Anxiety and Terrorism
June 4, 2017 2:44 AM Subscribe
How do you cope when you suffer from anxiety and depression, and terrorist attacks or other tragic and scary events happen?
I am on medication and in the care of a therapist, but am looking for how you, personally, deal with this. It affects my anxiety more than the depression, and due to my job I am adjacently responsible for people in many countries in Europe. I am now living in Paris but was in London before here. I have known people in every area of roughly the last two years of attacks, have lost friends of friends but thankfully no one immediate yet.
I am on medication and in the care of a therapist, but am looking for how you, personally, deal with this. It affects my anxiety more than the depression, and due to my job I am adjacently responsible for people in many countries in Europe. I am now living in Paris but was in London before here. I have known people in every area of roughly the last two years of attacks, have lost friends of friends but thankfully no one immediate yet.
I live in a city that has been subject to multiple terror attacks over the last 25 years. Every time something like this happens, I have a mild panic attack. I allow that, it's only normal. Then I realize if I let my anxiety rule me I would stop doing the things I love, and give in to exactly the kind of fear that terrorists hope to propagate. No. Just no.
Then I look up availability bias and take deep breaths.
posted by Nieshka at 3:31 AM on June 4, 2017 [4 favorites]
Then I look up availability bias and take deep breaths.
posted by Nieshka at 3:31 AM on June 4, 2017 [4 favorites]
Hi, I'm Indian. I have lost count of the number of terrorist attacks that have happened in my lifetime, and I'm only in my late twenties. That's not counting riots, violence against women, or natural disasters, or any of the other scary shit that can happen.
My dad's office was in the building opposite the Oberoi, one of the buildings targeted by gunmen during the Mumbai attacks in 2008, and one of two gun-violence-on-campus incidents in twenty years happened in my university, to give you some context.
I have anxiety and depression, but here are some things that have helped me cope, over the years:
- This famous Mr. Rogers quote.
- This CS Lewis quote, which is rather different in tone, but equally appropriate: “The first action to be taken is to pull ourselves together. If we are going to be destroyed by an atomic bomb, let that bomb, when it comes, find us doing sensible and human things -- praying, working, teaching, reading, listening to music, bathing the children, playing tennis, chatting to our friends over a pint and a game of darts -- not huddled together like frightened sheep and thinking about bombs.”
Look, fuck the bastards, honestly. The definition of terrorism is an act of violence that is designed to cause fear in its victims, and I for one will be damned if I give them the satisfaction. That doesn't mean I never get scared - of course I do, I'm human! - but I refuse to live my life any differently. If that means a bomb blast is how I go, so be it.
- On a more practical note, taking some concrete measures to prep for an emergency - keeping a go bag handy, having escape routes planned from your home and work to a previously agreed-upon 'safe zone' can help. This does not mean going full prepper (for pete's sake stay away from those corners of the internet, it's all lone-wolf-Obama-sucks-the-sky-is-falling types) but what it does mean is: build your community. Get in touch with your neighbours, your friends. When shit hits the fan, people coming together is the best way for it to calm down again.
- I wound up taking Krav Maga for a while, and in the future I plan on getting first aid certified. It may not work for you, but for me, finding, and getting good at, things that will help in case of emergency has been the best way to calm my hindbrain down.
- frumiousb's point about statistics is excellent. You're much more likely to die in an accident or some other terribly mundane way. As scary as things seem right now, you still live in Western Europe, not Syria or Mali.
- Relatedly: get off social media and stop watching the news. I stopped after the US election and it's done wonders for my anxiety. Anything that's truly important for you to know will filter back to you anyhow, and you're spared the sensationalist bullshit that passes for journalism these days.
