Bra wranglers, what am I doing wrong?

March 4, 2017 6:38 PM

My bra slides up over one breast (not the other) when I raise my arms. Accordingly, I try to avoid doing so in public but I'd like to actually solve the problem.

Pre cancer, I was about a B+/C cup.

Post cancer (big lumpectomy), and post the stupid plastic surgery on both breasts which finally (after way too many surgeries) resulted in having the implants removed and my breast that was not affected by cancer reduced a bit to be closer in size to cancer breast, I am now about a B on one side and about an A on the other.

I still have fairly sensitive scar tissue, particularly under the B breast, and accordingly I don't wear underwire bras. I normally wear a bra with a shaped cup, though, because the A breast is kind of misshapen and lumpy.

I've also gained weight since the surgery to remove the implants.

Now I have been wearing a 36 B bra which accentuates my back fat but which seems to be both snug enough to stay in place and not so snug as to irritate the scar tissue under B breast. The A breast doesn't fill the cup but I can live with that.

But when I raise my arms, the bra slides up over the bottom maybe quarter or third of the A breast although it stays in place under the B breast. Loosening the strap only makes the strap fall off my shoulder constantly. Tightening the band hurts my scars. And it doesn't return to position until I manually adjust it. This has recently become a little inconvenient for me since I changed jobs and no longer have my own office.

Is this the result of surgery making my breast into a shape or consistency not conducive to bras or is this something that just happens with smaller breasts or is it due to wearing the wrong cup size or what?

I have to be honest and tell you that my experience with bra fit specialists has been so negative that even if consulting one is the correct answer and even if you all convince me it is the correct answer, I am unlikely to consult one ever again, so it would be more helpful to me at this juncture if you could guess at what might correct this awkward problem.

posted by janey47 to Clothing, Beauty, & Fashion (19 answers total)

I think it's the discrepancy between cup sizes. I'd try sewing a bra insert/cup liner in the A cup side. You can get these "bra forms" at a craft/sewing place like Joann's.
posted by saradarlin at 6:42 PM on March 4, 2017 [4 favorites]

I know most bra-fitting consultants are awful, and I'm sorry to hear about your experience, but have you tried one that specializes in post-lumpectomy/mastectomy fittings? There are bra-fitting shops that specialize in helping people in your situation. They can make alterations and give suggestions for brands and/or styles that may suit you. My mother-in-law is a breast cancer survivor (she had a lumpectomy, followed by removal of one breast and then years later a lumpectomy on the other, but has been fine for a decade now) and her insurance even pays for a specialty bra fitting every year.
posted by erst at 6:54 PM on March 4, 2017 [5 favorites]

Best answer: Would a racerback style bra work with your scar sensitivity? Maybe if the straps sit narrower on your shoulders, there won't be so much movement when you lift your arms. Something a little less formally a bra, maybe with a soft, wider band, might be less fussy under your bustline.

This bra is cute and is an example of something that has moulded cups, a wide band area that should help things stay put, and straps that I think will give your shoulders enough clearance to move without disrupting the goods. If my boobs weren't so architecturally demanding, I'd wear that bra in a heartbeat.
posted by phunniemee at 7:35 PM on March 4, 2017 [2 favorites]

Best answer: It's highly likely that you're actually a bigger cup size than you think you are - I spent most of my 20s thinking I was a B-cup when I actually am somewhere in the range of DD/E cup. A Bra That Fits on Reddit has a ton of useful info and is heavily HEAVILY moderated so as to be actual bra information and zero creepiness. Their beginner's guide has a ton of useful information on measuring yourself and on brands for specific breast shapes, and a number of posts within the forum itself are from people dealing with bra fit after breast surgery or reconstruction.
posted by augustimagination at 7:49 PM on March 4, 2017 [18 favorites]

