Polite ways to request strangers not infringe on my plane seat?
May 5, 2017 3:54 PM Subscribe
I'm a petite woman and fly a lot. Passengers seated next to me very frequently infringe on my space, nearly universally without asking, nearly always men. When I've tried to ask them to stop in a friendly way it hasn't gone well (promoting awkwardness or outright hostility). Help me with some scripts to ask for the seat I paid for?
The most typical space grab is the arm rests, which I'm more than willing to entirely cede to the person sitting next to me. But they frequently go beyond that and their elbows and arms progressively scoot farther into my seat until (yesterday) they're several inches into my seat. Some also decide I don't need my entire floor space and extend one leg over the bar and into my floor space. Sometimes they put their small carryon bags (their laptop bag or takout or pizza) on the floor space in front of my seat since they perceive me not to be using it.
When I've tried to ask for my space back in light and friendly ways the response has ranged from awkward to openly hostile. This week the 5'9 businessman seated next to me said "hey, no-one has enough space on planes - you just have to share". Anyone have any scripts for having these conversations with people I'm then going to have to sit with for the next 3-11 hours? Please note - I'm looking for examples of how I can politely advocate for myself as a young and small woman, I'm not interested in hearing that I should just get used to having my space invaded by larger mostly business men who didn't pay for my seat. Thanks in advance!
The most typical space grab is the arm rests, which I'm more than willing to entirely cede to the person sitting next to me. But they frequently go beyond that and their elbows and arms progressively scoot farther into my seat until (yesterday) they're several inches into my seat. Some also decide I don't need my entire floor space and extend one leg over the bar and into my floor space. Sometimes they put their small carryon bags (their laptop bag or takout or pizza) on the floor space in front of my seat since they perceive me not to be using it.
When I've tried to ask for my space back in light and friendly ways the response has ranged from awkward to openly hostile. This week the 5'9 businessman seated next to me said "hey, no-one has enough space on planes - you just have to share". Anyone have any scripts for having these conversations with people I'm then going to have to sit with for the next 3-11 hours? Please note - I'm looking for examples of how I can politely advocate for myself as a young and small woman, I'm not interested in hearing that I should just get used to having my space invaded by larger mostly business men who didn't pay for my seat. Thanks in advance!
I remember Mallory Ortberg had a great series of tweets (now deleted? and I may be misremembering her phrasing) on her strategy of immediately occupying both armrests and firmly declining to cede them. So, one strategy for you may be to establish borders and boundaries early by occupying the space first.
posted by glass origami robot at 4:01 PM on May 5, 2017 [9 favorites]
posted by glass origami robot at 4:01 PM on May 5, 2017 [9 favorites]
Put your shit in the way of their shit (like build a fortress around your feet if you must, at least until they're accepted they need to cram their own shit under their own seat space). You can be totally egregious about putting your things in a non space efficient configuration (in your own space), what are they going to do about it. It puts the onus on them to ask you for something stupid, and you can just say "sorry" like the business dude.
I will say as a not super small petite woman that those seats are pretty uncomfortable and crammed; as much as I hate manspreaders, they probably are less comfortable than you on a plane. (Not so much in a bus seat where they could at least stand if they really don't have the space.)
posted by stoneandstar at 4:02 PM on May 5, 2017 [7 favorites]
I will say as a not super small petite woman that those seats are pretty uncomfortable and crammed; as much as I hate manspreaders, they probably are less comfortable than you on a plane. (Not so much in a bus seat where they could at least stand if they really don't have the space.)
posted by stoneandstar at 4:02 PM on May 5, 2017 [7 favorites]
Nobody gets more than half the armrest. Planes, movie theaters, everywhere.
That dude was a total dick and next time you have permission to tell him to get on his side or you're going to snitch on him. Use the word "snitch," because it implies you're willing to get stitches over it.
posted by rhizome at 4:06 PM on May 5, 2017 [16 favorites]
That dude was a total dick and next time you have permission to tell him to get on his side or you're going to snitch on him. Use the word "snitch," because it implies you're willing to get stitches over it.
posted by rhizome at 4:06 PM on May 5, 2017 [16 favorites]
If it's one of those seats were you have a large open area shared by two seats, it's harder. But if they need to cross a bar then you can a) sit so your leg blocks their incursion or b) strategically place your own shopping bag at the very edge until the flight takes off so they see it is occupied.
If there is a bar between, putting an object in your area is really rude! I would try "Oh, sorry-- your (pizza, book, newspaper) dropped into my space!" and hand it back to them with a big smile.
Elbows are more difficult since if the other person is big it can be difficult for them to move without temporarily putting their elbows in your airspace, but if they leave them there, just tap and say "excuse me".
(And I hear your pain. I fly a lot for work and nearly always prebook the aisle seat. On a not too long ago trip, a less prepared business man said to me "I suppose you think you need the aisle seat" in a snotty tone. I answered "I suppose I think I booked it in advance.")
posted by frumiousb at 4:07 PM on May 5, 2017 [76 favorites]
If there is a bar between, putting an object in your area is really rude! I would try "Oh, sorry-- your (pizza, book, newspaper) dropped into my space!" and hand it back to them with a big smile.
Elbows are more difficult since if the other person is big it can be difficult for them to move without temporarily putting their elbows in your airspace, but if they leave them there, just tap and say "excuse me".
(And I hear your pain. I fly a lot for work and nearly always prebook the aisle seat. On a not too long ago trip, a less prepared business man said to me "I suppose you think you need the aisle seat" in a snotty tone. I answered "I suppose I think I booked it in advance.")
posted by frumiousb at 4:07 PM on May 5, 2017 [76 favorites]
If your feet actually reach to where they have placed their bags or their legs, kick them. "Accidentally" of course, you're just innocently using your footspace and they happen to be the in way. But often.
Though, before you claim all the space on your side of the bar, be super clear that the bars are actually spread evenly -- some types of seats have them fairly delimiting the range of a seat and some don't. If your seating companion has half the footspace you do, then crossing the bar isn't a sin.
posted by jacquilynne at 4:07 PM on May 5, 2017
Though, before you claim all the space on your side of the bar, be super clear that the bars are actually spread evenly -- some types of seats have them fairly delimiting the range of a seat and some don't. If your seating companion has half the footspace you do, then crossing the bar isn't a sin.
posted by jacquilynne at 4:07 PM on May 5, 2017
You gotta fill up your space with something to let them know it's claimed. Put down a purse or something near your feet to show that's all taken, put your arm up against the armrest, if not on it. If you leave the space open, stressed out and uncomfortable people are going to justify taking it for themselves.
