Deterring insane 60-yr old, married socio- in the US from pursuing me?
July 22, 2017 7:19 PM Subscribe
I have a major problem and I am dead serious when I share this: So there's a 60-yr old, married, creepy, socio-control freak out in a disclosed US city who I met at a networking event that he led nearly 2 yrs ago. He's stalked me non-stop since we first met at an industry professional networking event, where I made clear I didn't want contact with him. He's since stalked me continuously online, to my hometown, and now he's flown out to Europe TWICE in the last year to pursue/intrigue/find me. I need advice. [more below]
(Just wanted to preface that I realize this case sounds beyond ridiculous, so I thank you ahead for reading my case. And just to give you some background about me, you can refer to this post prior: http://ask.metafilter.com/297130/Late-30yr-Little-Person-keep-getting-hit-by-Married-fetish-men-Advice)
About myself: I've been overseas in Europe studying for Grad school, almost finished and am looking for work here to stay permanently as I met an amazing new guy and we've talked about a future together, getting married, etc. Thankfully we're also speaking of moving out of my current (major) city, therefore I'm in hopes that my life, which had gone through a lot, will move somewhere smaller, calmer and more private... esp. per what I'm going to share below.
So I never met this guy prior to that event, but he had some crazy fixation on me from the start calling me out by name, was an #sshole afterwards dismissing my line of work, my opinions, everything. When I got home, I made a complaint to the org. about his attitude towards me, but they did nothing. Fast fwd. 6 months from meeting the creep, I forgot about him. But then one day saw that he was stalking on ALL my social media pages and copying or imitating myself and my info. on his FB, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google, etc. So I ended having to block him on *everything -- then made a few very clear tweets to him that his presence in my life is NOT welcome, that I complained about him to the meetup, how dare he stalk me b/c I'm with someone and that he's married. Lastly, I posted I will file harassment against him to the police, or call the police to come if he actually finds me in person. He's always ignored every post, acts like he saw nothing, will stop a bit and post about other women, then do the same sh#t over again. I've gotten to the point where I use anonymous accts on social media, but he STILL finds me -- then posts whatever I do or makes "comments" on his pages like he's an expert on my life, etc. He's also joined other clubs I was a member of, and I believe has lurked in my parents' hometown.
Now that I'm in Europe, he has continued his fixation -- b/c he works for himself (assuming as he never had a normal 8-5 job from his LinkedIn) he's posted he's actually FLOWN out to Europe on the excuse of his work -twice- since I've been here, altho not in my home country... but it beyond ludicrous. He is now trying to create a work base here.
I've discussed this with the police both here and in US, they just bypass me since he hasn't been near me physically... but the fact that he's flown over here twice in one year since *I* came here (he's never posted being in Europe before) super disturbs me. I think this guy is a serious mental nut case, and talks like he thinks I'm in love or want him: He's a old, unshaven, gray-haired, 60-65 yr old overweight man w/ no sociability or likability whatsoever.
I don't know what to do about this situation. I know he's still married, and I *believe he does live or need his wife (who I researched is some FT acct/prof). My last thoughts was to print out everything of his creeping/stalking actions to me, my public warnings to him and send it to his wife anonymously in hopes of getting her to stop him -- but I don't know if that will just fuel the fire even more? The problem is I can't put a restraining order on him internationally, but I can do if I head back to the US (and once approved, they will work anywhere) but that process takes time.
PS. I am working on possibly taking up shotgun lessons since that's the only semblance of self-defense in this country, altho acquiring shotguns here require residency, money, paperwork, lessons and time to approve.
ANY help, suggestions, feedback would be appreciated - and pls. not just "disappear for good" - b/c I've done that and this guy has proven he won't stop. As long as my LinkedIn, other professional things are up, he still stalks, uses 3rd-hand accounts to find me. And I can't take those down right now.
[Sighs] Thank you.
(Just wanted to preface that I realize this case sounds beyond ridiculous, so I thank you ahead for reading my case. And just to give you some background about me, you can refer to this post prior: http://ask.metafilter.com/297130/Late-30yr-Little-Person-keep-getting-hit-by-Married-fetish-men-Advice)
About myself: I've been overseas in Europe studying for Grad school, almost finished and am looking for work here to stay permanently as I met an amazing new guy and we've talked about a future together, getting married, etc. Thankfully we're also speaking of moving out of my current (major) city, therefore I'm in hopes that my life, which had gone through a lot, will move somewhere smaller, calmer and more private... esp. per what I'm going to share below.
