Being car-free with a baby
March 7, 2017 6:31 PM Subscribe
I have a baby. I don't drive. How hard is this going to be?
I was working on the driving lessons but I just can't. I don't have anyone right now to take me practicing, my city is an overcrowded construction zone, and with looming daycare costs to consider, I can't afford a car anyway. My anxiety around the subject of driving is massive. I just can't.
So...now I have a baby. I anticipate a time in the future where he won't be in a car seat anymore and the living will be easy. We are in a pretty walkable area and if we move, it will be to another walkable area. A bus which stops frequently in front of our apartment frequents a route which takes us in about 20 minutes to either of the city's major subway lines. 95% of our needs can be served on foot or on transit. Uber, taxis and my parents will be there the rest of the time.
But in the meanwhile, how hard is this going to be? Baby is ok with the on foot part, and has managed short bus rides in a stroller. He seems happy enough when we get somewhere and will fall asleep in his little seat. But the subway is out of the question because not every stop has an elevator. I've tried baby-wearing but he gets too hot and hates it.
So, how will this work for the next few years? Can I bring a car seat into a taxi or Uber car? Can I bring it on a bus or a train to go on vacation with him? If I do that, how do I manage the solo carrying of that car seat plus the baby and our luggage? Or should I only do airplane vacations and just get a buggy at the airport? But then if I don't have a car seat, how do I get to the hotel once we get there? Ugh. The mind boggles.
I was working on the driving lessons but I just can't. I don't have anyone right now to take me practicing, my city is an overcrowded construction zone, and with looming daycare costs to consider, I can't afford a car anyway. My anxiety around the subject of driving is massive. I just can't.
So...now I have a baby. I anticipate a time in the future where he won't be in a car seat anymore and the living will be easy. We are in a pretty walkable area and if we move, it will be to another walkable area. A bus which stops frequently in front of our apartment frequents a route which takes us in about 20 minutes to either of the city's major subway lines. 95% of our needs can be served on foot or on transit. Uber, taxis and my parents will be there the rest of the time.
But in the meanwhile, how hard is this going to be? Baby is ok with the on foot part, and has managed short bus rides in a stroller. He seems happy enough when we get somewhere and will fall asleep in his little seat. But the subway is out of the question because not every stop has an elevator. I've tried baby-wearing but he gets too hot and hates it.
So, how will this work for the next few years? Can I bring a car seat into a taxi or Uber car? Can I bring it on a bus or a train to go on vacation with him? If I do that, how do I manage the solo carrying of that car seat plus the baby and our luggage? Or should I only do airplane vacations and just get a buggy at the airport? But then if I don't have a car seat, how do I get to the hotel once we get there? Ugh. The mind boggles.
You can definitely bring a car seat into a bus or Uber car. They make car seat bags with backpack straps and/or wheels. They also make car seats that fold up nicely for maximum transportability - I think right now the hotness is the immi go.
Things get better as your kid gets bigger. My 3yo has this crazy vest that we use in place of a proper seat when we travel.
posted by potrzebie at 6:49 PM on March 7, 2017
Things get better as your kid gets bigger. My 3yo has this crazy vest that we use in place of a proper seat when we travel.
posted by potrzebie at 6:49 PM on March 7, 2017
Bring a fold-up stroller and wear the baby down the stairs.
I'm mostly here to tell you that this will work. You can do this!
posted by aniola at 6:49 PM on March 7, 2017 [1 favorite]
I'm mostly here to tell you that this will work. You can do this!
posted by aniola at 6:49 PM on March 7, 2017 [1 favorite]
You are going to be fine! There will be some moments but there are driving as well.
In no particular order:
- once your baby's old enough to sit up reliably, look at Maclaren strollers, which are lightweight umbrella-type stroller but aren't lousy like most and whose handles are high enough, unlike the cheap versions. It took time but I could take mine up and down flights of stairs easily by carrying/leading my child, having the stroller over my back. They are train, bus, and gate-check friendly (come with a bag to pack in). And have decent wheels and brakes! Mine went all over Toronto whether there were elevators or not.
- I baby-wore (Ergo carrier) but it isn't for everyone. It was a big help. I'd encourage that or a wrap for trips just to have a place to constrain the baby/toddler.