I'm 6'2", close to 300 pounds, and let me tell you, it's unpleasant to keep myself within the bounds of my seat, but I can do it. Damn near everyone can. Don't feel bad about claiming what's yours. If I'm sitting next to someone gracious enough to cede the armrest, I basically consider that person on par with Mother Theresa. I wouldn't dream of being annoyed at not being given leave to put my feet in her area as well.
posted by skewed at 4:12 PM on May 5, 2017 [71 favorites]
I'm 6'2", close to 300 pounds, and let me tell you, it's unpleasant to keep myself within the bounds of my seat, but I can do it. Damn near everyone can. Don't feel bad about claiming what's yours. If I'm sitting next to someone gracious enough to cede the armrest, I basically consider that person on par with Mother Theresa. I wouldn't dream of being annoyed at not being given leave to put my feet in her area as well.
posted by skewed at 4:12 PM on May 5, 2017 [71 favorites]
I'm confused about some of this- if it's three across the middle person gets the armrests (both of them) and aisle and window get their one armrest.
In case of two across (or four, ugh) then the armrests get split halvsies (front and back). This can also happen if someone in a three seat situation isn't using the armrest or is only using half (often people just put their elbows out, not the whole arm down the thing)
posted by raccoon409 at 4:18 PM on May 5, 2017 [8 favorites]
In case of two across (or four, ugh) then the armrests get split halvsies (front and back). This can also happen if someone in a three seat situation isn't using the armrest or is only using half (often people just put their elbows out, not the whole arm down the thing)
posted by raccoon409 at 4:18 PM on May 5, 2017 [8 favorites]
Is there a way you can board first and then claim your space? Maybe talk to a sympathetic flight attendant before the flight?
posted by Room 641-A at 4:19 PM on May 5, 2017
posted by Room 641-A at 4:19 PM on May 5, 2017
I agree with those above who've said to claim your armrest and your space immediately and don't worry about appearing rude. Those jerks are the ones who're being rude by encroaching on your space without even asking. It'd be different if the person next to you said, "Excuse me, but would you mind if I stretch out a bit more here? I've got a bad back." Or "May I place my extra bag a bit in your spot? I bought more than I intended."
You paid for your seat and are perfectly justified in using all of your space without apologizing to anyone. If the person next to you tries to cram into your space without asking just because you're petite and a woman, they are already an entitled asshole. Feel free to be rude and move their shit, then put on your earphones and ignore them. They'll get over it. If they needed more room, they should've paid to fly business or first class.
posted by LuckySeven~ at 4:19 PM on May 5, 2017 [12 favorites]
You paid for your seat and are perfectly justified in using all of your space without apologizing to anyone. If the person next to you tries to cram into your space without asking just because you're petite and a woman, they are already an entitled asshole. Feel free to be rude and move their shit, then put on your earphones and ignore them. They'll get over it. If they needed more room, they should've paid to fly business or first class.
posted by LuckySeven~ at 4:19 PM on May 5, 2017 [12 favorites]
Think of certain items as immovable objects. Your bag goes where you want it to go, on the floor, and right next to it is your foot. Your bag can't be moved by someone else's shoe nudge. Your bag defines the line and your foot is basically bolted to the floor, preventing it from moving.
Legal tablets can sit upright stuck next to you, like folders, clipboards, etc. Basically try to create the illusion of protected space. What's he going to do, knock over a clipboard?
How hard does this suck? Utterly. When does it stop? It doesn't.
In physical shared gender spaces, always claim table space, put a water bottle out there, a few folders, take a good chair, close to the action.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 4:23 PM on May 5, 2017 [12 favorites]
Legal tablets can sit upright stuck next to you, like folders, clipboards, etc. Basically try to create the illusion of protected space. What's he going to do, knock over a clipboard?
How hard does this suck? Utterly. When does it stop? It doesn't.
In physical shared gender spaces, always claim table space, put a water bottle out there, a few folders, take a good chair, close to the action.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 4:23 PM on May 5, 2017 [12 favorites]
(sorry but no really, how about "hey please watch your space, I've been working on a sewing project and I'd hate if you scratched yourself")
posted by sammyo at 4:26 PM on May 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by sammyo at 4:26 PM on May 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
Stop smiling. Women do this a LOT more than men. Men interpret it as deferential and flirty.
Dress very seriously, like black skirt suit.
Wear glasses, even if they are just props.
If your hair is anything longer than chin length, try to put it up.
Basically do everything to cultivate the so-called "bitch face" and look stand off-ish, unfriendly, older and serious. That way they are less likely to default to shitty assumptions that "pretty young girl = easy prey who won't make a snit about it."
Don't be friendly and chatty. You are there to fly somewhere, not befriend asshats who think what's yours is theirs.
posted by Michele in California at 4:30 PM on May 5, 2017 [34 favorites]
Dress very seriously, like black skirt suit.
Wear glasses, even if they are just props.
If your hair is anything longer than chin length, try to put it up.
Basically do everything to cultivate the so-called "bitch face" and look stand off-ish, unfriendly, older and serious. That way they are less likely to default to shitty assumptions that "pretty young girl = easy prey who won't make a snit about it."
Don't be friendly and chatty. You are there to fly somewhere, not befriend asshats who think what's yours is theirs.
posted by Michele in California at 4:30 PM on May 5, 2017 [34 favorites]
Yeah.. I'm at least 6" taller than the guy you described and, like skewed (above), I'm very conscious of whether I'm infringing on other passengers' space and do everything I can to minimize. After a long flight, if I'm not fortunate enough to have been able to score a seat with an empty middle next to me, I'll often arrive with a nasty backache from hunching my shoulders forward for hours or twisting in my seat because otherwise my shoulders are just too wide to fit. But I do it because that's my problem to solve and being physically large does not give me any entitlement to make my lack of space someone else's problem.
The guy you ran into was a jerk, plain and simple. And if he's not going to behave according to the norms of public behavior he doesn't deserve to be protected by them, either. You're perfectly justified in making him feel bad, asking the flight crew to deal with him (but don't expect they will), etc. He is, in fact, very likely counting on you being socialized not to "create a scene" and is deliberately exploiting that for his own benefit. You are not required to go along.
