How best to handle loans between partners?

May 1, 2017 7:37 AM

What is the best way to loan your girlfriend some money?

I would like to lend my girlfriend the money she needs to consolidate her debt. I know all the stuff about only loaning what you can afford to give, etc. We are happy to have a contract. Trying to work out the nitty gritty and best ways to do this. We don't live together, and not in a rush to do that. We are very good communicators with each other. She has a job. The stress she is under right now is not worth it to me, when i have savings sitting there. We are in Canada.

Credit cards: $6000 (19.99% interest right now)
LOC: $1800 (14.6% interest currently)

I could consolidate it all, or we just do the credit cards (she's currently paying $240 / month to LOC). Currently she is paying over $300 / month and we'd like to reduce this. We'd like to come up with something fair.

Any tips, or experience from folks who have lent each other money like this?

posted by miles1972 to Work & Money (42 answers total)

My tip is to always consider a loan of money as a gift. If you wouldn't give her $7,800, don't loan it to her.

Can part or all of the balance be transferred to a card with 0% interest for a year or two? That can really take the pressure off and would buy time, which could be very beneficial in this scenario.

Also, if you're not in a rush to live together, why are you in a rush to pay her debt? Seems like this is a relationship question masked as a finances question to me, in all honesty.
posted by sockermom at 7:43 AM on May 1, 2017 [40 favorites]

Best answer: This is a nice thing to do and it sounds like you've already thought about the most important thing, e.g. only loaning what you can afford to give.

When you draw up the contract, you should think about (a) an interest rate and (b) a repayment timeline. I think 0-5% interest would be fair - what do you think? The repayment timeline will depend on how much she wants to be paying per month - how much below $300/month is reasonable? A lot of this will depend on her income and other obligations, so it's hard for us to say what is "right."

The other thing is, make sure you don't (subconsciously) let this loan affect other aspects of your relationship. I've seen situations where the lender starts to resent the borrower, and that creates an unhealthy dynamic.

Good luck!
posted by schroedingersgirl at 7:50 AM on May 1, 2017 [9 favorites]

What about a guarantor loan? She takes out the loan and consolidates on a lower interest rate based on your credit rating. You are only on the hook if she defaults, and the contractual side will be handled.
posted by crocomancer at 7:52 AM on May 1, 2017 [7 favorites]

My tip is to always consider a loan of money as a gift. If you wouldn't give her $7,800, don't loan it to her.

THIS. Don't even set it up as a loan. Just give her the money. If you're uncomfortable giving her the money, then don't do it. So many of us here have stories (I have one) where we were in a long term and loving relationship and people BREAK UP and it turns into this clusterf*ck of trying to get your money back. It NEVER works.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 7:59 AM on May 1, 2017 [18 favorites]

The lesson I learned some 25+ years ago, is that rather than loan someone close (or anyone really) XXX dollars, hand them half and call it a gift. You will lose half as much and have a higher probability of getting paid back.
posted by AugustWest at 8:01 AM on May 1, 2017 [8 favorites]

Is $1,800 for the LOC a typo? $240 a month seems really high for that balance. If not, why not just pay off the $1800 and let her pay off the $6000, which will be much easier without the monthly $240 payment.

I have been in this situation, where my bf loaned me the money. We didn't have a fixed monthly amount that I would pay him, because he didn't need it right away, so I ended up paying him back a year or so later over the course of about another year, after we broke up (for unrelated reasons). It was fine but I think it would have been a little better if we had agreed on a fixed monthly payment.

Another option would be for you to pay off some of her debt. This would reduce her monthly minimum payment and interest and maybe improve her credit score enough so that she could get a low interest balance transfer for the remaining amount.
posted by day late at 8:03 AM on May 1, 2017 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Sorry typo! LOC: $18,000

Also, for clarification. I am happy to give her this as a gift. This is a non-starter for her, she won't accept it as a gift.
posted by miles1972 at 8:05 AM on May 1, 2017

Then hand her half as a gift. But I would NOT do this.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 8:14 AM on May 1, 2017

Have you considered what this does to the relationship?

I'm just imagining being in debt for 26k to someone I'm sleeping with. That...no. And I've mostly been in relationships where the financial imbalance tipped the other way.

What happens if she becomes unhappy? If you become unhappy? Have you ever done something like this before, so that you know it won't color your feelings in other areas? Even if so, many -- most? -- people develop some resentment of people who help them out financially. Especially if pride is involved. And in general, people are shitty at predicting how they'll feel about something in the future--they tend to answer those hypotheticals based on their aspirational selves, not who they really are.