- A hobby (preferable a tactile, offline one) can also do wonders to help with anxiety. Colouring doesn't work for me, but it might for you; or you could try origami, knitting, or working with Play-Doh/Silly Putty, all of which have worked for friends of mine.
posted by Tamanna at 3:44 AM on June 4, 2017 [46 favorites]
My dad's office was in the building opposite the Oberoi, one of the buildings targeted by gunmen during the Mumbai attacks in 2008, and one of two gun-violence-on-campus incidents in twenty years happened in my university, to give you some context.
I have anxiety and depression, but here are some things that have helped me cope, over the years:
- This famous Mr. Rogers quote.
- This CS Lewis quote, which is rather different in tone, but equally appropriate: “The first action to be taken is to pull ourselves together. If we are going to be destroyed by an atomic bomb, let that bomb, when it comes, find us doing sensible and human things -- praying, working, teaching, reading, listening to music, bathing the children, playing tennis, chatting to our friends over a pint and a game of darts -- not huddled together like frightened sheep and thinking about bombs.”
Look, fuck the bastards, honestly. The definition of terrorism is an act of violence that is designed to cause fear in its victims, and I for one will be damned if I give them the satisfaction. That doesn't mean I never get scared - of course I do, I'm human! - but I refuse to live my life any differently. If that means a bomb blast is how I go, so be it.
- On a more practical note, taking some concrete measures to prep for an emergency - keeping a go bag handy, having escape routes planned from your home and work to a previously agreed-upon 'safe zone' can help. This does not mean going full prepper (for pete's sake stay away from those corners of the internet, it's all lone-wolf-Obama-sucks-the-sky-is-falling types) but what it does mean is: build your community. Get in touch with your neighbours, your friends. When shit hits the fan, people coming together is the best way for it to calm down again.
- I wound up taking Krav Maga for a while, and in the future I plan on getting first aid certified. It may not work for you, but for me, finding, and getting good at, things that will help in case of emergency has been the best way to calm my hindbrain down.
- frumiousb's point about statistics is excellent. You're much more likely to die in an accident or some other terribly mundane way. As scary as things seem right now, you still live in Western Europe, not Syria or Mali.
- Relatedly: get off social media and stop watching the news. I stopped after the US election and it's done wonders for my anxiety. Anything that's truly important for you to know will filter back to you anyhow, and you're spared the sensationalist bullshit that passes for journalism these days.
- A hobby (preferable a tactile, offline one) can also do wonders to help with anxiety. Colouring doesn't work for me, but it might for you; or you could try origami, knitting, or working with Play-Doh/Silly Putty, all of which have worked for friends of mine.
posted by Tamanna at 3:44 AM on June 4, 2017 [46 favorites]
Disengage. Sometimes easier said than done but reassure yourself that you still care and are a good person even if you don't follow every little update. Get off social media, don't read the live feeds that news outlets run. Make sure friends and family are ok and then get on with living your life in the long term, not the short term. It's healthy to know yourself and say "I probably won't deal with this well if I'm not careful" and then do what you need to do without guilt.
posted by deadwax at 4:04 AM on June 4, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by deadwax at 4:04 AM on June 4, 2017 [3 favorites]
Many years ago I worked on the international news desk of a major broadcaster. You know what I learned? Terrible, violent things happen every day. Seriously. Somewhere in the world. Every day. People are dying and suffering in terrible ways. (There's also a whole bunch of wonderful, creative, life-affirming things happening all over the place, but journalists usually ignore those entirely).
You know what determines whether the horrible things end up on your TV with round the clock coverage, analyses, live crosses and constantly updated death tolls, or buried in a one-paragraph story on page 15 of the newspaper? What journalists call "news values" and what I've come to call...well, racism. And Western-centrism, and a whole bunch of other conscious and unconscious biases that serve to convince us that some people's suffering matters less than others'. Some days I would quietly wish for a pretty, blonde, western woman to turn up in some forgotten war zone just so my superiors would finally consider the situation "newsworthy".