(The flip side of this is please cut a little slack to anyone who is obviously trying to do the right thing. If I fall asleep (rare on a plane) and my shoulders relax, nudge me for sure if I start encroaching but don't take it as a deliberate provocation and reply in kind. I'm probably already going to be embarrassed when I realize what happened.)
posted by Nerd of the North at 4:32 PM on May 5, 2017 [15 favorites]
The guy you ran into was a jerk, plain and simple. And if he's not going to behave according to the norms of public behavior he doesn't deserve to be protected by them, either. You're perfectly justified in making him feel bad, asking the flight crew to deal with him (but don't expect they will), etc. He is, in fact, very likely counting on you being socialized not to "create a scene" and is deliberately exploiting that for his own benefit. You are not required to go along.
(The flip side of this is please cut a little slack to anyone who is obviously trying to do the right thing. If I fall asleep (rare on a plane) and my shoulders relax, nudge me for sure if I start encroaching but don't take it as a deliberate provocation and reply in kind. I'm probably already going to be embarrassed when I realize what happened.)
posted by Nerd of the North at 4:32 PM on May 5, 2017 [15 favorites]
I tend to play the clumsy yet friendly oaf and repeatedly (softly) bump into the offending arm or leg. "Whoops!" x10 or so times.
If they still don't get it, I do a 180 and switch to my hostile ice laser glare of death.
YMMV.
posted by Temeraria at 4:40 PM on May 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
If they still don't get it, I do a 180 and switch to my hostile ice laser glare of death.
YMMV.
posted by Temeraria at 4:40 PM on May 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
I'm a petite woman, middle-aged, with a pretty high level of sensory irritation at this. Maybe it's our age difference, but I read this question and immediately recognize that you're being pulled into the kind of unconscious everyday emotional labor that takes some effort to extricate ourselves from automatically enacting. Because: why is it on you to make the flight pleasant, if your perfectly reasonable request makes the guy act like an asshole? Seems like he doesn't care if it's a tense or awkward flight. I think you should not worry so much about strategies and tactics to claim the space; say firmly, "excuse me, I'm going to need my space, thanks;" and devote that tactical energy towards getting yourself not to give a shit about the guy throwing a silent tantrum in the next seat.
posted by flourpot at 4:45 PM on May 5, 2017 [75 favorites]
posted by flourpot at 4:45 PM on May 5, 2017 [75 favorites]
As a guy, if someone does this to me I just make physical contact, usually with a knee or an elbow. 50% of the time it works and they withdraw. The other 50% of the time I just stand my ground with a warm elbow or knee, lol.
posted by My Dad at 4:46 PM on May 5, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by My Dad at 4:46 PM on May 5, 2017 [4 favorites]
1) You don't have to be polite. The hindrance is you think you must be polite.
2) Observe what the manspreaders do, and mirror what they do
I too am a small woman. I get very irritated by manspreaders/womanspreaders and am not afraid of an icy stare, or an 'excuse me' if they persist in being obnoxious. If they're just clueless, I shrug it off.
I think of it as standing up for the next unsuspecting docile person.
posted by thesockpuppet at 5:08 PM on May 5, 2017 [7 favorites]
2) Observe what the manspreaders do, and mirror what they do
I too am a small woman. I get very irritated by manspreaders/womanspreaders and am not afraid of an icy stare, or an 'excuse me' if they persist in being obnoxious. If they're just clueless, I shrug it off.
I think of it as standing up for the next unsuspecting docile person.
posted by thesockpuppet at 5:08 PM on May 5, 2017 [7 favorites]
Don't ask. Don't negotiate. Don't engage. Do observe your environment, make use of your judgement and stake out what's reasonable.
I say this a man who doesn't fit in an airplane. Like the headrests never actually reach my head when they're adjustable and when they're not they just poke into my shoulder blades so my most of back doesn't actually make contact with the seat that I paid for.
I am not a large man. I am not 6'2", I am not 300lbs. My 6', 180 is just proportioned the same way that helped me be a better swimmer decades ago. I often cannot buy my shirts and pants at the same store. I don't stand out when waiting in-line to board but sitting down in the plane I do not fit. I can't help but be aware of this and given the efforts required just to avoid getting hit by everyone/everything in the aisle or looming over those beside me I resent when assholes display their entitlement by splaying out where they don't need to be.
I don't say this because I feel some need to defend my presence or suggest that the gendered issues here aren't a thing. I say this simply to underscore an important point - the airline's business model is predicated on squishing people into a space where even I (not a large man) don't actually fit and stuffing every available cubic inch of cabin space (and then some) and then over selling the seats that they've wedged in.
Don't negotiate (even implicitly) for personal space because the more assholey-asshole is going to win. There isn't enough space and it's not even a zero sum game. On average everyone loses. Try to be a little aware of your surroundings but don't engage with them. It's not a winnable game; the best you can do is fail to lose by not playing.
posted by mce at 5:08 PM on May 5, 2017 [6 favorites]
I say this a man who doesn't fit in an airplane. Like the headrests never actually reach my head when they're adjustable and when they're not they just poke into my shoulder blades so my most of back doesn't actually make contact with the seat that I paid for.
I am not a large man. I am not 6'2", I am not 300lbs. My 6', 180 is just proportioned the same way that helped me be a better swimmer decades ago. I often cannot buy my shirts and pants at the same store. I don't stand out when waiting in-line to board but sitting down in the plane I do not fit. I can't help but be aware of this and given the efforts required just to avoid getting hit by everyone/everything in the aisle or looming over those beside me I resent when assholes display their entitlement by splaying out where they don't need to be.
I don't say this because I feel some need to defend my presence or suggest that the gendered issues here aren't a thing. I say this simply to underscore an important point - the airline's business model is predicated on squishing people into a space where even I (not a large man) don't actually fit and stuffing every available cubic inch of cabin space (and then some) and then over selling the seats that they've wedged in.
Don't negotiate (even implicitly) for personal space because the more assholey-asshole is going to win. There isn't enough space and it's not even a zero sum game. On average everyone loses. Try to be a little aware of your surroundings but don't engage with them. It's not a winnable game; the best you can do is fail to lose by not playing.
posted by mce at 5:08 PM on May 5, 2017 [6 favorites]
Instead of using reason and manners and all that yack, when the foot or elbow or piece of carryon crap impinges, become a nightmare. Start coughing and coughing and coughing and coughing and apologizing for coughing and coughing some more. Cough in the middle of apologizing for coughing, right in the face of the spacehogging POS, then apologize for that and cough again in the middle of that apology. Bring an old stained handkerchief and loudly blow your nose into it and then cough and cough and cough and cough and cough and cough and cough and cough. Cease immediately the instant the appendage or piece of personal detritus leaves your space. Resume the instant it reappears.
posted by Don Pepino at 5:13 PM on May 5, 2017 [7 favorites]
posted by Don Pepino at 5:13 PM on May 5, 2017 [7 favorites]
I always claim the arm rest first and spread my legs wide enough to define the space. Later, I'll concede the arm rest (unless I'm in the middle seat) because I don't actually want it, but usually by then, I've made my point. I hate getting into the elbow war, but I do play that game when I have to. If that doesn't get someone out of my seat space, I'll very pointedly expand myself to fill my entire seat, look directly at them, and say 'excuse me' in a tone that isn't really a question.
posted by oryelle at 5:18 PM on May 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by oryelle at 5:18 PM on May 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
I say, remove the concept of awkwardness from your consciousness and put all accountability where it belongs, which is on the people who are violating the boundaries.
