Catfilter: can you help me figure out if this cat is for me?

March 28, 2017 7:56 PM

I have a adult male cat on trial adoption from a shelter- today is day 7 of 10. He was considered too shy to be in the actual shelter so was in a foster home. He's really warmed up to me and is mostly doing normal cat stuff, but is yowling off and on all night, every night. He's got food, water, clean litter and access to the whole house (including my bedroom) while doing this. Needless to say, I can't sleep and it's making me crazy.

I talked to the foster mom who did not hear any of this while the cat was with her- however he had another cat to hang out with. He might just be adjusting, but she suggested that he might need to live with another cat. If that's the case, I've got to bring him back- I can't deal with two cats right now. I'm willing to wait if he's just settling in, but I don't want either of us to be unhappy. Cat people: what are the odds that he'll knock it off? Or should I bring him back and find a cat that likes being an only cat?

posted by genmonster to Pets & Animals (19 answers total)

Only anecdata, but my (also adult male) cat stopped crying at night after a few weeks at home with me. He also had access to my whole apartment and I think he was crying because he wanted attention/playtime. It definitely did take more than a week for me to kitty-Ferberize the little guy but he hasn't cried in the middle of the night in a long time now.
posted by capricorn at 8:16 PM on March 28, 2017 [3 favorites]

I had a very talkative cat for over 12 years. Often when on the phone for the first time with someone they would say "I hear your baby crying, you can call me back". It was a very sweet cat, but many nights would just not shut up, especially when I had company.

Don't take a chance, return it.
posted by Sophont at 8:26 PM on March 28, 2017 [1 favorite]

There are many "only" cats out there, both cats happy to be alone (I'm sitting next to one right now, she tolerated sharing a room with other cats at the shelter but never warmed up to them) and cats who NEED to be alone. The latter kind are often hard to adopt out, and you'd do them a great favor by giving one a home.
posted by serelliya at 8:26 PM on March 28, 2017 [11 favorites]

Can you borrow the foster mum's other cat for a night and see if that stops the yowling?

I've only gotten cats as kittens, and there was an adjustment period of feline anxiety at night. This is prime awake time for them, since they are nocturnal, and here you are going to sleep and ignoring them without giving them anything else to do! Mine both adjusted and yours probably will too. He may prefer having company but it doesn't mean he can't adjust to not having it.
posted by Athanassiel at 10:00 PM on March 28, 2017 [2 favorites]

Have you tried Feliway (a calming spray) and vigorous play before bedtime?
posted by 2soxy4mypuppet at 10:06 PM on March 28, 2017 [6 favorites]

I have a cat who yowls a bit most nights. Feliway and playtime help, but he's never outgrown it fully. (We actually have two cats, and the yowler annoys the other cat as much as he does us!)
posted by web-goddess at 10:44 PM on March 28, 2017 [1 favorite]

In a 10 day cat-trial window you simply don't know - cats adjust more slowly than that.

One of my howlers did a lot better if we kept him in the room with us, but he was incredibly dimwitted and would forget where we were. Keeping him in the room meant he didn't get lost and panic that we were gone.
posted by 26.2 at 10:55 PM on March 28, 2017 [6 favorites]

Cats generally haaaaate change, so it's hard to say if it's the other cat or something else. Would it be possible to tell the shelter he's having issues adjusting, and ask for an extended trial period?

Did he have favorite toys or a favorite place to sleep at the foster home? Maybe having a similar setup would help. I'd also suggest keeping your house as dark as possible at night; that would often help my cats calm down when they decided to have a 3 am sprinting session. (Cats can see in very low light but not complete darkness.)

On the other hand, if you feel like this just isn't a good fit, don't feel bad about going back for a kitty with a temperament that's better suited to you. It won't do you or him any good if you wind up resenting his presence.
posted by gennessee at 2:33 AM on March 29, 2017 [3 favorites]

I'd suggest bringing him back and getting one of those cats who hate other cats and dream, I tell you, DREAM, of having their own solo territory.
posted by amtho at 2:58 AM on March 29, 2017 [3 favorites]

Is he neutered yet? I'm guessing so if he's a foster, but if not that could be at least part of it. We adopted a cat who couldn't be neutered right away, and in the week or two of waiting he yowled all night every night.

