Cat! I'm a kittycat. And I dance dance dance, and I dance dance dance.

January 7, 2006 1:28 PM

CatFilter: What useful command should I teach my indoor cat next?

I'm not a big fan of stupid pet tricks -- this guy isn't going to need to jump through flaming hoops, to roll over, or to pick-a-card-any-card, so I'm looking for semi-useful stuff to teach him.

He's a plumpish adolescent neutered male, kept inside only. He already knows his name, and jumps up (to my shoulder, the bed, anywhere else I indicate) on command.

I'd like stuff that's not completely opposed to his cat-like nature, if possible. Also, his little mouth is too small to carry slippers, remotes, or newspapers.

posted by booksandlibretti to pets & animals (25 comments total)

Anyone that can successfully teach their cat to use the toilet must be a cat god.
posted by rhapsodie at 1:33 PM on January 7, 2006

I'm pretty sure that's about the most you'll get from your kitty. My cats know there names and will jump up to see me "on command" but they seem to do it only when they were going to do it anyway.

One of my cats, Peanut, will make a low growl when she hears George W Bush on TV. I don't think I taught her that trick though. My other cat, the Doodlebug, has a game where she will play paw-ball with one her toy mice --- hitting the toy with her pall and having it bounce of the wall and she'll go chase it where it lands. She will also "sky hook" a toy mouse into a drinking glass. I would find the mouse in a glass and wonder if she just dropped it in from her mouth. But one day I saw her in action: she scooped up the mouse in her paw and hooked it into the glass.

If I could teach my cats anything, it would be to use the toilet. I gave up on that one after a day.
posted by birdherder at 1:35 PM on January 7, 2006

It's easy to teach cats to sit up for treats -- they do it naturally, if you dangle the treat a little above their head. Just say "sit up" every time you do it, and don't give them the treat until they sit up. They'll figure it out pretty fast.
posted by vorfeed at 1:37 PM on January 7, 2006

Our cat, who fits the same description as yours, is always sitting in his favorite spot when I come home. When I say "Hello" and give him a nod, he nods back and meows. Every time.

Maybe it doesn't register too high on the usefulness meter, but I find it incredibly cool.
posted by peewee at 1:41 PM on January 7, 2006

I have dreamed about toilet-training him, but it's even more unlikely here than it usually is -- the lid's kept closed, or a big old German shepherd drinks out of the toilet. So this fat cat would also have to open and close the toilet lid without fail, and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be able to -- not that I'm sure he'd be able to use the toilet anyway.
posted by booksandlibretti at 1:42 PM on January 7, 2006

I used to live with a cat who would walk up to strangers and give a meow that sounded for all the world like "Herro?" Rolled "r" and everything. I don't think it's something you could train a cat to do, though.
posted by kindall at 1:44 PM on January 7, 2006

You can actually teach a cat something? I love them, but if sleeping and eating count as training then that's the best I've ever done....
posted by jamie939 at 1:52 PM on January 7, 2006

Also, his little mouth is too small to carry slippers, remotes, or newspapers.

And even if it weren't, he'd carry them in completely the opposite direction to where you wanted them, at a time convenient only to him.
posted by essexjan at 1:56 PM on January 7, 2006

Teach kitty the keypad.*
*Disconnect phone until he gets it right.
posted by rob511 at 1:56 PM on January 7, 2006

Could something that provides you immense fun and enjoyment be considered useful?

I've never trained them - these things just happened, and I'm not sure how.

I play hide and seek with one of my cats. I'll chatter at him and pet him furiously, then run away and hide. He'll come flying in (literally - all 4 paws in the air) and "tag" me. Then he'll run away and hide until I find him. Ad infinitum.

With the other, I'll point my finger at him, open my eyes wide and go "RAR!!!" He meows, falls down and rolls on his back (much like a fainting goat). Then he'll meow (very loud) at me until I fall down.

We also play fetch with little things.

None of it is particularly useful, but I get tons of enjoyment from it, and I believe the cats do as well. Find creative ways to play, and things will just come out.
posted by zerokey at 2:02 PM on January 7, 2006

I taught one cat to sit before I give her a treat. You could teach a cat to pat at whatever you point to, "wave" by patting the air, one of our cats likes to play fetch so it would be pretty easy to teach her to do it on command, you could teach them to open small/lightweight drawers/cabinets.

You can clicker train cats. There's a video here of a cat clicker trained on an agility course.

