Motivation lacking for weight loss...

January 10, 2006 2:51 PM

I'm looking for some advice on how to stop waffling and finally make some significant changes with regards to my health & my weight.

I'm a 25 year old woman, and I've been struggling for years to get my act together and lose the weight I gained in college. I had always been a bit overweight as a teenager (at 5'5" ranging between 155-165 lbs), but was active and for the most part healthy. My freshman year of college, I gained 50 lbs, and gained another 15 in the next 3 years.

Since graduating college and living on my own, I have tried to lose weight, but tend to stick to a program (mainly Weight Watchers or my own attempts at keeping track of calories) for a few weeks to a month, and then just fall back into my own lazy, easy routine.

Part of it is that I only care for a short time. While my weight is constantly affecting my life from my self esteem to the clothes I can wear, I tend to obsess about one thing at a time. I'm either focused on my weight, or I'm obsessing about something else that's more important to me at the time (finances, career, relationship, etc).

I'm also frequently very tired, have low energy, and fall into depression very easily. I know that exercising regularly and losing weight will help this, but it doesn't make it any easier when it's 6:30pm and pitch black outside and I'm exhausted and I have the choice of going home or going to the gym.

I know that I need to lose weight and I've known this for pretty much ever. But I can't seem to force myself to stop waffling and make a change for good.

Right now I am in good health despite my weight - my cholesterol, blood pressure, etc are all good, I don't get sick often, and I've been tested for thyroid issues and am fine in that regard. However, my mom passed away from breast cancer at a fairly young age (39) and my father's side of the family has a ton of issues with Type II Diabetes. I need to make changes before I have more health problems to deal with than my lazy bone.

I guess what I'm looking for are two things.

(1) Advice on getting the mental "click" that will help me make changes for good.
(2) Any advice on incorporating good nutrition & exercise into my lifestyle that you want to give. I try to cook for myself as much as possible and my ultimate goal is to exercise at least 45 min a day.

My biggest obstacles are (1) Making the time (for cooking, exercise, enough sleep, etc); (2) Emotional eating (I make excuses like "I know this is off my diet, but I've had such a shitty day that I *need* some brownies); (3) Falling into a state of just not caring for weeks at a time.

I am like this with a lot of things, not just my weight, but my weight really scares me. The longer I keep this weight on, I fear the harder it will be to lose it. I don't want to spend all of my 20's overweight either!

posted by anonymous to health & fitness (29 comments total)

For a start, stop eating waffles.

More seriously;

* No soft drink
* More water
* No fast food
* Wholemeal is better than white/polished/overprocessed

If you want to get fancy:

* Go for low carb options whenever possible
* Eat more Omega 3
* Organic food is a good thing

And if you want help to stop drinking soft drinks and eating fast food, I strongly recommend reading "Don't Eat This Book" and "Fat Land" -- They'll scare you off cheap, over-processed "food" pretty quickly.

I honestly believe that bad food is so bad these days that if you only increase the quality of the food you're eating, your weight should start drifting down without any of this fad diet rollercoaster stuff.
posted by krisjohn at 3:08 PM on January 10, 2006 [1 favorite]

My best advice-- don't eat prepared food. I know this to be true. If you didn't make it from scratch (or near-scratch) don't eat it. My wife and I are both on high ebbs of weight because we got away from this recently for the sake of convenience-- we got married, and then the holidays came up. and then a bunch of other excuses why we couldn't find the time to prepare food from scratch. We've got back to planning menus and cooking from fresh ingredients (and back to regualr exercise) and the weight is starting to come off.

Cook for yourself, and bring the leftovers for lunch. And exercise as hard as you can. And beat yourself up with this for two weeks and then you will WANT to do it because you'll be so impressed with the results. And then you will have more confidence and everything else will feel a little better as a result. It's really that simple.

And keep in mind that after you get where you want, there will still be fluctuations. It's never effortless. But it's so much better that you won't mind the effort as much.
posted by Mayor Curley at 3:12 PM on January 10, 2006

Do you have a friend you can walk with? Or go to the gym with? It's so much easier when you have someone else to motivate you (or that you don't want to let down)
posted by gaspode at 3:17 PM on January 10, 2006

I went from obese to BMI 20. I definetely needed the click, for me it was the birth of my daughter that made me realize that I really did not want to get diabetes (I had not realized before what a terrible disease it is) or cancer, and that, even though I cannot totally prevent that, I can do a lot to minimize risk. Also: I wanted to model healthy eating and living for her.

In practice, what helped me the most, was tracking my calories and my weight. Just knowing how many calories everything was, helped so much. (huh? those two glasses of soda plus a cookie are as much calories as my entire breakfast?) A service like fitday is very helpful for this kind of tracking.

