I'm a bad, bad husband.

January 18, 2006 12:25 PM

I'm a bad, bad husband. My wife's birthday is this Sunday, and I've not figured out what I'm going to do.

I've gotten her a gift (a framed copy of Maxwell Parrish's Romance, our favorite painting). My problem is that I haven't planned on anything. She tells me that a perfect birthday will be me naked for 12 hours straight, but I know that's just a pipe-dream. Besides, no one really needs to see that.

She's a theater buff, and I've checked local and regional theaters for this weekend, and I've come up with bupkus (regional to Madison, WI includes the big midwest cities). We could go see Wicked in Chicago, but it's all sold out for this weekend's shows. Poor planning on my part, I guess.

I'm going to have to default to going to her favorite restaraunt (for the curious: The White Horse in downtown Madison) if I can't figure it out, or if you folks don't come up with something witty and romantic. While that's not awful, it's sure not as creative as I'd like it to be.

posted by thanotopsis to human relations (24 answers total)

Take her rollerskating. I bet she'll *never* see that one coming!
posted by catfood at 12:31 PM on January 18, 2006

You're turning down the chance to give her what she wants *and* to be naked for 12 hours straight? Are you mad, sir? Book a room at a great hotel near her favorite restaurant. Stay in bed all day. Go to dinner. Come back to the room. This is a no-brainer ;)

You could give her a basket filled with stuff that would come in handy for two people that are going to be naked in a hotel room all day. I'll leave the particulars up to you.
posted by iconomy at 12:36 PM on January 18, 2006

This person has two tickets for Friday in row 20 at face value. There are also oodles of ticket resellers online - I've used them before and they're expensive but work in situations like this. Having said that, a hotel escapade, room service, board games, dinner, etc., would be a nice treat and especially nice if that's what she'd love.
posted by barnone at 12:44 PM on January 18, 2006

Since you're near Madison, perhaps upscale the dinner by going to L'Etoile instead? If you tell them it's a birthday, they're sure to do something nice.
posted by o2b at 12:45 PM on January 18, 2006

Well, take here to The live broadcast of Whad'Ya Know? on Saturday to start.

Then wake her at 7 with breakfast in bed and tell her that her 12 hours starts now. You can then offer her "outs" at various times by tempting her with lunch at a favorite restaurant, an hour with a massage therapist, and dinner and a movie. Keep it fun, simple, and light. And remember, if she chooses 12 hours in bed with you, you win!
posted by cptnrandy at 12:53 PM on January 18, 2006

You could also get her tickets to that show at a later date and just present the tickets in a card.
posted by TurkishGolds at 12:53 PM on January 18, 2006

I definately agree with those who feel like you should take your wife's suggestion at face value.

If you are not up for that (so to speak) an off beat idea would be to take her shopping -- with a theme. I recently celebrated my girlfriend's birthday by taking her on a shopping spree where she could buy any seven things she wanted during a walk down broadway in manhattan, so long as each item was more ridiculous than the last. We started out at the book store getting a textbook on philosophy, went via a costume jewlery store, and ended up at a thrift store getting a top hat and feather boa.
posted by Maastrictian at 1:14 PM on January 18, 2006

You really, really, really need to do the naked idea. Wake her up clothed solely in a trenchcoat and socks. Make her breakfast naked. Eat lunch naked. Bake her a birthday cake, and do it naked (if you do nothing else nekkid, do this).

But have a back-up plan just in case she wants to put her present on hold.
posted by schroedinger at 1:34 PM on January 18, 2006

One more vote for finding a city with a really good restaurant within walking distance of a high-end hotel.

Take her up on her suggestion... but take a break for dinner :-)
posted by I Love Tacos at 1:40 PM on January 18, 2006

Another option, check the last minute deals on travelocity, where they have flight/hotel packages for a number of destinations. Maybe you could catch a Friday afternoon flight someplace a bit romantic, be naked saturday, have a nice dinner saturday night, and fly back home on Sunday afternoon.
posted by I Love Tacos at 1:46 PM on January 18, 2006

Cook a meal, hire a string quartet to perform while your eating.

Gigmaster - String Quartet - Madison WI (not affiliated, just found them on google)
posted by PurplePorpoise at 1:55 PM on January 18, 2006

Thanks, everyone, for the suggestions of taking her up on the naked thing.

One of the reasons that I'm not prepared to do that is the problem of storing and feeding my 3 children. They start to complain if you put them in the garage for more than an hour, and last time I checked, the trunk of my car only fit 2 of them.

