I really hate to bother you with this, but…
May 10, 2017 10:29 AM Subscribe
I need help with breaking a specific bad workplace habit that I have. If I have a work task to do myself, I usually get it done pretty quickly without a lot of pain. However, as soon as I have to ask someone else for help, I procrastinate and procrastinate asking until it starts delaying my projects and usually results in the work I have to do at the end of the projects being rushed. How do I break this bad habit? Also, what are the best practices that people have for (effectively/respectfully) asking a non-direct report for help?
I work for a big company and have a just past entry-level job that’s mostly non-technical and involves a large component of paper pushing or whatever the digital equivalent of that is. I have zero direct reports but I’m chasing something down from someone, which can be someone internal to my company, a client, or a government employee. Usually the internal people do not work for my boss, but they may work for someone who reports to my boss’ boss, or they may have almost no connection to my department whatsoever. If I were a manager, I think (perhaps unrealistically but still) that things would be easier since they have to help me because it’s their job but since I’m just some random person asking for stuff I feel like I’m imposing and that I’m begging. The requests almost always involve something I could not possibly do myself because I don’t have access to the right information systems, etc.
I’ve noticed a lot of employees who are successful here in similar roles are pretty friendly, extroverted folks. I don’t think I necessarily come off as pushy or unfriendly but I’m very shy and not particularly effusive and I worry if I try to act like someone is my best friend ever for pulling a report for me, I’m just going to sound incredibly insincere. I mostly work via email with occasional, dreaded, phone conversations for when someone is not responding to my emails or is a “phone person”. In-person would be more okay for me than phones but we’re pretty geographically dispersed so it’s usually not an option.
I’m very aware of this procrastination/avoidance thing that I have with making requests and I think it’s currently the #1 thing me back professionally at least at this job. My company also doesn't have very much in the way of formal training so a lot of the learning/growth comes from being comfortable with picking the brains of random people. I’m potentially open to leaving but there aren’t lot of jobs in my geographic area that I think I’d be qualified for and I think this a pretty common workplace situation, at least at larger companies. I think if I could fix this issue, it would go a long way towards making me feel like I’m at least halfway competent at my job and maybe have a little more success professionally than I’ve had to date. Help me please…would really welcome any suggestions, especially books I can read/anecdotes from other people who struggle/struggled with this. Thanks!
I work for a big company and have a just past entry-level job that’s mostly non-technical and involves a large component of paper pushing or whatever the digital equivalent of that is. I have zero direct reports but I’m chasing something down from someone, which can be someone internal to my company, a client, or a government employee. Usually the internal people do not work for my boss, but they may work for someone who reports to my boss’ boss, or they may have almost no connection to my department whatsoever. If I were a manager, I think (perhaps unrealistically but still) that things would be easier since they have to help me because it’s their job but since I’m just some random person asking for stuff I feel like I’m imposing and that I’m begging. The requests almost always involve something I could not possibly do myself because I don’t have access to the right information systems, etc.
I’ve noticed a lot of employees who are successful here in similar roles are pretty friendly, extroverted folks. I don’t think I necessarily come off as pushy or unfriendly but I’m very shy and not particularly effusive and I worry if I try to act like someone is my best friend ever for pulling a report for me, I’m just going to sound incredibly insincere. I mostly work via email with occasional, dreaded, phone conversations for when someone is not responding to my emails or is a “phone person”. In-person would be more okay for me than phones but we’re pretty geographically dispersed so it’s usually not an option.
I’m very aware of this procrastination/avoidance thing that I have with making requests and I think it’s currently the #1 thing me back professionally at least at this job. My company also doesn't have very much in the way of formal training so a lot of the learning/growth comes from being comfortable with picking the brains of random people. I’m potentially open to leaving but there aren’t lot of jobs in my geographic area that I think I’d be qualified for and I think this a pretty common workplace situation, at least at larger companies. I think if I could fix this issue, it would go a long way towards making me feel like I’m at least halfway competent at my job and maybe have a little more success professionally than I’ve had to date. Help me please…would really welcome any suggestions, especially books I can read/anecdotes from other people who struggle/struggled with this. Thanks!
Oh, and this song is great for the "just do it" vibe.
posted by lunasol at 10:47 AM on May 10, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by lunasol at 10:47 AM on May 10, 2017 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Oh my gosh this can be such a hurdle! As someone with social anxiety, I can relate to this.
