Who can/should report inappropriate sexual misconduct?
April 1, 2017 2:55 PM Subscribe
[potential content warning] I'm specifically thinking about two situations, in which people who occupied positions of power had engaged in rather inappropriate behaviours. The people involved in the situation don't want to report for various reasons. Who is allowed to report? Is there a statue of limitation?
New to this issue, so forgive my ignorance.
Situation 1:
Friend broke up with NowExPartner, because NowExPartner had an affair with their professor who was married with two kids. Friend didn't want to report because that seems...revenge-y, because NowExPartner was a consenting adult, and because Friend doesn't want to relive the situation.
NowExPartner "did it" with professor in his office while they were still in the professor's class, before grades were submitted.
I feel like it's none of my business to report, but I'm also disgusted, and feel like there is a conflict of interest.
But I only know through Friend. Can I report?
Situation 2:
Friend attended a graduate student conference at a different university, met FamousProf. FamousProf stared at Friend all night creepily, but Friend's discomfort was assuaged by local grad students who assured Friend that FamousProf was only attracted to the other sex, and that FamousProf was probably just socially awkward.
FamousProf offered Friend a ride to city three hours away where Friend lives, after the conference, said it was on his way. Friend accepted to save on bus fare. FamousProf ran their hand up Friend while driving 90 mph on late night highway.
I'm pissed, Friend is scared. Can I report? Can the local grad student report? Can friend report?
New to this issue, so forgive my ignorance.
Situation 1:
Friend broke up with NowExPartner, because NowExPartner had an affair with their professor who was married with two kids. Friend didn't want to report because that seems...revenge-y, because NowExPartner was a consenting adult, and because Friend doesn't want to relive the situation.
NowExPartner "did it" with professor in his office while they were still in the professor's class, before grades were submitted.
I feel like it's none of my business to report, but I'm also disgusted, and feel like there is a conflict of interest.
But I only know through Friend. Can I report?
Situation 2:
Friend attended a graduate student conference at a different university, met FamousProf. FamousProf stared at Friend all night creepily, but Friend's discomfort was assuaged by local grad students who assured Friend that FamousProf was only attracted to the other sex, and that FamousProf was probably just socially awkward.
FamousProf offered Friend a ride to city three hours away where Friend lives, after the conference, said it was on his way. Friend accepted to save on bus fare. FamousProf ran their hand up Friend while driving 90 mph on late night highway.
I'm pissed, Friend is scared. Can I report? Can the local grad student report? Can friend report?
Oh you're Canadian. I don't know what the equivalent office would be, but your university likely has a sexual assault resource center.
posted by k8t at 3:16 PM on April 1, 2017
posted by k8t at 3:16 PM on April 1, 2017
I'm sorry this happened to your friends. In general, statute of limitations varies by state the misconduct occurred in. Some states don't have a statute of limitations at all. You can look up the information here.
Mandated reporters exist, but only to protect vulnerable populations (minors, elderly, disabled).
1) Only NowExPartner can report. They were a consenting adult at the time, and even though I agree there is an element of coercion, the fact that they were legally adults means that if they don't see it as an assault, then it was consensual sex and outsiders don't have any business in contesting that.
2) This is something your friend should report. Each university has an office that handles reports of misconduct. In my experience, even if he isn't at the same institution as Friend, the fact that this happened during a formal educational activity (conference) means that both universities need to take an interest in and investigate the case, if reported.
I wouldn't report on behalf of your friends. Aside from the fact that your friends are legal adults, you also weren't there, you don't know the details entirely, and filing an accurate report (or as accurate as possible) is paramount in the legal process, since details will be scrutinized as the case moves forward, if it does. I would focus on being a source of support if needed, as reporting things of this nature are often emotionally exhausting and with ample telling and re-telling of the horrible events.
posted by gemutlichkeit at 3:16 PM on April 1, 2017 [6 favorites]
Mandated reporters exist, but only to protect vulnerable populations (minors, elderly, disabled).