A cooking suggestion is to make a large pan of soup and save it in portions in the fridge, or freeze it. Lentil and other bean soups are really healthy and filling, and they keep well.

Healthy eating is very important if you get depressed easily. I would take a multivitamin, and a DHA supplement.

I think all your obstacles do not seem obstacles anymore once it really clicked, but then, I do not know how to make it click. I read Eat to Live after I lost the weight, but I have since met a few people who find it very helpful, and who report dramatic changes in their health. It does not give many diet tips, but it gives lots of information on exactly why you should eat much healthier (weight loss will be a side effect of eating this healthy).
posted by davar at 3:28 PM on January 10, 2006 [1 favorite]

I was going through the same thing last year. Been drastically overweight since college and beer entered my life. Kept the same thing going on.. "Ahh.. I need to lose weight" and then never did.

What finally got me going? A bet. The family bet me $300 that I couldn't lose 60 lbs last year (Was at about 265 in Jan 2005 - not good for a 5'10" man).

The way I did it is echoed by some of the previous comments. I hate things like strict diets cause all it does is remind you of the items you can't have and it fosters guilt.

Drew's rules for weight loss:

- You know what's good for you and what's not. Just buck up and run with that knowledge. Doing things like "no-carbs" is simple, but its setting yourself up for a fall later when the rules cease to be fun. (to me at least).

- If you don't know how to do it, take the time to learn some basic dishes and things that can be made ahead of time (Like a lentil and rice stew that can serve you for a week and be made into lentil burgers as well)

- Fresh vegetables are free. (except avocados) Hungry? Eat a pound of salad. My weekly exploration of the farmer's market is a little bit of a meditation. A way to think about food that is good for me.

- Don't feel guilty. If you decide one night that you're out with friends and that hamburger sounds great? Have it, get over it and go right back to being righteous. Guilt just makes you depressed and being depressed makes you reach for that comforting pint of ice cream.

All told over the past year I lost 65 lbs. I went from a 44" waist to a 36" and XXL shirts to a L. And I did it while still being an amateur brewer and beer judge too. It really is just a matter of stopping and thinking and believing that it's going to work.

And for that matter it's important to believe it's right and fair for you to lose that weight and your weight gain isn't a moral/spirtual failure, it is what it was. (It's amazing to me how much guilt there is with it and how important it is to get around it)
posted by drewbage1847 at 3:31 PM on January 10, 2006 [1 favorite]

What worked for me is I wrote a contract to three friends at work promising that if I didn't lose 35 lbs in 3 months, I would owe them each $30. I'm a real tightwad, so that worked like a charm. In fact, I lost even more weight than that, and they didn't even need to check the scale at the end of the alloted time! Whatever amount you choose, make it hurt if you fail!
posted by rinkjustice at 3:34 PM on January 10, 2006

tend to stick to a program ... for a few weeks to a month, and then just fall back into my own lazy, easy routine.

We sound very much alike you and I! I had some success with low-carb two years ago when I was really focused on losing weight. Since then it's crept back as my focus slid elsewhere. What I've started doing recently is trying to create some new routines that are just as lazy and easy as my old ones, but a little bit healthier.

My biggest recent change is that normally I skip lunch because I'm too lazy to pack ahead, too poor to buy, and too busy to stop in the middle of what I'm doing. Now at the beginning of the week I buy raw baby carrots, celery, broccoli, and cherry tomatoes and package them into five days worth of "veggie trays" along with a small plastic container of ranch dressing. It takes about 5 minutes to prepare for the week and only a second to grab one as I run out the door in the morning. I leave it at my desk and graze all day - easy and lazy and healthy!

Now if I can figure out an easy, lazy routine for exercise, I'll be golden!

On preview: I also second davar's suggestion of fitday, it's amazing to see how much we really eat. It was also eye-opening to see how much of my required vitamins and minerals I wasn't getting in what I thought was a balanced diet.
posted by platinum at 3:42 PM on January 10, 2006

As for "getting the mental "click" that will help me make changes for good": some may disagree, but I say that fear is a wonderful motivator. The New York Times is running a four-part series on diabetes right now that is scaring the bejesus out of me, and I'm only about five pounds overweight according to insurance charts.

As for advice on losing weight--it's not necessarily so that cooking for yourself will keep weight off. I dropped twenty pounds about eighteen months ago eating only prepackaged foods (which allowed me to keep a strict calorie count, due to their labeling). Once I started cooking for myself again, my weight slowly started creeping back up (about a pound every few months, I'd say--I'm pretty sure that it was the acquisition of a rice cooker that did me in). Now I'm temporarily back to prepackaged foods again (and a multivitamin each day) to get my weight back down to where I want it.

