is, and in most parts of the United States, "serious" is still not actually very compatible with "the middle of an incredibly hot summer". NYC may have slightly different standards about how revealing is too revealing, but in general, most places I've been, you'll still see men in jackets, that sort of thing. At funerals I've been to, sweating noticeably seems to have been regarded as more socially acceptable than underdressing. You shouldn't have to be totally miserable, but I don't feel like it's super rare to wind up using a tissue or handkerchief on your face as well as to dry your eyes.
posted by Sequence at 12:34 AM on July 23, 2017 [8 favorites]
posted by Sequence at 12:34 AM on July 23, 2017 [8 favorites]
I would feel weird about wearing this to a funeral personally.
posted by bleep at 12:47 AM on July 23, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by bleep at 12:47 AM on July 23, 2017 [5 favorites]
You don't necessarily need black, you just need a relatively plain outfit (either a dress or skirt/pants + top) in neutral or dark colors. If you literally don't have anything else that matches that description, then wear this with a cardigan or shrug, but I would try for something else if you can.
posted by the return of the thin white sock at 1:18 AM on July 23, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by the return of the thin white sock at 1:18 AM on July 23, 2017 [2 favorites]
The funeral home will be air conditioned. So you can select something that isn't something you'd wear outside right now.
I agree that this dress is a bit too informal and that a dark cardigan could bring it into the range of respectful funeral attire but I think if you have alternate non- summer wear, you'd be better with that.
posted by sciencegeek at 2:21 AM on July 23, 2017 [4 favorites]
I agree that this dress is a bit too informal and that a dark cardigan could bring it into the range of respectful funeral attire but I think if you have alternate non- summer wear, you'd be better with that.
posted by sciencegeek at 2:21 AM on July 23, 2017 [4 favorites]
Most important is that you show up, for the family. Black is not needed, just something simple as others have said.
posted by mermayd at 4:44 AM on July 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by mermayd at 4:44 AM on July 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
Another vote that something else less party-ready would be better.
It's fine if what you wear is simple. In fact it's best if it's simple. Even jeans are ok with something clean and modest on top. Black is no longer expected at funerals. But a sense of propriety is, and that dress looks to me like you'd be dressed for the wrong occasion.
posted by fingersandtoes at 4:54 AM on July 23, 2017 [2 favorites]
It's fine if what you wear is simple. In fact it's best if it's simple. Even jeans are ok with something clean and modest on top. Black is no longer expected at funerals. But a sense of propriety is, and that dress looks to me like you'd be dressed for the wrong occasion.
posted by fingersandtoes at 4:54 AM on July 23, 2017 [2 favorites]
Gotta agree with the folks saying that as is, that's too sexy and party-ish. I know it's hot as heck out there now, but much less skin would be better. Ridiculous temps or not, a dress like that is way too revealing for a funeral: modesty is the goal here.
A cardigan or shrug could make this dress work, but A) put the sweater on before you enter the funeral home, don't carry it in and don't take it off until after you've left and are out of sight of everything including the graveside services; B) wear flat shoes, both to remove any sexy angle and to ensure you don't sink into the ground at the cemetery.
Do you have something dressier you wear to work? Dress pants and a nice blouse would be acceptable, preferably in muted colors; black is not required. But really, any colors are okay, as long as there's no flashy prints, no jeans, nothing ripped or torn, and nothing revealing or sexy.
posted by easily confused at 5:36 AM on July 23, 2017 [2 favorites]
A cardigan or shrug could make this dress work, but A) put the sweater on before you enter the funeral home, don't carry it in and don't take it off until after you've left and are out of sight of everything including the graveside services; B) wear flat shoes, both to remove any sexy angle and to ensure you don't sink into the ground at the cemetery.
Do you have something dressier you wear to work? Dress pants and a nice blouse would be acceptable, preferably in muted colors; black is not required. But really, any colors are okay, as long as there's no flashy prints, no jeans, nothing ripped or torn, and nothing revealing or sexy.
posted by easily confused at 5:36 AM on July 23, 2017 [2 favorites]
Yeah, that dress is too cheerful. If you do wear it, wear a jacket or something over it, but you'd be less inappropriate in a pair of dark jeans and a dark top. Or even non-dark jeans and a top - something less party-ish.
posted by MexicanYenta at 5:38 AM on July 23, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by MexicanYenta at 5:38 AM on July 23, 2017 [4 favorites]
I think if you were wearing a blazer or cardigan over it, a lot of the other details that look to casual/party would recede into the background once the spaghetti straps and your shoulders/arms were covered. Yes, it has that lacy pattern that's a bit peekaboo, but that's very conservative for what it is, with quite small eyelets. The scalloped hem would not read nearly as frivolous with a jacket over it, either.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:24 AM on July 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by jacquilynne at 6:24 AM on July 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
I'm sorry for your loss.