I know you're asking for specifics about how to structure a contract, but there are no contractual terms that can obviate the personal issues involved, and your description of your girlfriend's reticence makes me concerned that this is...not a good idea.
posted by schadenfrau at 8:14 AM on May 1, 2017 [13 favorites]

I've made a loan like this to a partner, albeit for a smaller amount, to clear a CC. We were living together and had been together 18 months before that. My partner was pretty locked in to a job so had the income to cover a monthly repayment. Basically she made the payments and we didn't talk about it, at all, to avoid it becoming any kind of issue and it didn't. Basically I saw it as important to avoid any sense of indebtedness in the relationship.

I do think the fact you are talking about a lot more money is important though. If you lend her $24k and even if she pays you the $300 per month she sounds like she is already struggling with then she is looking at a commitment of 6 years 8 months. I use commitment advisedly there.
posted by biffa at 8:16 AM on May 1, 2017

Have you considered talking about what difference in attitude or spending has taken place so she doesn't get into this situation again? There is a possibility that you loan her this money and then she spends it again and owes you on top of everything else. A LOC and credit cards are unsecured revolving debt. She could easily charge her credit cards and max out her LOC again. However, that is kind of you to consider helping her out. You said this was savings, are you in a financial position to handle any emergency that may require you to use these funds? Are you mentally and emotionally prepared to possibly lose the relationship and the funds?

I did this. It did not work. And it wasn't even the amount you're talking about. Good luck, just remember that people can ghost. If you want to do a contract, type something up and get it notarized. Both of you have a copy. Or talk to a lawyer or financial consultant/adviser.
posted by lunastellasol at 8:18 AM on May 1, 2017 [1 favorite]

To avoid abusing the edit window:

How you communicate with each other does not seem like a great predictor of how something like this would turn out. The fact that she's adamantly refused an offer to pay it off as a gift indicates that she's going to feel indebted to you. That fundamentally fucks with the equality and equal respect that is the basis of a healthy relationship, no matter how well you communicate.

Have you investigated other methods of consolidating her debt? If not, that's...not great. Helping her to help herself is empowering and respectful; literally throwing money at her debt because the stress it causes her is not worth it to you is not.

The more I think about this, the more squicked out I am. If you want to help your gf, actually help her. If you just want the problem to go away because it's inconveniencing you that she's stressed out, a) don't do this, and b) you have a lot of personal work to do and that is kind of shitty. If it's somewhere between the two...yeah. Still don't do this.
posted by schadenfrau at 8:19 AM on May 1, 2017 [5 favorites]

In that case, I think your idea of just paying off the $6000 in credit card debt, and not the LOC, is good. It is a much more manageable thing to owe someone $6000 than $26,000. And she could make smaller payments to you at first and larger monthly payments once she has paid down the LOC some more. (E.g. she pays $300 a month, 240 to the LOC and 60 to you at first, then 200 and 100 respectively if the minimum payment on the LOC goes down to 200.)
posted by day late at 8:21 AM on May 1, 2017 [5 favorites]

Loaning your girlfriend a significant amount of money is pure madness. Your options are to cosign a loan or give her the money.
posted by empath at 8:29 AM on May 1, 2017 [6 favorites]

It's generous of you, but it sets up a crazy power imbalance that your relationship probably won't survive. Also, how judgmental will you get when she starts charging things again? Do you want to be looking at every clothing purchase or meal out that she has? When she's back in CC debt $4k over the next year while still owing you $26k, how will you feel? Just don't do it.
posted by clone boulevard at 8:32 AM on May 1, 2017 [20 favorites]

If she won't take gift (and I can understand that it would then very much make the relationship transactional intentionally or not), the best way of doing this is to move in together, and then she can apply the money saved from housing costs to the debt; especially if you choose to cover more of the day to day costs etc.

The amounts involved are large enough that I would be wary of any formal loan structures- as mentioned above that's 5+ years of being tethered to each other if things went terribly.
posted by larthegreat at 8:33 AM on May 1, 2017 [2 favorites]

If she won't accept this as a gift, then don't lend it to her.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 8:41 AM on May 1, 2017 [6 favorites]

Either this is just a dating situation in which the two of you do not have meshed or even interdependent finances - in which case her financial situation is her business and not yours and you should stay out of it - or you are interdependent (living together, with the intention of a long-term relationship) and instead of a loan you just rework the living costs distribution to enable the household to work on debt that's going to be a hindrance to future decisions about where/how to live. It's about the greater good in the long run and investing in the relationship and future.