Also, while I was losing weight the Hacker's Diet worked like a charm, primarily because it doesn't lie or sugarcoat the truth of matters. 98% of it is common sense.
posted by Prospero at 3:51 PM on January 10, 2006

If you are having trouble with cooking, I would suggest getting a subscription to a good magazine, like Cooking Light, and then actually *reading it* and using the recipes. Like the Honorable Mr. Curley, I have fallen off my own wagon of late, but really making myself pick up and read the latest issue jump-started me back to cooking. (This month's issue is on stews, by the way, or rather, that's the main feature, and it's really awesome.) Cooking and eating food that I know is good for me makes me feel better just because I don't feel guilty about eating bad food. I don't know for sure, but this might contribute toward that "click" -- learning how to cook and cook well and healthily was a big thrill for me. Good luck.
posted by Medieval Maven at 3:52 PM on January 10, 2006

Start with something small. Can you do something during your lunch break? I find that if I spend my lunch break just moving around, I have a lot more energy during the afternoon, and I'm not dog-tired when I leave work. It doesn't have to be something as extreme as going to the gym, but simple like taking a stroll, walking to the local bookshop, etc. You don't have to power-walk, just keep moving. (Of course, if you are in a job where you are on your feet all the time, this might not be a very attractive option.)

Lunchtime yoga is fabulous, if you are lucky enough to be near a center that offers a lunchtime session.
posted by luneray at 3:57 PM on January 10, 2006

Keep nothing in your home that you can eat thoughtlessly, without some degree of cooking/preparation.

Never eat at your desk or equivalent at work.

Sleep plenty.

Drink only water, and lots of it.

Reinterpret hunger as a sign that you are losing weight right now.
posted by NortonDC at 4:01 PM on January 10, 2006 [1 favorite]

I was in a very similar situation a few years ago. What worked for me was finding an exercise program I didn't hate, and that had hard or easy options. (For me, this was Denise Austin workout shows + TiVo... whatever works for you.) I would put out my workout clothes before bed, and pull them on first thing in the morning and force myself to exercise even I didn't feel like it, for at least half an hour. No excuses, but I could do a really easy workout if I wasn't feeling up to more. I vowed that I would do this for at least three weeks, because I had read that it takes three weeks to form a habit.

After a few months, I looked a lot better. After another few months, I was in the best shape of my life. Once you're there, it's so much easier to continue. Even when I slip, I'm a lot more willing to go back to my exercise program knowing that I did it once and I can do it again. (And, once you've been exercising regularly for a while, your metabolism is up and a weekend of indulgence doesn't affect you much.)

I'm not much of a dieter, but I found that I craved fruit and healthy foods the more I exercised.
posted by chickenmagazine at 4:34 PM on January 10, 2006

Ever since my gym teacher patted my 8-year-old pot belly and asked me if I stored spare books in there (I was a nerdy, awkward kid) I've loathed exercise. Asthma (from living with smokers and then smoking myself) and the sensation of drowning on dry land made me hate exercise even more.

Anyway, a year after I quit smoking, I made a list of things I'd like to be able to do, but couldn't because I was so out of shape. (Martial arts, dancing, swimming, and archery were among the things on my list.) Instead of torturing myself with impossibly airbrushed Cosmo ads taped to my fridge as I did in my 20s (getting myself a nice eating disorder in the process), I instead imagine myself doing the things I'd like to be able to do to keep myself motivated.

Then I started very small. I keep a nutrition journal where I record ALL of my intake on good and bad days. If you eat a brownie, or even 10 brownies, write it down. Figure out how many calories and how much fat it was, and write that down. Don't beat yourself up. Just face the truth of your intake. Without dieting, over time, you will start eating less as a natural side effect of keeping an honest food journal. (During my anorexic fits I took it too far, double counting my food as a "safety" measure. Don't do that.) Don't forget spreads and coffee creamer. (To help myself with creamer, I measure out a few servings in the morning and put it in a little creamer pitcher and restrict myself to that amount for the day.)

I also did some research and discovered that the ideal fitness routine includes cardio, strength, and flexibility. I knew that if I started right off with all three I'd quit because it would be too much. I also know myself. If I go right and the aerobics instructor at Bally's goes left, I will beat myself up for looking silly. So I decided to start exercising in my home. I picked up some *very* easy, low-impact fitness videos to begin with. Two months ago I could barely get through a 15 minute low-impact aerobic workout and now I do 45 minutes of sustained cardio a day *without* using my asthma inhaler. And I actually enjoy it, too. I can laugh at my flubs and I've noticed a difference in how I feel. My back doesn't hurt when I iron my clothes. My knees, which have plagued me for 15 years, fat or thin, never hurt anymore. The key is to actively notice and appreciate these things. I think it's too easy to focus on the negative "I can only curl 15 lbs." or "I still mess up the high kick in my aerobics routine." What could I do 3 months ago? Lift a coffee cup while I changed channels? :)

