Flight Refund
June 15, 2017 11:05 AM Subscribe
After checking multiple times over multiple days with my daughter for the dates for our flight to England, I finally booked them, and two days later she tells me she can't go. What now?
My family is having a big reunion this summer, probably the last before my parents sell the home they have lived in for many years and before they pass away - they are mostly okay, but they are in their 80s. I've been stressing about the flights for a long time because of various scheduling issues and the not insignificant cost.
My daughter (20) does have significant anxiety issues, but after much back and forth, she agreed to go, we firmed up on a date and I bought the tickets (Icelandair). Two days later she tells me she cannot go because she previously promised to do the makeup for a friend's wedding (three weeks or so from now - July 8). Daughter is good at makeup and gets paid and she very much doesn't want to let her friend down. She had told me months ago about the makeup thing, but I didn't take it that seriously, I suppose, and she hadn't mentioned it while we were talking about the tickets. Ultimately, I cannot make her go, even if I think she may regret it.
What now? Even though I bought cancellation protection, that is for medical issues with a doctor's certificate. Are we just out of luck and out the approximately $1500 her ticket cost? Part of me thinks that the sooner I tell Icelandair, the more flexible they might be. I'd be willing to reschedule the ticket for another trip for myself to go back to England. Part of me wonders about getting a Doctor's note for my daughter's anxiety. I could also look at rescheduling her flight to a bit later, but she'll miss the reunion and many of the family who are coming. I don't know how much that would cost.
Thanks in advance for suggestions, or even simple commiseration.
My family is having a big reunion this summer, probably the last before my parents sell the home they have lived in for many years and before they pass away - they are mostly okay, but they are in their 80s. I've been stressing about the flights for a long time because of various scheduling issues and the not insignificant cost.
My daughter (20) does have significant anxiety issues, but after much back and forth, she agreed to go, we firmed up on a date and I bought the tickets (Icelandair). Two days later she tells me she cannot go because she previously promised to do the makeup for a friend's wedding (three weeks or so from now - July 8). Daughter is good at makeup and gets paid and she very much doesn't want to let her friend down. She had told me months ago about the makeup thing, but I didn't take it that seriously, I suppose, and she hadn't mentioned it while we were talking about the tickets. Ultimately, I cannot make her go, even if I think she may regret it.
What now? Even though I bought cancellation protection, that is for medical issues with a doctor's certificate. Are we just out of luck and out the approximately $1500 her ticket cost? Part of me thinks that the sooner I tell Icelandair, the more flexible they might be. I'd be willing to reschedule the ticket for another trip for myself to go back to England. Part of me wonders about getting a Doctor's note for my daughter's anxiety. I could also look at rescheduling her flight to a bit later, but she'll miss the reunion and many of the family who are coming. I don't know how much that would cost.
Thanks in advance for suggestions, or even simple commiseration.
Get a doctor's note for the anxiety. Honestly, if it took that much arm twisting to get her to go then she cancelled, knowing you'd bought the tickets and she's still not prepared to fly - that's severe anxiety and warrants a note. (I must say, you are taking this very well, I would not be impressed. Not about the anxiety, about the fact that she let you buy the tickets and then cancelled on you.)
If you can't get a doctor's note, I would reschedule the flight. If you can get a note, while she's at the doctor it might be an opportunity for her to discuss her anxiety as it sounds like it's now affecting her ability to live her life. Best of luck, I hope it gets sorted.
posted by Jubey at 11:27 AM on June 15, 2017 [3 favorites]
If you can't get a doctor's note, I would reschedule the flight. If you can get a note, while she's at the doctor it might be an opportunity for her to discuss her anxiety as it sounds like it's now affecting her ability to live her life. Best of luck, I hope it gets sorted.
posted by Jubey at 11:27 AM on June 15, 2017 [3 favorites]
Best answer: I would ask your daughter to pay for the flight or at least half of the flight. Part of being a responsible adult is dealing with the consequences of one's actions. She agreed for you to buy the flight. You bought it, and now she gets to cancel with no effect. And actually, she'll be making money off this, since she'll get to work her friend's wedding.
