How to cope during a ridiculous wait time for an important surgery
October 25, 2016 7:31 AM Subscribe
I've pretty much gotten to the point where weight loss surgery is an option I need to consider very seriously and I am soon going to begin the lengthy process to get on the wait list for the surgery. I'm ready for all that, and I'm aware and ready for the hard work that would come post-op. What I'm having trouble with is the fact that the wait time in my area is upwards of 7 years.
So my question is how do people cope with ridiculously long wait times for important surgeries (or other important things) such as this? 7 years seems like an incredibly long time to have to wait, and baring a gift from the money gods, I don't see us being able to afford to have it done privately. I'm going to meet with my GP next week to try to get the ball rolling in this whole process, but in the meantime I'm struggling to wrap my head around the fact that even if I am deemed a candidate for the surgery (which I should be), it will many many years before I actually get it done. Obviously I'll keep fighting the good fight until my name came up for the surgery in the hopes that when my name did come up I may have been able to get to a healthy weight without surgery and no longer need it. I feel at this point that this is deeply unlikely, but it is better than giving up and having my weight skyrocket in the meantime.
So how do people cope with this sort of thing? When you know what you need but won't be granted access to it for a ridiculously long time. Are there tricks or tactics people employ when faced with realities like this? I know this situation isn't unique to weight loss surgery, so I'm hoping that others who have been faced with similar situations can offer guidance for how they coped.
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My history, in case you're curious:
I'm a 5 foot 3 inch (ish) Canadian woman in her mid thirties. Been morbidly obese for all of my teenage and adult life. Have long viewed weight loss surgery as not an option because to me it felt like cheating or giving up or something. Through epic hard work, nutritionists, weight watchers, gym memberships, major injuries, surgeries, and multiple regains, I managed to get from 335lbs (BMI 60) to 235lbs (BMI 41), though it took me 8 years. I did all the things you're supposed to do and I lost 100lbs. Go me. But 235lbs was my lowest weight since probably age 14, and even though I managed to lose 100lbs (which I was proud of accomplishing since many would say was near impossible considering where I started from) I was still at least 100lbs over what I should probably be for my height, and still considered to be morbidly obese. And after 8 years of serious dedication and hardwork, that was the best I could do. I have since majorly backslid and am now back up to 275lbs and am having a much MUCH harder time getting back on track or making any headway.
So after 9 years of trying and having never managed to get myself out of the "morbidly obese" category, and looking at where I am now, I am left with the conclusion that the chances of my ever getting to where I should be are near zero without some sort of medical intervention. I gave it my absolute hardest and best try for 9 years, but I am now feeling that it is time to admit that I need help.
So I spoke semi-informally with a close relative who is a doctor and brought up the subject to him. He first commended me for what I have accomplished, but he agreed that it is probably time to start thinking surgery. He said that I am basically a prime candidate because
- I have put an enormous amount of very serious effort into losing weight the "normal" way but haven't been able to get where I should be
- my BMI is PLENTY high to qualify
- I have other health issues relating to my weight
- I am viewing weight loss surgery as a last resort, not a first resort/magic wand fix
- I well aware of the realities that would face me should I get the surgery
So my question is how do people cope with ridiculously long wait times for important surgeries (or other important things) such as this? 7 years seems like an incredibly long time to have to wait, and baring a gift from the money gods, I don't see us being able to afford to have it done privately. I'm going to meet with my GP next week to try to get the ball rolling in this whole process, but in the meantime I'm struggling to wrap my head around the fact that even if I am deemed a candidate for the surgery (which I should be), it will many many years before I actually get it done. Obviously I'll keep fighting the good fight until my name came up for the surgery in the hopes that when my name did come up I may have been able to get to a healthy weight without surgery and no longer need it. I feel at this point that this is deeply unlikely, but it is better than giving up and having my weight skyrocket in the meantime.
So how do people cope with this sort of thing? When you know what you need but won't be granted access to it for a ridiculously long time. Are there tricks or tactics people employ when faced with realities like this? I know this situation isn't unique to weight loss surgery, so I'm hoping that others who have been faced with similar situations can offer guidance for how they coped.