I also keep a fitness journal. Every Sunday I make a fitness plan for the week, then I journal my feelings and progress for each day. It's just a few short sentences in a text file on my computer, but it helps me evaluate myself. I started with an easy 15 minus of cardio 5 days a week and now I do 6 days a week of cardio (30-45 mins) and yoga inspired stretching (20-30 mins), and 3 days a week I do a short strength routine (20 mins). And forget all that "no pain, no gain" bullshit. Your cardio workouts should be vigorous enough to cause you to breathe harder and perspire fairly heavily, but not to the point where you can't talk with some ease. If you're lifting weights or stretching and it hurts, stop. If you can barely talk, slow down. Injury won't speed you towards your fitness goals.

Where does the time come from? Well, I have a DVR, so on my day off (usually Sunday) I watch all of my taped shows while doing chores around the house during commercials. I stopped watching shows I don't love. I discovered that, as a night owl, the best time for me to work out was in the evening. If you're too tired at night, then work out in the morning when you get up. It's also important to vary your routine. I've been using 6 or 7 different DVDs with different workouts on each, and if the weather's nice I go out for a very brisk walk instead of using a tape. Once you know a routine, turn the volume down and listen to your own music instead of the crap they use in tapes.

To reward myself for working hard, I sometimes buy fitness related things. Sticky mats, new workout clothes for my smaller frame, a new video.

I resisted this for a long time, but I was once told by my eating disorder doctor that healthy eating and fitness is a lifestyle change. You have to find exercise that you can enjoy and want to do every day, or you just won't do it. You have to find healthy foods that taste good and are fun to eat and prepare, or you'll go for the brownie. You must get 8 hours of rest (or whatever your body needs, everyone is different,) or your body won't be able to exert itself. It's a process, not an overnight change. I've weighed 80lbs and 180lbs, and until recently I just didn't understand these basic facts.

Sorry this was so long. Hope it's helpful.
posted by xyzzy at 5:50 PM on January 10, 2006 [2 favorites]

1. If you have a sweet tooth, don't keep sweets in the house. People are more likely to binge where no one else can see them, and that's usually in the house. So don't even keep the stuff there. That way, it's not an option.

If you need something sweet to close out a meal, great--get some Jell-O fat-free pudding cups. Sugar-free popsicles. Even better, grapes. Just don't reach for the bag of Hershey's miniatures or crap like that when you're at the store. (I guess if salty snacks are your downfall, the same rule can apply: Don't buy them.)

2. Buy items that are already divided into smaller portion sizes. Or get a box of sandwich-sized ziploc baggies and make your own portions of everything right when you get home from the store.

3. Take Prospero's advice and read the NY Times' special on diabetes. Now. Seriously. Given your family's history of diabetes, you must be informed about what horrible problems you may bring on yourself if you continue this unhealthy pattern.

Good luck! You can do it!
posted by lilybeane at 5:53 PM on January 10, 2006

I am in awe of some of the fantastic, thoughtful answers in this thread. It's nice to see how thorough these responses were.

That said, anonymous, as someone who's working through a similar situation, I'd like to offer my email (in profile) if you could use some additional support/cheerleading. Best of luck!
posted by justonegirl at 6:35 PM on January 10, 2006

Well… fwiw this is what worked for me. I lost about two stone in twelve months-ish, about three years ago and I haven’t put it back on.

Recommendations below aside, keep an open mind and persist til you find the combination of things that work for you. Good luck!

[Long post ahead]

First, about the click thing… I shifted from feeling helpless and overwhelmed and controlled by food when I realized that, altho’ it’d be difficult, I could take concrete, positive action to change the way I ate. Specifically, I was having a conversation with a friend, and just sobbing about how impossible it was not to eat the brownie(s). And she said: ``Well honey, if you think it’s going to impossible, it will be.’’ And I just kind of stopped crying and went… ‘Oh.’ While a light bulb blinged over my head. It wasn’t easy or plain sailing or anything, but after that little epiphany I guess the difference was I believed that the only thing making it impossible was me, telling myself it was. So I stopped that.

I stopped dieting. And making up restrictive rules about what I was allowed to eat and not eat. (No bread! No flour! No sugar! No brownies!) Nothing made me want the brownie as much as not being able to have the brownie. That is, deprivation creates desire. And I didn’t need to be wantin’ brownies any more than I already did, believe me. So I stopped saying ‘No brownies’ to myself.

Kept a food diary. I still do this from time to time – it’s really easy to eat brownies and sort of… forget you eat them. It doesn’t have to be a massive complex exercise. I still do it and I just write the time and what I ate on an index card – one card per day – for a couple of days, or weeks, if I want to focus on what I’m eating.

