Sorry my dog peed on your kid's stuff

June 23, 2017 10:36 AM

Last time I visited my niece with my dog, he peed on her toys, jeez louise, not embarrassing at all. When not around my niece, he's never peed in the house. I'm visiting them again soon. Is there anything I can do to prep for a pee-free visit?

About a year ago, my partner and I took our dog to visit my sister-in-law's family. They have a great toddler-aged daughter.

Our dog Louie (pic / pic / pic / pic) is a classic"good boy." Very well behaved in normal life – has never peed in the house since we got him when he was about 2 years old. He's around 4 now. Very chill, doesn't bark or get worked up (except from fireworks, bane of his existence). Some separation anxiety when we first got him, but now he's much more relaxed. He goes on lots of trips – hotels, airbnbs, friends' houses, etc – and seems to like new places.

Last year when we visited sister-in-law, Louie was around 3 and kid was around 2. Louie is gentle around the kid but has a wary vibe – if kid moves too fast or is too loud, he's like, "I'm out." OK no problem.

But most distressing (and embarrassing) were the 2 or 3 times he peed on her stuff. The first time he did it when no one was around, peed right on one of her toys that I found later. The next time he did it when we were all sitting there. The kid was on my lap I think and he straight up looked at me and lifted his leg on her toy. Wow, savage! I think I said, "No!" and took him outside. Wasn't sure at all the right thing to do in the moment. We cleaned the areas very well. The parents, bless them, were super relaxed about it, but it would be lovely if it were a situation we could avoid in the future.

We're going back to visit the family soon and am wondering if there's anything I can do to prepare and avoid a repeat if possible? Products to bring? Training I can do beforehand (???) Behavioral things to do differently while we're there? Thanks for any ideas!

posted by Uncle Glendinning to Pets & Animals (21 answers total)

Aren't dogs the best? ;)

Make sure you used an enzyme cleaner on the toys and area - I like Nature's Miracle the best. If you use other cleaners, the dog will still be able to smell the urine, even if you can't.

Tucker your dog out before you go over there. My dog gets a looooong walk or a moderate hike before situations like this. He's an absolute angel when he's tired.

In general, you'll want to reward calmness around your niece, and in their home in general. Put some small treats in your pocket and give him one when he's doing what you want - lying calmly on the floor, interacting gently with niece, sniffing toys and then leaving them be, etc.
posted by schroedingersgirl at 10:46 AM on June 23, 2017 [1 favorite]

Tie the dog up in the backyard. If someone's dog peed on my kid's stuff more than once then that dog wouldn't be allowed back in my house until it was trained.
posted by blackzinfandel at 10:53 AM on June 23, 2017 [10 favorites]

You should leave your dog at home if at all possible.
posted by shoesietart at 10:57 AM on June 23, 2017 [18 favorites]

Best answer: Nth to not bring the dog in the house, or possibly not on the trip. Sure the hosts might have been chill, but were they just being good hosts, or do they *really* like your dog and *want* your dog in their house again. Unless they're really super "can't wait!" to see your dog, be an awesome guest.

Perhaps the kid had some toilet/spitup issues which made the toys smell like places appropriate to pee at and this might no longer be the case two years later. But if it's something else, then you're giving your dog more practice peeing in a house. Especially if it's unsupervised and thus doesn't get an immediate know while it's eliminating.

If you do bring the dog in, keep it on leash and keep a close eye out for sniffing/walking patterns indicative of peeing. Give the dog pee breaks every 20 minutes for the first hour, every half hour for the next hour, and then after that every hour should be fine.
posted by nobeagle at 11:02 AM on June 23, 2017 [12 favorites]

Best answer: I'm not a huge fan of putting a dog in that position of having to deal with an unfamiliar unpredictable puppy-animal, especially when the dog is performing territorial marking on that animal's toys. This isn't elimination urination, it's either marking or there are some smells that trigger some dogs to try to "cover" the smell (I have one dog who does this with rubber and tomato plants, both of which have odd distinctive smells and she'll do a front handstand to get her ass up over them to urinate), sometimes to keep other predators away. The dog is nervous, and you are missing it.

