How do I get help when I have no motivation and feel hopeless?
July 2, 2017 4:18 PM Subscribe
My mental health is extremely poor right now. How do I make myself get help if I have no motivation and feel hopeless?
Mentally I am feeling pretty shit lately. Somehow I mostly manage to function at work. I have a therapist and a psychiatrist, but for various reasons I need new ones. Searching seems daunting. I barely have motivation to eat, how am I supposed to find a new therapist and psychiatrist that I click with? I am supposed to be doing CBT but I don't have the energy to do that every day. I know I have to participate in my own care but I can barely bother to shower. Has anyone been in a similar spot? How do I get through this and get better?
Mentally I am feeling pretty shit lately. Somehow I mostly manage to function at work. I have a therapist and a psychiatrist, but for various reasons I need new ones. Searching seems daunting. I barely have motivation to eat, how am I supposed to find a new therapist and psychiatrist that I click with? I am supposed to be doing CBT but I don't have the energy to do that every day. I know I have to participate in my own care but I can barely bother to shower. Has anyone been in a similar spot? How do I get through this and get better?
I have been here. It takes time and it's really hard.
Do you have someone who can sit with you while you do the first steps towards these things? Like forget whether or not it's a huge burden for that person--does someone exist who has claimed before that they'll be down to help you when you're in trouble? Can you convince yourself to call that person right now? Ask them to come over while you look for doctors and help you think it through? If so, do that right now.
posted by peppercorn at 4:24 PM on July 2, 2017 [2 favorites]
Do you have someone who can sit with you while you do the first steps towards these things? Like forget whether or not it's a huge burden for that person--does someone exist who has claimed before that they'll be down to help you when you're in trouble? Can you convince yourself to call that person right now? Ask them to come over while you look for doctors and help you think it through? If so, do that right now.
posted by peppercorn at 4:24 PM on July 2, 2017 [2 favorites]
Can you break this task down into teeny-tiny subtasks? Find some phone numbers one day, make one phone call each of the next three days?
Also, check out MeFi's ThereIsHelp page for resources on eg finding a therapist.
posted by col_pogo at 6:02 PM on July 2, 2017 [1 favorite]
Also, check out MeFi's ThereIsHelp page for resources on eg finding a therapist.
posted by col_pogo at 6:02 PM on July 2, 2017 [1 favorite]
I understand, and I'm sorry you're going through this.
Suggestions:
- Do you have a PCP? If so, can you make an appointment with your PCP so he or she can get you started on some meds, help you continue your current ones, or try some new ones?
- If you are employed, you probably have one of those employee assistance programs at your work. They can help you identify a therapist and psychiatrist, including calling to make the appointment for you. If you aren't employed, do you have a significant other or parent who is and who might have those programs? Those programs will also help if a family member has medical needs.
- Do you have a family member or friend who can sit down with you for an hour to help? Just an hour to help you make the calls and look at a calendar and go to the insurance website and Google the office addresses. I know that depressed brain is going to tell you that this is too great a favor to ask. But it's not. Hell, if I lived in Seattle I'd do it. This kind of a thing is a cinch when you're well, and most wouldn't think twice.
And I know you don't believe there is any hope and that this won't do any good, but your friends at MeFi believe there is hope for you.
posted by unannihilated at 6:24 PM on July 2, 2017 [3 favorites]
Suggestions:
- Do you have a PCP? If so, can you make an appointment with your PCP so he or she can get you started on some meds, help you continue your current ones, or try some new ones?
- If you are employed, you probably have one of those employee assistance programs at your work. They can help you identify a therapist and psychiatrist, including calling to make the appointment for you. If you aren't employed, do you have a significant other or parent who is and who might have those programs? Those programs will also help if a family member has medical needs.
- Do you have a family member or friend who can sit down with you for an hour to help? Just an hour to help you make the calls and look at a calendar and go to the insurance website and Google the office addresses. I know that depressed brain is going to tell you that this is too great a favor to ask. But it's not. Hell, if I lived in Seattle I'd do it. This kind of a thing is a cinch when you're well, and most wouldn't think twice.
And I know you don't believe there is any hope and that this won't do any good, but your friends at MeFi believe there is hope for you.
posted by unannihilated at 6:24 PM on July 2, 2017 [3 favorites]
I have been where you are. Heck, I posted almost this exact question to metafilter several years ago. I was a student at the time so I was able to find the resources through my school. As mentioned above, your workplace might have an employee assistance program that could provide similar resources.
The best advice I received was to break tasks down as much as possible. The task of "find a therapist" seemed too daunting, but breaking it down into: 1. Find phone number for health services on my school's website 2. Write a script for phone call (when I'm depressed I get really anxious about talking on the phone) 3. Make phone call for appointment - that seemed maybe manageable at the time.
If your therapist and psychiatrist just aren't the right fit for you, they should be able to give recommendations for others who might be a better fit.
Other great advice I received (although I struggled to put it into practice) was to focus on the things I did accomplish rather than the things I thought I should accomplish. Don't have the energy to shower today? Focus instead on the fact that you got out of bed, and congratulate yourself for that. When I was depressed I barely felt like eating, but I patted myself on the back when I managed one meal a day. It might feel silly but it helped.
You should be proud of yourself for having the courage and self-awareness to be taking steps to help yourself by posting this question. In fact, I'm proud of you. It's okay not to have the energy to do CBT every day, but do it when you can, don't feel bad about it when you don't, and I promise there's a good chance doing it will get easier.
As mentioned, if you have a primary care physician they should be able to help as well, by trying different meds, giving you referrals, or directing you to the right resources. (Sidenote: it eventually turned out my crippling depression was mostly caused by an easily treatable thyroid condition, so I always suggest people talk to their doctor just in case)
posted by ersatzhuman at 11:49 PM on July 2, 2017
The best advice I received was to break tasks down as much as possible. The task of "find a therapist" seemed too daunting, but breaking it down into: 1. Find phone number for health services on my school's website 2. Write a script for phone call (when I'm depressed I get really anxious about talking on the phone) 3. Make phone call for appointment - that seemed maybe manageable at the time.
If your therapist and psychiatrist just aren't the right fit for you, they should be able to give recommendations for others who might be a better fit.
Other great advice I received (although I struggled to put it into practice) was to focus on the things I did accomplish rather than the things I thought I should accomplish. Don't have the energy to shower today? Focus instead on the fact that you got out of bed, and congratulate yourself for that. When I was depressed I barely felt like eating, but I patted myself on the back when I managed one meal a day. It might feel silly but it helped.
You should be proud of yourself for having the courage and self-awareness to be taking steps to help yourself by posting this question. In fact, I'm proud of you. It's okay not to have the energy to do CBT every day, but do it when you can, don't feel bad about it when you don't, and I promise there's a good chance doing it will get easier.
As mentioned, if you have a primary care physician they should be able to help as well, by trying different meds, giving you referrals, or directing you to the right resources. (Sidenote: it eventually turned out my crippling depression was mostly caused by an easily treatable thyroid condition, so I always suggest people talk to their doctor just in case)
posted by ersatzhuman at 11:49 PM on July 2, 2017
Ritalin got me through this and enabled me to work on other solutions.
posted by LtSchmulker at 6:47 AM on July 3, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by LtSchmulker at 6:47 AM on July 3, 2017 [1 favorite]
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I have literally hired help when I didn't have anyone around me to ask. Like, actually paid someone to adult for me. Best money I ever spent.
posted by DarlingBri at 4:24 PM on July 2, 2017 [3 favorites]