Made positive goals. Rather than telling myself ‘I need to loose weight – no brownies today’, I tried to tell myself stuff like ‘It’d be so good if I eat a salad today.’ Achieving positive goals was easier for me than keeping to restrictive, prohibitive goals. That is, it was easier to aim to eat a salad and wholemeal toast than to aim not to eat the brownie. And because I was eating healthy, filling food more, the part of the brownie eatin’ that was about being physically hungry was solved. And the eating healthy yummy food thing was nurturing and comforting and helped with the emotional eating too. After a while, I sort of didn’t need to eat the brownies so much, and then not much at all, and now hardly ever.

Took baby steps. This was prolly the most important one, actually and the one that’s stood me in really good stead. I had a long term goal -- learn to feed myself nutritious yummy food so I can be healthy and fit and strong. From there, I made small achievable goals, and built on them. So, f’rinstance, I’d plan to eat a quick healthy lunch (sandwich, yoghurt, whatever) three times a week, and keep at it til I’d reached that goal. Then I’d add on another small goal (whole grain toast for breakfast twice next week). This worked much better than my previous efforts, which mostly involved saying Sunday night ``This week, I’m gonna eat healthy dammit – no brownies this week.’’ And, um, failing. Which, y’know we all have. I cut out the extreme all or nothing thinking and made little consistent changes over time.

Learned to understand why I was eating the (packs of) brownie(s). It really helped me to understand what was driving the compulsion to stuff brownies down 20 times a day. Susie Orbach’s Fat is a Feminist issue (you don’t have to be a feminist to find it useful) was great and Geneen Roth’s Feeding the Hungry Heart was good too. Or there are lots of online resources. Or maybe an insightful, experienced therapist? (I went the therapist route and did a lot of reading.)

Problem sovled. For instance, it took me ages to reach my goal of eating two pieces of fruit a day. So I tried different stuff – had a fruit bowl at work. Only bought fruit I really liked at the supemarket (mmmm – raspberries!). Had a fruit bowl at home that was easy to get to. Made smoothies with fruit. Put berries in my yoghurt. I just tried different stuff until I had a few different ways I liked to eat fruit twice a day. The stuff that didn’t work ( I hate buying fruit from fruit stands and eating it at lunch – messy) I just discarded.

And last… what didn’t work. Scaring myself with obesity / diabetes statistics. Not that those stats aren’t scary, but it just didn’t work for me. I knew I was unhealthy and that if I didn’t change I’d be, like, dead. But it just didn’t work as a motivator for me. Plus brownies are yummmmm, and no health warning was going to change that for me. What else didn’t work? Telling myself what a bad person I was cos I was fat (`Bad fat person, bad!). And obsessing about how the weight I wanted to loose (rather than on the healthy eating that would get me there). Oh! And eating food I really didn’t like because it was ‘healthy’. I hate bananas and fish. Yuk. So no bananas or fishies in my healthy eatin’ plan.

Again, ymmv – any or all of these things might provide that click for you – but in my opinion, it’s worth considering that they might not be helpful to you.
posted by t0astie at 6:50 PM on January 10, 2006 [1 favorite]

A couple kinda random suggestions that you may be able to tailor to your situation:

Though I was going to the gym, I never really had a desire for much lifestyle change until I started to do (really gentle) yoga once a week. It had very little to do with the exercise and more to do with the way it made me look at the universe. I started reading "Yoga Journal" online, which focuses a lot on a healthy lifestyle -- emotionally, physically, spiritually. I stopped reading women's magazines, which are all about the scare-du-jour and telling you how inadequate you are.

You don't necessarily need to go down the yoga-yay! path, but if you can just switch some of your input to healthier (in all senses of the word) inspirations, it might help. Healthy cooking magazines, as suggested above, or Yoga Journal, or even just reading websites that focus on good lifestyle stuff rather than telling you that you're not at all good enough.

You may not be reading Glamour or whatever now, I don't know, but I've really been amazed at how much more in control of my body and habits I've felt since I stopped reading all the diet and beauty tips and "Things that will kill you this month if you don't act NOW" articles.

For breaking out of bad habits: Due to a very bad month emotionally last year, I started getting heavily into ice cream and drinking. Once I realized that was *not* the way I wanted to cope with my problems, I tried just giving them both up for two weeks. And no substitutes -- nothing ice-cream-like, or non-alcoholic beer or whatever. I knew that I wasn't addicted to the substances, just to the behaviors.

I went from having at least a pint of Ben & Jerry's every day to having ice cream maybe twice in the last six months. I just stopped wanting it. Still drinking, but not nearly as much, or as unthinkingly.

