Wife and I have depression after giving birth, feeling suicidal

March 21, 2017 7:35 AM

Hi all, I always see myself as a tough person who has a mental power to fortify any adversity in my life due to an unhappy childhood and the absence of loving care from a broken family. I don't resent my parent at all because I know they have tried their best, but the very environment that I grew up in molded me into a person who is prone to depression and low levels of self-esteem, self-worthiness and confidence.

In 2014, I got out of a two year relationship because I thought I should enjoy life more and since our relationship was always involved with verbal arguments, resentment and conflict, I thought we were both better off being separate. I have always enjoy solitude and being able to do my own things and focus on myself only. Fast forward 4 months later, I met my now wife and although I told myself this is too early for a relationship, her charm and bright personality silenced the nagging voices in the mind. Before the 2014 breakup, we had planned to went on a vacation in April 2015, where tickets are booked and I told my now-wife about it and she was fine to let me go with her. Personally, I really didn't think the vacation would bring any sparks back, but it did. After coming back from the vacation, me and my ex started to text each other and knowing that it will hurt my now-wife, I continued selfishly and apathetically. She soon founded out but was willing to forgive and soon after, we have cut all communications between me and my ex. Fast forward 6 months later, I have found a job in the United States and it is a moment that I have been dreaming since I was a freshman in college, I knew secretly in my mind that my relationship between my now-wife and I would soon fizzle out once I start my job, we decided to give this long distance relationship a shot nonetheless. On the first week Friday on my fresh new job, she told me that she is pregnant. I was beyond shocked and the first thing that came into my mind is abortion. Knowing that she a very sentimental person, I told her my reasoning and told her that an abortion would be the best option, because she is only 21 and just started college, having such a burden would wipe away all the enjoyment of being a 21 year old. Once she knew that I wanted a abortion, she couldn't accept that fact and basically fall into a very depressive state. Being worlds apart and she doesn't have citizenship in where she attends College, we decided to head back to Hong Kong where her parents are. Her parents always had high hopes of her and she is the most loved in the family. Being pregnant in an early age and also being in an Asian family, she soon felt a lot of resentment from her family and the waves of perceived disappointments soon overwhelm her and the worse part is, we are worlds apart. The journey of her pregnancy was not a smooth one, she was always stuck at home staring at four walls and eventually negative thoughts started to creep in. We always call each other and but most of the time we ended up in an argument. She also started to resent that sour moment of the communication between me and my ex constantly. On September 2016, I flew back to witness the birth of our adorable daughter was born, and I have the incredible feeling to protect her and defend for her. Before our daughter was born, we have gotten married although I felt everything went so fast and so quick. After two weeks, I had to fly back due to job obligations. I soon worked on getting her and my daughter visas so she could come live with me. I thought that my depression and loneliness of being away from her would soon disappear. She and my daughter arrived not long after sending in the visa application. For the first time, I felt she is a completely different person, her bright personality and her optimism was gone completely and she has postpartum depression where the illness was followed up by a doctor in Hong Kong. So, being in the United States alone with just me, my wife and my daughter. Her postpartum depression often out bursts into huge arguments where one time she told me to stab her with a knife. These event drove my depression straight down to the ditch and my sanity is started to decline as time passes, stresses from work doesn't help neither. She constantly mentions the moment when me and my ex communicated in a jokingly mention or a way to start a fight. She mentions it so much that I started to regret in the situation that I am in now and started to reminisce my pass of being free as a bird. Last week, we had a fight so bad that I snapped and I banged my head against my door which broke and smashed a beer bottle on my head and it cut my hand and blood was everywhere. For the first time, she cried in fear and I cannot imagine in a million years of what I have become. I am depressed, she is depressed, I want to make things better but the question is how? I feel so sorry for my daughter for getting her into this mess... So, dear people of MetaFilter, I signed up because of this post: http://ask.metafilter.com/77815/Is-it-right-to-divorce-a-depressed-spouse Where I saw so many people giving positive feedback and I was hoping that I would receive the same feedback. Thank you my friends...

posted by WillIBeSaved to Human Relations