How do you find someone who has disappeared?

June 5, 2017 1:55 PM

A co-worker did not show up at work today. This is utterly unlike him. Someone in our Texas office talked to him at 8:30 and he said he was on his way in. He doesn't respond to text, his phone goes to voicemail, he's not on slack. He bicycles to work. We're in San Francisco.

I have called about 7 hospitals and I just got off the phone with the police, who will do a wellness check at his home.

We don't think he has family in the area. For the time being, he's a consultant with us, so we don't have emergency contact info for him, but I've called his manager at the agency and the manager is finding out emergency numbers.

What do I do now? Keep calling hospitals?

posted by janey47 to Grab Bag (28 answers total)

It sounds like you've done all you can reasonably do today. Notifying the police and his manager was the right move.

I get that you're freaked, but I think that keeping up with calling hospitals today is likely to just make you feel even more anxious without actually accomplishing anything. Bet case scenario, you're spending a lot of time thinking about the worst case scenario for no reason... and worst case scenario, you're doing the same thing, because finding out today vs tomorrow won't make any actual difference.

In your position I would wait to hear back from the police and manager people first, and then talk with them about next moves.
posted by showbiz_liz at 2:03 PM on June 5, 2017 [7 favorites]

Clarify with the police that you would like to report him missing.
posted by unicornologist at 2:04 PM on June 5, 2017 [4 favorites]

Hospitals are not supposed to reveal the identities of their patients to random phone callers unless they have express consent from him to speak to you, so they should not be telling you if he is there or not. His care at the hospital is protected by HIPAA.
posted by treehorn+bunny at 2:08 PM on June 5, 2017 [24 favorites]

This sounds really scary, but unfortunately I think the best thing you can do is wait. It sounds like you've gotten the ball rolling on reaching out to emergency contacts and the police, and there's not a lot else you can do in this situation. I doubt the police will take a missing persons report for an adult just because someone didn't show up to work for one day, but obviously stay in touch with them and ask when they might start getting more involved if no one hears anything.
posted by rainbowbrite at 2:12 PM on June 5, 2017

Have you hunted him down on social media? That would be my next step. If he's got profiles with relatively lax settings you can try to message him and also determine likely friends to contact to see if they've heard anything from him.

But really, you've done about all you can do, and waiting for his agency to call his emergency contacts is really probably the best option now.

Thank you for caring about your co-worker.
posted by phunniemee at 2:12 PM on June 5, 2017 [3 favorites]

Response by poster: treehorn+bunny, that's what I thought too, and then I thought what the hell, I'll call anyway. I'm being told "no, he's not on our census today" or "when would this have been, last night or this morning? No, I don't see his name." If it were only one hospital, I could believe they were fucking with me. But seven? I think they're checking for me.
posted by janey47 at 2:13 PM on June 5, 2017 [1 favorite]

I had to do this about a dozen years ago in New York City. I called hospitals, I went to his apartment (the door was weirdly unlocked), I called his mom and SHE called hospitals. Eventually we found him at a hospital. He'd had a minor infection that went septic and he almost died. It was really mysterious for a while though.
posted by rikschell at 2:15 PM on June 5, 2017

Honestly, I think this is way too soon to be all DEFCON 1. You have requested a wellness check, which is acceptable, and notified the police. There is still every chance that the person is doing something out of character, rather than assuming the worst.

I think it is absolutely wrong to contact his emergency contacts unless you actually have something (fact based, not speculation) to tell them. You being worried about him is not enough. There is, at this stage, every chance this is innocent and - no matter how much you want to help - you are not a family member and so don't have much authority to help. You have done enough. Back away and wait. If this IS something out of character you are actively making this guy's life hard if he wanted to blow this off tomorrow and claim a headache. If he is in genuine distress, unless you search the streets for him, you're not actually producing any tangible help.
posted by Brockles at 2:16 PM on June 5, 2017 [6 favorites]

Response by poster: This is not random concern. He is not only incredibly reliable, he is basically on a two month interview and he wants this job. He bicycles to work. He told a coworker five hours ago that he was on his way in. He has a piece of information that no one else has access to that needs to be submitted on an application that is due 45 minutes from now. Even if he wanted to go walkabout, he wouldn't fuck over the people he has been working with so closely and for so many hours every day.
posted by janey47 at 2:21 PM on June 5, 2017 [25 favorites]

So the important thing is to get the wellness check. Basically, the worst case scenario is that he lives alone, he had an accident or illness at home, he needs help, and nobody else will notice he's missing. If he had an accident on his way to work, someone presumably witnessed it, and he's been taken care of even if you don't know about it. So I think you did the important thing by having the police do a wellness check.

If you think he bikes in on a remote route, you could tell the police that and ask if they can check out the route for an injured bicyclist before it gets dark.

Otherwise, I think you should sit tight.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 2:31 PM on June 5, 2017 [2 favorites]

Best answer: this is something of a hail mary but if you want to try checking back with SFPD specifically to see if they have any reports of accidents involving (hospitalized) bicyclists from this am?
posted by Exceptional_Hubris at 2:32 PM on June 5, 2017 [12 favorites]

I think you've done the right thing. I'd follow up with the police about the wellness check. I'd also drive the route that he would likely have biked to work this morning and keep an eye open. If he was in a bad accident emergency services may have taken care of him but possibly left his bike behind.