So yeah. It's terrible when violent things happen. But they're happening all the time, somewhere in the world. It's the background noise of our planet. Knowing how "news" gets made, I refuse to allow my adrenaline to spike simply because some sleep-deprived journalist in a newsroom somewhere has decided that today's Awful Things are happening to People Who Actually Matter - as opposed to yesterday's Awful Things which happened to People We Can Disregard.
So, what to do? Stop watching live broadcast news. Seriously. Read longer think-pieces or watch documentaries about issues that interest you, but stop tuning into the frenzied live crosses and minute by minute death tolls. Trust me, I've written that stuff..it might be accurate (although breaking news often isn't) but it's not whats really important. That journey of anxiety that live news takes you on? It's wasted energy. It achieves nothing. You don't make anyone's life better by watching people suffer on TV.
Instead: find a cause that matters to you and do something to help that cause. It might be an hour a month of volunteering or it might be your whole career. Then, next time the news starts reminding you that terrible things are happening in the world, you can nod your head,, say, "yeah, I know" and get back to the work of making a tiny corner of it just a little bit kinder.
posted by embrangled at 5:38 AM on June 4, 2017 [28 favorites]
You know what determines whether the horrible things end up on your TV with round the clock coverage, analyses, live crosses and constantly updated death tolls, or buried in a one-paragraph story on page 15 of the newspaper? What journalists call "news values" and what I've come to call...well, racism. And Western-centrism, and a whole bunch of other conscious and unconscious biases that serve to convince us that some people's suffering matters less than others'. Some days I would quietly wish for a pretty, blonde, western woman to turn up in some forgotten war zone just so my superiors would finally consider the situation "newsworthy".
So yeah. It's terrible when violent things happen. But they're happening all the time, somewhere in the world. It's the background noise of our planet. Knowing how "news" gets made, I refuse to allow my adrenaline to spike simply because some sleep-deprived journalist in a newsroom somewhere has decided that today's Awful Things are happening to People Who Actually Matter - as opposed to yesterday's Awful Things which happened to People We Can Disregard.
So, what to do? Stop watching live broadcast news. Seriously. Read longer think-pieces or watch documentaries about issues that interest you, but stop tuning into the frenzied live crosses and minute by minute death tolls. Trust me, I've written that stuff..it might be accurate (although breaking news often isn't) but it's not whats really important. That journey of anxiety that live news takes you on? It's wasted energy. It achieves nothing. You don't make anyone's life better by watching people suffer on TV.
Instead: find a cause that matters to you and do something to help that cause. It might be an hour a month of volunteering or it might be your whole career. Then, next time the news starts reminding you that terrible things are happening in the world, you can nod your head,, say, "yeah, I know" and get back to the work of making a tiny corner of it just a little bit kinder.
posted by embrangled at 5:38 AM on June 4, 2017 [28 favorites]
So somewhere in that long-ass rant I forgot a couple of the most important things.
You have a finite amount of energy to spend on caring about things, and embrangled is right in that live news is a waste of energy.
I will second finding a cause that matters to you, with the addition that it's okay if it's something NOT on the news; there are always people who could use your help, and it's okay to focus on something you care about versus what other people think you should care about. The thing is, you're making a difference, and that's valuable, period.
Another thing is, in the middle of all this, don't forget to feed your soul. Reread a favourite book, watch a funny movie, coo at kitten gifs, browse through Not Always Hopeless. Remember, for every nutjob out there, there are a thousand decent people, else humanity would have offed ourselves long before now.
posted by Tamanna at 6:16 AM on June 4, 2017 [7 favorites]
You have a finite amount of energy to spend on caring about things, and embrangled is right in that live news is a waste of energy.
I will second finding a cause that matters to you, with the addition that it's okay if it's something NOT on the news; there are always people who could use your help, and it's okay to focus on something you care about versus what other people think you should care about. The thing is, you're making a difference, and that's valuable, period.