- I think Uber family includes car seats but I could be wrong. We've done all-public-transportation vacations. The early baby bucket seats go everywhere and at a certain point a booster seat works so the question is in between which is only a few years...others hopefully have insight. We took a Radian car seat that folds on a plane and car rental but I can't recommend it if you are solo parent, it was heavy.
posted by warriorqueen at 6:55 PM on March 7, 2017 [3 favorites]
In no particular order:
- once your baby's old enough to sit up reliably, look at Maclaren strollers, which are lightweight umbrella-type stroller but aren't lousy like most and whose handles are high enough, unlike the cheap versions. It took time but I could take mine up and down flights of stairs easily by carrying/leading my child, having the stroller over my back. They are train, bus, and gate-check friendly (come with a bag to pack in). And have decent wheels and brakes! Mine went all over Toronto whether there were elevators or not.
- I baby-wore (Ergo carrier) but it isn't for everyone. It was a big help. I'd encourage that or a wrap for trips just to have a place to constrain the baby/toddler.
- I think Uber family includes car seats but I could be wrong. We've done all-public-transportation vacations. The early baby bucket seats go everywhere and at a certain point a booster seat works so the question is in between which is only a few years...others hopefully have insight. We took a Radian car seat that folds on a plane and car rental but I can't recommend it if you are solo parent, it was heavy.
posted by warriorqueen at 6:55 PM on March 7, 2017 [3 favorites]
This might depend on your jurisdiction but in Ontario you don't need car seats in taxis. I don't know if this applies to Uber cars. You could bring your own seat anyway, and that is the safer option for sure, but it is a PITA to install a car seat every time you want to go in a car, especially if each car is different and has different latch points.
aniola has a great solution for dealing with the subway. Also, there are different baby wearing options out there (Baby Bjorn, Ergobaby, slings, etc) and it might be that your baby prefers one over the others. See if you know anyone that you can borrow one from to try it out.
Car seats don't count as luggage for airlines so as long as you can get it to and from the airport you can take your car seat with you. I've done that on a trip to visit relatives in the States. In your situation you would want to find a car seat that is as portable as possible and not one which you install in your car and forget about for the next few years.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 6:58 PM on March 7, 2017
aniola has a great solution for dealing with the subway. Also, there are different baby wearing options out there (Baby Bjorn, Ergobaby, slings, etc) and it might be that your baby prefers one over the others. See if you know anyone that you can borrow one from to try it out.
Car seats don't count as luggage for airlines so as long as you can get it to and from the airport you can take your car seat with you. I've done that on a trip to visit relatives in the States. In your situation you would want to find a car seat that is as portable as possible and not one which you install in your car and forget about for the next few years.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 6:58 PM on March 7, 2017
We used this travel vest for taxis and vacation cars when my son was around 3.
posted by xo at 7:21 PM on March 7, 2017
posted by xo at 7:21 PM on March 7, 2017
In New York, parents often just carry strollers up & down stairs. It seems a pain but not undoable.
posted by dame at 8:23 PM on March 7, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by dame at 8:23 PM on March 7, 2017 [2 favorites]
When my kids were little, there was an attachment thing (Gogo kidz travel mate) for turning your ordinary convertible car seat into a stroller. It was fantastic for transiting airports.
posted by leahwrenn at 8:33 PM on March 7, 2017
posted by leahwrenn at 8:33 PM on March 7, 2017
This is pretty normal in Europe :) My bros family have three kids and they have lived on/off without a car. You will be fine and can feel stoked that you're being environmentally chill too.
posted by speakeasy at 9:03 PM on March 7, 2017
posted by speakeasy at 9:03 PM on March 7, 2017
Does your subway system have a map of accessible stops? When I have heavy luggage in London I plan my route around stops with lifts, it can take a little longer but is completely doable.
posted by ellieBOA at 9:25 PM on March 7, 2017
posted by ellieBOA at 9:25 PM on March 7, 2017
Baby wrap when they are under a year or two, for walking around. Maclaren stroller later. We lugged a car seat with us the times we needed. That was tough. When our son reached booster seat age (4-5) that was much better. We now use a mifold booster for our 7 year old.
posted by fings at 10:00 PM on March 7, 2017
posted by fings at 10:00 PM on March 7, 2017
Totally fine. Get a stroller you can load up as needed, and consider a backpack to load up as well. Also you can manage a stroller on stairs (carefully!!) - it's just a little bumpy. Be conscious of what you load up with and clean out the stroller/backpack daily so you are only bringing the things you need.
In your bag always have emergency change of clothing, emergency toy (small), emergency book (light/small) and emergency snack (non-perishable that can just stay in there forever until you need it) - as well as the usual diapers etc.
