sex toys / games for a woman who orgasms easily?
July 15, 2017 11:46 PM   Subscribe

My wife is interested in figuring out ways to extend her pleasure and not orgasm so easily. To her, an orgasm is a wave of energy that tires her out for the rest of the day. When we started it was more frequent and she was able to hold out for 5-7 minutes but within six months she got to around 2 minutes and now it's very fast. Her libido has come back since she came off the pill but we need to be careful as she is now actively ovulating and we have two kids in college. Can you suggest anything we might try that she can experiment with on her own and with me?
posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (5 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
 
Two simple ideas:

1. Buffer your contact -- touch through underwear / bras
2. Take advantage of erogenous zones that are less likely to lead to orgasm -- lips, back of head, insides of wrists
posted by batter_my_heart at 1:36 AM on July 16 [1 favorite]


Tantric sex is all about slowing things down. Googling tantric sex will get you videos, articles and books that will help you learn how.
posted by hazyjane at 1:45 AM on July 16 [3 favorites]


Think of this an as opportunity to expand your repertoire beyond touch-based sexuality. Experiment with a moratorium on touching for the first half-hour of any sexual interaction, and if that doesn't work, try for a moratorium on genital touching (or touching her genitals, at least). Practice telling each other dirty stories. Sext each other and send dirty pictures. (I'm sure there's an app for this, that you can password protect for an extra layer of security.) Write each other dirty stories. Experiment with introducing power dynamics into the not-quite-sex you're having. Tie each other up. Watch porn together and talk about it while touching each other in non-orgasm-inducing ways. Dress up for each other. Try things that you already know you're not into, like you might've done in college "to see what it's like." In short, do things that are hot but don't actually involve getting each other off. If any of this stuff seems scary, try to figure out contexts in which it isn't. (I'm much better at phone/Skype sex than I am at talking dirty in person, even though the content is literally the same.) Find books, or movies, or how-to guides. Buy a deck of cards that will tell you what to do--this is like hiring an outside facilitator! Or make a deck of cards. Take that "couples quiz," Mojo Upgrade, to see if there are things you're mutually into and have never tried. (Though I think the Mojo Upgrade quiz is kind of unadventuresome, and I actually ran across a much better one recently and then forgot what it was, so MeMail me if you find it!)

In the meanwhile, she might look into Fertility Awareness as a non-hormonal birth control method. It could help her make sense of what her hormones are up to as she ages (or could illuminate how much risk is realistically appropriate for her to take while she's still fertile), and may offer a bit more peace of mind now that she's off the pill..
posted by tapir-whorf at 5:44 AM on July 16 [4 favorites]


Has she tried edging? (NSFW link)
posted by corvine at 6:11 AM on July 16 [1 favorite]


My weapon of choice for self-satisfaction is (unfortunately) called the Womanizer. It's a very different experience than other toys because it uses suction instead of vibrations. It's pretty amazing--check out the reviews. It's spendier than the average vibrator but so so worth it--I get many, many amazing orgasms that energize me rather than wipe me out. I haven't tried using mine with a partner, so I can't testify to that aspect. But it is definitely a different sensation and different response and well worth a try if you can swing the price. Here is a link to the reviews page at Babeland.
posted by mermaidcafe at 1:23 PM on July 16 [1 favorite]


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