Another thing is, in the middle of all this, don't forget to feed your soul. Reread a favourite book, watch a funny movie, coo at kitten gifs, browse through Not Always Hopeless. Remember, for every nutjob out there, there are a thousand decent people, else humanity would have offed ourselves long before now.
posted by Tamanna at 6:16 AM on June 4, 2017 [7 favorites]
Such wonderful advice here. I'll add that when I feel guilty about not following the news, I remember this freakonomics episode. Don't let anyone lead you to believe that by avoiding the news you are somehow being irresponsible. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Self care is paramount.
posted by unicornologist at 8:18 AM on June 4, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by unicornologist at 8:18 AM on June 4, 2017 [3 favorites]
Response by poster: How do you all avoid social media when you use it to keep in touch with friends in your home countries and others?
posted by ellieBOA at 8:27 AM on June 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by ellieBOA at 8:27 AM on June 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
I sank into a weird sort of depression after the election that I am still coming out of. Cancelling my cable and therefore making every foray into media a much more conscious choice has helped immensely. I read, I seek out thoughtful articles and critical thinkpieces, and I stop allowing ratings whores control what goes into my eyes and brain and therefore my mind and heart.
Don't let anyone lead you to believe that by avoiding the news you are somehow being irresponsible
This. I don't give a crap what anyone else thinks. It's been a lifesaver. So much good advice here, especially embrangled's. Retain your agency and don't let the media push you to that place of despair.
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 8:33 AM on June 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
Don't let anyone lead you to believe that by avoiding the news you are somehow being irresponsible
This. I don't give a crap what anyone else thinks. It's been a lifesaver. So much good advice here, especially embrangled's. Retain your agency and don't let the media push you to that place of despair.
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 8:33 AM on June 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
How do you all avoid social media when you use it to keep in touch with friends in your home countries and others?
Find a way to let them know that while you love and care for them, the constant stream of fear that pours in along with the "real" communication is causing you a lot of pain and suffering. How could they expect you to risk your mental health? If a friend told me, "Hey, I am backing way off social media- it's messing with my head, and I am sad all the time, so please email, call or text me to connect and I promise to respond as soon as possible," I would be 100% fine with that.
No one who truly loves and supports you would ever have a problem with it, or bash you for not remaining a slave to your Twitter feed for their sake.
Use Facebook's Friend Lists feature to only view the posts from those you want to follow. Check into FB less. I try to limit myself to twice a day.
What did people do before social media, anyway? They called each other and wrote letters. I try to text and email friends and family directly, and rely far less on social media. I'm not a big phone call person but there are times when that is the best solution.
I understand this can be very hard. Habits are strong. It's difficult for someone with a compassionate spirit to take steps that can feel "selfish"- meaning, that serve you, first and foremost. But you have to take care of yourself, or what's the point?
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 8:42 AM on June 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
Find a way to let them know that while you love and care for them, the constant stream of fear that pours in along with the "real" communication is causing you a lot of pain and suffering. How could they expect you to risk your mental health? If a friend told me, "Hey, I am backing way off social media- it's messing with my head, and I am sad all the time, so please email, call or text me to connect and I promise to respond as soon as possible," I would be 100% fine with that.
No one who truly loves and supports you would ever have a problem with it, or bash you for not remaining a slave to your Twitter feed for their sake.
Use Facebook's Friend Lists feature to only view the posts from those you want to follow. Check into FB less. I try to limit myself to twice a day.
What did people do before social media, anyway? They called each other and wrote letters. I try to text and email friends and family directly, and rely far less on social media. I'm not a big phone call person but there are times when that is the best solution.
I understand this can be very hard. Habits are strong. It's difficult for someone with a compassionate spirit to take steps that can feel "selfish"- meaning, that serve you, first and foremost. But you have to take care of yourself, or what's the point?
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 8:42 AM on June 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
I'm both an optimist and a nihilist, a combo that very much suits my anxious depressive brain. I also studied anythropology. All this together has given me a philosophical outlook that's basically in line with the 'radical forgiveness' and 'radical acceptance' stuff. We are what we are. We're animals. We're smart enough to have ideals but not smart enough to fully embody them, we're easily led, we're short-sighted, etc. We're like children. And children are insanely frustrating, but even the most difficult to deal with children, we tend to forgive for it, because they don't know how not to act that way. And I don't think any of us really do. I think people who think they do are just in lucky positions.