There is sort of an implied loan, from the relationship itself, that gets paid back in a better interest rate on a mortgage or the ability to put away more in savings once the debt is dealt with or for someone to get an advanced degree so they can earn more etc etc etc.

If your situation is the former, she can and probably should (unless you are and likely will always remain substantially more wealthy than she is and it's a relatively insignificant amount for you to lose) say no to a gift and find another source for a loan. If it's the latter and she's insisting on a loan rather than a redistribution, you should probably have a serious relationship talk to see if she's not expecting to remain in yours for very long and feels like she should prepare for that. If that's not the case, you need to have a talk about the power dynamics of a loan and how dangerous they are in a relationship before talking about going forward.
posted by Lyn Never at 9:00 AM on May 1, 2017 [2 favorites]

This seldom works out well. But, if you must, consider co-signing a loan at a credit union. She would have to pay the credit union, not you, which is really important, but you will be on the hook for the full amount. The interest will be lower. Another important part of this is that the loan will be recorded and she will have difficulty borrowing more money. People who accrue debt tend to accrue more debt.

The reason this is a bad idea is that is really affects the power balance in the relationship. You aren't describing this as a deeply committed relationship. It doesn't sound like she has the ability to pay it back.
posted by theora55 at 9:05 AM on May 1, 2017 [1 favorite]

My partner and I have done this in the past with friends, and one of the challenges is that somebody who has trouble managing money and staying out of debt may consider their payments to you as less urgent than payments elsewhere. We spent years not getting payments from a friend of ours, who was sure he'd be able to start paying soon, until we finally forgave the debt as a way to not breed resentment, figuring that if we'd managed without that money until then, we could keep doing it. I have had small moments of not-quite-resentment when there have been times we could have used some financial help and he didn't help us. The reason he didn't is that he couldn't—he has never stopped running up credit card debt and has lived much of his adult life on the knife edge of bankruptcy.

Consolidating debt in some way and then running up more debt is extremely common—my partner and I have been known to do this ourselves. If she's really stressed about this debt and about these payments, you might suggest she look into a debt-management program. We entered one about 30 months ago, and it's been great. They negotiate your interest rates down—nearly all our creditors agreed to this, even though our highest-interest debt was something like 9%—and set up fixed monthly payments that will lead to retiring your debt in a fixed amount of time; in our case, about another 18 months. You can't have credit cards while you're in the program, and this has been really hard but useful for us. You learn to cope with things the way people who don't have credit cope: doing stop-gap fixes until you have the cash for something; admitting you just plain can't afford that trip or that shiny object; going without. One thing I've learned is to ask service people, "Is there a cheaper option?" We had a plumbing fix we'd been told would be over $4000; when we asked the plumbers if there was any other option, they looked around, thought it over, and found a way to do it for $1200

Anyway, it's a different kind of stressful for awhile, but it gives you a predictable payment every month and the sure knowledge that the end is in sight. This is a great feeling, rather than wondering if you'll ever get ahead of your debt.

When we joined the program, they told us that their clients almost all said, "I only wish I'd done it sooner." This is true for us as well. I'd have done it several years sooner if I'd admitted that we weren't going to be able to get on top of the debt ourselves.

Greenpath is the program we use, which was recommended by our credit union. We've been very happy with it. During our first couple of months, a counselor there walked me through doing cash-flow planning on a six-to-eight-week schedule, and I still do that, which has been really helpful.

I worry that we'll fall into old habits when the program ends. Every now and then a situation comes up where, in the past, we'd have thought, "This has to happen! We'll borrow the money!" Now we find another way. But we have vowed that we're just not going to have credit cards or any open-ended credit lines. Ever.

In your shoes, I'd encourage her to get into a debt-management program, and offer to help make things a little easier while she gets things paid off. Our budget was ridiculously tight when we started, and sometimes if I went out with a friend, she'd buy my dinner. That was a nice treat, made me feel cared for, and supported our effort to retire our debt.
posted by Orlop at 9:06 AM on May 1, 2017 [18 favorites]

Christ almighty do not do this

There are easier ways to break up with someone than drawing up a repayment contract with them, but probably none quite so certain to be effective

cosigning is also basically never a good idea but it's a less bad idea than directly loaning to her

This is a non-starter for her, she won't accept it as a gift.

is the loan her idea? does she actually want this?
posted by prize bull octorok at 9:10 AM on May 1, 2017 [7 favorites]

I've done this, but even though he insisted he would pay it back, in my head I thought of it as a gift (he was paying back enough education debt to finish his degree, to me it was clearly a good use of the money and I was going to be ok without it; the amount was much smaller than your total). It was still a challenge as I hit harder times in the next year, and he wasn't in a position to pay me back (I did not expect it, but he felt like he owed me anyhow).
The relationship definitely breathed easier once he was able to pay me back; I think it was a significant emotional burden on him until then. The relationship ended c. 2 years later for (I think) unrelated reasons.