And yet what you're describing is like 90% of my job.
Here are things I remind myself or do that seem to help:
> I am not asking for a favor. I am an outside, uninvolved project manager simply stating what needs to happen for a job to get done.
> I am not bothering them - this is part of their job. Their job involves delivering this thingamajig to me. I am simply helping them know what to deliver and when to deliver it.
> Don't apologize in the email! Don't beg! Just be like, "Hi Amanda, Hope you've been well! I'm working on Project XYZ. It requires deliverable X. I'm wondering if it would be possible to get it by X date to keep us on track with the overall timeline. Please let me know if that's possible and if there's any questions or concerns. Thank you so much!"
> And then throughout the correspondence, be businesslike, "Hi Amanda, Checking in on deliverable X. Please let me know if there are any updates to the timeline. Very grateful for all your work on this!"
> When you know you need to make one of these requests, DO IT IMMEDIATELY. No excuses, no procrastination. Do it that day.
> Do it while doing something pleasureable - I have a specific song I listen to when I have to do these things. Maybe sip on your favorite beverage or have a hot tea while you're doing it.
> And then when it's done, treat yourself with something big! Take yourself out to lunch, or watch a fun movie when you get home. Give yourself something to look forward to if you get this done.
> If it's possible to set up an external accountability like if you need to report progress to a boss that might be helpful
> Relationships outside of these requests can help lubricate these gears when requests come in. So if they're local, be friendly in general and maybe grab a coffee with them if the opportunity arises. Remote is harder, but if it's a phone conversation, do that small talk thing, it can feel stupid, but it actually has a use! It might feel more collaborative if you like know what they get up to on the weekends.
> Practice practice practice! This won't feel smooth at the start, and may never be your favorite thing in the world. But it's part of your job and you can get it done!
posted by Uncle Glendinning at 10:48 AM on May 10, 2017 [18 favorites]
And yet what you're describing is like 90% of my job.
Here are things I remind myself or do that seem to help:
> I am not asking for a favor. I am an outside, uninvolved project manager simply stating what needs to happen for a job to get done.
> I am not bothering them - this is part of their job. Their job involves delivering this thingamajig to me. I am simply helping them know what to deliver and when to deliver it.
> Don't apologize in the email! Don't beg! Just be like, "Hi Amanda, Hope you've been well! I'm working on Project XYZ. It requires deliverable X. I'm wondering if it would be possible to get it by X date to keep us on track with the overall timeline. Please let me know if that's possible and if there's any questions or concerns. Thank you so much!"
> And then throughout the correspondence, be businesslike, "Hi Amanda, Checking in on deliverable X. Please let me know if there are any updates to the timeline. Very grateful for all your work on this!"
> When you know you need to make one of these requests, DO IT IMMEDIATELY. No excuses, no procrastination. Do it that day.
> Do it while doing something pleasureable - I have a specific song I listen to when I have to do these things. Maybe sip on your favorite beverage or have a hot tea while you're doing it.
> And then when it's done, treat yourself with something big! Take yourself out to lunch, or watch a fun movie when you get home. Give yourself something to look forward to if you get this done.
> If it's possible to set up an external accountability like if you need to report progress to a boss that might be helpful
> Relationships outside of these requests can help lubricate these gears when requests come in. So if they're local, be friendly in general and maybe grab a coffee with them if the opportunity arises. Remote is harder, but if it's a phone conversation, do that small talk thing, it can feel stupid, but it actually has a use! It might feel more collaborative if you like know what they get up to on the weekends.
> Practice practice practice! This won't feel smooth at the start, and may never be your favorite thing in the world. But it's part of your job and you can get it done!
posted by Uncle Glendinning at 10:48 AM on May 10, 2017 [18 favorites]
I do not want to be the cliche MeFite who suggests therapy but this reads like you feel like you do not deserve to have meaningful collaboration on a project, or that you're unworthy of that help. I would recommend some self-help geared toward that, to change your self-talk.
Also, try to separate out the introversion part from the "I'm unworthy of your help" part. They do not have to be the same place. I'm very introverted but willing to collaborate with others because at the end of the day myself and that other person have a shared interest in the success of the project on some level. Even if I have to chunk up to look at it as success for the company.