When things like this happen, I can get so angry and sad because of it, but I look around and see other people's anger and sadness too and it's evidence for me of the great things about humanity. Other social animals have senseless violence too, without the BS justifications that humans use, and other social animals grieve, but I don't think other social animals have the capacity to think "this was wrong. We can do better."
posted by showbiz_liz at 8:53 AM on June 4, 2017 [4 favorites]
When things like this happen, I can get so angry and sad because of it, but I look around and see other people's anger and sadness too and it's evidence for me of the great things about humanity. Other social animals have senseless violence too, without the BS justifications that humans use, and other social animals grieve, but I don't think other social animals have the capacity to think "this was wrong. We can do better."
posted by showbiz_liz at 8:53 AM on June 4, 2017 [4 favorites]
ellieBOA, pretty much all of my friends are in a different country than I am. I do not go on Facebook, but I do use Messenger, Whatsapp, and iMessage to keep in touch. Also emails and Gchat.
I find that it's actually improved my friendships, since we wind up having actual conversations rather than mindlessly scrolling/liking things.
posted by Tamanna at 9:13 AM on June 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
I find that it's actually improved my friendships, since we wind up having actual conversations rather than mindlessly scrolling/liking things.
posted by Tamanna at 9:13 AM on June 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
How do you all avoid social media when you use it to keep in touch with friends in your home countries and others?
Following this advice from a previous commenter has changed my life! I can still use Messenger and Groups to look at what I want to look at on Facebook but I am pushed no content at all and it is incredible.
posted by bimbam at 9:23 AM on June 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
One thing you might consider is keeping your account active but unfollowing every single person on your friends list and hiding the ticker. This is what I have done and it's perfect. I have some private groups I wanted to continue to participate in but wanted to see no drama, no election talk, etc. So now when I log in, I see absolutely nothing in my news feed, but I still have an active account in case a friend wants to contact me or I want to click on someone's profile to see what they're up to. It's been an amazingly great solution for me.
Following this advice from a previous commenter has changed my life! I can still use Messenger and Groups to look at what I want to look at on Facebook but I am pushed no content at all and it is incredible.
posted by bimbam at 9:23 AM on June 4, 2017 [1 favorite]
I've found Facebook to be a huge help. It's been really wonderful to keep in touch with friends, especially during stressful times in fact. Case in point, the last few weeks... and months. Email, WhatsApp, iMessage, and Signal are also good, but I tend to have the sorts of friends who don't like to impose and so a more neutral platform like Facebook is hugely helpful in non-imposing mutual sharing of things. I realize other people's friend experiences are different.
As for self-care, I find "doing nothing" to be super helpful. Where "doing nothing" is drinking a cup of tea with some really good biscuits, petting the cats, watching the insects that fly around my garden, reading a book. I sit and turn everything off, but not to disconnect (my phone is still on and I reply to close friends), just to sit and hear silence.
I also go through my favorite cat photos, as if having them right on me weren't enough, heh.
Creative pursuits also help, when energy returns.
Background context: no TV, no news apart from a few Guardian articles, I almost never read the Trump threads here. Do participate politically in my home state thanks to the interwebs and of course here in France.
posted by fraula at 10:03 AM on June 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
As for self-care, I find "doing nothing" to be super helpful. Where "doing nothing" is drinking a cup of tea with some really good biscuits, petting the cats, watching the insects that fly around my garden, reading a book. I sit and turn everything off, but not to disconnect (my phone is still on and I reply to close friends), just to sit and hear silence.
I also go through my favorite cat photos, as if having them right on me weren't enough, heh.
Creative pursuits also help, when energy returns.