To the guy who said, "everyone has to share", the reponse is, "No, we do not. I paid for this seat and your belongings are not to be in it." If he gives you shit, call the flight attendant. And let him be mad/embarrassed/whatever--he's in the wrong, let him stew in it.
posted by Sublimity at 5:25 PM on May 5, 2017 [29 favorites]
To the guy who said, "everyone has to share", the reponse is, "No, we do not. I paid for this seat and your belongings are not to be in it." If he gives you shit, call the flight attendant. And let him be mad/embarrassed/whatever--he's in the wrong, let him stew in it.
posted by Sublimity at 5:25 PM on May 5, 2017 [29 favorites]
A polite and passive face-saving way to do this: state what they've done but always in a forgiving tone, like they have no idea they've done it and obviously they want to correct it. And while you state this, move their stuff or pick up and move their arm or whatever.
Normally I'd respect the right for their stuff or body not to be touched. But in this case it's violating your space so I think you can take action to assert the boundary.
"Oh, gosh, looks like your stuff has overflowed from your space! Here, I'll help you with it. No, I can get it." Keep talking while you move it so they don't get to interject or correct you. "Man, it can be so hard to keep track of everything while traveLing. Just a mess these days. Wish we all had private planes. At least then we'd all get more space. There--we got that fixed--all set!"
This can be hard for them to counteract because if pressed, you can just say you didn't think they realized they'd crossed the boundary between seats; and that forces them to either state that they don't believe in the boundary or just deal with it. It's hard for them to escalate. If they do, you can turn to the attendant or literally any other person for validation, or clearly and verbally refuse to believe they actually think they have a right to your seat area. Like, if they expressed that, I'd laugh "with" them, like, dude, great joke! And I'd put their stuff back in their space again.
If they pushed further or I didn't feel like doing all the above I'd say, "Dude, I really need my space. Thanks," and likewise move the stuff. I don't think you have to go beyond that, but provide the above as a "polite" way to do this.
posted by ramenopres at 5:29 PM on May 5, 2017 [18 favorites]
Normally I'd respect the right for their stuff or body not to be touched. But in this case it's violating your space so I think you can take action to assert the boundary.
"Oh, gosh, looks like your stuff has overflowed from your space! Here, I'll help you with it. No, I can get it." Keep talking while you move it so they don't get to interject or correct you. "Man, it can be so hard to keep track of everything while traveLing. Just a mess these days. Wish we all had private planes. At least then we'd all get more space. There--we got that fixed--all set!"
This can be hard for them to counteract because if pressed, you can just say you didn't think they realized they'd crossed the boundary between seats; and that forces them to either state that they don't believe in the boundary or just deal with it. It's hard for them to escalate. If they do, you can turn to the attendant or literally any other person for validation, or clearly and verbally refuse to believe they actually think they have a right to your seat area. Like, if they expressed that, I'd laugh "with" them, like, dude, great joke! And I'd put their stuff back in their space again.
If they pushed further or I didn't feel like doing all the above I'd say, "Dude, I really need my space. Thanks," and likewise move the stuff. I don't think you have to go beyond that, but provide the above as a "polite" way to do this.
posted by ramenopres at 5:29 PM on May 5, 2017 [18 favorites]
If you are in the aisle seat and they put something at your feet and won't move it when you ask (once, and politely but not friendly) then just pick it up and put it in the aisle. They can then choose to retrieve it or wait for the steward to come scold them.
posted by saucysault at 5:30 PM on May 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by saucysault at 5:30 PM on May 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
And sharp heels that dig into their leg in your space with increasing pressure are another option (if you are a heels kinda of person).
posted by saucysault at 5:33 PM on May 5, 2017
posted by saucysault at 5:33 PM on May 5, 2017
I am a petite woman, and although I don't fly that often I dealt with this regularly on mass transit. My go-to strategy on a the bus may not work for you on a plane depending on seat height/leg length, but here it is anyway: If a dude (and it was almost always a dude) tried to manspread into my seat, I dug my heels into the floor and kept my leg rigid, so that they couldn't creep in. After a few minutes, tops, they would take the hint and keep their legs to themselves for the rest of the trip. Sometimes I would take a picture, very obviously, of their spread knees, as though to share on social media. That usually worked too. On one occasion, when a guy didn't take the hint, I looked him right in the eye and said "Are you trying to cuddle me? Because this isn't a date." His wandering leg magically went back to his seat.
Nthing don't smile, don't be friendly. You can totally be polite but firm, and if necessary to escalate firmness in your voice without necessarily escalating volume (although it may be to your benefit to be audible to nearby passengers if the encroacher gets shitty enough). If this isn't something that comes naturally to you, practice dropping your voice into your chest and speaking with a flat (not rising) declarative intonation. Practice resting bitch face in the mirror if you have to.
If a confronted encroacher starts to get aggressive, hit the Call Attendant button. Guys like that tend to back down when faced with an authority other than the woman they are trying to bully. And if you do have to explain, the onus is on him to explain why he can't stay in his own seat or use his own storage space. And remember two things: airlines' anxiety about aggressive passengers works in your favor, as do the optics of even an average-sized dude messing with someone of your size and gender. If he starts before takeoff he runs the risk of being removed from the plane and he knows it.
One last thing: You sound like a naturally friendly person, so you may already do this, but smile and greet the flight attendants when you board. They'll be more likely to remember you, so in the event you have to call them they'll remember you as a friendly passenger who was probably trying to get through the flight quietly before this other asshole passenger got all up in your business.
posted by Fish, fish, are you doing your duty? at 5:39 PM on May 5, 2017 [18 favorites]
Nthing don't smile, don't be friendly. You can totally be polite but firm, and if necessary to escalate firmness in your voice without necessarily escalating volume (although it may be to your benefit to be audible to nearby passengers if the encroacher gets shitty enough). If this isn't something that comes naturally to you, practice dropping your voice into your chest and speaking with a flat (not rising) declarative intonation. Practice resting bitch face in the mirror if you have to.