I also try to start with some empathetic statement - "I know you're swamped/slammed/finance is beating down your door/etc. but if you have ten minutes some time this week I would really appreciate your help with X."
I have a colleague that brings candy to people when they do her favors. I am not that person and could not pull that off. I do occasionally bring candy to people when they are stressed out, and not as "payment" for getting their help, but rather just to show that I know what it is like to have a hard day at work and they deserve a little light.
posted by crunchy potato at 10:51 AM on May 10, 2017
Also, try to separate out the introversion part from the "I'm unworthy of your help" part. They do not have to be the same place. I'm very introverted but willing to collaborate with others because at the end of the day myself and that other person have a shared interest in the success of the project on some level. Even if I have to chunk up to look at it as success for the company.
I also try to start with some empathetic statement - "I know you're swamped/slammed/finance is beating down your door/etc. but if you have ten minutes some time this week I would really appreciate your help with X."
I have a colleague that brings candy to people when they do her favors. I am not that person and could not pull that off. I do occasionally bring candy to people when they are stressed out, and not as "payment" for getting their help, but rather just to show that I know what it is like to have a hard day at work and they deserve a little light.
posted by crunchy potato at 10:51 AM on May 10, 2017
Maybe focus on how asking sooner gives them more time to do it, making the request more convenient. Re-orient your anxiety toward getting the request out quickly.
But also, consider that it's probably their job to provide this thing to you. You're just letting them know how best to do it. I do think that being friendly will make your role easier (if you can do it out of your own enjoyment and not as emotional labor -- but the enjoyment won't kick in while the dread is still there).
posted by salvia at 10:55 AM on May 10, 2017 [4 favorites]
But also, consider that it's probably their job to provide this thing to you. You're just letting them know how best to do it. I do think that being friendly will make your role easier (if you can do it out of your own enjoyment and not as emotional labor -- but the enjoyment won't kick in while the dread is still there).
posted by salvia at 10:55 AM on May 10, 2017 [4 favorites]
Just read it again and saw that you work at a big company. In that case I recommend becoming memorable for a positive reason, so that when people get communication from you they will be more likely to want to do it, rather than "get to it when they can." You can accomplish this as an introvert. Again, I like to give candy, or send funny memes sparingly to managers who are noticeably frazzled and who I have identified as receptive to that. Empathy goes a long way, because these are still people. A little pointed empathy keeps me from having to schmooze which I am not a fan of.
posted by crunchy potato at 10:57 AM on May 10, 2017
posted by crunchy potato at 10:57 AM on May 10, 2017
Uncle Glendinning covered most of the tips I wanted to give. One thing that works at my office (with an endless meetings culture) is to schedule a short meeting with the person. I avoid the phone as much as I can too, so if email is not working I go right to setting up a meeting and hashing things out. This is also great for turning you into a real person in their eyes and not just someone demanding something else from them. I'm an introvert/shy person and I have a "meeting persona" - like I'm playing the role of someone who knows what they are doing.
If it's someone I don't know that I'm contacting for the first time I make sure to give context (I am preparing a report for Boss, my department is widget maintenance, etc) and end with something like "let me know if you're not the right person for this" so that they will hopefully refer me to someone else.
posted by cabingirl at 10:57 AM on May 10, 2017
If it's someone I don't know that I'm contacting for the first time I make sure to give context (I am preparing a report for Boss, my department is widget maintenance, etc) and end with something like "let me know if you're not the right person for this" so that they will hopefully refer me to someone else.
posted by cabingirl at 10:57 AM on May 10, 2017
I have to do this a lot, and my preferred method is to schedule the conversation, so that it's not "hey, stop what you're doing and tend to me" but "hey, do you have 20 minutes between 2-4 today for us to get together on this?"
And yeah, don't apologize unless you have unusual circumstances. Most people's job responsibilities include collaborating on these things or doing their part to get the task done, so this should be a normal reasonable transaction between coworkers.
When I'm having to actually chase someone, I just flat-out send a calendar invite that they're going to have to deal with. It doesn't happen very often.
If I'm working on a project where I tend to need to talk to someone regularly to get stuff from them (or deliver stuff to them) I'll set up twice-weekly touch-bases for the duration of the project up front. That gives us both deadlines to do whatever we need to do, plus known hand-off points.
posted by Lyn Never at 11:06 AM on May 10, 2017 [2 favorites]
And yeah, don't apologize unless you have unusual circumstances. Most people's job responsibilities include collaborating on these things or doing their part to get the task done, so this should be a normal reasonable transaction between coworkers.
