Letting go

April 5, 2017 9:24 AM

I have a really tenacious, obsessive streak... How do I let go of things that don't matter?

I like to process things DEEPLY, but sometimes my curiosity catches in on something totally useless, and I can spend too long thinking about something that has little practical relevance. Does anyone here know have the skill set that allows them to let go of something (fasinating but unimportant) and focus on the task at hand? How do I learn to do this?

posted by Crookshanks_Meow to Human Relations (3 answers total)

I have ADHD so this is superfamiliar to be -- in ADHD world, we call it "hyperfocus" and there are a lot of articles and stuff that talk about it, so it might help you to look at those.

Here are some of the things I do to shift my attention back onto the right thing:

Listen to music that specifically encourages "focus" right when I'm starting the task (there are a lot of Spotify playlists that have music for this purpose, it's odd but it REALLY helps me)

Set a timer for how long I'm going to allow myself to think about the other thing, like 5-10 minutes and when the timer goes off it gives me that cue so I know how long it's been (this is helpful if you tend to lose yourself and not realize how much time you're spending on something)

Make a very short "priority" list for the day and then work on whichever of those things I can manage to focus on, sometimes that will be the most interesting thing and I use that just to pull myself back into work stuff, then I can do the rest of it once I've successfully switched onto doing the most "fascinating" thing

Write the fascinating but unimportant thing down in my bullet journal or keep it bookmarked so that I can devote more time to it later (ask me how many things I have "saved" on facebook! I look at them on my day off.)

I also take time out of my life for what I call "contemplation time" - this can be about any subject, sometimes it's life stuff, events in my life, or topics that interest me (like a so far 18 month long look into the concepts of Good and Evil) and during my contemplation time I give myself permission to only think about, write about, or research that one thing, whatever it might be. I like this because it gives me space to do the hyperfocus that I would normally do, and gives me space for that inclination in my life, and because then I learn things about myself or different topics.

Hope that this helps!
posted by fairlynearlyready at 9:43 AM on April 5, 2017 [12 favorites]

Definitely agree with the hyperfocus/ADHD thing (and you don't need to have ADHD to get hyperfocused sometimes).

For me another factor is anxiety. Two ways:

I feel like I need to Understand Everything in order to be in control, so I'll spend an hour reading ice cube tray reviews before I buy one, or many hours reading about some topic that I feel would be possibly vaguely useful to know at some point.

The second way: it's a distraction. When I get incredibly focused on something, it's a way of avoiding thinking about things that DO matter, and also tricking yourself into feeling productive because, well, I may be slacking off work but at least I now know about half a dozen ways to make fire without matches, or about the history of female serial killers! I'm increasing my knowledge base!

Just realizing that these things stem from anxiety has been useful for me personally, because recognizing the source of the problem makes it easier to kickstart my brain into chilling out for a second.

I also came up with some ways this hyperfocus thing helps me. It makes me better at art and writing and housecleaning, it means I know a lot of interesting facts, etc. Thinking of it that way made it so I could say, this isn't a 'bad habit' per se, it's a totally acceptable part of my personality, it's just that there's a time and a place for it. That made it easier to quash in certain situations because now it feels less like I need to radically change something about myself, and more like adapting my behavior slightly in certain situations.
posted by showbiz_liz at 10:10 AM on April 5, 2017 [14 favorites]

Instead of letting go of something, set it aside for the interim and tell yourself to get back to it over the weekend, or the end of the month, etc. Put it on a list. When the time comes to take it up again you might or might not still find it compelling; if you do, great, this is the time you've set aside for it, and if you don't, great, on to the next item, or something else.

(I find myself doing this inadvertently all the time because of ADD-type stuff, and usually at the later time I can't recapture my focus on that subject because I've moved on, but if I think it is actually a subject I'd like to focus on then I keep note of it in case some day my brain decides to find itself in the right mood again.)


In theory mindfulness meditation is also supposed to help learn to direct focus, though I can't vouch from personal experience.
posted by trig at 11:18 AM on April 5, 2017 [1 favorite]