If a confronted encroacher starts to get aggressive, hit the Call Attendant button. Guys like that tend to back down when faced with an authority other than the woman they are trying to bully. And if you do have to explain, the onus is on him to explain why he can't stay in his own seat or use his own storage space. And remember two things: airlines' anxiety about aggressive passengers works in your favor, as do the optics of even an average-sized dude messing with someone of your size and gender. If he starts before takeoff he runs the risk of being removed from the plane and he knows it.
One last thing: You sound like a naturally friendly person, so you may already do this, but smile and greet the flight attendants when you board. They'll be more likely to remember you, so in the event you have to call them they'll remember you as a friendly passenger who was probably trying to get through the flight quietly before this other asshole passenger got all up in your business.
posted by Fish, fish, are you doing your duty? at 5:39 PM on May 5, 2017 [18 favorites]
Hi, fellow petite flyer! In cases where manspreading occurs, I will cross my legs (staying within bounds, of course) so that the encroaching leg comes into contact with the bottom of my shoe. Works every time.
posted by evoque at 5:49 PM on May 5, 2017 [21 favorites]
posted by evoque at 5:49 PM on May 5, 2017 [21 favorites]
I am reading these responses with interest. My usual approach when dudes extend their elbows into my space is to maintain my position at all costs, even if it means hours of unwanted elbow contact. I'm not even trying to take the armrest usually, but I put my arms right up to the edge of it and keep them there. Unfortunately lots of men do not get the hint and just keep their elbows touching mine while I silently seethe. But if they get up to use the bathroom, you can bet they're not getting that armrest back when they return.
posted by thrungva at 6:09 PM on May 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by thrungva at 6:09 PM on May 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
I'm a contact and hold for people who break my boundaries on planes; if you are touching me and I have not moved an inch it is my space.
I don't care how uncomfortable it is, they're uncomfortable too.*
*my quiet seething rage also covers up super embarrassed feelings about having gas on a plane because fuck you.
posted by AlexiaSky at 6:34 PM on May 5, 2017 [7 favorites]
I don't care how uncomfortable it is, they're uncomfortable too.*
*my quiet seething rage also covers up super embarrassed feelings about having gas on a plane because fuck you.
posted by AlexiaSky at 6:34 PM on May 5, 2017 [7 favorites]
Pick your nose.
posted by Jane the Brown at 6:35 PM on May 5, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by Jane the Brown at 6:35 PM on May 5, 2017 [2 favorites]
Noisy sneezing, nosepicking, belching and farting should be acceptable in this situation. Get your inner pirate on - swear loudly at something (your phone, your newspaper, the in-flight magazine) if you like. At least have fun with it. They are not entitled to make you uncomfortable, and you are not obliged to make them comfortable.
Said by a guy who flies a fair bit and doesn't often put his seat back because why the fuck would you make someone else less comfortable on purpose?
posted by Emperor SnooKloze at 6:51 PM on May 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
Said by a guy who flies a fair bit and doesn't often put his seat back because why the fuck would you make someone else less comfortable on purpose?
posted by Emperor SnooKloze at 6:51 PM on May 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
If someone is encroaching because they can't help but encroach due to size, physical limitations, etc., then I'm always happy to accommodate.
If someone is encroaching because of either obliviousness or an unfortunate case of entitlementitits, I am happy to go knee to knee, toe to toe, or offending limb to offending limb with them for however long it takes to get the message across. Keep a neutral-to-pleasant expression, and keep your chin up but do not make eye contact, and do not budge. Most folks will get the message without anyone needing to say a word.
posted by Lycaon_pictus at 7:03 PM on May 5, 2017
If someone is encroaching because of either obliviousness or an unfortunate case of entitlementitits, I am happy to go knee to knee, toe to toe, or offending limb to offending limb with them for however long it takes to get the message across. Keep a neutral-to-pleasant expression, and keep your chin up but do not make eye contact, and do not budge. Most folks will get the message without anyone needing to say a word.
posted by Lycaon_pictus at 7:03 PM on May 5, 2017
Middle seat gets both arm rests (if they want). No one gets elbows. No one gets in front of other people. You have my permission to tell them to fuck the right off if they violate these rules, and if they given you even a moment of resistance, hit the cabin attendant button, they'll set them straight (obviously the arm rest thing is an unwritten rule, but the room in front of you + room inside your seat is inviolably yours).
posted by so fucking future at 7:55 PM on May 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
posted by so fucking future at 7:55 PM on May 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
Don't ask! This isn't a conversation. Just reclaim the space physically. Set up defensively when you get aboard - make sure your bag creates a barrier- and lean into any body contact until they withdraw. If they don't withdraw, it's just a frosty "do you mind?" "Excuse me?" etc.
Middle seat does get both armrests. Don't fight that one. But if it encroaches into your space, gloves come off.
posted by Miko at 8:46 PM on May 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
Middle seat does get both armrests. Don't fight that one. But if it encroaches into your space, gloves come off.
posted by Miko at 8:46 PM on May 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
A pillow barrier and a window seat. Pillow barricades the center seat and I lean towards the window.
posted by beccaj at 8:46 PM on May 5, 2017
posted by beccaj at 8:46 PM on May 5, 2017
Middle seat does get both armrests
This is also true. It's the consolation prize, people.
I once spent a 10 hour São Paulo - Atlanta flight in the middle of 5 seats.
posted by rhizome at 9:13 PM on May 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
This is also true. It's the consolation prize, people.
I once spent a 10 hour São Paulo - Atlanta flight in the middle of 5 seats.
posted by rhizome at 9:13 PM on May 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
Some people have mentioned attitude, and I think that's part of it.
I would suggest in your every day life to practice being bigger. Take up space. Take the entire sidewalk and don't bother to move for men. Sit taller, and wider. Lift heavy weights and grow huge shoulders.
While this helps, it won't solve it every time. I'm a woman with a large presence and large muscles for my size, but a man smaller than me has done this to me on a plane.
You might actually be asking how to dismantle patriarchy in a tin can 3 miles high.
posted by littlewater at 9:29 PM on May 5, 2017 [11 favorites]
I would suggest in your every day life to practice being bigger. Take up space. Take the entire sidewalk and don't bother to move for men. Sit taller, and wider. Lift heavy weights and grow huge shoulders.
While this helps, it won't solve it every time. I'm a woman with a large presence and large muscles for my size, but a man smaller than me has done this to me on a plane.