More on clicker training here, a yahoo group here, and more cat agility here.
posted by lobakgo at 2:12 PM on January 7, 2006

Fetch is dead easy with a cat that likes to chase. If the cat isn't a chaser though, he'll just look at you like, "Yeah, so? You threw a little furry faux mouse." And, it has to like the chasing bit better than the "pretend to kill it bit" enough to actually bring the thing back to you.
posted by Medieval Maven at 2:17 PM on January 7, 2006

Obligatory cat toilet training link, from legendary jazz bassist and composer Charles Mingus.
posted by joshuaconner at 2:35 PM on January 7, 2006

We accidentally trained our cat Chandra to recognize handguns. If you would like to try it:

Step 1. notice that cat makes weird chattering sound when it sees red dot from laser pointer.

Step 2. play with cat with laser pointer until battery runs out, then grab a toy gun (shoots plastic bb's) with a laser sight and continue playing with oddly chattering cat using that laser instead.

Step 3. tire of lasering the cat, forget about it for a few months, get home and take out 9mm pistol to put it away, notice cat flipping out and making weird chattering sound.

We have never been able to train either cat to do anything useful. Tried the toilet-training thing but the closest we got was them consistently shitting on the seat.
posted by crabintheocean at 2:49 PM on January 7, 2006

And if you want to see a clickertrained cat, Princess has her own website, check out the videos in the movie section.
posted by Ferrari328 at 2:50 PM on January 7, 2006

Friends of ours have trained their cat to be silent around dinner time. For months they would ignore the cat as long as she meowed, sometimes putting off her feeding until well into the night. When they deemed her quiet enough, our friends would say "Do you want your dinner" and then feed her.

End result: Their cat is perfectly silent (though she stares disquietingly) around dinner time, whereas our cat is a pain in the but. When someone finally says "Do you want your dinner" the poor cat explodes in a spasm of kitty ecstacy, like she's releasing all the stored up meowing in one instant. It's very cool.
posted by Popular Ethics at 3:27 PM on January 7, 2006

I taught a previous cat to close the fridge door for me (in exchange for petting). Unfortunately, she would do it all the time, including when I was in the fridge looking for something. :)
posted by Kickstart70 at 4:02 PM on January 7, 2006

I have taught my cats a bit of impromptu (ie made-up) sign language for "come here," "go away," and "no." One of my cats is deaf so it sort of evolved naturally but they will both come pretty reliably when i tap my fingers together (think the motion for "talktalktalktalk"), go away with a backwards wave of my hand (or at least settle next to me instead of on me!) and will stop what they are doing and run away if I stomp my foot a little bit (i think that one is based mostly on vibrations though.)
posted by Soulbee at 4:24 PM on January 7, 2006

My sister, when confronted by someone who said that cats just couldn't be trained, got busy training my cat.

What she ended up teaching him was that if he was being held, and wanted to get down, he would have to touch you on the nose. Not a whack, but a gentle and accurate tap.

He got very good at it, and remembered it for the rest of his life, although we didn't always make him do it. He did get a bit sloppy in his aim though!
posted by tomble at 8:21 PM on January 7, 2006

You might have to start training from a kitten, but I have always wanted a cat that would walk around on its hind legs all the time. How cool would that be? This cat, just sauntering around the house like a tiny person, front legs swinging like arms. Maybe it would stop in doorways, lean against the jamb, and just check out what's happening in the room, deciding whether it's interesting enough to join in.
posted by attercoppe at 10:25 PM on January 7, 2006

It may seem too simplistic, but "stay" is the sort of command that could keep him out of trouble (although more so if he were an outside cat).
posted by TedW at 9:02 AM on January 8, 2006

Backflip! I do not know how, but I can tell you this, there is little else cooler than a cat that backflips.
posted by TwelveTwo at 3:21 PM on January 8, 2006

(Also it can distract would-be burglars. Thus, useful.)
posted by TwelveTwo at 3:21 PM on January 8, 2006

You might have to start training from a kitten, but I have always wanted a cat that would walk around on its hind legs all the time. How cool would that be? This cat, just sauntering around the house like a tiny person, front legs swinging like arms. Maybe it would stop in doorways, lean against the jamb, and just check out what's happening in the room, deciding whether it's interesting enough to join in.

Unfortunately, this would be as difficult as teaching you to walk on your hands for your entire life.
posted by agregoli at 10:54 AM on January 9, 2006

- Fetch is good fun. For some reason it's incredibly cute for a kitty to carry something in its mouth.
- Using the toilet might be good; I've never tried. I've heard, however, that you shouldn't teach them to flush; they'll do it repeatedly just because it's fun, which'll run up your water bill.
- Walking (outside) on a harness as been on my list for a while, although I doubt my cat would cooperate.
- Chasing a laser pointer appears to be simple kitty-nature, so not really a trick. Still, its fun to steer the cat around the room, as if by remote control. For an evil laugh, make the laser dot appear to go under a couch or into a vent -- they'll sit and wait for it to come out for 10+ minutes. (I call it "parking the cat".)
posted by LordSludge at 1:20 PM on January 9, 2006