When I'm having to actually chase someone, I just flat-out send a calendar invite that they're going to have to deal with. It doesn't happen very often.
If I'm working on a project where I tend to need to talk to someone regularly to get stuff from them (or deliver stuff to them) I'll set up twice-weekly touch-bases for the duration of the project up front. That gives us both deadlines to do whatever we need to do, plus known hand-off points.
posted by Lyn Never at 11:06 AM on May 10, 2017 [2 favorites]
Would it help to set up a 15 minutes meeting with the person on a calendar. It might feel like overkill but it might help you get over the hurdle.
posted by vunder at 11:19 AM on May 10, 2017
posted by vunder at 11:19 AM on May 10, 2017
Best answer: I used to have a job where I was often on the receiving end of these requests, so I can share some ways that the requests stood out to me as particularly good or bad:
1. Give lots of lead time and lots of reminders. Reminders should be phrased in a way that is at least superficially polite (e.g. "Hi telegraph, Hope your week is going well! Just wanted to check in about the request below. Is there anything else you need to run that report? Do you think you'll be able to provide it by X date? Thanks again!" is great, "bump!" is not).
2. Provide all the information that the collaborator will need up front -- don't make them work for it. If it's a report you're requesting, make sure you include all the nitty gritty parameters like date ranges, fields to include/exclude, what format you want the data in, etc.
3. Along those lines, if you've ever asked the same person for something in the past, always go back to the original request first and see if there's a way you can phrase your request this time to make their life easier. For example, if they had to write you back to ask if you wanted to include special_field_X, tell them up front this time.
4. Even more along those lines, it is usually appropriate to ask if there's a way you could pull the report yourself, if there's a more appropriate contact, or literally any way you could make this and future interactions easier for your contact. Sometimes I was actually able to teach the requester how to pull the report themselves (even though they didn't know they had access) -- it was not something I often volunteered because more often than not people who weren't self motivated to learn would end up coming back to me for tech support anyway (and then my workload was running their report AND teaching them to run reports AND troubleshooting their queries).
5. Don't worry about "faking it" or being "insincere." I get where you are coming from because I am also a rather guarded person who is generally not effusive with colleagues, but all you have to do is use common courtesy and plain language to convey the way you actually feel, which is grateful for their help in relieving your burden. Wishing someone a nice day/week/weekend, saying please and thank you and let me know if I can ever do anything for you -- I can't imagine these are sentiments that you don't feel on some level, so all you need to do is express that. Don't worry about telling someone they're the beeeeest everrrrrrr. People can tell that that is fake and it does get annoying (even from the so-called natural extroverts you see around you).
posted by telegraph at 11:23 AM on May 10, 2017 [11 favorites]
1. Give lots of lead time and lots of reminders. Reminders should be phrased in a way that is at least superficially polite (e.g. "Hi telegraph, Hope your week is going well! Just wanted to check in about the request below. Is there anything else you need to run that report? Do you think you'll be able to provide it by X date? Thanks again!" is great, "bump!" is not).
2. Provide all the information that the collaborator will need up front -- don't make them work for it. If it's a report you're requesting, make sure you include all the nitty gritty parameters like date ranges, fields to include/exclude, what format you want the data in, etc.
3. Along those lines, if you've ever asked the same person for something in the past, always go back to the original request first and see if there's a way you can phrase your request this time to make their life easier. For example, if they had to write you back to ask if you wanted to include special_field_X, tell them up front this time.
4. Even more along those lines, it is usually appropriate to ask if there's a way you could pull the report yourself, if there's a more appropriate contact, or literally any way you could make this and future interactions easier for your contact. Sometimes I was actually able to teach the requester how to pull the report themselves (even though they didn't know they had access) -- it was not something I often volunteered because more often than not people who weren't self motivated to learn would end up coming back to me for tech support anyway (and then my workload was running their report AND teaching them to run reports AND troubleshooting their queries).