Hence, her suggestion for the 12 hours of nudity was definitely given to me in a tone that suggested she certainly didn't expect me to do that.
posted by thanotopsis at 2:01 PM on January 18, 2006

=) thanotopsis

All-day daycare a possibility?

The string quartet thing might not work out so well if you can find someplace to stow the kids.
posted by PurplePorpoise at 2:03 PM on January 18, 2006

Since you're near Madison, perhaps upscale the dinner by going to L'Etoile instead? If you tell them it's a birthday, they're sure to do something nice.

Ah, what a wonderful looking joint -- just called them, and they're booked on Saturday night (not open on Sunday) for a private dinner. *sigh*
posted by thanotopsis at 2:04 PM on January 18, 2006

How about a huge box. She opens it up, and there's a smaller box inside. She opens that up, and there's a smaller box inside THAT. Smaller and smaller boxes until finally a tiny envelope. Inside the envelope are SEASON tickets at a nearby theatre company. You should be able to buy these online. If you don't get the tix in time, put the confirmation printout in the envelope.

As someone who sometimes waits until the last minute, I find that the "confirmation" printout works well.

This is not as romantic as going to see a live show, but you could go to Amazon and buy her a bunch of plays on CD (again including the confirmation printout -- or maybe you could do a super-rush order). I know (because I have them) you can get tons of Shakespeare plays, the RSC Nicholas Nicholby, Sweeney Todd, Oklahoma, etc.
posted by grumblebee at 2:26 PM on January 18, 2006

You guys must have friends - friends who would do a good job taking care of your children if you paid them.

Saying she wants you naked for 12 hours (and remember, there is truth in jest) is her way of saying she wants your attention. She wants you to spend time on her, making her feel good, and enjoying being with her. So really try to find a place to take the kids for the day. Have a friend take them to the zoo, buy them pizza, whatever. Just make sure that you spend time with your wife, alone, doing whatever you can to help her feel loved and cherished.
posted by eleyna at 2:53 PM on January 18, 2006

Dude! I thought you were my husband for a second - my birthday this Sunday, in Madison; and I, too, love the theatre...

Anyhoo - (Tony Award winning) I am My Own Wife is at the Madison Rep, and at about fiddy bucks a seat, counts as special! The Stollers are doing Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, always a fun date, especially after a few cocktails. Also, if she's into chicks with sticks, the No. 1! Badger Women's hockey team returns to the Kohl Center for a noon game on Sunday.

Restaurant Magnus can kick L'Etoile's ass any day, and there's also The Tornado Club, Delmonico's, and the not-downtown but inimitable Smoky's.
posted by mimi at 2:54 PM on January 18, 2006

Hence, her suggestion for the 12 hours of nudity was definitely given to me in a tone that suggested she certainly didn't expect me to do that.

Which will only make it all the more awesome when you actually do it.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:06 PM on January 18, 2006 [1 favorite]

Give the lady what she wants...12 hours of naked time. Ok, so maybe you don't really need 12 hours (who does, right?) but maybe 3 or 4 hours would work, and it would be easy to stash the kids somewhere for that amount of time, wouldn't it? She probably would like some time alone with you, something romantic. Believe me, Dr. Phil is an ass, but what he says is true. Women have long memories. This can work for you or against you. She'll remember every time you screwed up, but if you do something great, she'll remember that until the day she dies.
posted by katyggls at 4:12 PM on January 18, 2006

Make her an appointment at a spa -- massage, facial, pedicure, whatever -- then arrange for babysitting and dinner (takeout, even) and some naked time. ;-)
posted by blogrrrl at 8:32 PM on January 18, 2006

If none of these suggestions work, do the nice dinner, then present her with a gift certificate for that 12 hours of nakedness --- or future theatre, etc. Just tell her things didn't work out for her special weekend (no need to go into detail about your poor planning, etc), but that her dreams can come true in the near future. The point is, you MUST do something nice on her birthday, but you can put off doing something even nicer for a week or two while you get your act together.
posted by lhauser at 12:24 PM on January 19, 2006

Never, never, never, NEVER fry bacon naked. I'm just sayin...
posted by blue_beetle at 10:08 AM on January 24, 2006

ESPECIALLY don't fry bacon in bed.

So - how'd the birthday turn out?
posted by mimi at 6:35 PM on January 24, 2006

So - how'd the birthday turn out?

I was just coming to check on that...
posted by I Love Tacos at 12:56 PM on January 25, 2006