So I never met this guy prior to that event, but he had some crazy fixation on me from the start calling me out by name, was an #sshole afterwards dismissing my line of work, my opinions, everything. When I got home, I made a complaint to the org. about his attitude towards me, but they did nothing. Fast fwd. 6 months from meeting the creep, I forgot about him. But then one day saw that he was stalking on ALL my social media pages and copying or imitating myself and my info. on his FB, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google, etc. So I ended having to block him on *everything -- then made a few very clear tweets to him that his presence in my life is NOT welcome, that I complained about him to the meetup, how dare he stalk me b/c I'm with someone and that he's married. Lastly, I posted I will file harassment against him to the police, or call the police to come if he actually finds me in person. He's always ignored every post, acts like he saw nothing, will stop a bit and post about other women, then do the same sh#t over again. I've gotten to the point where I use anonymous accts on social media, but he STILL finds me -- then posts whatever I do or makes "comments" on his pages like he's an expert on my life, etc. He's also joined other clubs I was a member of, and I believe has lurked in my parents' hometown.
Now that I'm in Europe, he has continued his fixation -- b/c he works for himself (assuming as he never had a normal 8-5 job from his LinkedIn) he's posted he's actually FLOWN out to Europe on the excuse of his work -twice- since I've been here, altho not in my home country... but it beyond ludicrous. He is now trying to create a work base here.
I've discussed this with the police both here and in US, they just bypass me since he hasn't been near me physically... but the fact that he's flown over here twice in one year since *I* came here (he's never posted being in Europe before) super disturbs me. I think this guy is a serious mental nut case, and talks like he thinks I'm in love or want him: He's a old, unshaven, gray-haired, 60-65 yr old overweight man w/ no sociability or likability whatsoever.
I don't know what to do about this situation. I know he's still married, and I *believe he does live or need his wife (who I researched is some FT acct/prof). My last thoughts was to print out everything of his creeping/stalking actions to me, my public warnings to him and send it to his wife anonymously in hopes of getting her to stop him -- but I don't know if that will just fuel the fire even more? The problem is I can't put a restraining order on him internationally, but I can do if I head back to the US (and once approved, they will work anywhere) but that process takes time.
PS. I am working on possibly taking up shotgun lessons since that's the only semblance of self-defense in this country, altho acquiring shotguns here require residency, money, paperwork, lessons and time to approve.
ANY help, suggestions, feedback would be appreciated - and pls. not just "disappear for good" - b/c I've done that and this guy has proven he won't stop. As long as my LinkedIn, other professional things are up, he still stalks, uses 3rd-hand accounts to find me. And I can't take those down right now.
[Sighs] Thank you.
This post was deleted for the following reason: Please contact us about this. -- Eyebrows McGee
Response by poster: <>
I've gotten to the point where I use anonymous accts on social media, but he STILL finds me...>>
Um, yeah, do you know how much it costs to fly to Europe on your own income? And only if you're just -trying to intrigue/stalk someone? I checked his history, he hasn't shown ANY interest in Europe or even been... from his social media, LinkedIn, and now he's came out TWICE in one year? On his own money?
Perhaps I feel you and I have different ideas of what minimizing is.
posted by sam3cat at 7:37 PM on July 22, 2017
Um, yeah, do you know how much it costs to fly to Europe on your own income? And only if you're just -trying to intrigue/stalk someone? I checked his history, he hasn't shown ANY interest in Europe or even been... from his social media, LinkedIn, and now he's came out TWICE in one year? On his own money?
Perhaps I feel you and I have different ideas of what minimizing is.
posted by sam3cat at 7:37 PM on July 22, 2017
Right... But can you block him on your anonymous accounts?
posted by amro at 7:39 PM on July 22, 2017
posted by amro at 7:39 PM on July 22, 2017
I am working on possibly taking up shotgun lessons since that's the only semblance of self-defense in this country, altho acquiring shotguns here require residency, money, paperwork, lessons and time to approve.
I don't know where to start with everything else, but I will ask that you don't obtain a shotgun with the intention of using it for self defence. Using a shotgun against an assailant or intruder is, in many cases, likely to be an unreasonable (and hence illegal) use of force. Given this, and the difficulties you'd have obtaining a licence (due to nationality and residence history - especially as you'd need a British referee), I think this idea is likely to be a non-starter.
posted by howfar at 7:40 PM on July 22, 2017
I don't know where to start with everything else, but I will ask that you don't obtain a shotgun with the intention of using it for self defence. Using a shotgun against an assailant or intruder is, in many cases, likely to be an unreasonable (and hence illegal) use of force. Given this, and the difficulties you'd have obtaining a licence (due to nationality and residence history - especially as you'd need a British referee), I think this idea is likely to be a non-starter.
posted by howfar at 7:40 PM on July 22, 2017
Is he private messaging you? Emailing? I'm sure this is overwhelming; it would be helpful if you could explain what form the harassment is taking at this point.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 7:42 PM on July 22, 2017
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 7:42 PM on July 22, 2017
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posted by amro at 7:32 PM on July 22, 2017