I think its a matter of band size. You may actually need to go up a size in band. Maybe, just to try, is to go to a fabric store and buy whats called a "bra band extender" which is found in a notions aisle and sew that on to see if that helps. I know you said no more bra-fitting consultants but what about shooting an email to Monica at Bravo Bella Bras? She sews, designs and fits bras (I've taken her classes and love her) of every shape and form and she's got knowledge.
posted by tipsyBumblebee at 7:55 PM on March 4, 2017

I got a bra-fitting at Victoria's Secret years ago, which was so loose as to be completely meaningless. Then I went to a bra fitting at a small Japanese chain in Manhattan, and the experience was hugely educational. My takeaway is the reason they say most American women don't know their own bra size is manufacturers make too few sizes. The Japanese bra-fitter immediately switched me to French bras (which I've since ordered on ebay for $20/piece), which not only have many more incremental sizes, but also sometimes have padding. If you remove the padding on one side side of the bra, you may be able to achieve balance between both sides. It also became clear that a really good fit store is able to remove or sew on all sorts of bits and pieces, often right while you wait. So I'd look up either a specialized bra-fitting service for specialists, as mentioned above, or someplace like my Japanese bra-fitting service, which is known as much for its service as its sex appeal.
posted by Violet Blue at 8:06 PM on March 4, 2017 [6 favorites]

Did you know that there are people making/selling bras on etsy? I've bought one from these folks and I got the impression they were sewing the cups on to the band specifically for my order, so perhaps they could just use different size cups. In any case however, they have a Velcro band closure that offers basically infinitely more tightness options than the standard two/three-hook models, and it's apparently actually recommended for people who have had breast surgeries.
posted by teremala at 9:13 PM on March 4, 2017 [5 favorites]

I'm wondering if, at that size, whether you need to wear a true bra anymore? Could you wear a camisole instead?
posted by itsflyable at 10:30 PM on March 4, 2017

Best answer: Do you think you'd be comfortable in a padded bralette? I'm OBSESSED with these. I am a 28" underbust and they're comfortable but not at all snug on me. I don't need the support. I think they should fit a 36" underbust. Padded=no nip issues and nice smoothing. These are a great, flattering cut undershirts, including V necks (unlike make scoop-neck bralettes.)

I also highly highly second doing full measurements through A Bra That Fits calculators. I think you may not have enough cup so you're getting boobage under the band because they're not fully supported. Do you have any sort of shop that caters to post-breast op people? I know even my small college town had a little shop specifically for post-surgical women. An insert may help the fit but of course it's up to you if you want to wear one.

I would also possibly look into long-line bras which should help with stuff riding up.
posted by Crystalinne at 12:02 AM on March 5, 2017 [6 favorites]

I do think that the problem must be the band size being too big for you, because the band isn't meant to move. However you've tried going down a band size and it hurt, so knowing that doesn't help you.

Instead I would second all of Crystalline's excellent suggestions about alternatives to regular bras.
posted by tinkletown at 12:43 AM on March 5, 2017 [2 favorites]

Yeah, I would second Crystalline's suggestions, particularly exploring the wide world of bralettes. I have a few that are designed along sports bra lines, but aren't quite as compressive and are soft and insanely comfy; possibly soft enough that the band could go a idge tighter than you're used to without being uncomfortable.

How do you feel about wearing a slightly tight ribbed undershirt instead? Or a regularly-fitting one with a built-in shelf bra? When I got tattoos on my ribs/breasts I couldn't bear a bra for about a month, and a tight undershirt got me through, even though my bust size was at the time considerably bigger than yours. (I know that the two situations aren't remotely comparable, but I couldn't wear a bra with a band at all, thus my guess at this.) If you want to wear something pretty and sexy in particular, it's definitely possible to get tight, silky camisoles with or without shelf bras; I have one from Victoria's Secret, although I got it at a clothing swap so no idea how old it is.
posted by kalimac at 4:33 AM on March 5, 2017

If anything slips, your band size is too big, period. The band is where you're supposed to get all your support--not the shoulder straps. The band is supposed to be very snug, which, yes, accentuates any back fat you have. (We all have some! We are women!)

