How do I survive this stress inducing coworker?
May 25, 2017 8:41 AM Subscribe
My coworker treats work as her life, is disorganized in ways that negatively effect our operational flow, has passive aggressive and controlling tendencies, and uses a saccharinely sweet personality so that customers think she's great. How do I deal?
I work in a small library. A few months ago, my colleague was transferred out to another branch in our system and a new librarian, herein referred to as Christine, was transferred into her spot.
She is super sweet when you first meet her. It's as though she once heard the phrase "You catch more flies with honey than vinegar" and internalized it so much that it became part of her daily operating style. But the sweetness is surface level and neither makes her genuinely kind nor easy to work with.
Christine has been really passive aggressive and seems to have a competitive and controlling streak when it comes to me. We're on the same paygrade and title level but it often seems as though she is not ok with that. When she first started here she sent some weird emails to my boss trying to make me look bad. She also regularly tries to butt in to programs that I have planned in an effort to take credit for them and tries to get me to do extra work to contribute to her pet projects.
She goes above and beyond with her programming, so much so that it is clear she spends hours upon hours outside the office doing work in prep for her programming, putting the rest of us who maintain interests and responsibilities outside of work at a disadvantage since we can't spend all our free hours making our programs pinterest worthy.
She also has some weird organizational issues going on. She'll have all her details ironed out when it comes to the programs that she's planning independently, but she won't share specs with anyone, which often leaves other staff unclear about what coverage we'll need on which days and what's going on when. In other cases, she's extremely scattered. She doesn't put very much on our shared calendar, yet gets testy if she doesn't know the details of what's going on with other people's programs, often forgetting previous discussions that people have had with her.
I have talked to my boss about Christine and he said that he understands where I'm coming from but that he's not really sure what to do about the situation. How can I deal with this coworker in a way that will allow me to get on with my actual job?
I work in a small library. A few months ago, my colleague was transferred out to another branch in our system and a new librarian, herein referred to as Christine, was transferred into her spot.
She is super sweet when you first meet her. It's as though she once heard the phrase "You catch more flies with honey than vinegar" and internalized it so much that it became part of her daily operating style. But the sweetness is surface level and neither makes her genuinely kind nor easy to work with.
Christine has been really passive aggressive and seems to have a competitive and controlling streak when it comes to me. We're on the same paygrade and title level but it often seems as though she is not ok with that. When she first started here she sent some weird emails to my boss trying to make me look bad. She also regularly tries to butt in to programs that I have planned in an effort to take credit for them and tries to get me to do extra work to contribute to her pet projects.
She goes above and beyond with her programming, so much so that it is clear she spends hours upon hours outside the office doing work in prep for her programming, putting the rest of us who maintain interests and responsibilities outside of work at a disadvantage since we can't spend all our free hours making our programs pinterest worthy.
She also has some weird organizational issues going on. She'll have all her details ironed out when it comes to the programs that she's planning independently, but she won't share specs with anyone, which often leaves other staff unclear about what coverage we'll need on which days and what's going on when. In other cases, she's extremely scattered. She doesn't put very much on our shared calendar, yet gets testy if she doesn't know the details of what's going on with other people's programs, often forgetting previous discussions that people have had with her.
I have talked to my boss about Christine and he said that he understands where I'm coming from but that he's not really sure what to do about the situation. How can I deal with this coworker in a way that will allow me to get on with my actual job?
I've seen this type before, to the letter. It seems like Christine isn't being "scattered", she's intentionally withholding information while demanding transparency from the rest of you, because if she's the only one who knows how her systems work, it's difficult to fire her. She probably wants to ultimately be the only one in your library.
Whether or not she poses a threat depends on your management. Certainly your manager doesn't intend to take any action. Based on experience, it is entirely possible she will get her wish. I'm sorry to have to tell you that, but it can happen.
All I can suggest is that you keep your eyes on your own work and uphold your own principles. Document your work, share information, document your daily actions, decline her invitations to do work that isn't in your job description (yes! do compare your job description to what you actually do! if they don't match it can be held against you!). Ask, in email, for the information you need from Christine when you need it. Publish your timetable for staff coverage on the Intranet and any blanks left by Christine, fill in with "TBC, Christine to complete".
That's all you can do.
In terms of representing yourself, expect that Christine will attack your competence. Reframe your strengths as the *true* areas of importance to your job function, and dismiss your weaknesses as irrelevant to your job function. Remember that the deciding factor in your success at work isn't the quality of your job performance, but whether or not you upset your boss. I am not suggesting you work badly, I am suggesting you bring your A-game and make sure your boss is happy. What does he want? There must be something you have that he wants, make sure you are supplying it and, without grandstanding, that he knows it's coming from you.
posted by tel3path at 8:57 AM on May 25, 2017 [29 favorites]
Whether or not she poses a threat depends on your management. Certainly your manager doesn't intend to take any action. Based on experience, it is entirely possible she will get her wish. I'm sorry to have to tell you that, but it can happen.