Otherwise, the complaining could be boredom. Play with him for a good half hour before bed - get him running around if possible - and see if that helps. If so, think about whether a cat who needs that much play every day is the right fit; there are more sedate kitties out there.
posted by Metroid Baby at 3:57 AM on March 29, 2017

I have an older female cat that started yowling. Turned out it was a thyroid problem - the vet did a blood test, and gave me some "goop" to put on the inside surface of her ear. Problem solved.
posted by rudd135 at 4:35 AM on March 29, 2017

Can you ask to extend the trial period by another ten days to see if he knocks it off once he gets a bit more settled?
posted by hazyjane at 4:46 AM on March 29, 2017 [8 favorites]

My cat, who is otherwise a generally perfect, quiet companion, does this anytime we move house. Walks around yowling at walls. I usually go get her and put her in bed with me, and we have snuggles so she knows I'm not gone, she is not alone, and she settles down.

I think he's just adjusting to being in a new place, without another cat. My cat was bonded to her brother, and he died - she mourned and then she's been fine as an only. If he's missing his foster brother, he will most likely adapt.
posted by Medieval Maven at 6:46 AM on March 29, 2017

If you're not attached to this cat and can't extend the trial, I'd try a different one. There are lots of cats that won't do this, so why risk it?
posted by ramenopres at 7:33 AM on March 29, 2017 [1 favorite]

I adopted a cat from the Humane Society in 2002. "How cute, he talks to me!" It's 2017. He has not stopped talking, which frequently escalates to yowling. (Though, thankfully, not at night.) I would not take this chance. If I wouldn't feel so horribly guilty I would have gotten rid of him once he started full-on yowling. He did not calm down at all after I got another cat (who, thankfully, is a quiet sweetie).
posted by AFABulous at 8:03 AM on March 29, 2017 [2 favorites]

I've had two yowlers. The first was an incredibly shy and anxious cat who was separated from his bonded, older, dominant sibling at the age of 3. Did he yowl before the separation? I don't know, but he certainly yowled at the top of his lungs ever after. He lost at least one foster home because of the loudness and persistence of his yowling.

My second yowler has always been a bit vocal, but his night time yowling has gotten almost out of control since my senior male cat died last month. (He has two female companions, but they don't play with him the way the older boy did.)

So, anecdotally, I think that loneliness can be a cause of anxiety and yowling.

Having said these things, I think those who advise you to return him for a cat who can be (or even better, needs to be) an only cat, are wise. This cat might just be a yowler in which case, nothing you do will make a difference; or he is missing something in his life that he's not getting from his life with just you. Do both of yourselves a favor and return him.
posted by ereshkigal45 at 2:14 PM on March 29, 2017

My last cat was very talkative. When we first got him, like clockwork every night, five minutes after we went to bed, he would begin what we ended up referring to as "the call of his people."

Eventually we figured out that before we went to bed he would usually be asleep and then he would wake up and all the lights were out and he had no idea where anyone was so his default reaction was to sit in one place and yowl...

We ended up doing this thing where when he started yowling we would go out into the living room and say "Hey Beauregard. I'm over here." this eventually prompted him to stop yowling and start coming into the bedroom to settle down by our feet on the bed. After a couple weeks he was much more used to the whole quiet bedtime idea.
posted by donut_princess at 2:23 PM on March 29, 2017 [2 favorites]

we ended up referring to as "the call of his people."

Hah. When my parents (who are not cat people) ask why Piccolo is yowling, I tell them that he is "singing the songs of his people."
posted by ereshkigal45 at 2:50 PM on March 29, 2017

What's the worst case scenario if you return him and he isn't a yowler (but you don't know that)-- you'll have to find a different cat to love.

What's the worst case scenario if you don't return him and it turns out he is a yowler--you will be woken up regularly and/or have to get a second cat.

Return him and let him go to a family where he can have a friend to play with overnight. It's the sensible choice for both of you.
posted by epanalepsis at 6:40 AM on March 31, 2017