When I lost a ton of weight and didn't know my bra size anymore, I went to Nordstrom for a fitting. (Avoid Victoria's Secret and similar like the plague.) I came in wearing my old 38DD that had never fit me well. I walked out wearing a 32FF.

If you don't want a fitting consultation then I suggest the bra fitting sub Reddit as above. I think your problem is less the uneven sizes between the two breasts and more a bad fit overall.
posted by ImproviseOrDie at 4:48 AM on March 5, 2017 [4 favorites]

Hi, I have uneven boobs post-mastectomy (and weight gain, too) and I know what hell this is.

Definitely try padded bralettes. I'm getting too old for Aerie, but I watch for their sales and buy a bunch of bralettes when they've got a good deal. Getting away from cup sizes greatly reduced my frustration.

The other thing, and this is harder, was just getting used to the idea that my boobs will always be wonky. I don't owe anyone the appearance of perfect/"normal" tits, and if I'm comfortable, that's pretty much all that matters. I stopped wearing bras at all for a couple years until all the nerve weirdness settled down. Took me a long time to get to a place where I was comfortable doing that, but I'm not sure anyone ever noticed.

Feel free to MeMail me.
posted by katieinshoes at 5:53 AM on March 5, 2017 [3 favorites]

This page at Decent Exposures goes into some detail about troubleshooting fit: https://decentexposures.com/Help/Tips

FYI if you want to order from them, they have a wider softer band as a custom option, and that might give you a better fit without irritating your scars. They may also be able to do two different cup sizes for you — worth asking.

And they do other kinds of custom work, including cotton thread for less irritation, pockets for padding or prostheses, etc. I'm not a fan of dealing with bra fitting, but had a good experience with them and requests re: my chronic pain. They were very kind and patient, not at all pushy, and will even re-size some things, if you're at all interested in dealing with someone remotely rather than in person if that's easier for you. I think if you emailed them what you posted here, they'd probably be able to help.
posted by rafaella gabriela sarsaparilla at 5:57 AM on March 5, 2017

Just in addition to what others are saying: I know that I got bra-related back-fat when I was wearing a bra where the cup size was too small -- it looked like it fit from the front, but apparently the bra was squashing the breast tissue so much that the boob fat ended up under my arm and around back.
posted by lazuli at 8:03 AM on March 5, 2017

Best answer: there's a lingerie line called AnaOno for women who've gone through mastectomy, lumpectomy, reconstructive surgeries, etc.

https://www.anaono.com/

from what i gather they design all their pieces with extra care--constructed so it won't bother scar tissue, or so that you can add a breast form if needed, etc, and personally, i think these bras are really cute!
posted by iahtl at 10:18 AM on March 5, 2017 [3 favorites]

Response by poster: Many good ideas, thanks! Using the reddit beginner's guide, I learned somewhat hilariously that I'm already wearing the right size - - it even suggests that I might wear either an A or a B cup. Psychic!

I've ordered the bralette suggested by phunnimee and one from the anaono website, and I'm going to try the cami ideas as well. I'm considering the one on anaono that has the exterior shelf bra - - that looks like a good choice.

Thanks all!
posted by janey47 at 12:51 PM on March 5, 2017 [2 favorites]

If you live anywhere near a Nordstrom Rack (or Nordstrom), they always have these bralettes crazy cheap. They come with removable pads, so that might work with your uneven breast sizes, as well.

I love them. I have tiny boobs with a 30 or 32 band size so I get the size small, for reference.
posted by 8dot3 at 9:33 AM on March 6, 2017

Response by poster: Hey so I thought I'd loop back and thank everyone for mentioning bralettes and camis. I happened on a brand that has no tags or seams and just purchased the same bralette in 2 more colors. It's Yummies. I think it must be made with scar tissue in mind.
posted by janey47 at 5:16 PM on March 15, 2017 [2 favorites]