____________________________________
My history, in case you're curious:
I'm a 5 foot 3 inch (ish) Canadian woman in her mid thirties. Been morbidly obese for all of my teenage and adult life. Have long viewed weight loss surgery as not an option because to me it felt like cheating or giving up or something. Through epic hard work, nutritionists, weight watchers, gym memberships, major injuries, surgeries, and multiple regains, I managed to get from 335lbs (BMI 60) to 235lbs (BMI 41), though it took me 8 years. I did all the things you're supposed to do and I lost 100lbs. Go me. But 235lbs was my lowest weight since probably age 14, and even though I managed to lose 100lbs (which I was proud of accomplishing since many would say was near impossible considering where I started from) I was still at least 100lbs over what I should probably be for my height, and still considered to be morbidly obese. And after 8 years of serious dedication and hardwork, that was the best I could do. I have since majorly backslid and am now back up to 275lbs and am having a much MUCH harder time getting back on track or making any headway.
So after 9 years of trying and having never managed to get myself out of the "morbidly obese" category, and looking at where I am now, I am left with the conclusion that the chances of my ever getting to where I should be are near zero without some sort of medical intervention. I gave it my absolute hardest and best try for 9 years, but I am now feeling that it is time to admit that I need help.
So I spoke semi-informally with a close relative who is a doctor and brought up the subject to him. He first commended me for what I have accomplished, but he agreed that it is probably time to start thinking surgery. He said that I am basically a prime candidate because
- I have put an enormous amount of very serious effort into losing weight the "normal" way but haven't been able to get where I should be
- my BMI is PLENTY high to qualify
- I have other health issues relating to my weight
- I am viewing weight loss surgery as a last resort, not a first resort/magic wand fix
- I well aware of the realities that would face me should I get the surgery
This post was deleted for the following reason: poster's request -- LobsterMitten
Response by poster: Can't move. I have a step son with a shared custody arrangement. I would never risk losing my son over this. :(
How long ago did she have it done? Because everything I have seen online has indicated a minimum of 3 years wait across Canada. A year and a half would be an absolutely understandable and reasonable wait time and was the sort of time frame I was expecting when I first started looking in to it, but that just doesn't seem to be the reality.
And I'm in Atlantic Canada. Pretty sure the wait time estimate was fairly accurate. May not be 7 years, but at the very least it is extremely unlikely to be less than 5 years, which is still a crazy long time.
posted by PuppetMcSockerson at 7:45 AM on October 25, 2016
How long ago did she have it done? Because everything I have seen online has indicated a minimum of 3 years wait across Canada. A year and a half would be an absolutely understandable and reasonable wait time and was the sort of time frame I was expecting when I first started looking in to it, but that just doesn't seem to be the reality.
And I'm in Atlantic Canada. Pretty sure the wait time estimate was fairly accurate. May not be 7 years, but at the very least it is extremely unlikely to be less than 5 years, which is still a crazy long time.
posted by PuppetMcSockerson at 7:45 AM on October 25, 2016
Can you view the next seven years as a time of personal growth? What would you like your life to look like in seven years? Is there a language or two you'd like to learn? A certificate or additional training? Several new skills or hobbies? Maybe write a book? Think big. What are things that will transform your life?
posted by umwhat at 8:06 AM on October 25, 2016
posted by umwhat at 8:06 AM on October 25, 2016
The more life/health threatening the condition the sooner they will get you in, in most cases. If they think you are ok with a seven year wait you must not have any serious conditions caused by the wait, or there are people with a lot worse problems than yours. While it is annoying and frustrating to have to wait look at using the time constructively instead of assuming the surgery will fix everything, be proactive in managing your health now as best you can.