The bottom line is that you don't want to be a detractor from the event. Funerals are not fashion shows, no one is really caring or looking at what nice outfits everyone else is wearing, although people do notice things that stand out. That dress - without a shawl/shrug/sweater stands out to me. That's not the look you want for a funeral, in my opinion.
posted by NoraCharles at 7:01 AM on July 23, 2017 [4 favorites]
The bottom line is that you don't want to be a detractor from the event. Funerals are not fashion shows, no one is really caring or looking at what nice outfits everyone else is wearing, although people do notice things that stand out. That dress - without a shawl/shrug/sweater stands out to me. That's not the look you want for a funeral, in my opinion.
posted by NoraCharles at 7:01 AM on July 23, 2017 [4 favorites]
The hem/cutouts would be okay to me, if it weren't for the straps/neckline, so I'm on team "fine with a cardigan or shawl."
But I wouldn't wear that to a funeral as-is, and I am not a person who is particularly hardline on etiquette around clothing. If you can't cover up your shoulders, I would opt for the "dark pants or skirt, plain top" option if you can throw something like that together.
posted by Stacey at 9:53 AM on July 23, 2017
But I wouldn't wear that to a funeral as-is, and I am not a person who is particularly hardline on etiquette around clothing. If you can't cover up your shoulders, I would opt for the "dark pants or skirt, plain top" option if you can throw something like that together.
posted by Stacey at 9:53 AM on July 23, 2017
I recently went to a funeral in a Catholic Church. There was hardly any black clothing at the funeral, it was Sunday, casual dress, nice dress, and the kids dressed nicely, but comfortably. Everyone looked good, no t-shirts, dresses, no jeans. So,comfortable, modest, summer dress wear, pants if you want. This was for an accomplished, elderly (nineties,) matriarch. If it were an early passing, or a tragedy, I can see more formal wear for the event.
posted by Oyéah at 10:19 AM on July 23, 2017
posted by Oyéah at 10:19 AM on July 23, 2017
That looks like a party dress to me, so I would skip it. Pants and a top would be better. At the very least, wear something (comfortable) like a shrug on top.
posted by WalkerWestridge at 10:24 AM on July 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by WalkerWestridge at 10:24 AM on July 23, 2017 [1 favorite]
Maybe funerals are more casual where I live, but I wouldn't look twice if I saw someone wearing this at one. I've seen all kinds and this doesn't come close to taking the cake. It's a nice summer dress and it's summer.
posted by futureisunwritten at 10:34 AM on July 23, 2017
posted by futureisunwritten at 10:34 AM on July 23, 2017
Just coming in to go against the advice to wear jeans. Don't wear jeans.
Anything you have in a palette of black, gray, navy, dark maroon, dark green, etc. will be fine. I agree that this dress is a little too party-ish but any combination of the colors above in silhouettes that generally cover shoulders and thighs should be fine.
posted by delight at 11:23 AM on July 23, 2017
Anything you have in a palette of black, gray, navy, dark maroon, dark green, etc. will be fine. I agree that this dress is a little too party-ish but any combination of the colors above in silhouettes that generally cover shoulders and thighs should be fine.
posted by delight at 11:23 AM on July 23, 2017
This advice is probably too late for the funeral you're attending, but I seldom wear all-black to a funeral, unless it's an immediate family member, and sometimes not even then. A black skirt and a nice, contrasting top in subdued colors or navy blue are my go-to funeral outfits*, with modest necklines, understated jewelry, and, especially if there's going to be a graveside service, comfortable shoes with heels that won't sink into the ground.
I would advise against jeans as well.
(*I'm an active church member, so I do go to a fair number of funerals. Just to clarify, because I thought that looked weird).
posted by dancing_angel at 5:44 PM on July 23, 2017
I would advise against jeans as well.
(*I'm an active church member, so I do go to a fair number of funerals. Just to clarify, because I thought that looked weird).
posted by dancing_angel at 5:44 PM on July 23, 2017
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by jaksemas at 10:49 PM on July 22, 2017 [4 favorites]