What kind of therapy should I get look for?
May 12, 2017 3:04 PM Subscribe
Seeking advice on what type of therapy help to get. Because when I'm attacked in social or work situations, I'm left feeling very internally agitated and anxious. How can I overcome this? I don't expect immediate results, but as though I've made some sort of internal progress by recognizing this problem and don't know where to go from here. I have an example of a type of attack and other details inside.
Hi! I am a 43 year old male living in America who plays a group game that necessities dividing people into teams. One of my teammates is high frequency communicator, who often sends posts to the the team email list 8-12 times a day, which I find extremely distracting because without him the group would only have 1-2 posts a day. I publically asked to calm down on the posting (admittedly a mistake), which went badly and now he's making posts to the group that actively or passively attack me. The crux of the issue is this: Mentally I feel very vulnerable after these attacks and have trouble returning to a relaxed or normal state. In many ways, the attacks don't bother me, I’m and adult, comfortable in my skin in many ways and am ok with others thinking less (or well) of be because of these attacks. Yet they still leave me feeling vulnerable and agitated, as if should do something and I often go into a heightened state, where my heart beats faster, I'm anxious and wary of another attack from anywhere, even if there's no specific attack to come. Yes, I was abused as a child.
What does this mean and what sort of therapy help should I look for to help me better cope with these types of fairly normal, every day attacks?
throwaway email at nevablue@yandex.com, if you want to comment privately.
Hi! I am a 43 year old male living in America who plays a group game that necessities dividing people into teams. One of my teammates is high frequency communicator, who often sends posts to the the team email list 8-12 times a day, which I find extremely distracting because without him the group would only have 1-2 posts a day. I publically asked to calm down on the posting (admittedly a mistake), which went badly and now he's making posts to the group that actively or passively attack me. The crux of the issue is this: Mentally I feel very vulnerable after these attacks and have trouble returning to a relaxed or normal state. In many ways, the attacks don't bother me, I’m and adult, comfortable in my skin in many ways and am ok with others thinking less (or well) of be because of these attacks. Yet they still leave me feeling vulnerable and agitated, as if should do something and I often go into a heightened state, where my heart beats faster, I'm anxious and wary of another attack from anywhere, even if there's no specific attack to come. Yes, I was abused as a child.
What does this mean and what sort of therapy help should I look for to help me better cope with these types of fairly normal, every day attacks?
throwaway email at nevablue@yandex.com, if you want to comment privately.
It took me four partial hospital programs before I finally GOT ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy). You can't control his posts, but you can control your reaction. Full disclosure, I thought ACT was so stupid my first go with it. I was having daily panic attacks and ACT was too Psychology 301 for me. But it crept up on me. For example, I start panicking because an unexpected traffic delay is going to make me late for an appointment. Acceptance: I didn't cause the traffic, I can't control the traffic, and panicking isn't going to make my car move faster. I'm at the point now where I can feel the anxiety start to build, acknowledge it, then mentally shrug and move on.
I recommend this because there is a part of you that knows that these attacks are his issues, and not yours. So I think you could be more receptive to ACT than I initially was.
posted by Ruki at 4:39 PM on May 12, 2017 [2 favorites]
I recommend this because there is a part of you that knows that these attacks are his issues, and not yours. So I think you could be more receptive to ACT than I initially was.
posted by Ruki at 4:39 PM on May 12, 2017 [2 favorites]
I'm reading Radical Acceptance right now, which probably overlaps with DBT, if you'd like a library book preview before booking a session.
posted by instamatic at 6:23 PM on May 12, 2017
posted by instamatic at 6:23 PM on May 12, 2017
If it were me, I would look for therapists who have training and experience in working with adult survivors of child abuse. If I'd be using insurance, then I'd also want to cross-reference to see if they're covered by my insurance. (Psychology Today and Good Therapy have helpful therapist finders, which allow you to specify issues treated.) Once I had that list, then I'd contact the therapists that appeal to me, and call them or meet with them for an initial session, in which I'd basically interview them about their therapy orientation and why they think they could help me. I would go with the therapist who "felt right," and then give them about four sessions to see if they were helping. If they weren't, I'd then go to my second-choice therapist.
Therapists' theoretical orientation is important in that it's good for a therapist to have a way of conceptualizing a client's case and a bit of a road map for how the therapy should go, and it's important for a client to believe that the therapist's theoretical orientation is reliable. But I think clients can get too hung up on finding the right theoretical orientation rather than finding the right therapist. For me, as a therapist, when I'm looking for my own therapy, I pay much more attention to a therapist's training and experience than to their theoretical orientation.
Good for you for looking for help, and I wish you the best!
posted by lazuli at 6:45 PM on May 12, 2017 [2 favorites]
Therapists' theoretical orientation is important in that it's good for a therapist to have a way of conceptualizing a client's case and a bit of a road map for how the therapy should go, and it's important for a client to believe that the therapist's theoretical orientation is reliable. But I think clients can get too hung up on finding the right theoretical orientation rather than finding the right therapist. For me, as a therapist, when I'm looking for my own therapy, I pay much more attention to a therapist's training and experience than to their theoretical orientation.
Good for you for looking for help, and I wish you the best!
posted by lazuli at 6:45 PM on May 12, 2017 [2 favorites]
Good for you looking for help, but I can't help thinking that maybe you should find another group? I know this is not what you asked for, and feel free to flag this answer for deletion, but hear me out.
I've been in an identical situation at work. A while after it had started, I was enrolled in a project management course, and confided in our teacher/coach. He told me to immediately quit my job. He had seen that type of thing before (multiple mails escalating into attacks) and it would not end well for me. I did not follow his advice, and it did not end well. I'm in therapy now to cope with the fallout, my therapist has asked me more than once why I didn't quit and she has a strong focus on teaching me to avoid this kind of people, rather than learning to manage interaction with them.
posted by mumimor at 3:00 AM on May 13, 2017 [3 favorites]
I've been in an identical situation at work. A while after it had started, I was enrolled in a project management course, and confided in our teacher/coach. He told me to immediately quit my job. He had seen that type of thing before (multiple mails escalating into attacks) and it would not end well for me. I did not follow his advice, and it did not end well. I'm in therapy now to cope with the fallout, my therapist has asked me more than once why I didn't quit and she has a strong focus on teaching me to avoid this kind of people, rather than learning to manage interaction with them.
posted by mumimor at 3:00 AM on May 13, 2017 [3 favorites]
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posted by Waiting for Pierce Inverarity at 4:12 PM on May 12, 2017 [2 favorites]