Do my cats hate each other?

October 26, 2016 5:50 PM

How do you know if your cats are mortal enemies when cats currently lack the ability to devise warring gang signs?

Once upon a time, 12 year old Orange Goblin was the elder statescat of the apartment hierarchy, with Church, a younger female cat belonging to a former roommate, acting as plucky sidekick. They got along well, never fought, and would sometimes be seen snuggling with each other.

Church and her human moved away, and G-man seemed lonely without her. So we adopted 10-week old (and also female) Mambazo. When Bazo was tiny, the two of them seemed to get along well enough, despite the new goofball assuming that old man Goblin was a feline bouncy castle. Now Mambazo is about 8-9 months old, and they fight All The Time.

Nobody has been injured, and it's mostly a lot of Goblin vocalizing (which he is wont to do anyway) and occasional hissing and sometimes biting on the nape of the neck. Both cats seem to give as good as they get: I'd say it's 50/50 who is on top in any given tussle. Nobody is displaying aggressive or stressed out behavior, and there is ample space for the cats to be together or apart as they prefer. So my partner and I aren't too worried about this. However, they don't display much if any of the corresponding "friendship" behavior, either, like cuddling or grooming each other. Thankfully they eat together without conflict. But otherwise I'm not sure I'd call them friends, or even makeshift littermates, and I worry that this means that their fighting is real conflict and not playing.

Is it normal for cats to coolly tolerate each others' existence but still sometimes play fight? Or do our floofballs actually hate each other?

(PS Mambazo is grooming my face a lot less nowadays.)

posted by Sara C. to Pets & Animals (12 answers total)

Best answer: Yes, what you describe is normal cat behavior. In fact it's exactly how my two cats behave toward each other--occasional play fights and tussles, never any cuddling. As long as blood isn't being shed, fighting is normal and par for the course with multiple cats. I have witnessed serious fights between cats and they are unmistakably aggressive and violent.

I don't know if cats can hate each other. There is some research that suggests cats are happier when they are the only cat in a household and that generally, multiple cats in one household can cause kitty stress.

As long as they each have enough space to go about their days without constantly bumping into each other, I think you have nothing to worry about.
posted by a strong female character at 5:57 PM on October 26, 2016 [5 favorites]

Best answer: I think they go through stages. My two are bonded littermates and were very close when I got them (aged approx 14 months old) . Nowadays , a few years on, I think they are both more bonded with me. They wrestle a lot, mostly out of fun but it goes too far when one doesn't pick up on the other's 'enough, already' signals and takes it too far. Then we get hissing and growling. It probably doesn't help that the one that gets huffy and upset when her sister takes it too far runs to me - she's a bit of a sooky baby and I feel like playful cat is rolling her eyes like yeah, whatever, run to mommy!

With Mambazo in the midst of teenage hood she's probably really, really annoying to Goblin. I bet in a few years when she's less goddamn bouncy (I'm wording it from Goblin's perspective!) they'll be more up for the snuggling and grooming.

Real cat fights are terrifying battles to the death. Yours may not be good friends but they sound like they are behaving like regular cat siblings rather than mortal enemies.
posted by kitten magic at 6:12 PM on October 26, 2016 [5 favorites]

Best answer: You would know for sure if they hated each other. This all sounds fine to me.
posted by something something at 6:15 PM on October 26, 2016 [7 favorites]

Best answer: They are both super adorable! But yeah, Goblin has that cool cat, 'don't mess with me, punk' vibe and mambazo looks like she is taking a rest from bouncing off the walls :-)

I find it odd that even the toughest humans can turn to mush over babies but cats generally do not like kittens at all.
posted by kitten magic at 6:16 PM on October 26, 2016 [3 favorites]

It sounds like your cats get along at least as well or better than mine do, and mine definitely do not hate each other. So - normal cat behavior. Also: OMG they are so cute!
posted by bile and syntax at 6:50 PM on October 26, 2016 [3 favorites]

Best answer: They sound like the two cats I grew up with, who would chase each other around the house and tussle but never got affectionate. They lived together for 15 years in that stasis and it never escalated - they pretty much just alternated between playing with each other and tolerating each other.
posted by lunasol at 7:49 PM on October 26, 2016

Best answer: My two boys are not affectionate with each other at all, but periodically they will engage in extended bouts of chasing and wrestling, all without uttering a sound, other than the occasional surprised squeak. I call it "the silent struggle." As others have posted, if they were really fighting, you would know it. Also, if Goblin is doing the neck bite on Mambazo, she may be eliciting some latent sexual urges in him. Both of my males do that to each other, and to my smaller female. The older male will actually go through the mating motions if he gets a good enough gripo. The younger male will lose the plot right away.
posted by ereshkigal45 at 9:25 PM on October 26, 2016

Best answer: This was my two cats pretty much exactly. They never hurt each other but there was a lot of tussling and occasional hissing. If they were feeling especially chummy they'd sit five feet way from each other on the same piece of furniture. The very occasional grooming of one by the other usually turned into biting in under two minutes. I figured they thought of each other as the asshole roommates you put up with because everything else about the apartment is good.
posted by MsMolly at 10:24 PM on October 26, 2016

Response by poster: The older male will actually go through the mating motions if he gets a good enough grip.

Yep, and this is one of the reasons I've been a bit concerned. Goblin did the same thing to Church, but Church was more docile about it. Bazo fights back.

Good to know that it's ultimately harmless.
posted by Sara C. at 12:46 AM on October 27, 2016

Church has a lot of energy. That energy needs to be dispersed in an appropriate manner instead of attacking OG. Dogs need exercise just like cats. One way is to take Church outside on a leash and collar/harness. That's a long-term goal to get the cat used to walking like a dog. The short-term solution is for you to spend 15 minutes/day playing with a frisky kitty. The time doesn't need to be continuous; it could be 10 minutes in the morning and another 10 in the P.M. The play time needs to be you interacting with Church with a string, a ball on a string, feather on a stick, feather on a string+stick.
posted by dlwr300 at 7:31 AM on October 27, 2016

I have 2 older cats and just got a ~1 year old kitten (see my recent questions). He is behaving much like Mambazo. You can tell when there's about to be a fight because they will stare intently at each other, one or both may put their ears back, and one will charge. I wouldn't worry about it too much unless one is always watching the other one, anticipating an attack, or there is serious screaming or blood drawn. Hissing and puffy tails are just bluffing. If there's enough space for them to get away from each other, they should be fine. Sometimes I give the kitten a time out behind a closed door if he's too rowdy.

What do you mean by "all the time"? Like literally every time you are around? What are they fighting about? Usually it's territory - my kitten took over the older one's chair and won't let him have it back. I'd say you're alright; after 8 months you'd know it if they couldn't live together.
posted by AFABulous at 7:44 AM on October 27, 2016

Response by poster: Guys, they were faking it the whole time. I just caught Mambazo grooming Orange Goblin, and then rather than this quickly devolving into a (play?) fight, they snuggled together for a solid 15 minutes. In fact they're still both lying around within a foot of each other.

Apparently they are secretly friends at night and just pretend to hate each other all day when we're awake to notice them.

(Also, to clarify, when I said "All the time", I meant 2-3 times a day. But it's swiftly become clear that, yes, they are playing.)
posted by Sara C. at 9:19 AM on October 27, 2016 [7 favorites]