Good luck!
posted by Toddles at 10:25 PM on March 7, 2017
In your bag always have emergency change of clothing, emergency toy (small), emergency book (light/small) and emergency snack (non-perishable that can just stay in there forever until you need it) - as well as the usual diapers etc.
Good luck!
posted by Toddles at 10:25 PM on March 7, 2017
Totally doable. I would encourage you not to rule out babywearing prematurely though. I can't see where you are based but is there a sling meet or sling library in your city? If so, volunteers can help troubleshoot to make sure your baby is cool and comfortable and you can borrow a few different types of sling to see if there's one that works for you.
posted by bimbam at 10:47 PM on March 7, 2017
posted by bimbam at 10:47 PM on March 7, 2017
Best answer: We did this. Our daughter is now 2, and we've lived in two cities with different public transport networks (one mostly buses, the other mostly trains/subways) and done a lot of travelling. It's fine and very doable.
It is worth trying other options with babywearing - different types of sling, getting a sling library or someone experienced to help you troubleshoot. Some babies will just loathe it whatever you do, but many will be fine with it done in some ways but not others. (Also, they will accept different things at different ages. Mine loathed buggies/prams for the first six months and loathed car seats for another year, and then was suddenly fine with both. Babies are weird.)
Slings make public transport/walking much easier and more flexible. We relied on ours (still do!) very, very heavily, especially for our old city's subway system and for longer-distance travelling. You can navigate a lot with a lightweight buggy, especially if you aren't restricted to travelling at busy times, but it is very good to have other tools in your set.
How travelling worked for us:
Buses: We used mostly sling, but sometimes buggy, depending on how much walking we were doing either side. You get good at learning to optimise bus journeys for the quietest route/times when you need space for the buggy. Very handy to have a lightweight quick-folding one for busy times. Some of our buses have a wheelchair space which buggies can use when unoccupied, but you need to either fold down or get off if a wheelchair user needs the space - if yours is the same it's useful to know what the bus company's policy is about the next bus (ours will give you a ticket to complete your journey). Baby usually stayed in buggy or sling for whole journey. Other stuff: Buses are wobblier and more unpredictably stop/start than trains/subways. If you have a buggy, put the brake on as soon as you're safely in place before you do anything else. Getting on/off, it's often easiest to get on forwards but come off backwards (so the buggy is tipping towards you).
Subway/local trains: Our subway had no step-free access so I always used the sling, but I've seen people do it with lightweight buggies too, sometimes with a combination of folding buggy/sling and sometimes by carrying child in buggy down steps. On trains, if I had a buggy I stayed in the area with buggy space without taking child out. Watch out for steps at unfamiliar stations. Avoid rush hour if you have a choice. (I have navigated central London via trains/tube at rush hour before with a baby in a sling, and it was doable but not an experience I would like to repeat.)
Longer-distance trains: We have been doing longer trips (3+ hours) since our baby was a few months old. Usually this was via train, with heavy use of sling. We relied on sling and took a car seat only if absolutely needed for destination - there's usually more luggage space on longer-distance trains so it's less of a hassle to cart about. I have seen parents with kids who hated prams less than ours keep them in pram for whole journeys, though, so that is entirely possible depending on space your train company has. Check ahead about baby-change facilities on the train, and make sure you know when you sit down which direction the nearest one to you is.
posted by Catseye at 11:52 PM on March 7, 2017
It is worth trying other options with babywearing - different types of sling, getting a sling library or someone experienced to help you troubleshoot. Some babies will just loathe it whatever you do, but many will be fine with it done in some ways but not others. (Also, they will accept different things at different ages. Mine loathed buggies/prams for the first six months and loathed car seats for another year, and then was suddenly fine with both. Babies are weird.)
Slings make public transport/walking much easier and more flexible. We relied on ours (still do!) very, very heavily, especially for our old city's subway system and for longer-distance travelling. You can navigate a lot with a lightweight buggy, especially if you aren't restricted to travelling at busy times, but it is very good to have other tools in your set.
How travelling worked for us:
Buses: We used mostly sling, but sometimes buggy, depending on how much walking we were doing either side. You get good at learning to optimise bus journeys for the quietest route/times when you need space for the buggy. Very handy to have a lightweight quick-folding one for busy times. Some of our buses have a wheelchair space which buggies can use when unoccupied, but you need to either fold down or get off if a wheelchair user needs the space - if yours is the same it's useful to know what the bus company's policy is about the next bus (ours will give you a ticket to complete your journey). Baby usually stayed in buggy or sling for whole journey. Other stuff: Buses are wobblier and more unpredictably stop/start than trains/subways. If you have a buggy, put the brake on as soon as you're safely in place before you do anything else. Getting on/off, it's often easiest to get on forwards but come off backwards (so the buggy is tipping towards you).