*THIS IS NOT ABOUT NEEDING TO URINATE* This is not housebreaking issues. This is a dog acting like a dog and you not understanding the very important message you are being sent and intervening appropriately.

Your dog is not comfortable. Your dog could act out in far more devastating ways. It is not a great idea to force a dog to socialize with small children outside of a normal routine. Y'all are probably being Those People; your dog should stay home or under the care of someone who is able to keep them safely away from triggers like this.
posted by Lyn Never at 11:08 AM on June 23, 2017 [42 favorites]

You say the dog looked right at you when he peed when you had the little girl on your lap. That, to me, means the dog saw the child as competition for your attention and love. I imagine you oftentimes have the dog on your lap, and he saw someone else in his spot! So peeing on that competition's object was either giving the middle finger to the kid for being in his spot or giving the middle finger to you that you would betray him like that.

I think the choices are to bring the dog, but not have the child in your lap or give the dog any indication that the hierarchy for your love is in jeopardy, or don't bring the dog. Many dogs can't be around small kids. Your dog may be one of them. (And that's OK! Just be conscious of it.)
posted by jillithd at 11:12 AM on June 23, 2017 [3 favorites]

What about a belly band? Can't link right now, but just enter that into Google.
They're about $15, and work like a charm for marking.
(Experience: dog walker/boarder/owner)
posted by whowearsthepants at 11:23 AM on June 23, 2017

Best answer: Your dog is uncomfortable when visiting. This is not a house breaking issue. At the moment he is at best trying to claim the toys as his, at worst trying to show your niece that he is a higher ranked pack member than her because he sees her as a pushy puppy. Reasons for the second choice could be anything from fear & insecurity in a new location, fear of the kid, or dominance displays because he's jealous of shared attention.

At the moment it's just peeing. Your dog doesn't like your niece for whatever reason & is showing it in the nicest way possible for a dog. . . for now. Remember pee is rarely just pee for a dog it's a means of communicating a lot of information to another dog. Listen to what your dog is trying to tell you and leave your dog at home it's safer for everyone. Your dog will be happier too.

If you have to take the dog, keep it on a lead or crate it. Do not leave it alone with your niece, do not let your niece play with the dog. Take toys & a bed for it that are for it & it alone. Do not let any child take toys or treats from the dog. Take it for a lot of long walks so it's tired. Watch the dog for the low key signs of distress that most people completely miss when they think their dog is a good boy that puts up with things.

Excessive lip licking, avoiding eye contact. Yawning is a big one. If your dog yawns a lot when your niece is around he is frantically trying to disengage from interactions & say "DO NOT WANT" please leave me alone. I am showing you I am harmless so you'll leave me alone, I don't want to hurt you but you are stressing me out. Too many people take that sign as a signal the dog is relaxed. . .then wonder why the dog freaks out and bites someone.
posted by wwax at 11:34 AM on June 23, 2017 [12 favorites]

Board the dog for the trip.
posted by heathrowga at 11:34 AM on June 23, 2017 [3 favorites]

If you really want to bring the dog into the house instead of leaving her in the yard or leaving her at home with a friend or boarding her, I would suggest getting the dog used to small kids while on familiar turf. Which one makes more sense probably depends on the overall picture of how often your dog will be around small kids -- if you guys are planning to have your own kids or if you'd like to have the dog around small kids more often, perhaps it makes sense to do some intentional training around this. I'm sure a good trainer can help with tips -- obviously this is something plenty of people deal with if they have pets prior to having their own kids. But if your niece is really the only young child that your dog is likely to be around, and those visits are only happening every year or two, it seems like the lowest stress/work option for all involved would be to keep the dog in the yard or just not bring her on the visit. Good luck!
posted by rainbowbrite at 11:35 AM on June 23, 2017 [1 favorite]

The next time he did it when we were all sitting there. The kid was on my lap I think and he straight up looked at me and lifted his leg on her toy

Straight up jealousy with a twist of quid pro quo since she was claiming something of his when he staked his claim on something of hers.