5. Don't worry about "faking it" or being "insincere." I get where you are coming from because I am also a rather guarded person who is generally not effusive with colleagues, but all you have to do is use common courtesy and plain language to convey the way you actually feel, which is grateful for their help in relieving your burden. Wishing someone a nice day/week/weekend, saying please and thank you and let me know if I can ever do anything for you -- I can't imagine these are sentiments that you don't feel on some level, so all you need to do is express that. Don't worry about telling someone they're the beeeeest everrrrrrr. People can tell that that is fake and it does get annoying (even from the so-called natural extroverts you see around you).
posted by telegraph at 11:23 AM on May 10, 2017 [11 favorites]
It's interesting that you say how you feel you wouldn't do this if you were a manager or had a title. Maybe it would help if you thought of yourself as your boss's hand. You may not count your role as one worthy of attention, but you can always point to somebody who is. "I need xyz and Boss said you would be able to help me with that. If that's not the case, please refer me to someone who can. Here's details of what I need, and the timescale involved."
posted by aimedwander at 12:08 PM on May 10, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by aimedwander at 12:08 PM on May 10, 2017 [1 favorite]
Practice will help a LOT. The more you do it and realize people expect you to do it, the more you'll just be able to do it. It will also give you positive reinforcement when it means you get a task done fast and well.
For me, I generally just kind of "go out of my head" when I need to do this. I've practiced enough that the words are there, so I just kinda... don't think, just do. "Hey, could you pull the Zebra report for me before lunch? I need it to finish the Llama file this afternoon." Boom. Brain off, just doing the thing. It feels a lot like freefalling but there are never really any negative consequences unless you're dealing with an inherently difficult person. In which case, you're still doing the thing you're supposed to do.
What's more difficult is when you're in a truly toxic/dysfunctional environment where you CAN'T ask for things like a normal person. But it sounds like you're not!
posted by stoneandstar at 12:09 PM on May 10, 2017
For me, I generally just kind of "go out of my head" when I need to do this. I've practiced enough that the words are there, so I just kinda... don't think, just do. "Hey, could you pull the Zebra report for me before lunch? I need it to finish the Llama file this afternoon." Boom. Brain off, just doing the thing. It feels a lot like freefalling but there are never really any negative consequences unless you're dealing with an inherently difficult person. In which case, you're still doing the thing you're supposed to do.
What's more difficult is when you're in a truly toxic/dysfunctional environment where you CAN'T ask for things like a normal person. But it sounds like you're not!
posted by stoneandstar at 12:09 PM on May 10, 2017
I would way rather help people with their projects than work on my own slog, and it makes me feel great to be asked.
posted by Don Pepino at 2:26 PM on May 10, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Don Pepino at 2:26 PM on May 10, 2017 [1 favorite]
As somebody moderately senior who spends a good chunk of every day on calls/in meetings and gets interrupted a lot with questions, small requests, large requests, you name it the rest of the time there is a fine balance to be struck between being pleasant/polite and forcing chit chat on me that makes quick requests a lot more time consuming. Keep it short and sweet and get to the point. Use an efficient way to communicate.
Ideally, send a short email and then follow up after a reasonable* time - don't just ping me on the messaging system with hi, forcing me to respond before you tell me what you want. Or worse ping me and launch into a request by sending a LOT of relevant detail in the messaging system that I then have to copy into OneNote because I don't have time to deal with it right now.
If I don't know what you want I can't assess if I have time right now or later or need longer, need more detail, need a call or whatever. If you send me an email I can also forward that to somebody on my team who may be better placed to help, to delegate. Basically, making it easy for me drastically increases your chances of getting what you need quickly.
If you're still quite junior make sure you know what you really need. If I need to ask all kinds of clarifying questions some of which you don't know the answer to that makes something that should take 5 mins of my time take half an hr+.
* it is ok to ask what is reasonable - I once had a more junior team member bug me about something non-urgent every day. I asked her to try again after three days or whatever. Which she did - it's absolutely fine for you to do your job including bugging people to do their job if required. But you've got to give people a chance to do what they are supposed to do as well. And if something is urgent apologise for the short notice and explain it is urgent and why. People will normally try to help you.
posted by koahiatamadl at 2:35 PM on May 10, 2017 [3 favorites]
Ideally, send a short email and then follow up after a reasonable* time - don't just ping me on the messaging system with hi, forcing me to respond before you tell me what you want. Or worse ping me and launch into a request by sending a LOT of relevant detail in the messaging system that I then have to copy into OneNote because I don't have time to deal with it right now.