Having to pay for the ticket might get her to change her mind too.
posted by hydra77 at 12:09 PM on June 15, 2017 [36 favorites]
Having to pay for the ticket might get her to change her mind too.
posted by hydra77 at 12:09 PM on June 15, 2017 [36 favorites]
If she's diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder or something similar, then I think it's totally reasonable to ask a physician to write a note in this situation. If you have trip insurance, they'll take the note.
posted by Geckwoistmeinauto at 12:12 PM on June 15, 2017
posted by Geckwoistmeinauto at 12:12 PM on June 15, 2017
Best answer: How much does a professional makeup session cost? Surely less than $1500. Tell your daughter you'll pay for a session so that she can have a graceful "out" for her scheduling mistake. And heck, offer to pay for a nice dinner for your daughter and the bride to celebrate after the wedding. A reasonable bride/friend would understand.
If your daughter is resistant to this idea, then she probably has other reasons for not wanting to go. In that case, she probably didn't feel like she could decline without getting nagged and browbeaten. That would explain why she subconsciously engineered a situation where she didn't have to say a hard no to you. Is there anyway you can try to understand her and mitigate any factors that she might be dreading? If not for this reunion, then for the next. Be prepared that these may include your attitudes and behavior toward her.
I bring this up because I had a younger friend who kept "forgetting" to show up for dinner invitation they had accepted ("Oh, sure, see you Friday. Oops, I forgot, sorry!"). After several iterations, it finally came out that there was something bothering them about the relationship. People deal with relationship stress in different ways.
posted by metaseeker at 12:24 PM on June 15, 2017 [11 favorites]
If your daughter is resistant to this idea, then she probably has other reasons for not wanting to go. In that case, she probably didn't feel like she could decline without getting nagged and browbeaten. That would explain why she subconsciously engineered a situation where she didn't have to say a hard no to you. Is there anyway you can try to understand her and mitigate any factors that she might be dreading? If not for this reunion, then for the next. Be prepared that these may include your attitudes and behavior toward her.
I bring this up because I had a younger friend who kept "forgetting" to show up for dinner invitation they had accepted ("Oh, sure, see you Friday. Oops, I forgot, sorry!"). After several iterations, it finally came out that there was something bothering them about the relationship. People deal with relationship stress in different ways.
posted by metaseeker at 12:24 PM on June 15, 2017 [11 favorites]
Best answer: The anxiety issue and the irresponsibility issue seem to be mutually exclusive here. If your daughter's anxiety is bad enough to interrupt seemingly simple family vacations together, then she needs to seek treatment.
On the other hand, she should be held responsible for a last-minute change in plans, because anxiety or no, doing makeup for a friend's wedding is not something one "forgets", especially when one is actively discussing alternate plans for that time.
I'd second Jubey's suggestion to request that your daughter pay you back for half the ticket price, as well as bringing her to the doctor to make sure that her mental health is in order. If the airline agrees to change the ticket for a fee, ask her to pay the fee. The most important thing here is that, while she should not be shamed for her anxiety, she should also be aware of the consequences of her actions.
I do think that you will feel better about the situation if you're able to make her understand that this is not an inconsequential matter in a non-punitive way.
Also, $1500? I'm assuming you're flying RT to the UK from the U.S, but that seems exorbitant for a budget European airline if so. Good luck!
posted by Everydayville at 12:34 PM on June 15, 2017 [3 favorites]
On the other hand, she should be held responsible for a last-minute change in plans, because anxiety or no, doing makeup for a friend's wedding is not something one "forgets", especially when one is actively discussing alternate plans for that time.
I'd second Jubey's suggestion to request that your daughter pay you back for half the ticket price, as well as bringing her to the doctor to make sure that her mental health is in order. If the airline agrees to change the ticket for a fee, ask her to pay the fee. The most important thing here is that, while she should not be shamed for her anxiety, she should also be aware of the consequences of her actions.
I do think that you will feel better about the situation if you're able to make her understand that this is not an inconsequential matter in a non-punitive way.
Also, $1500? I'm assuming you're flying RT to the UK from the U.S, but that seems exorbitant for a budget European airline if so. Good luck!
posted by Everydayville at 12:34 PM on June 15, 2017 [3 favorites]
A quick glance of the airline's cancellation policy seems to indicate that they only consider medical issues that lead to hospitalization, not medical issues in general, so unfortunately that may not work for you. In my view, your daughter should reimburse you if she won't use the ticket. If this can't or won't happen, all you can really do is call the airline and see if they will work with you with whatever options they have, which may be none, which is why your daughter should reimburse you.
posted by girlmightlive at 1:28 PM on June 15, 2017
posted by girlmightlive at 1:28 PM on June 15, 2017
Response by poster: Thank you for the responses.
