Dating with anxiety.

March 13, 2017 4:21 PM

I've posted before about limerence. I've been seeing a great guy (not the one described in the linked Ask from October) for a few weeks. We're having a great time but my chest constantly feels like it's going to explode and I need help differentiating limerence/giddiness from anxiety.

I'm looking for a therapist in my new city. I already have the medication aspect covered (low dose of Prozac daily, plus ultra-low-dose Xanax for emergencies). In the meantime, do you have tips for dating with anxiety? In particular, looking for tips for what to do when limerence begets anxiety, and how to differentiate the two feelings.

posted by schroedingersgirl to Human Relations (4 answers total)

Best answer: I've been there girl. It's super confusing. If I were you I would journal the hell out of your feelings to distinguish what's real and what's not. I've started doing a sort of video journal using the recorder on my cell phone (I delete the video when I'm done getting whatever off my chest). Just talking through your feelings can help settle down what's real and what's not.
When the limerence becomes too much, spend time doing grounding activities that center you within yourself. Stuff like yoga, reading books, writing, having a bath, going for a long walk, watching TV alone... Make sure you can get back into your own skin so that you don't give away your sense of self in a flurry of emotion. Keep knowing that you don't depend on this guy for your existence, your survival, your value, your happiness, and that you're still an independent, autonomous being of worth. Resettling your intentions and your sense of self helps me with dating -induced anxiety at times :) Remember, it should just be fun :)
posted by winterportage at 7:18 PM on March 13, 2017 [2 favorites]

Best answer: A good therapist should be able to help you with this, should be able to observe in you the positive signs of limerence versus the negative signs of anxiety. (It might be worth reviewing if the low dose is too low at that).

You feel like your chest is going to explode: what other physical symptoms do you have? If it's just a high pulse, it could be either. Can you track, within yourself, what the symptoms are when you're just dreamily giddy versus when you're generally anxious? Do you bite your nails, pace, fidget when anxious?
posted by RainyJay at 12:32 AM on March 14, 2017 [1 favorite]

Don't forget, while you are being mindful, to talk back to any automatic cognitions that tell you you are somehow not going to have the normal dating experience with this guy.
posted by Ironmouth at 1:07 PM on March 14, 2017 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Thank you, all! This has been super helpful and I'm already thinking more clearly. I especially liked RainyJay's suggestion to use physical symptoms to help differentiate limerence from anxiety. [Fidgeting = anxiety; Grinning uncontrollably = limerence]

Ironmouth, if you have a chance would you mind clarifying your comment a little bit? I think my brain must be a little slow today but I'm having a hard time figuring out if you mean that I should be alert to potential red flags in the new relationship, or that I should expect to have a normal dating experience.
posted by schroedingersgirl at 3:55 PM on March 14, 2017 [1 favorite]