If I don't know what you want I can't assess if I have time right now or later or need longer, need more detail, need a call or whatever. If you send me an email I can also forward that to somebody on my team who may be better placed to help, to delegate. Basically, making it easy for me drastically increases your chances of getting what you need quickly.
If you're still quite junior make sure you know what you really need. If I need to ask all kinds of clarifying questions some of which you don't know the answer to that makes something that should take 5 mins of my time take half an hr+.
* it is ok to ask what is reasonable - I once had a more junior team member bug me about something non-urgent every day. I asked her to try again after three days or whatever. Which she did - it's absolutely fine for you to do your job including bugging people to do their job if required. But you've got to give people a chance to do what they are supposed to do as well. And if something is urgent apologise for the short notice and explain it is urgent and why. People will normally try to help you.
posted by koahiatamadl at 2:35 PM on May 10, 2017 [3 favorites]
Best answer: I'm like this too, and one thing that has helped is to put "draft an email requesting X" and "send the email" as separate things on my to-do list, preferably separated by at least half a day. That way I don't fret and procrastinate too much crafting the request (low pressure, since I know I'll have time to change my mind and revise wording later). When I come back later to send it, I'm usually surprised when I reread it to see how polite and appropriate the request sounds (because I'm an expert worrier and explicitly spent time crafting it), so it's not much of a hurdle to just pull it up, read it over, fix a couple words, and hit send. If I have a bunch of such onerous requests to make, I can get on a roll and pump out a whole bunch of them, and then the next day or something send them all in a flurry of clicks.
posted by xris at 3:43 PM on May 10, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by xris at 3:43 PM on May 10, 2017 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: Wow, thank you everyone for the great advice!
posted by eeek at 6:48 PM on May 10, 2017
posted by eeek at 6:48 PM on May 10, 2017
Depending on what the thing is that I need to do, if it's somebody I've never met or barely know, I just send an email saying "Hey I'm X from Y, I'm working on thing Z, I was wondering if I could swing by an pick your brains sometime today?" You can do a bit of buttering here if you want ("I hear you're the expert!") or you can appeal to their knowledge ("I'm really interested to learn more about the thing!") or you can appeal to their laziness ("No rush on this!") provided that YOU have your shit sorted well in advance of the thing needing to be done.
posted by turbid dahlia at 9:04 PM on May 10, 2017
posted by turbid dahlia at 9:04 PM on May 10, 2017
...I’m just going to sound incredibly insincere.
Relax. This is all anybody ever does, all day long. A "Hey, I really appreciate your help! Let me know if you need anything from me. Have a great day!" is all it takes. Like, no, I don't appreciate your help because it's your job and really this should have been sorted out by somebody else, and I don't particularly want to help you at any point in the future either, and on top of that I'm not that concerned about the kind of day you have subsequently. It's just the game and you might as well play it.
posted by turbid dahlia at 9:08 PM on May 10, 2017
Relax. This is all anybody ever does, all day long. A "Hey, I really appreciate your help! Let me know if you need anything from me. Have a great day!" is all it takes. Like, no, I don't appreciate your help because it's your job and really this should have been sorted out by somebody else, and I don't particularly want to help you at any point in the future either, and on top of that I'm not that concerned about the kind of day you have subsequently. It's just the game and you might as well play it.
posted by turbid dahlia at 9:08 PM on May 10, 2017
I am not really into the Obvious Bribe/Reward thing but there's three things that carry a lot of currency with me:
- Not being a dick to me or making what appears to be actual effort to make my job harder
- Periodically telling my management if you are happy with my service
- IF a situation arises that you can do something nice for some people and you think of me, that means a lot
Something I've told my management in past years is that I want to send a small goodie - usually edible, though occasionally things like coffee mugs/water bottle are good too - to my actual contacts rather than to their management I never talk to or whatever. Like, just to say "I see you, person who gives me a straight answer when I need one" now and then.
posted by Lyn Never at 10:34 PM on May 10, 2017
- Not being a dick to me or making what appears to be actual effort to make my job harder
- Periodically telling my management if you are happy with my service
- IF a situation arises that you can do something nice for some people and you think of me, that means a lot
Something I've told my management in past years is that I want to send a small goodie - usually edible, though occasionally things like coffee mugs/water bottle are good too - to my actual contacts rather than to their management I never talk to or whatever. Like, just to say "I see you, person who gives me a straight answer when I need one" now and then.