So if it's definitely brownies, or one or two particular foods, maybe just try to break the habit for a while to give yourself time to find a healthier one?
posted by occhiblu at 7:12 PM on January 10, 2006

Also: People on this site keep saying that it's easier to stop eating so much rather than trying to drop weight by exercising. I have NEVER found this to be the case. When I started working out seriously (3-4 times a week), I never consciously changed my eating habits. But I did find that the more I exercized, the more my body craved healthier foods, and the less food I actually wanted. So the diet change just kinda naturally followed the increased activity.

So maybe rather than trying to do everything at once, figure out the one change you want to make right now, and get that incorporated into your life, and see what happens with that for a while.
posted by occhiblu at 7:17 PM on January 10, 2006

"But I did find that the more I exercized, the more my body craved healthier foods"

See - as a fat girl who's currently under a doctor's care - I can't imagine that exercising will ever make me not want to eat reese's peanut butter cups.

I think you have to look for inspiration wherever you can get it. People magazine just had their annual half their size issue (people who lost massive amounts of weight w/ no surgery) and it's TOTALLY inspiring. I can scan if you like.

I think for me - not beating myself up is big (something I'm still learning) and very hard to do. Give yourself credit though because having the consciousness to actually want to make the change is half the battle.
posted by heartquake at 8:07 PM on January 10, 2006

Lots of good suggestions are found above. I posted this last year on what worked for me. In short, find out what motivates you at use that. I hate loosing face, so telling everyone that I was going to loose the weight, really worked. Also keeping an excercise and weight journal can help keep you focused on making healthy living a part of your daily routine. I never resorted to keeping a food journal but I imagine that logging everything that enters your mouth would be an eye opener if you found it difficult to control over eating.
posted by mmascolino at 8:52 PM on January 10, 2006

Every Sunday I make a fitness plan for the week...

What a great idea. Seriously, I've never heard of that concept, and I think it will really work for me. Heck, even I can make a checklist and follow that...
posted by frogan at 10:33 PM on January 10, 2006 [1 favorite]

I've personally just started. I lost a whole bunch and gained it back due to stress, but now that I'm out of stress I'm trying to relose it.

Sometimes eating a pickle helps with suger cravings, it's just a strong taste, and that's sometimes what you want. Caffeine can defeat hunger cravings, but it's only temporary. Overall, I do fitday, and I try to keep in mind why. I think about the things I'm going to get out of it, new clothes, energy, and hopefully, more and better sex. I find thinking about the sex is probably the most helpful thing.

What are the things you want, the things you're practically dying for that you can't have enough of because of your weight? Think about that. It sucks sometimes. I do feel hungry. I admit that it sucks.

I know that I can do this. It makes me grumpy, but I know I can do this. I can be hungry, and not eat. Once last year I fasted, just to prove to myself that I could. Be aware that you can do it, that it's something that's possible. You may not enjoy a lot of it, but there's rewards and satisfactions even in the crappy bits.
posted by stoneegg21 at 2:20 AM on January 11, 2006

Don't end up like me. I felt the way you did at 25, and I'm still fighting it at 31, only I'm heavier than ever. I'm a big procrastinator, and I can fuck around with meal plans, schedules, calorie counts and the like forever without actually doing anything about it. None of it stopped me developing extremely high blood pressure. I'm terrified that I'm going to die of a stroke, heart attack or diabetes at age 40.

It's not some 'yeah, I've got plenty of time to sort it out' scenario any more. I'm very, very sick, and I've been foolish not to seek medical assistance before now. You'd think watching my dad have a triple bypass at 50 after having small attacks all through his 40s would've done it, but my irrational attitudes to food really are an illness.

I've now realised that, just as I wouldn't try to fix a broken leg, or pneumonia, or schizophrenia myself, I can't fix my weight myself either. It's not a lifestyle thing, or a focus thing, or a willpower thing. When it comes to eating and my weight, I'm physically and mentally ill. I need expert medical help. I can't afford to procrastinate about getting it any more.

I've decided to use the Getting Things Done method (which I've used with great success in other areas of my life) to end it once and for all. Just today, I've made a list of specific, achievable, measurable actions that will move me toward my weight loss goal (unlike reading diet books, or making Excel spreadsheets).

Tomorrow, I'm going to the doctor. I'm going to ask about appetite supressants, and for a referral to a dietitian. I'm also going to ask about lap band surgery, and I'm going to set a date to get cut open if I haven't lost a significant amount of weight by then. I've made appointments to visit two gyms - one near work, one near home - to sign up, get assessed, and have a personal exercise plan developed. I'm going to spend the afternoon cleaning out my fridge and cupboard. I'm going to call a hypnotherapist. I'm going to put each and every one of my many, many gorgeous cookbooks into a box, and then store them at a friend's house. I've asked my wife to spend time with me when I cook dinner - I've only just realised that I'm a secret eater, probably the worst kind of emotional eating. And so on. Once they're done, I'll consider what specific, achievable, measurable action I'll take next.