1) Only NowExPartner can report. They were a consenting adult at the time, and even though I agree there is an element of coercion, the fact that they were legally adults means that if they don't see it as an assault, then it was consensual sex and outsiders don't have any business in contesting that.
2) This is something your friend should report. Each university has an office that handles reports of misconduct. In my experience, even if he isn't at the same institution as Friend, the fact that this happened during a formal educational activity (conference) means that both universities need to take an interest in and investigate the case, if reported.
I wouldn't report on behalf of your friends. Aside from the fact that your friends are legal adults, you also weren't there, you don't know the details entirely, and filing an accurate report (or as accurate as possible) is paramount in the legal process, since details will be scrutinized as the case moves forward, if it does. I would focus on being a source of support if needed, as reporting things of this nature are often emotionally exhausting and with ample telling and re-telling of the horrible events.
posted by gemutlichkeit at 3:16 PM on April 1, 2017 [6 favorites]
Response by poster: Oh I should clarify. I am from Canada, but these happened in the US. Many thanks K8t!
posted by redwaterman at 3:23 PM on April 1, 2017
posted by redwaterman at 3:23 PM on April 1, 2017
Okay, be a good supportive friend and encourage anyone directly involved to seek out help from their Title IX Office. Don't push them though. Some people want to report and some people don't.
posted by k8t at 3:32 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by k8t at 3:32 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
Best answer: You should not, yourself, report anything in either of these situations.
In respect of the first situation, you're an unconnected third party who has heard about a situation that you understandably regard as reprehensible. You do not have direct knowledge of the facts, and are not affected by the events. You do not, for example, have firsthand knowledge to enable you to gauge to what extent the ex-partner was a victim of their professor. Reporting this would not only undermine your friend's autonomy in respect of their own breakup, but could potentially place a victim of an abusive teacher at risk of further harm. Given your lack of firsthand knowledge, you might also place yourself at risk of being sued for defamation.
In the second case, you should offer your friend whatever support they want. One of the last things the victim of a sexual assault needs is someone (no matter how well intentioned) taking away their choice about how to respond. Make clear to your friend that you will offer emotional and practical support in whatever path they choose, and put their needs before your anger.
It's absolutely understandable to be angry about the situations you're describing, particularly when they involve people you care about. But that anger can be a distraction from the ways you can be a positive force here. Focus on what your friends need, rather than what your emotions demand.
posted by howfar at 4:47 PM on April 1, 2017 [13 favorites]
In respect of the first situation, you're an unconnected third party who has heard about a situation that you understandably regard as reprehensible. You do not have direct knowledge of the facts, and are not affected by the events. You do not, for example, have firsthand knowledge to enable you to gauge to what extent the ex-partner was a victim of their professor. Reporting this would not only undermine your friend's autonomy in respect of their own breakup, but could potentially place a victim of an abusive teacher at risk of further harm. Given your lack of firsthand knowledge, you might also place yourself at risk of being sued for defamation.
In the second case, you should offer your friend whatever support they want. One of the last things the victim of a sexual assault needs is someone (no matter how well intentioned) taking away their choice about how to respond. Make clear to your friend that you will offer emotional and practical support in whatever path they choose, and put their needs before your anger.
It's absolutely understandable to be angry about the situations you're describing, particularly when they involve people you care about. But that anger can be a distraction from the ways you can be a positive force here. Focus on what your friends need, rather than what your emotions demand.
posted by howfar at 4:47 PM on April 1, 2017 [13 favorites]
If you didn't personally witness either event, I'm not sure how seriously your report would be taken.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 7:47 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by The Underpants Monster at 7:47 PM on April 1, 2017 [1 favorite]
Regardless of what happened to me, a capable adult, if my friend saw fit to report it for me - thus undermining my own agency - I'd have a very hard time forgiving them.
posted by Kwadeng at 10:08 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by Kwadeng at 10:08 PM on April 1, 2017 [2 favorites]
Best answer: Agree with others that you should not report these events yourself, but you can support your friends and encourage them to report it.