You might actually be asking how to dismantle patriarchy in a tin can 3 miles high.
posted by littlewater at 9:29 PM on May 5, 2017 [11 favorites]
The best thing about having someone put their bag in your foot space is that you now have a footrest. Seriously. I would very ostentatiously put my feet on top of it. It's comfortable for you, so if they don't move it, score! Chances are, though, they will feel a need to rescue their important items from being stomped on, so it's win-win really.
posted by lollusc at 10:55 PM on May 5, 2017 [13 favorites]
posted by lollusc at 10:55 PM on May 5, 2017 [13 favorites]
Pseudo half-asleep flailing has always gotten that infringing assholes away from me.
posted by Confess, Fletch at 10:59 PM on May 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Confess, Fletch at 10:59 PM on May 5, 2017 [1 favorite]
Sometimes they put their small carryon bags (their laptop bag or takout or pizza) on the floor space in front of my seat since they perceive me not to be using it.
Absolutely not OK. Say "You can't put that there. That's my space.". Call the flight attendant over if needed.
posted by w0mbat at 11:17 PM on May 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
Absolutely not OK. Say "You can't put that there. That's my space.". Call the flight attendant over if needed.
posted by w0mbat at 11:17 PM on May 5, 2017 [3 favorites]
I'm also a small woman. This stuff stopped happening to me when I 1) claimed the armrest, and 2) started using my feet to nudge the other person's stuff out of my floor space. Not even a Oh sorry your stuff is in my space - just push it back into theirs without comment.
posted by toerinishuman at 4:09 AM on May 6, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by toerinishuman at 4:09 AM on May 6, 2017 [2 favorites]
You are asking "What's a polite way to request strangers not infringe..." and getting a lot of answers, including mine that are impolite. There's a reason for this.
The people who infringe on your seat are manipulators who are targeting you, probably instinctually. They are being impolite, breaking the rules to violate your rights and dominate you and relying on your submissive behaviour to allow them to do this. One of their techniques is to pretend not to be breaking the rules, and to imply that you are breaking the rules. They are not being mean or selfish, you are. They break the rules and do something nasty to you and end the exchange by branding you as the nasty one.
So your question is very much on par with asking, how do you phrase the request when pleading not to be mugged.
I'll go a step further and say that this is why rape culture is so pervasive. Your seatmate is not thinking of raping you there in seats H3 and H4 of the Airbus 320, but he doesn't have an emotional concept that you have any right to your own boundaries or any qualms about physical contact with you. Your proximity to him makes him angry - you are crowding him by being so close to him, and anything you do that frustrates him in anyway makes that anger ratchet up quickly. This isn't something that has been taught to him by porn or by sexist humour, so much as reinforced by a get-out-there-and-win and entitlement background. In a different situation he would be a rapist, or a CEO, but since he is traveling business class on an airbus he is merely a member of the rapidly dwindling middle class who is will probably end up in debt, running his own business and voting for Trump. But at the same time, I have strong sympathy for anyone who accepts his offer to go out for dinner date, because even if he takes them out to Romero House he is likely to be a rough lover out of resentment that he paid too much for the sex....
posted by Jane the Brown at 6:01 AM on May 6, 2017 [12 favorites]
The people who infringe on your seat are manipulators who are targeting you, probably instinctually. They are being impolite, breaking the rules to violate your rights and dominate you and relying on your submissive behaviour to allow them to do this. One of their techniques is to pretend not to be breaking the rules, and to imply that you are breaking the rules. They are not being mean or selfish, you are. They break the rules and do something nasty to you and end the exchange by branding you as the nasty one.
So your question is very much on par with asking, how do you phrase the request when pleading not to be mugged.
I'll go a step further and say that this is why rape culture is so pervasive. Your seatmate is not thinking of raping you there in seats H3 and H4 of the Airbus 320, but he doesn't have an emotional concept that you have any right to your own boundaries or any qualms about physical contact with you. Your proximity to him makes him angry - you are crowding him by being so close to him, and anything you do that frustrates him in anyway makes that anger ratchet up quickly. This isn't something that has been taught to him by porn or by sexist humour, so much as reinforced by a get-out-there-and-win and entitlement background. In a different situation he would be a rapist, or a CEO, but since he is traveling business class on an airbus he is merely a member of the rapidly dwindling middle class who is will probably end up in debt, running his own business and voting for Trump. But at the same time, I have strong sympathy for anyone who accepts his offer to go out for dinner date, because even if he takes them out to Romero House he is likely to be a rough lover out of resentment that he paid too much for the sex....
posted by Jane the Brown at 6:01 AM on May 6, 2017 [12 favorites]
If your seatmate were a large man with a lot of assorted carry on who sat beside you looking dazed and unwell and his luggage leaned into your side of the double-seat, and when he started to rest his forehead on the back of the seat in front of him lost track of where his legs were so that his foot ended up on your side of the divider, you would not be asking for advice on how to enforce your boundaries.
You would either give him a sideways look and shove his stuff back, or gently point the situation out to him, or possibly even sympathetically allow him to encroach.
Your question was perhaps triggered by the fact that you have been the subject of an evil deliberate aggression trying to mask itself as not-unreasonable. "But I am large and you are small! You don't need your space and I do!" You were attacked, covertly but in public places. No need to respond politely.
Your choice on how to respond can depend on how easy it is to get attention from a steward or stewardess. You can also try saying, "Please stop smiling, it's coming across as a threat" to manipulative salespeople types.
And if you are the sort that tips over into crying easily crying and saying to someone "Please make him leave me alone! He's telling me I have to let him touch me." That should get his arms onto his own side of the armrest pretty quickly. But this should definitely only be reserved for someone who is insisting that his arm belongs on your side of the arm rest and his leg belongs on your side of the divider.
posted by Jane the Brown at 6:17 AM on May 6, 2017 [5 favorites]
You would either give him a sideways look and shove his stuff back, or gently point the situation out to him, or possibly even sympathetically allow him to encroach.
Your question was perhaps triggered by the fact that you have been the subject of an evil deliberate aggression trying to mask itself as not-unreasonable. "But I am large and you are small! You don't need your space and I do!" You were attacked, covertly but in public places. No need to respond politely.
Your choice on how to respond can depend on how easy it is to get attention from a steward or stewardess. You can also try saying, "Please stop smiling, it's coming across as a threat" to manipulative salespeople types.