Lots of small goals - call this person, visit that place, move that stuff. None of it is "lose 50 kilograms", but if it works, that'll be the long, slow result. We're going to have our first child this year, and I WILL NOT BE A FAT FATHER. I really wish you all the best, but wishing won't change a thing. Don't wait - see a doctor now. Just. Do. It. Please.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 4:07 AM on January 11, 2006

1. Make life changes. Start small. Stop buying desserts that you bring home. Stop drinking soda.

2. Find things that make you happy that aren't eating, and do those things.
posted by ewkpates at 5:02 AM on January 11, 2006

I've lost 27 lbs since September of last year (I was actually down 32 lbs before the frickin holidays, but oh well). I was 200 lbs--a lot of weight on my 5'8" frame; now I'm 173 and I'm shooting for 160-165. I've gone from 44" pants to 36" and have gone down a shirt size as well.

I'm not a doctor, but here's what worked for me.

1) I made a bet with my wife that I could loose 30 lbs by the end of 2005. I found that powerfully motivating.

2) I calculated my caloric needs at my current and goal weight.

3) I created a caloric deficit by keeping my calories in the 1200-1500/day range.

4) I started keeping a food and weight journal using a Moleskine notebook. I start a new page each day. I weigh in every morning and write down my weight. I try to log everything I eat.

5) I started eating more often so I wouldn't be hungry. In a typical day, I have breakfast, 10:00 AM snack, lunch at noon, a 3:00 PM snack, and dinner around 6:30 PM or 7:00 PM.

There are days, of course, when I'm not strict, but consistency is the key. During the week, I usually cook one meal a day (dinner), and that's usually a salad topped with grilled vegies and grilled chicken. For lunch, I usually eat SmartOnes. Snacks are either fruit or Quaker chewy granola bars. Breakfast is usually an Atkins shake. I don't drink any sugary sodas anymore nor caffeine at all.

Consistency is key. Even when you fall off the wagon for an evening even a weekend, getting back on is the key thing. Over time, you get used to eating less food.
posted by wheat at 6:55 AM on January 11, 2006

what helped me to make those "permanent lifestyle changes" everyone goes on about: eat three meals a day at close to the same times every day, and have snacks in between if you know you are too hungry to make it to the next meal. but if you think you can make it to the next meal (you're just a little hungry) have some tea, diet soda, or whatever other calories-free beverage you like instead, and learn to accept that the hunger means it's almost time to eat again (but isn't yet). once i started eating regularly i had such an easier time.

meals need to be well-rounded, semi-small, nourishing, and really really delicious. you probably need to make a mental switch to take time to prepare good food and sit down and enjoy it. i have a really hard doing this on my own. do you have a foodie or gourmet friend who knows good food and appreciates good food and can cook and/or eat with you? that made all the difference for me. you have to enjoy your meals.

i also found that incorporating fat into my meals (cooking with plenty of butter, not obsessing about low-fat meat) made me crave fat outside of meals less. i used to have a huge sweet tooth and now i don't crave candy at all, and i think this is why. finally, i don't recommend restricting or banning ANY foods. it just makes you want them. you can still have brownies, if you want them. but see if you can satisfy yourself with tea (or similar) instead. or with one piece of really good, rich chocolate that you sit down and enjoy. i eat such higher-quality candy now and i love it, and now prepackaged vending machine candy doesn't even seem worthwhile when i know i have handmade truffles at home.

as for exercise: find something that's fun! if you can't get yourself to go to the gym, by all means, don't. there are so many exciting ways to be active. join a walking group. take classes in tumbling for beginners, ballet, tap, jazz, belly dancing, flying trapeze, yoga, kickboxing, hula hoops, etc. if you're in or near a big city you'd be amazed what you can find. and my personal suggestion is to choose something where you'll see progress. it's hard to see improvement in a step aerobics class, but in something like dance, you'll be amazed and excited by how much better you get. and don't feel you have to do the same thing 4 times a week. a yoga class here and there, a long walk here and there, a dance class here and there, etc add up. the key is to find something that doesn't feel like exercise and that you look forward to (and maybe even obsess about when you're not there because it's so much fun). it's a big help if you can sign up for a session of 10 classes that meet once or twice a week. you'll make friends in the class, you'll be encouraged to go because you already paid for them, and you'll watch yourself progress.
posted by nevers at 7:49 AM on January 11, 2006

Coincidentally, there was an article in my local newspaper on how to do what you want to do and one thing they mentioned was to take your eyes off your goal of losing weight and instead set them on smaller goals of improving your habits.