Your situation seems different; in my case, it was really a one-time cost (as he was finishing his degree that term and wouldn't incur further debt on it). In yours, it seems like she might be better served by contacting a reputable debt counselor and/or consolidating or negotiating the debt. If you do do this, consider that the money is gifted (even if she doesn't take it that way) and assume you will not ever be paid back. (Then if you are, bonus). She is however unlikely to be able to feel that way even if you truly do.
posted by nat at 9:16 AM on May 1, 2017

Here's the deal. It's $24000. She's paying $300/month and having trouble, she'd be happier paying less... say $240? That's a nice round number. So. She's just signed up for 100 months of paying that bill, i.e. 8.333 years. Seriously. She's signing a contract with you for 8 years from now. If you and she wanted that kind of commitment, you'd be married by now.

My advice, find other ways to ease her budget. Don't take on these loans, take on her cable bill, or phone bill, or whatever. Under this sketch above, you'd be saving her $300-$240=$60/month by consolidating her loans with you - if that $60 is enough to make a difference, give her the $60 elsewhere. Contract-free! If $60 is not enough to make a difference, then a loan consolidation would have done no good anyway.
posted by aimedwander at 9:18 AM on May 1, 2017 [34 favorites]

As anecdata to my above distinctions, in my dating days I was in a situation after a long crappy layoff period where my finances were shit and it sucked and it was going to suck for a while and I understood that. Several men I dated didn't like the way I was handling it - either they didn't like that my lifestyle was limited because I was broke or they just thought I should be doing it more better - and money would be offered in order to force me to do things their right way. My parents would also do this, it was kind of a specialty.

And not only was I uninterested in being manipulated by other people's money, none of them understood that in order to survive with not-quite-enough money you are constantly robbing Peter to pay Paul just in time, and if you screw up the pattern you will drop a ball and end up further in the hole in mistake costs. But mostly I was just super bored with dudes yawping at me like a human money blog telling me "all" I had to do was "simply" whatever when they didn't understand my financial situation at all. If she's flat out refusing to engage with you on this, you don't need to be asking Metafilter how to handle the loan, you need to step back. If she's wanting to find a solution but is uncomfortable with "simply" just fixing it all your way, there's a reason and you should respect it even if you don't like it and it's going to cost her more in the long run.
posted by Lyn Never at 9:20 AM on May 1, 2017 [28 favorites]

(Which is not to say you *are* doing that, but you can't separate feelings from money and if she's uncomfortable there's no contract that will force her to be.)
posted by Lyn Never at 9:25 AM on May 1, 2017 [1 favorite]

The money is a lot but as others have noted the real drama-rama is the time. This is a 7-10 year loan. I feel like if you want to make a financial plan that long with someone; you should marry them, or just combine finances. if one or both those sounds terrifying than maybe this isn't someone you should loan 24k to.
posted by French Fry at 9:38 AM on May 1, 2017 [16 favorites]

Personal experience: I did this, with similar-ish dollar figures. Nothing that resulted from it was good. Nothing.

All you need to do is imagine your Ask Metafilter question from two years in the future: "How should I enforce repayment of my girlfriend's debt to me? Should I go through small claims court, or just seize her belongings?"
posted by clawsoon at 10:13 AM on May 1, 2017 [3 favorites]

BTW, the answer to the future question is, "Forget about it, the money is gone."

Oh, and the correction of the number to $18,000... holy shit, no, I did not lend nearly that much money.
posted by clawsoon at 10:18 AM on May 1, 2017 [2 favorites]

Best answer: So I'll be the contrary voice here. My husband lent me the money to pay off my second mortgage when we had just started dating. We had known each other for 20 some years at that time, so it's a slightly different situation in terms of how well we knew one another and in terms of what sort of debt we were talking about. We drew up a repayment contract and I'm still repaying him (we got married five years ago) although, technically, I'm now repaying our retirement accounts. He also gave another friend of his a substantial loan when that friend lost his job. The loan is repaid and they are still close friends.