posted by Lyn Never at 10:34 PM on May 10, 2017
Try zooming out from your emotional experience and looking at the practicals at play. The work has to get done eventually and you've already established that you would not be able to do it without the help of the person you are reaching out to. Since the work will have to be finished one way or another, you aren't putting them out by asking them. In fact, the fear you are reacting to may actually be unintentionally causing exactly what you are trying to avoid. By delaying your request, it may make it harder to fulfill. Lead time is a luxury in business that is often in short supply, so any time you spend procrastinating robs the people you are tasking of control and flexibility in their workday. Do them a solid by giving them as much time as possible. It's not a burden - it's a kindness!
This is a good exercise to practice whenever you feel nervous at work. Focus on the task at hand and the most straightforward, elegant and efficient way to get it done. That's all work is - tasks that need doing. Problems that need solving. The people who rise to the top are the ones that get it done without causing other people unnecessary stress or complication. In most cases, you don't have to get much fancier than that. There's no need to lay on excessive praise or bend over backward to get approval. Keep it simple, be polite and considerate and show genuine interest in people in whatever way is authentic for you and you will be successful.
posted by amycup at 10:39 PM on May 10, 2017 [1 favorite]
This is a good exercise to practice whenever you feel nervous at work. Focus on the task at hand and the most straightforward, elegant and efficient way to get it done. That's all work is - tasks that need doing. Problems that need solving. The people who rise to the top are the ones that get it done without causing other people unnecessary stress or complication. In most cases, you don't have to get much fancier than that. There's no need to lay on excessive praise or bend over backward to get approval. Keep it simple, be polite and considerate and show genuine interest in people in whatever way is authentic for you and you will be successful.
posted by amycup at 10:39 PM on May 10, 2017 [1 favorite]
Lots of excellent advice above.
If a lot of the requests for reports/information/whatever are of a similar nature, could you perhaps spend one afternoon drafting a handful of email templates in advance? To my mind, that would vastly cut down on the part of the job that sounds like it's the most uncomfortable for you (having to repeatedly engage in the "I'm bothering them/I'm an imposition/this sucks/I feel bad" feelings as you're composing the emails). Then the next time one of these tasks comes up, you just grab the appropriate template, swap in the person's name and objective you're after, and in two clicks it's all done and you're on to the next thing.
posted by anderjen at 9:25 AM on May 11, 2017
If a lot of the requests for reports/information/whatever are of a similar nature, could you perhaps spend one afternoon drafting a handful of email templates in advance? To my mind, that would vastly cut down on the part of the job that sounds like it's the most uncomfortable for you (having to repeatedly engage in the "I'm bothering them/I'm an imposition/this sucks/I feel bad" feelings as you're composing the emails). Then the next time one of these tasks comes up, you just grab the appropriate template, swap in the person's name and objective you're after, and in two clicks it's all done and you're on to the next thing.
posted by anderjen at 9:25 AM on May 11, 2017
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1. Change your mental narrative around this. You are not actually asking these folks for a special favor or bugging them - you are doing your job and asking them to do something that is part of their job (assuming the latter is the case). Instead of putting "feelings" things front and center (ie, " I feel like I’m imposing and that I’m begging"), put the work front and center. You are all there to get the work done for the company to be successful, right? And these things are not being done for your benefit, but for the benefit of the work that needs to be accomplished. It might take a while to get used to thinking this way, but practice it at least.
2. One thing that I find helps a lot with procrastination is to give myself a "just do it" morning. I'll look at my to-do list and pick out all the things I've been dragging my feet on, and, well, just do it. I put on some empowering music, give myself a time limit based on the tasks, and knock them all out. It sucks but it's a lot easier to just put your head down and get the unpleasantness out of the way all in one go, and then you feel amazing afterwards. And when I power through all of them in a short period of time, I find I have a lot less emotional sturm and drang about it.
Finally, have you talked with your boss about this? I'd leave out the procratination part, but let them know you're feeling a bit uncomfortable asking people in other departments to do things, and ask them for help coming up with solutions for this. They might be really helpful.
posted by lunasol at 10:45 AM on May 10, 2017 [2 favorites]