Subway/local trains: Our subway had no step-free access so I always used the sling, but I've seen people do it with lightweight buggies too, sometimes with a combination of folding buggy/sling and sometimes by carrying child in buggy down steps. On trains, if I had a buggy I stayed in the area with buggy space without taking child out. Watch out for steps at unfamiliar stations. Avoid rush hour if you have a choice. (I have navigated central London via trains/tube at rush hour before with a baby in a sling, and it was doable but not an experience I would like to repeat.)
Longer-distance trains: We have been doing longer trips (3+ hours) since our baby was a few months old. Usually this was via train, with heavy use of sling. We relied on sling and took a car seat only if absolutely needed for destination - there's usually more luggage space on longer-distance trains so it's less of a hassle to cart about. I have seen parents with kids who hated prams less than ours keep them in pram for whole journeys, though, so that is entirely possible depending on space your train company has. Check ahead about baby-change facilities on the train, and make sure you know when you sit down which direction the nearest one to you is.
posted by Catseye at 11:52 PM on March 7, 2017
We did this in Boston for a few years with my son. He hated being in the baby-wearing things...until we realized that he just wanted to face outwards. Also, despite all the advice about swaddling, the kid just wanted his arms and legs free. The Baby Bjorns did that. When he got bigger, we mostly used one of those combo backpacks/carriers. We bought a carseat to have for when absolutely needed and just took it with us on planes/trains.
It was much much easier for us not to have a stroller; they're really the thing that makes transit more difficult with the kid.
posted by Dr.Enormous at 2:43 AM on March 8, 2017
It was much much easier for us not to have a stroller; they're really the thing that makes transit more difficult with the kid.
posted by Dr.Enormous at 2:43 AM on March 8, 2017
We had no car with our first baby. My number one advice is to not give up on baby wearing before trying some more solutions. The difference between a wrap vs a Bjorn vs a sling vs a baby backpack vs whatever can be substantial. For me, an outward facing Bjorn ended up being the best solution, but it's going to depend on you and the baby. Once you have a good baby-wearing solution, a lot of things become a lot more tenable.
In the hot summer months, I'd often simply carry the baby in my arms, which meant that we could keep changing positions to stay comfortable and cool. I would still carry the Bjorn with me in a backpack or shoulder bag though, in case my arms got too tired.
I still used a stroller some of the time of course, and found that stairs never needed to be that big of a problem. I had one of those off-road-looking strollers with the bicycle-style rear wheels and, for small flights of stairs, I had no problem just slowly rolling the stroller up or down the stairs one at a time . You need to have enough strength and confidence to be sure you're not going to lose your grip and send your baby careening to its death of course but, for me at least, you get over the fear of imminent baby-death pretty quickly just because carrying around that level of anxiety constantly is not tenable. I also found that, by just standing helplessly at the top or bottom of a flight of stairs with a stroller, I would almost always immediately get an offer of help from a stranger and we could just carry the stroller together. Further, though escalators always have those "no strollers" signs, I decided early on to ignore them and, with the right technique, taking a stroller on an escalator is safe and easy.
Another thing is that you end up encouraging your kids to walk early and build up distance stamina at a young age. I see four year olds in strollers all the time and it kind of blows my mind. My kids were both walking several km at my side by the time they turned two.
All in all, it takes some sweat and planning, but this is totally doable.
posted by 256 at 8:11 AM on March 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
In the hot summer months, I'd often simply carry the baby in my arms, which meant that we could keep changing positions to stay comfortable and cool. I would still carry the Bjorn with me in a backpack or shoulder bag though, in case my arms got too tired.
I still used a stroller some of the time of course, and found that stairs never needed to be that big of a problem. I had one of those off-road-looking strollers with the bicycle-style rear wheels and, for small flights of stairs, I had no problem just slowly rolling the stroller up or down the stairs one at a time . You need to have enough strength and confidence to be sure you're not going to lose your grip and send your baby careening to its death of course but, for me at least, you get over the fear of imminent baby-death pretty quickly just because carrying around that level of anxiety constantly is not tenable. I also found that, by just standing helplessly at the top or bottom of a flight of stairs with a stroller, I would almost always immediately get an offer of help from a stranger and we could just carry the stroller together. Further, though escalators always have those "no strollers" signs, I decided early on to ignore them and, with the right technique, taking a stroller on an escalator is safe and easy.