The $1500 is because it's Thanksgiving week and I waited too long to book :-\
She's been previously diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and ADD, and has had a very difficult couple of years, including a sexual assault. She has been doing much better, is working almost full-time, and had already offered to pay me back, although I don't know how realistic that is. I know that she hasn't always been taking her meds, but I genuinely do not think this is an excuse. I do think she feels obligated to her friend and had forgotten about it until the other day, and thinks that this is the responsible and right thing to do.
A professional makeup session could easily be $500. I know she charged $300 for the last one she did.
I have my own share of issues that arise out of my concern for her and her future, and am quite surprised that I'm not in more of a depressive spiral about this myself! I do appreciate the practical and level-headed responses. Thank you.
posted by idb at 2:24 PM on June 15, 2017
The $1500 is because it's Thanksgiving week and I waited too long to book :-\
She's been previously diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and ADD, and has had a very difficult couple of years, including a sexual assault. She has been doing much better, is working almost full-time, and had already offered to pay me back, although I don't know how realistic that is. I know that she hasn't always been taking her meds, but I genuinely do not think this is an excuse. I do think she feels obligated to her friend and had forgotten about it until the other day, and thinks that this is the responsible and right thing to do.
A professional makeup session could easily be $500. I know she charged $300 for the last one she did.
I have my own share of issues that arise out of my concern for her and her future, and am quite surprised that I'm not in more of a depressive spiral about this myself! I do appreciate the practical and level-headed responses. Thank you.
posted by idb at 2:24 PM on June 15, 2017
If she were going to go, would you have expected her to reimburse you in part or in full for the price of her airfare? I feel like that is the major deciding factor here. You say she offered to pay you back... what did that conversation look like? Did you take her up on the offer?
If you were planning to cover her airfare, then you do not get to ask her to reimburse you now; that's super draconian. However, if you agreed that she would pay you back for her airfare, then it is totally reasonable to tell her she needs to pony up even though she's no longer making the trip.
posted by schroedingersgirl at 2:30 PM on June 15, 2017
If you were planning to cover her airfare, then you do not get to ask her to reimburse you now; that's super draconian. However, if you agreed that she would pay you back for her airfare, then it is totally reasonable to tell her she needs to pony up even though she's no longer making the trip.
posted by schroedingersgirl at 2:30 PM on June 15, 2017
Any possibility to get the refund in airline credit, to use for yourself on a vacation or two in the future?
posted by dreamling at 3:08 PM on June 15, 2017
posted by dreamling at 3:08 PM on June 15, 2017
A decent middle ground between "she has to pay you back for the ticket" and "she doesn't pay at all" would be to tell her the ticket is hers, but she has to pay the change fee+difference in fare (assuming the ticket is changeable at all, which is something you should double-check with the airline; it's usually true) to use it another time. If it's an expensive holiday ticket (I didn't know anyone celebrates Thanksgiving in July?), the difference in fare to travel another time may be $0 or even negative.
You can always ask, but they're not going to change the name on the ticket so you can use it yourself. If it's in her name, she, or at least someone else with an identical name, needs to use it.
For future reference, you get 24 hours to cancel at no charge with most (but not all) air tickets booked in the US.
posted by zachlipton at 3:38 PM on June 15, 2017
You can always ask, but they're not going to change the name on the ticket so you can use it yourself. If it's in her name, she, or at least someone else with an identical name, needs to use it.
For future reference, you get 24 hours to cancel at no charge with most (but not all) air tickets booked in the US.
posted by zachlipton at 3:38 PM on June 15, 2017
Response by poster: Sorry, not Thanksgiving...brain fart....July 4th week.
I (and my parents) have paid/are paying for the tickets. I haven't yet taken her up on the offer, but will explore some of the other alternatives people have suggested too.
posted by idb at 4:16 PM on June 15, 2017
I (and my parents) have paid/are paying for the tickets. I haven't yet taken her up on the offer, but will explore some of the other alternatives people have suggested too.
posted by idb at 4:16 PM on June 15, 2017
Response by poster: I ended up calling and I don't know if it was just a friendly agent or what, but they gave me a more or less full refund with no questions asked.
posted by idb at 9:51 AM on July 21, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by idb at 9:51 AM on July 21, 2017 [2 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
A bigger issue is that you may need to beg and plead to be able to change the *name* on the ticket. Sometimes they get hardline about tickets not being refundable. But the only way to find out i to just call and find out what their policy is.
posted by Brockles at 11:18 AM on June 15, 2017 [3 favorites]