Yes, money is fraught and, yes, loans between friends/family/partners have a way of turning into gifts. But we are humans who want to help each other and we can do that through personal loans to friends, if everyone goes in with good expectations and are generally reliable people. I have personally witnessed it turn out fine with large sums of money involved.

If you believe that ten years from now, you can look back--no matter where the two of you are with each other and no matter where she is with the repayment and say to yourself, that was the right thing or a good thing that I did; then do it. If she feels she can accept the loan, agree to your terms, and not have you judging her finances, then she can accept your loan. If you are both happy with the terms and the intended outcome for the loan, and trust you can stay there, no matter what happens to your relationship, then draw up your repayment terms and sign them.

But conventional wisdom is NEVER EVER EVER DO THIS FOR ANY REASON EVER. So perhaps you should not.
posted by crush at 10:28 AM on May 1, 2017 [5 favorites]

If she's said she doesn't want the money as a gift then you need to respect that, so that's a non-starter.

But I wonder if an end-run around some of these other issues might be, rather than setting this up strictly as you loaning her money to lump-sum pay the debt off now, could you take on some other aspect of joint spending? Could you pay for more of your dates, or cover some of her grocery shopping, or cover her phone bill, or something? Something that would make her life equivalently easier by freeing up the same amount of money, but ultimately be something that's easy to cut off without ongoing contractual obligations if you decide it's not working for either one of you or you break up or whatever, and leave her no worse off than she is now. Maybe you do that for six months, see if that level of shared-financing is causing any difficulties, and then consider whether to launch into the bigger lump-sum gift/loan scenario if you're both in agreement that you still want to do that.

If you do decide to do the contract route now, though, one thing I would cover is, when she has extra money, how do you want her to spend it? Are you okay with being the last priority on her bill list? If so, get that in writing now before it can be an issue later. This was the one thing that surprised me when I took on an expense for a dear friend recently - they wanted to know if I wanted them to put spare funds toward paying me back or paying their other bills or what, and it hadn't even occurred to me that was a question, of COURSE I should be the last payback on their list, and in fact I'd be happier if they put spare funds toward something nice for themselves and only bothered to repay me if they get a real honest-to-god windfall and have no other need for the money! But that wasn't obvious to them as it was to me, and I'm glad we had the explicit discussion about it. Otherwise maybe they'd be sitting around going "ugh, I want to get pizza and I want to tweet about the pizza but I don't want Stacey to think I'm spending money on frivolities instead of paying her back", and that would suck for both of us. So I'm glad we cleared it up early.
posted by Stacey at 10:53 AM on May 1, 2017 [2 favorites]

I realize the reason you want to do this is not ONLY to lower her monthly bills by $60 (my example above) but also because there is money being vanishing into interest payments. Yes, there will be less money spent in the end if you do something about the loans, as opposed to just paying $60 of her bills, I don't deny the appeal in making an improvement to the setup, 14-19% is HUGE! Consider helping her out by gathering information about loan consolidation companies, rather than transferring your cash to her debts. Consider also the risk/reward of being her co-signor (to get a lower rate) rather than her lender.
posted by aimedwander at 11:57 AM on May 1, 2017

Best answer: The interest does seem like a big factor here. Just paying off the $6000 at 20% will immediately save ~100/month in interest. And might improve her ability to get better loan terms if she tries to refinance the LOC debt.
posted by day late at 12:23 PM on May 1, 2017 [2 favorites]

Before a the loan, I think she should consider a meeting with the credit union to consolidate the debt. I did this with a longstanding debt, reduced the interest rate and paid it off in monthly installments. After the credit union paid off the debt, I reduced the available credit card amount significantly to avoid the same problem again.

Credit unions offer lower rates, and in my experience they also offer financial counselling and planning that has been very helpful for me.

This is not a huge debt to pay off with a plan.
posted by chapps at 12:37 PM on May 1, 2017

Why not draw up a simple contract? There's no need to go through an attorney if you (the loaner) don't want to. Just make the terms clear, sign it, and boom, done. My partner helped me out with my student loans a few years ago and that's what we did. I got the major icks at the thought of a gift, so I understand your gf's horror at the thought of such a thing.

My partner and I have an age gap, about 20 years. As much as I understand why people say not to loan your partner money because it changes the balance of power in a relationship, I'm not convinced that an exactly equal balance of power is ever possible (or even desirable?). Most people have skills and abilities that their partners lack, and we can use those imbalances to complement one another. He had money when I didn't, so he helped me overcome a barrier.