Another thing is that you end up encouraging your kids to walk early and build up distance stamina at a young age. I see four year olds in strollers all the time and it kind of blows my mind. My kids were both walking several km at my side by the time they turned two.
All in all, it takes some sweat and planning, but this is totally doable.
posted by 256 at 8:11 AM on March 8, 2017 [2 favorites]
Just chiming in with one more, yes, this is doable. Things take longer without a car, but things take longer with a baby/infant/child anyway. Just budget for the extra time and you'll be fine.
posted by clawsoon at 8:46 AM on March 8, 2017
posted by clawsoon at 8:46 AM on March 8, 2017
One of the "done" things in New York is to ask a stranger to help you up/down the stairs with a stroller - usually the parent keeps hold of the stroller and the stranger holds the foot strap. I've only played the "stranger" role in that interaction, but it always seemed pretty manageable and safe. If there's sufficient foot traffic around, I wouldn't hesitate to ask someone friendly-looking for help.
posted by R a c h e l at 10:19 AM on March 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by R a c h e l at 10:19 AM on March 8, 2017 [1 favorite]
Totally fine! We only bought a car because we were having a second and the winters here are rough. I know lots of people who are carless. We stayed in the neighborhood most of the time. There were some adjustments like I couldn't fill up a backpack of heavy groceries and walk 2 km home anymore but you figure that out fast.
Babywearing was not for me but it's worth trying because it really is easier. In my town there's a facebook group and meetup where you can try all the different slings.
It's legal to hold a baby on your lap in a taxi in my town and I have done that more than once so the carseat isn't totally required, though you may feel safer with one. We were gifted an awesome stroller that had a configuration with the infant carseat so that's what we used for travel most of the time.
posted by TheLateGreatAbrahamLincoln at 9:07 PM on March 8, 2017
Babywearing was not for me but it's worth trying because it really is easier. In my town there's a facebook group and meetup where you can try all the different slings.
It's legal to hold a baby on your lap in a taxi in my town and I have done that more than once so the carseat isn't totally required, though you may feel safer with one. We were gifted an awesome stroller that had a configuration with the infant carseat so that's what we used for travel most of the time.
posted by TheLateGreatAbrahamLincoln at 9:07 PM on March 8, 2017
This thread is closed to new comments.
Once he gets a little bigger (holding head up well, sitting) a backpack type carrier is much cooler for a baby. He might LOVE that mode of transport.
Have you looked into a stroller frame which takes the baby car seat in it. They are super light, and easy to pop in and out of car/taxi/bus once you take the baby and car seat out of it.
You can totally bring a car seat into a taxi (and I would assume an Uber). You will want a car seat which is SUPER EASY to install (I like the Britax Click Tight) but whatever is around and easy to install is what you want. You will be a pro at getting it in and out in no time.
I took a barely walking child + car seat + luggage on trips more than once. You will find a way to link your luggage together. Travel is a good time to use a big stroller, and a towable bag, and a backpack. Ideally your stroller has a large underseat net which will carry another bag. I found a way to clip my travel car seat to the back of my rolly bag, and that meant I could push stroller with one hand, wear a backpack, diaper bag under the stroller seat, kid in stroller and tow roller bag with car seat attached....it's doable. Don't plan any tight connections!! To do this you need a stable (read heavier...) stroller. But its totally doable. Large caribiners and extra straps are you friend. You need a system for how it all goes together, and then take the minute to assemble it all when you get off the plane/etc. Trains and buses, you might need to ask if you need to use the seat, but they will always store it for you. You might want to invest in a car seat carry bag to keep it clean/safer. When you shop for a 'big kid' car seat, look for one which is compact and lightweight. The Radian Seats are marketed as good for travel but are HEAVY!!!!! They do fold up and have backpackstraps, but their weight is HUGE. If you are strong, they are a doable choice, but oh the weight....
As for the subway, learn which stops are 'accessible'. You might need to ask for special transit map. Sometimes there are hidden/locked elevators that you might be able to access as needed. Otherwise, subways gonna suck...those stairs are killers. But, you might find with a lightweight stroller, and baby in a carrier, you can manage the stairs/escalator. One of my strollers had a shoulder strap for carrying it, and was totally manageable.
Anyway, that's all I learned on my travels....
posted by Northbysomewhatcrazy at 6:49 PM on March 7, 2017 [2 favorites]