I'm not sure about Canada, but in the U.S. universities all set their own policies on professor/student relationships. Some prohibit it, some discourage it, etc. Personally I might check the policy for the uni and let my friends know if I find anything that might affect their decision to report or not report.
I know how frustrating it is to be in this situation. However when you report something on behalf of another party, the institution will likely contact the involved parties to ask them what happened. If they have already decided that they are not willing to accept the risks of reporting, they're likely to deny the report and you'll find yourself in an uncomfortable situation.
posted by bunderful at 6:28 AM on April 2, 2017
I'm not sure about Canada, but in the U.S. universities all set their own policies on professor/student relationships. Some prohibit it, some discourage it, etc. Personally I might check the policy for the uni and let my friends know if I find anything that might affect their decision to report or not report.
I know how frustrating it is to be in this situation. However when you report something on behalf of another party, the institution will likely contact the involved parties to ask them what happened. If they have already decided that they are not willing to accept the risks of reporting, they're likely to deny the report and you'll find yourself in an uncomfortable situation.
posted by bunderful at 6:28 AM on April 2, 2017
Best answer: Neither of these things is yours to report. Imagine you are someone working at one of these universities and you get a call "My friend's ex had an affair with one of your professors and I think they even had sex in the professors office. Well no, I didn't actually SEE if, but I really do think it happened." Or: "No, well, I wasn't in the car, but I definitely think this professor acted inappropriately through this third hand information I now have."
Look, both of these situations are awful, but it's not your place to decide for the people who were involved whether and in what way it should be reported. I personally know grad students who were pressured to leave school over reporting sexual harassment, which of course is terrible, but again -- it's not your call to make as to whether they want to take that risk.
I would suggest two things:
--Support your friends, whether they decide to report or not
--Talk to a therapist or at least someone else not involved in the situation about how you're feeling about all this (for example, a good friend who doesn't know anyone else involved). It is HARD ending up in the adjacent situations to possible sexual assault where you feel weirdly responsible and horrible about everything and just all around lots of complicated feelings, but then you can't actually DO anything to solve the situation. It's perfectly reasonable to feel conflicted about that and need to talk through how you're feeling about it. But don't ask for that support from those who are closest to the situation. Remember the rule of comfort in, dump out, and talk about those feelings with an unrelated third party or therapist.
posted by rainbowbrite at 1:58 PM on April 2, 2017 [1 favorite]
Look, both of these situations are awful, but it's not your place to decide for the people who were involved whether and in what way it should be reported. I personally know grad students who were pressured to leave school over reporting sexual harassment, which of course is terrible, but again -- it's not your call to make as to whether they want to take that risk.
I would suggest two things:
--Support your friends, whether they decide to report or not
--Talk to a therapist or at least someone else not involved in the situation about how you're feeling about all this (for example, a good friend who doesn't know anyone else involved). It is HARD ending up in the adjacent situations to possible sexual assault where you feel weirdly responsible and horrible about everything and just all around lots of complicated feelings, but then you can't actually DO anything to solve the situation. It's perfectly reasonable to feel conflicted about that and need to talk through how you're feeling about it. But don't ask for that support from those who are closest to the situation. Remember the rule of comfort in, dump out, and talk about those feelings with an unrelated third party or therapist.
posted by rainbowbrite at 1:58 PM on April 2, 2017 [1 favorite]
Anyone can report. But Friend needs to call the police.
posted by Ironmouth at 12:46 PM on April 3, 2017
posted by Ironmouth at 12:46 PM on April 3, 2017
This thread is closed to new comments.
Situation 2 is really unfortunate. Is a leg brush assault though? But more to the point, you are removed from the situation. You can support your friend and encourage them to see your own campus's Title IX officer.
posted by k8t at 3:14 PM on April 1, 2017