Unless the payoff is big, habits are hard to develop and hard to shed. For example, it's hard to develop an exercise program because unless it's hard to develop a habit to want to do something that will tire you out. Similarly, it's hard to break a habit of eating something unhealthy when you get an instant reward for doing so.

So focus on small, easy habits to develop and the weight will follow naturally. For example, the journal is good (but challenging). Another, and call me crazy but it helps, is to put your fork down between bites. Another is to not feel obliged to clean your plate (thanks for that, mom). Another is to change the proportion of vegetables and fruits in your meals.
posted by plinth at 8:22 AM on January 11, 2006

Here's another trick: when you eat salad, serve your dressing on the side. Dip your fork into your dressing and then into your salad. You'll get the taste of dressing in every bite, but you'll consume less of it.

Dressing is often the heaviest part of the salad, in terms of calories. I measure mine out. Over time I've cut it from 2 tbsp to 1 tbsp.

And I'm with the folks who say never say never. If I want a Snickers bar, I'll have one. But I know that I've just blown 250 cals and the rest of the day has to be light. Realizing that makes it easier to grab something lighter.

I failed to mention that you can get some decent low cal food even at chain restaurants and their web sites are valuable resources in letting you know what you can have without consuming more calories than you'd like. Subway has a handful of sandwiches in the sub-or-just-over 300 calorie range. Chili's Guiltless Chicken Sandwich is really good.

And while I know exercise is a great way to help loose weight and improve your overall health, I still haven't gotten into a consistent regime. I walk the dog once in a while. But, so far, I've been able to loose weight by controlling what I eat. Diet and exercise is the best combination. Now that eating is less of an issue, I'll see what I can do about that.
posted by wheat at 8:57 AM on January 11, 2006

A caveat before I begin: I have been trying to lose a significant amount of weight for a length of time, and not really that successfully. That having been said, I might be able to share a few tips I've learned along the way, and a few motivators.

A childhood friend of mine is an EMT. He told me how he has had to perform CPR on obese people my age and younger who have suffered heart attacks - and he said, "And I've not brought all of them back." Given that there's a history of cardiac problems in my family (my father), that's a sobering thought. Am I really ready to actually die for that Twinkie?

I also try to read accounts of people who have lost a considerable amount of weight. Fark recently linked to a person who went down from 430 to "normal" weight in order to join the military. There's a website out there (I don't have the link here) that links to personal accounts of people who've lost over 100 pounds of weight.

Utilize psychological techniques that you design yourself, not external ones. For example, I have a wallet card that reminds me of all the good things that I will be able to do when I lose weight that I find it harder to do now. Since I go to my wallet to remove money to buy food, this is a good option for me.

IMPORTANTLY: People in this thread have suggested drastic changes (abandoning processed foods altogether); I recommend the exact opposite. Your brain will rebel if you try to entirely rewire your eating habits in one fell swoop. Make small changes and implement them one by one, gradually. Remember, this is a marathon, not a sprint. For example, if you're a McDonald's breakfast eater (as I am), concentrate on ditching the breakfast food for cereal every morning. If you're feeling ambitious, that week also try to resurrect the water. (Re: the water, it helps if you get a big cup and use that, i.e., get a nice 32-oz. glass and let that be your "water mug." When they say eight glasses of water a day, they're usually saying eight 8-oz. glasses of water a day, meaning that once you've drunk 64 oz. of water a day, you're good.)

Forgive yourself by reading at least the very first chapter of The Way to Eat. It made me feel incredibly better once I realized some of the genetic reasons why mankind is more predisposed towards obesity, and why our sense of hunger is really rather screwed up from what we were evolved for.

A few comments that don't directly address motivation, but may help you with the actual process of weight loss:

I try to set longer-term goals. For example: I am joining my Weight Watchers at Work program with the start of their new session on the 19th. My goal is to lose 40 pounds by the time summer starts at the beginning of May. It's not to lose 10 pounds this month.

I don't know if your situation is like mine (city dweller with no car), but if it is, you'll find that Peapod can be your savior. I load up my apartment with groceries in that manner. If Peapod isn't available, see how much your local grocery stores charge for delivery. Often, it's very reasonable.

If you are a sensualist eater like I am, find low-calorie things with very vivid tastes; you'll find they satisfy you. For example, I love Edy's Whole Fruit lemonade ice bars. They are only 80 calories, yet have this intensely strong lemonade citric taste that really satisfies my sweet tooth. When you find you need a certain taste, actually put your brain to work and try to think of other alternatives that will fully satisfy that taste. (For example: need a candy taste? Licorice Altoids. You can order them online, as they're nearly impossible to find in stores. And hard candy, taken in moderation and sucked on, can help satisfy the need for a taste much longer than downing a Snickers.)

Good luck.
posted by WCityMike at 1:21 PM on January 11, 2006 [1 favorite]