I assume you don't know Louie's history, but I wouldn't be surprised if his original family got rid of him at 2 because of a kid, and he knows it.

As far as behavioral changes are concerned, I would try being very affectionate with him immediately after being affectionate with her, and not pushing him aside in favor of her. If you could include him in a group hug or two with her, that might help.
posted by jamjam at 11:57 AM on June 23, 2017 [1 favorite]

I personally would not group hug the dog with the kid. That seems like a recipe for a panic reaction.
posted by delight at 12:12 PM on June 23, 2017 [2 favorites]

Louie looks like a pretty small dog, and it wouldn't be too surprising if he'd had some bad/scary interaction with a grabby toddler in his past life.

Could you bring a crate or temp dog-gates, and corral him in there whenever niece is around, so he has his own secure space where she can't come grabbing at him (and incidentally he can't get near her toys)?
posted by LobsterMitten at 12:26 PM on June 23, 2017 [2 favorites]

Do not burden your host with a dog that purposely pees in their house.
posted by LoveHam at 12:55 PM on June 23, 2017 [6 favorites]

Response by poster: Really appreciate all the feedback - I have basically zero experience with kids and therefore even less with kids + dogs so this is giving me a lot of great info. We are staying in a hotel, so would be able to keep dog at hotel while we're visiting the family. Thank you all! Will keep an eye out for more feedback.
posted by Uncle Glendinning at 1:34 PM on June 23, 2017 [2 favorites]

Best answer: Given the update, have you looked into doggy daycare in the area? My inlaws do this whenever they're having a big gathering because their (awesome and lovable!) dogs do not do great with big crowds. It seems to work really well and be less stressful for the pups than an overnight boarding situation -- if anything, they seem to really love getting to play with the other dogs there. And, of course, they don't have to be stressed out by a million people being in their space. :)
posted by rainbowbrite at 1:43 PM on June 23, 2017

We are staying in a hotel, so would be able to keep dog at hotel while we're visiting the family.

I'd recommend verifying this assumption before heading off on your trip. Most dogs-allowed hotels I've seen have a rule that the dog cannot be left in the room unattended. Given that, I think I'd second the suggestion to try to find a local doggie daycare for when you're visiting.
posted by duien at 2:05 PM on June 23, 2017 [2 favorites]

You are generally not allowed to leave your dog alone in a hotel, for so many good reasons. Also, imagine how incredibly terrifying that would be for a dog.
posted by Lyn Never at 2:19 PM on June 23, 2017 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Totally - I appreciate the concern. We're on the road 2-3+ months of the year with the dog who is a happy traveller and crate-trained. He's stayed in dozens of hotels and airbnbs. [You can follow along with his travels over here :) ] We stay where is it ok to leave him, don't leave him much anyway, and have videotaped dog when left alone. We'll likely do a combo of some of the great suggestions above. Thanks so much everyone!
posted by Uncle Glendinning at 2:30 PM on June 23, 2017 [4 favorites]

To paraphrase LoveHam - Do not burden your dog with a host/kid he feels uncomfortable with. Crate in the hotel sounds good. And I have to say, Louie is one of the cutest dogs I have ever seen!
posted by mulcahy at 9:10 PM on June 23, 2017

I feel that the best solution is not to bring the dog to the hosts house. The worst is to tie him up in the back yard. Yikes!!! Talk about increasing the problem tenfold! A bored, stressed dog will be SO much more likely to act out in unexpected ways. Your dog deserves better than this. Please arrange a safe/comfortable/calm place for him to stay while you visit.
posted by WalkerWestridge at 12:28 PM on June 24, 2017