Good luck.
posted by saradarlin at 2:48 PM on June 5, 2017 [2 favorites]

Response by poster: Exceptional_Hubris, thanks for that idea. I did ask that, and they checked for me.
posted by janey47 at 2:50 PM on June 5, 2017

You could also check local news websites. If he cycles to work, did set off and didn't arrive, most likely he's been in an accident, there's a chance that something like that is newsworthy at a local level.
Depending on how up-to-date the systems at your local hospitals are, it could be he's there and either hasn't been identified or wasn't in their system at the time you called. If he was in a bad accident and was unconscious, I would expect/hope that treating him was more of a priority than getting his details for the computer. How long ago did you call? If you're concerned about him, maybe call again. Start with the hospitals closest to his route. I think the ship has sailed on getting that information before the deadline though
posted by missmagenta at 2:51 PM on June 5, 2017

following missmagenta's line of thinking, it is maybe worth getting in touch with the folks at hoodline.com - they are no longer as local as they once were, but their beat definitely includes bike/traffic stuff, and its not impossible that they got a tip from someone that did not get turned into a story but could be helpful to you.
posted by Exceptional_Hubris at 2:54 PM on June 5, 2017 [1 favorite]

When I used to have to track down my temps who went missing, I called the local jails. Once it was one of my most reliable guys I found there :(
posted by fingersandtoes at 3:09 PM on June 5, 2017 [1 favorite]

I've had this happen twice - both times the outcome was very very serious.

In one case, coworkers connected on social media were able to reach out to friends who were able to locate the person (who was in the hospital as a John Doe) and the person's out of town family.

There's a chance this isn't advisable in some way, but social media can be pretty powerful, so you might try that?
posted by vunder at 3:16 PM on June 5, 2017

In combination with the social media idea, you might consider tweeting at the SF Bike Coalition, @sfbike, and ask if they or their 25K followers know of any bike incidents in the area of your office (and the person's home neighborhood, if you know).

Good luck - I hope you find him.
posted by Joey Buttafoucault at 3:25 PM on June 5, 2017

The two times people have gone missing (I didn't know them, but close friends did), they had checked into hospitals for mental health problems.
posted by crankyrogalsky at 3:39 PM on June 5, 2017 [1 favorite]

If you are Facebook friends with him check messenger.com for the last time he was active on FB. May give you a hint. He was online an hour ago he is probably not unconscious in an ER.
posted by COD at 4:38 PM on June 5, 2017 [1 favorite]

I don't want to be gruesome, but you can call the San Francisco morgue. I was literally just at a meeting where this was how they found out what happened to a missing person.
posted by jasper411 at 4:50 PM on June 5, 2017 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Thank you everyone. The police went to his address and spoke to someone there who answered to his name, and he's fine. But he's not communicating with any of us, and we're all very upset and sad.

It is utterly unlike him to just bail like this. I guess that's why he hasn't returned my call. Lead counsel thinks he must be moving to another state, otherwise why burn bridges like that?

So sad.

And I've been at two jobs, within the last 6 months, in which someone didn't turn up for work and a wellness check found them dead at home, so that probably explains why I was so freaked out. Now I think I get to be the one to break it to the CEO.
posted by janey47 at 4:54 PM on June 5, 2017 [58 favorites]

Response by poster: eek, sorry -- only ONE of those two deaths was within the last six months

I'm no murderess
posted by janey47 at 5:15 PM on June 5, 2017 [18 favorites]

I am glad to hear you're not a murderess!

I totally understand that it's an upsetting outcome, but it's probably the least upsetting possible outcome, all things considered. Speaking as a person who lives alone and sometimes worries about what would happen if I slipped and fell in the shower, I'm grateful to you for being so conscientious about this.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 5:54 PM on June 5, 2017 [54 favorites]

Obviously none of us know, but it's possible this was the kind of mental health breakdown where the alternatives start to look like "move home and get into mental health treatment" or risk becoming another untimely death. (I hope that doesn't sound flip; I'm very serious and sympathetic.) I don't blame you for being freaked out and hope this person gets the help that they might need.
posted by salvia at 6:04 PM on June 5, 2017 [7 favorites]

I have obviously watched way too much television in my life, because my immediate assumption when I read "the police went to his address and spoke to someone there who answered to his name" was that the person to whom they spoke was not your co-worker but a "bad guy" faking his identity. I'm sure the information you (janey47) have is correct (as troubling as that is), but I can't even wrap my mind around saying I will be at a place and ... just ... not being at that place.

I guess my whole family has watched too much TV, because we have an agreement that in such a situation as you've described, we must not accept anything except actual face-to-face contact and our family shibboleth/code phrase.
posted by The Wrong Kind of Cheese at 7:10 PM on June 5, 2017 [15 favorites]

Oh dear, The Wrong Kind of Cheese! I work in govt and liaise with police sometimes. That sort of phrasing to me reads as: we checked his ID and we need to play semantics games in order to reassure you whilst technically abiding by privacy protocols.

This sucks. I have done similar albeit less extreme things due to what is probably unchecked social anxiety. I hope he's ok.
posted by jrobin276 at 7:40 PM on June 5, 2017 [9 favorites]

When you said:

"He has a piece of information that no one else has access to that needs to be submitted on an application that is due 45 minutes from now."

my first thought was, "He doesn't have that information, has never had it, and has been in denial about it until right now, the absolute last moment in which it's possible to produce it, and it can't be done, so he's doing the only thing he can think to do which is disappear entirely in a panic."

I'm very glad to hear he's not dead, and I hope for your sake you're able to eventually get some resolution.
posted by komara at 9:08 PM on June 5, 2017 [61 favorites]