Background context: no TV, no news apart from a few Guardian articles, I almost never read the Trump threads here. Do participate politically in my home state thanks to the interwebs and of course here in France.
posted by fraula at 10:03 AM on June 4, 2017 [2 favorites]
Honestly a lot of the time I think about space. It is calming to me to think about how tiny and insignificant all these assholes are on just a planetary scale, let alone anything larger like the distance between stars. I love scifi and silly space stories with unrealistically fast travel but when horrible people do horrible things I get a great deal of calm thinking about how far away and unaffected and magnificent something as close as Jupiter's moons are. Do you have an outside interest that is not on a humanistic scale that you can deliberately choose to focus on in times of anxiety?
posted by Mizu at 4:21 PM on June 4, 2017
posted by Mizu at 4:21 PM on June 4, 2017
I primarily use Facebook messenger to keep in touch with friends. I don't read my FB feed at all. No news sites, obviously. No Twitter, except to check notifications & DMs. The app Freedom can restrict you from looking at certain sites & apps on your phone/browser.
If you MUST look at Facebook, FB Purity will let you mute keywords in your browser. Tweetdeck (in your browser) does that for Twitter - I know some of the mobile apps do too but I don't use them. For example, I frequently mute the outrage du jour - this week it was "Maher" and "Griffin."
But really, you don't need to risk your mental health to see people's dog or baby pics on social media. Just message them and ask what they're up to instead of reading your feed. Bonus: one on one conversations can help your depression!
posted by AFABulous at 5:25 PM on June 4, 2017
If you MUST look at Facebook, FB Purity will let you mute keywords in your browser. Tweetdeck (in your browser) does that for Twitter - I know some of the mobile apps do too but I don't use them. For example, I frequently mute the outrage du jour - this week it was "Maher" and "Griffin."
But really, you don't need to risk your mental health to see people's dog or baby pics on social media. Just message them and ask what they're up to instead of reading your feed. Bonus: one on one conversations can help your depression!
posted by AFABulous at 5:25 PM on June 4, 2017
I find it very helpful to deliberately disengage from mass media and social media. After I've gotten the news, there is very little good for me in repeatedly revisiting that news, or in absorbing others' fear and anger. It has taken me several major disasters or attacks to figure this out. I just step away for a while, and instead read a fiction book, work on a project, cook a meal, do some chores. Anything other than obsess about the bad news.
posted by Cranialtorque at 2:47 PM on June 5, 2017
posted by Cranialtorque at 2:47 PM on June 5, 2017
A late response but this thread has been on my mind. EllieBOA, I'd like to say I'm very much where you're at at the moment. I'm Muslim myself and these attacks fill me with so much fear and anger.
Anyway I've only found one way to make myself feel better, and that is replace social media with writing that has real compassion and intelligence. So much of what we read on the net nowadays is polemic, to prove others wrong, or intended to be shared on social media so that we can prove that we believe the socially acceptable things. So much of it is externally facing.
Just holing up with an actual paper book, with no intention to share online or show to the world, where it's just me and the page - actually does make me feel a LOT better: less exposed, more grounded in myself. It's such a facile comment - 'read good books' - but it has helped me.
posted by Ziggy500 at 3:48 AM on June 6, 2017 [2 favorites]
Anyway I've only found one way to make myself feel better, and that is replace social media with writing that has real compassion and intelligence. So much of what we read on the net nowadays is polemic, to prove others wrong, or intended to be shared on social media so that we can prove that we believe the socially acceptable things. So much of it is externally facing.
Just holing up with an actual paper book, with no intention to share online or show to the world, where it's just me and the page - actually does make me feel a LOT better: less exposed, more grounded in myself. It's such a facile comment - 'read good books' - but it has helped me.
posted by Ziggy500 at 3:48 AM on June 6, 2017 [2 favorites]
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I realise not everyone responds to that, but it works for me.
posted by frumiousb at 3:22 AM on June 4, 2017 [12 favorites]