And if you are the sort that tips over into crying easily crying and saying to someone "Please make him leave me alone! He's telling me I have to let him touch me." That should get his arms onto his own side of the armrest pretty quickly. But this should definitely only be reserved for someone who is insisting that his arm belongs on your side of the arm rest and his leg belongs on your side of the divider.
posted by Jane the Brown at 6:17 AM on May 6, 2017 [5 favorites]
In line with the idea that anything in your space is yours to manage, you could pick up the infringing pizza box or laptop case, say it doesn't work for you to have it there, and ask whether they'd like it back or for you to place it in the overhead bin.
"I notice your bag is here in my seat area. It's going to need to move, so I'm going to put it in the overhead bin" (as you start getting up) "unless you want it back?"
If they say they want it to remain: "Oh, that doesn't work. This is my space. So you'd like it in the overhead bin then?" and put it there. Or if they say no to that, put it in their lap. Escalate to handing it to an attendant? "My neighbor can't find a place for his bag. Is there some way you can accommodate his need?"
Imagine: Your space is like hot lava in the game we played as kids. It's a polar magnet. There is a physical law of nature that repels things that aren't yours. So you aren't asking for your space. You're just exercising the natural result of this reality.
posted by ramenopres at 8:06 AM on May 6, 2017 [2 favorites]
"I notice your bag is here in my seat area. It's going to need to move, so I'm going to put it in the overhead bin" (as you start getting up) "unless you want it back?"
If they say they want it to remain: "Oh, that doesn't work. This is my space. So you'd like it in the overhead bin then?" and put it there. Or if they say no to that, put it in their lap. Escalate to handing it to an attendant? "My neighbor can't find a place for his bag. Is there some way you can accommodate his need?"
Imagine: Your space is like hot lava in the game we played as kids. It's a polar magnet. There is a physical law of nature that repels things that aren't yours. So you aren't asking for your space. You're just exercising the natural result of this reality.
posted by ramenopres at 8:06 AM on May 6, 2017 [2 favorites]
I am also a small female person. I hate to be touched by strangers, and on planes I used to try to shrink away from the person next to me to maximize my personal space (i.e., the distance between us). This had the opposite effect, signaling to the asshole next to me that I didn't need the empty space. Now I grit my teeth and sit so my body is at the boundary and most people (though sadly not all) will leave an inch between us.
posted by Frenchy67 at 8:13 AM on May 6, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by Frenchy67 at 8:13 AM on May 6, 2017 [1 favorite]
they probably are less comfortable than you on a plane
Nah. We're all about the same amount of uncomfortable, just in different ways. It sucks for everyone. Don't try to make it suck worse for someone else in order to make it easier on yourself - that's the worst kind of privilege display. Can't hack it? Business class is your friend, then.
There was a lot of discussion about male use of space on planes and elsewhere in this lengthy thread (which might have been before 'manspreading' was coined?) - worth reading, because it goes sort of deeply into presumptions like this.
posted by Miko at 10:21 AM on May 6, 2017 [3 favorites]
Nah. We're all about the same amount of uncomfortable, just in different ways. It sucks for everyone. Don't try to make it suck worse for someone else in order to make it easier on yourself - that's the worst kind of privilege display. Can't hack it? Business class is your friend, then.
There was a lot of discussion about male use of space on planes and elsewhere in this lengthy thread (which might have been before 'manspreading' was coined?) - worth reading, because it goes sort of deeply into presumptions like this.
posted by Miko at 10:21 AM on May 6, 2017 [3 favorites]
Help me with some scripts to ask for the seat I paid for?
I think "I paid for this seat" should be in the script.
posted by BibiRose at 11:46 AM on May 6, 2017 [4 favorites]
I think "I paid for this seat" should be in the script.
posted by BibiRose at 11:46 AM on May 6, 2017 [4 favorites]
After a bad flight experience during which my seat neighbor spent the flight threatening me, I learned that you can always ask the flight attendant to be reseated. I would straight up say to the attendant, "The gentleman in 12B has told me that my small size entitles him to use of my seat. Can you please switch my seat with a larger person whom he will respect more than me?"
posted by medusa at 11:54 AM on May 6, 2017 [9 favorites]
posted by medusa at 11:54 AM on May 6, 2017 [9 favorites]
Stop smiling. Women do this a LOT more than men. Men interpret it as deferential and flirty.
Dress very seriously, like black skirt suit.
Wear glasses, even if they are just props.
If your hair is anything longer than chin length, try to put it up.
Basically do everything to cultivate the so-called "bitch face" and look stand off-ish, unfriendly, older and serious. That way they are less likely to default to shitty assumptions that "pretty young girl = easy prey who won't make a snit about it."
Don't be friendly and chatty. You are there to fly somewhere, not befriend asshats who think what's yours is theirs.
Hahaha. This response stuck out and just does nothing but escalate. You have to dress up to speak up? Hello insecurity from the poster and lack of social skills.
Pardon the language and do what everyday people do: Be polite and direct. Some people are jerks, others not so much. Claiming space, especially on a flight, is being right to the point.
The polite response is "hey, we are stuck on this flight for x hours - how do we solve the fact you are in my seat?". The advanced traveler response is to be even more direct.
As someone that is 6´3, believe me I understand your struggle from the other side. I am always polite and direct. I wish more people would stop thinking an airplane, especially sitting in cattle class is an excuse to be a Prince/Princess or not respectful of others.
posted by Funmonkey1 at 2:03 PM on May 6, 2017 [3 favorites]
Dress very seriously, like black skirt suit.
Wear glasses, even if they are just props.
If your hair is anything longer than chin length, try to put it up.
Basically do everything to cultivate the so-called "bitch face" and look stand off-ish, unfriendly, older and serious. That way they are less likely to default to shitty assumptions that "pretty young girl = easy prey who won't make a snit about it."
Don't be friendly and chatty. You are there to fly somewhere, not befriend asshats who think what's yours is theirs.
Hahaha. This response stuck out and just does nothing but escalate. You have to dress up to speak up? Hello insecurity from the poster and lack of social skills.
Pardon the language and do what everyday people do: Be polite and direct. Some people are jerks, others not so much. Claiming space, especially on a flight, is being right to the point.
The polite response is "hey, we are stuck on this flight for x hours - how do we solve the fact you are in my seat?". The advanced traveler response is to be even more direct.