All I can suggest is that you keep your eyes on your own work and uphold your own principles. Document your work, share information, document your daily actions, decline her invitations to do work that isn't in your job description (yes! do compare your job description to what you actually do! if they don't match it can be held against you!). Ask, in email, for the information you need from Christine when you need it. Publish your timetable for staff coverage on the Intranet and any blanks left by Christine, fill in with "TBC, Christine to complete".
That's all you can do.
In terms of representing yourself, expect that Christine will attack your competence. Reframe your strengths as the *true* areas of importance to your job function, and dismiss your weaknesses as irrelevant to your job function. Remember that the deciding factor in your success at work isn't the quality of your job performance, but whether or not you upset your boss. I am not suggesting you work badly, I am suggesting you bring your A-game and make sure your boss is happy. What does he want? There must be something you have that he wants, make sure you are supplying it and, without grandstanding, that he knows it's coming from you.
posted by tel3path at 8:57 AM on May 25, 2017 [29 favorites]
Is there a regular meeting to review event planning and the calendar? Perhaps a weekly/monthly meeting where everyone reviews those things together in person would be helpful. Have an agenda, take notes, distribute them to participants after the meeting. If she "forgets" to share her stuff at the meeting, it's documented that she didn't do so.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:59 AM on May 25, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:59 AM on May 25, 2017 [3 favorites]
Yeah, if your boss is not going to do anything about her behavior, then you should make it clear to him that you'll be detaching from her antics in order to help maintain workplace sanity. Keep up the regular one on one interactions with your boss - facetime and a regular review of activities is a great bulwark against snipey emails.
I've encountered many a librarian like this and "a failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine" is a great rule of thumb. I'm lucky in that my seniority lets me put a stop to "ALL HANDS ON DECK FOR THIS MINOR ISSUE" flare-ups - you might seek some clarification for this going forward ("Just how much do we have to bend backward for Christine?") but be warned that if your boss makes it official that she can ask people X, Y, and Z for help, she will see herself as their Boss and will demand their attention 24/7.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 9:00 AM on May 25, 2017 [2 favorites]
I've encountered many a librarian like this and "a failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine" is a great rule of thumb. I'm lucky in that my seniority lets me put a stop to "ALL HANDS ON DECK FOR THIS MINOR ISSUE" flare-ups - you might seek some clarification for this going forward ("Just how much do we have to bend backward for Christine?") but be warned that if your boss makes it official that she can ask people X, Y, and Z for help, she will see herself as their Boss and will demand their attention 24/7.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 9:00 AM on May 25, 2017 [2 favorites]
Strongly agree with this:
Ask, in email, for the information you need from Christine when you need it. Publish your timetable for staff coverage on the Intranet and any blanks left by Christine, fill in with "TBC, Christine to complete"
And also agree with this:
Is there a regular meeting to review event planning and the calendar? Perhaps a weekly/monthly meeting where everyone reviews those things together in person would be helpful. Have an agenda, take notes, distribute them to participants after the meeting. If she "forgets" to share her stuff at the meeting, it's documented that she didn't do so.
Building on that, this comment of yours also stood out:
She doesn't put very much on our shared calendar, yet gets testy if she doesn't know the details of what's going on with other people's programs, often forgetting previous discussions that people have had with her.
So, I think you definitely need to CYA here and document everything. Interactions, especially where you request information from her, she asks something of you, or where someone imparts schedule information, should either be via email, or if they are one on one verbal conversations, send a follow up confirming email asap so you have a record. There should be regular meetings with minutes about event planning, and the shared calendar and the meeting minutes should reflect that everyone was asked about upcoming events, including about adding them to the calendar, and what coverage might be needed. Group meetings need to have minutes distributed after, and one on one meetings need follow up "for the record" emails.
posted by gudrun at 10:44 AM on May 25, 2017 [5 favorites]
Ask, in email, for the information you need from Christine when you need it. Publish your timetable for staff coverage on the Intranet and any blanks left by Christine, fill in with "TBC, Christine to complete"
And also agree with this:
Is there a regular meeting to review event planning and the calendar? Perhaps a weekly/monthly meeting where everyone reviews those things together in person would be helpful. Have an agenda, take notes, distribute them to participants after the meeting. If she "forgets" to share her stuff at the meeting, it's documented that she didn't do so.
Building on that, this comment of yours also stood out:
She doesn't put very much on our shared calendar, yet gets testy if she doesn't know the details of what's going on with other people's programs, often forgetting previous discussions that people have had with her.
So, I think you definitely need to CYA here and document everything. Interactions, especially where you request information from her, she asks something of you, or where someone imparts schedule information, should either be via email, or if they are one on one verbal conversations, send a follow up confirming email asap so you have a record. There should be regular meetings with minutes about event planning, and the shared calendar and the meeting minutes should reflect that everyone was asked about upcoming events, including about adding them to the calendar, and what coverage might be needed. Group meetings need to have minutes distributed after, and one on one meetings need follow up "for the record" emails.
posted by gudrun at 10:44 AM on May 25, 2017 [5 favorites]
Hm, your boss doesn't sound super proactive, but if the issue is that he doesn't know how to deal with the situation rather than doesn't want to deal with it, there might be some hope.