I do think it's a good idea to talk with one another about how your gf uses her credit in the future, if you do end up providing this support. Credit gets into complicated behavioral territory, and a one-time fix might not lead to meaningful change in the long term. You can make meaningful conditions of your loan beyond repayment, like "read Elizabeth Warren's The Two-Income Trap and let's make a monthly budget" or something that has value to your shared lives.
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 1:09 PM on May 1, 2017

I did this with a family member. She set up an automatic payment plan where $300 was deposited into my bank account from her account every month. She didn't have to think about it and we didn't have that awkward exchange every month. Worked well for us.
posted by BoscosMom at 3:15 PM on May 1, 2017

Before you give her money, research debt consolidation, or interest free credit cards or make appointments with debt advisors or recommend specific programs for her, or start to discuss her overall relationship with money and budgeting or drop off bags of groceries please stop.

Talk to her about what aspect of her current financial commitments she finds particularly stressful and what she'd find helpful to reduce the stress. And then you listen. What kind of support would be helpful as opposed to more stressful?

If my non live in boyfriend with whom I do not share finances and where neither of these things is in our near future started to do any or all of the things you are being told to do here I'd be very upset. Unless she asks for your help be open to discuss this and be supportive and non judgmental but this is not your problem to solve.
posted by koahiatamadl at 3:33 PM on May 1, 2017

Best answer: I love loaning money to friends. I've also successfully borrowed money from friends. Here's how I've done it:

- Only loan amounts that I can live with losing if it comes to that (preferably without hurting the friendship).

- Look at current bank loan interest rates and pick one in the middle, of interest is important. I sometimes do no interest loans and feel great about it when it's right.

- Discuss when repayment starts.

- Talk about what's important to each of you in taking this step together. The most important thing is how everyone feels.

Good luck! I think this mainly goes wrong when people lend money the can't comfortably lose, or where moral weight is attached to twisting the loan. Examine your feelings to be sure you're cool with it and then go for it.
posted by spindrifter at 4:53 PM on May 1, 2017 [2 favorites]

Don't give her money unless she asked you for help.

Don't give her money until a nonprofit credit repair service has helped her consolidate the debt and negotiate a better interest rate. She might need less help than you think.

Don't expect to be paid back.
Helping someone you love pay their bills is not an investment, it's a gift. That's how I think of it anyway.

That being said, if you two would feel better executing a personal loan agreement, I'm sure there are some good examples up on Canadian personal finance websites. Here in the US the thing I recommend to people is a form that Suze Orman has up on her website for this purpose. The agreement firms up how much she owes you, the interest rate, the schedule for repayment, when repayment starts, etc. In filling out that form you can agree on what you both think is fair, then you sign it.

Automatic electronic transfer via online banking is the best way for repayment.
posted by zdravo at 7:06 PM on May 1, 2017

Anecdata: I loaned a woman who I was in a relationship with for 7 years $5000. I didn't ask for interest payments or anything. It took her six years before she paid it back in full, in a lump sum (no interest). Before she paid it, it was always on my mind even though I could afford it. I would bring it up from time to time and it was extremely uncomfortable, and I basically had written it off long before she paid it. I can't imagine doing this with tens of thousands of dollars with anyone unless I was willing to lose the money and the relationship. I would say no way.
posted by banishedimmortal at 8:01 PM on May 1, 2017

I did this.

Going through the pain of having to pay off CC debt stops a person racking it up again.

Don't do this.
posted by jacanj at 4:59 AM on May 2, 2017

I gifted my then-boyfriend a substantial amount of money to settle some CC debt but I wouldn't have done that if I didn't think my then-boyfriend would eventually be my now-husband, which he is.

Easiest way to do this is to get married and combine finances. If that's in the cards, then hooray. If that's not in the cards, do not do this.
posted by lydhre at 7:44 AM on May 2, 2017

I know lots of people have touched on this but I just wanted to emphasize that unless this was a one-time emergency like the roof caved in (it wouldn't be medical!) or she had to pay a lawyer or something, this is not really an interest rate problem - it's a behavioural problem, because she's racked up this amount of consumer debt.

So I don't honestly think lending her the money will help that much. Yes, the interest rates are creating a problem for her but the actual change in payments isn't that large. I think she pretty much needs to increase her income or decrease her spending to be able to make more than the minimum payments and get out of debt faster.

I think your role should be in paying for extras/treats and supporting her. Otherwise I think it's kind of like pumping a leaky boat out - you're helping her to bail water faster, but the boat still does not float.
posted by warriorqueen at 8:46 AM on May 2, 2017 [1 favorite]