As someone that is 6´3, believe me I understand your struggle from the other side. I am always polite and direct. I wish more people would stop thinking an airplane, especially sitting in cattle class is an excuse to be a Prince/Princess or not respectful of others.
posted by Funmonkey1 at 2:03 PM on May 6, 2017 [3 favorites]
Jane the Brown,one generally has enough seat and leg space in business class to not encroach on others. However, appropriating more space than one deserves in the overhead bins and harassing fellow passengers and flight attendants still happens.
posted by brujita at 2:08 PM on May 6, 2017
posted by brujita at 2:08 PM on May 6, 2017
I don't agree that putting stuff in the space is necessary. I check all my luggage so that I only have one thin laptop bag to put in the overhead. That is so I will have nothing under the seat in front of me. Being able to move my legs around and stretch is what makes the coach-class seat livable for several hours. I don't feel a bit bad about someone else not being able to use my foot space, even if they think I'm not using it. I AM using it. As space. Not my problem they brought too much stuff for THEIR space.
I don't know how to get people not to test you, because people gonna try to get away with stuff. The quicker you can respond, the easier it goes. Like, immediately, "You can't put that there, it's my space, thanks" before they've even removed their hand usually results in "oh, sorry." But it you let it sit there while you think about what to say, then ask for it to be moved, now you look like the one asking for a favor.
Elbows, eh, whattaya gonna do? It's a flying bus. People are going to be in contact. I have two modes, as a smaller-bodied guy. A - everyone on their own side. I stick to that when the other person is (or at least trying to.) B - No border. Once the other person starts playing no-border rule, I feel free to do the same, which makes it much easier for me to put on and take off my sweater, fiddle with my laptop, and basically make myself at home without regard to staying in my area on that side. That is, it's not a battle of on the line vs. in my space. It's a battle of Do You Want Rules Or Not (and I think you do). If he has the guts to say something, well then he can't really ever argue about needing my space again.
posted by ctmf at 3:28 PM on May 6, 2017 [1 favorite]
I don't know how to get people not to test you, because people gonna try to get away with stuff. The quicker you can respond, the easier it goes. Like, immediately, "You can't put that there, it's my space, thanks" before they've even removed their hand usually results in "oh, sorry." But it you let it sit there while you think about what to say, then ask for it to be moved, now you look like the one asking for a favor.
Elbows, eh, whattaya gonna do? It's a flying bus. People are going to be in contact. I have two modes, as a smaller-bodied guy. A - everyone on their own side. I stick to that when the other person is (or at least trying to.) B - No border. Once the other person starts playing no-border rule, I feel free to do the same, which makes it much easier for me to put on and take off my sweater, fiddle with my laptop, and basically make myself at home without regard to staying in my area on that side. That is, it's not a battle of on the line vs. in my space. It's a battle of Do You Want Rules Or Not (and I think you do). If he has the guts to say something, well then he can't really ever argue about needing my space again.
posted by ctmf at 3:28 PM on May 6, 2017 [1 favorite]
Spill water. Whoops! Not a lot, just a very small amount. Get a bit on their bag that's in your space then laugh about how clumsy you are, and hope they don't have anything important in there! Get it on their elbow in your space too. Apologise and tell them you'll be having red wine with your meal. Smile and laugh, isn't sitting next to strangers great.
posted by Jubey at 3:33 PM on May 6, 2017
posted by Jubey at 3:33 PM on May 6, 2017
I think you need to get it clear in your mind that in this situation, being "polite" isn't really about the emotional comfort of the offending party. If they are reasonable people, a polite request should get results. If they aren't assholes, even a grumpy request should get results because it is your seat.
I think you are talking about dealing with A #1 Certified Assholes who simply won't cooperate or respect you. In which case, you only need to be polite enough to garner social support so that when you ask a flight attendant to intercede, people will feel you are undeniably within your rights.
Some of the advice above to be friendly to the flight attendants when you board and to ask to be reseated may be what needs to happen in some of these cases. Because you are totally within your rights to actually expect to use the space you paid for and reasonable people should be on your side when you face this kind of crap. Basically, you need to not scream and cuss and that is sufficiently polite for this situation.
posted by Michele in California at 3:50 PM on May 6, 2017 [1 favorite]
I think you are talking about dealing with A #1 Certified Assholes who simply won't cooperate or respect you. In which case, you only need to be polite enough to garner social support so that when you ask a flight attendant to intercede, people will feel you are undeniably within your rights.
Some of the advice above to be friendly to the flight attendants when you board and to ask to be reseated may be what needs to happen in some of these cases. Because you are totally within your rights to actually expect to use the space you paid for and reasonable people should be on your side when you face this kind of crap. Basically, you need to not scream and cuss and that is sufficiently polite for this situation.
posted by Michele in California at 3:50 PM on May 6, 2017 [1 favorite]
Someone mentioned Mallory Ortberg's tweets, but nobody has yet linked you to the essay she wrote How To Maintain Control Of The Shared Armrest: A Guide For Women Flying Alone. It isn't the advice you wanted, where you want to be polite, but sentences like
posted by foxfirefey at 12:51 PM on May 7, 2017 [4 favorites]
You are on a plane; you are bound now only by Skylaw. The rules of God and man no longer apply. Wring mercy clean from your heart. I promise that he has none in his heart for you.might help you do what you need to do.
posted by foxfirefey at 12:51 PM on May 7, 2017 [4 favorites]
Fellow petite lady who flies on the semi-regular. I agree with the folks above who are saying that flying isn't comfortable for anyone regardless of height because my NUMBER ONE PET PEEVE on airplanes is that I'm not tall enough for whatever head rest + lumbar support they've attempted to build into airline seats to do anything except push my head uncomfortably forward and bork my neck all the way up.
BUT! This is also how I stake my seat claim. I slouch low enough in the chair so that the head rest is above my head and then stretch my legs out under the seat in front of me. Not only does this make my neck happier (although not so great for backs over all, I'll admit) but it also prevents some of the worst of the tall dude encroachment onto my seat area.
Plus, I always grab the middle seat when I can for the reasons listed above--more arm rest, automatic pity, etc. I get that this isn't everyone's jam, but it works for me, haha.
posted by helloimjennsco at 6:45 AM on May 8, 2017
BUT! This is also how I stake my seat claim. I slouch low enough in the chair so that the head rest is above my head and then stretch my legs out under the seat in front of me. Not only does this make my neck happier (although not so great for backs over all, I'll admit) but it also prevents some of the worst of the tall dude encroachment onto my seat area.
Plus, I always grab the middle seat when I can for the reasons listed above--more arm rest, automatic pity, etc. I get that this isn't everyone's jam, but it works for me, haha.
posted by helloimjennsco at 6:45 AM on May 8, 2017
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posted by fancyoats at 4:01 PM on May 5, 2017 [44 favorites]