Basically, he needs to manage her. That is, insist to her that she can't be an information hoarder, and both tell and show her that making sure everyone is on the same page is part of everyone's job, including hers, and that it's something he's monitoring. I agree with doing as much as possible via email (including documenting verbal conversations with "just to make sure we're on the same page, today we....") And meetings where everyone gives updates on event planning and programming would be great.
You can't do anything about the fact that her work is her life and her programming is Pinterest-worthy whereas you have other stuff going on. Them's the trade-offs we all make.
posted by The Elusive Architeuthis at 11:27 AM on May 25, 2017 [1 favorite]
Basically, he needs to manage her. That is, insist to her that she can't be an information hoarder, and both tell and show her that making sure everyone is on the same page is part of everyone's job, including hers, and that it's something he's monitoring. I agree with doing as much as possible via email (including documenting verbal conversations with "just to make sure we're on the same page, today we....") And meetings where everyone gives updates on event planning and programming would be great.
You can't do anything about the fact that her work is her life and her programming is Pinterest-worthy whereas you have other stuff going on. Them's the trade-offs we all make.
posted by The Elusive Architeuthis at 11:27 AM on May 25, 2017 [1 favorite]
It sounds like Christine is a lemon within your system, her prior boss was likely tired of her shenanigans and wanted her moved out, and your boss was not strong enough to prevent her from being transferred into his branch. Can you transfer out, under a stronger boss?
I've had to do the CYA thing and it kept me from being unjustly fired but it was exhausting. Best to move along before it all starts to occupy too much space in your head.
posted by vignettist at 12:22 PM on May 25, 2017
I've had to do the CYA thing and it kept me from being unjustly fired but it was exhausting. Best to move along before it all starts to occupy too much space in your head.
posted by vignettist at 12:22 PM on May 25, 2017
Thing is, Christine is doing massive amounts of unpaid work and your boss is not irrational to keep her around for that reason alone.
You don't want to/can't compete with her in this and rightly so. But it doesn't seem like her competitive shenanigans are annoying enough (to him) to outweigh that.
Now the main factor in career success is not job performance, but whether or not you upset your boss. Christine may upset him enough to negate the effects of doing the work of several people, but I wouldn't count on it. And you need to ne aware of the risk that making too much issue of Christine may upset him more than anything she does.
It's not fair, which is why he's not likely to say he's glad Christine works until 3 every morning pulling double or nore shifts for free. But that may be what's behind his "weak" response.
posted by tel3path at 12:52 PM on May 25, 2017 [2 favorites]
You don't want to/can't compete with her in this and rightly so. But it doesn't seem like her competitive shenanigans are annoying enough (to him) to outweigh that.
Now the main factor in career success is not job performance, but whether or not you upset your boss. Christine may upset him enough to negate the effects of doing the work of several people, but I wouldn't count on it. And you need to ne aware of the risk that making too much issue of Christine may upset him more than anything she does.
It's not fair, which is why he's not likely to say he's glad Christine works until 3 every morning pulling double or nore shifts for free. But that may be what's behind his "weak" response.
posted by tel3path at 12:52 PM on May 25, 2017 [2 favorites]
Yeah I don't mean to labour this point but it is possible that the problem, from your boss's perspective, is that you are coming to him with complaints about not liking Christine - not that Christine is obnoxious.
But even then, the reason you don't like Christine is because you all work less well when Christine's around.
Christine wants to be the only one in your workplace.
Christine does the work of 3 staff, is great with the customers, and the only complaints he gets are from people who don't like Christine because their work isn't as good when she's around.
From that perspective, Christine is much more likely to get her wish than you probably realize. I am not trying to be alarmist, I am speaking from experience.
posted by tel3path at 2:23 PM on May 25, 2017
But even then, the reason you don't like Christine is because you all work less well when Christine's around.
Christine wants to be the only one in your workplace.
Christine does the work of 3 staff, is great with the customers, and the only complaints he gets are from people who don't like Christine because their work isn't as good when she's around.
From that perspective, Christine is much more likely to get her wish than you probably realize. I am not trying to be alarmist, I am speaking from experience.
posted by tel3path at 2:23 PM on May 25, 2017
Stop analyzing her personality and focus on her behavior and performance. If she doesn't arrange for coverage, calmly remind her that you need to know in advance when she needs it. If she can put in lots of extra time, great, don't worry about it. Spend a lot more time praising he when she does well Thanks for putting today's event in the calendar; it's a big help when we can all plan ahead. That will make you look professional and managerial.
posted by theora55 at 5:14 PM on May 25, 2017 [7 favorites]
posted by theora55 at 5:14 PM on May 25, 2017 [7 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
When she asks about coverage for an event she planned, but didn't tell you about, very sweetly say, "Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't see anything on the calendar, so I wasn't sure of the details."
Just detach as much as possible. It's the only way out alive.
posted by hydra77 at 8:50 AM on May 25, 2017 [8 favorites]