I have watched my mother in the past assume a surgery was going to fix everything so she stopped doing the exercises her physio had given her after waiting for surgery etc, the recovery was made so much worse because she has let mobility and physical strength deteriorate. She did finally get better but her doctor said she pretty much doubled her recovery time and time in pain, post surgery. So be aware of similar thought processes and keep working on you fitness etc.
posted by wwax at 8:10 AM on October 25, 2016 [1 favorite]
I have watched my mother in the past assume a surgery was going to fix everything so she stopped doing the exercises her physio had given her after waiting for surgery etc, the recovery was made so much worse because she has let mobility and physical strength deteriorate. She did finally get better but her doctor said she pretty much doubled her recovery time and time in pain, post surgery. So be aware of similar thought processes and keep working on you fitness etc.
posted by wwax at 8:10 AM on October 25, 2016 [1 favorite]
Obviously I do not know you personally, so if this doesn't apply to you, feel free to ignore it. But so many heavier women are encouraged to dream about this perfect life they will have after they are at a lower weight and put off chasing it til then. "When I'm skinny, x will happen, when I'm skinny, I can do y." Well, in fact, for most of those [x]s and [y]s, your weight is truly not relevant, and once you're at a weight you like, x and y don't happen magically, either. All I'm saying is: don't put off living your life until you've had the surgery. If there are things you imagine your post-surgery life will have, go after them now.
posted by praemunire at 8:12 AM on October 25, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by praemunire at 8:12 AM on October 25, 2016 [5 favorites]
Sorry to keep the focus on that wait time, but that sounds crazy to the point of being implausible. You haven't said where you got this estimate. It sounds like the kind of number that comes from "some people wait as long as..." and is based on someone who for whatever reason couldn't, didn't need to, or wasn't a good candidate for the surgery right away. (e.g. I had a surgery wait last about 2 years, but it was because I had to have all sorts of other procedures FIRST. I wasn't waiting, I was doing the stuff that needed to be done first.)
You haven't said what province you're in, but NS* has the median wait time for bariatric surgery at 40 days according to the most recent data. The median wait to see the specialist for the first time is much longer, but the good news is that's the wait that's most visible and controllable. Have your doc refer you to multiple specialists and wait to see which comes through with the first appointment. Remember, this is now "LIST" there is just when a particular doctor will give an appointment to a particular person. Some doctors will have slots sooner than others and some will prioritize different patients than others. If your doc isn't down with that (sometimes the specialists get mad when they do that), get a referral, get your appointment and if the wait is any longer than the median, go back to your doc and tell them you want to try a different doc and get a second referral. Don't cancel the first appointment til you know the second one is sooner. Repeat, if necessary.
And remember, these are median wait times, which means most people wait less than that.
You know that the longer wait is going to be to see the specialist the first time, with not much wait after that, so the good news is that you will know within the next couple of weeks (when you get the referral and specialist appointment) how long the wait would be FOR YOU.
* PEI new brunswick, newfoundland (my guess, since you said Atlantic, not maritime) don't list any typical wait times for that procedure I can find.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 8:16 AM on October 25, 2016 [1 favorite]
You haven't said what province you're in, but NS* has the median wait time for bariatric surgery at 40 days according to the most recent data. The median wait to see the specialist for the first time is much longer, but the good news is that's the wait that's most visible and controllable. Have your doc refer you to multiple specialists and wait to see which comes through with the first appointment. Remember, this is now "LIST" there is just when a particular doctor will give an appointment to a particular person. Some doctors will have slots sooner than others and some will prioritize different patients than others. If your doc isn't down with that (sometimes the specialists get mad when they do that), get a referral, get your appointment and if the wait is any longer than the median, go back to your doc and tell them you want to try a different doc and get a second referral. Don't cancel the first appointment til you know the second one is sooner. Repeat, if necessary.
And remember, these are median wait times, which means most people wait less than that.
You know that the longer wait is going to be to see the specialist the first time, with not much wait after that, so the good news is that you will know within the next couple of weeks (when you get the referral and specialist appointment) how long the wait would be FOR YOU.
* PEI new brunswick, newfoundland (my guess, since you said Atlantic, not maritime) don't list any typical wait times for that procedure I can find.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 8:16 AM on October 25, 2016 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: By "wait time" I mean "the time between when the initial referral from my GP is made and when the surgery actually happens". If it takes years and years to even get the initial consult, that to me counts in the "wait time" category. Yes, once you get the consult things move more quickly , but the fact remains that it is an extremely long time before the surgery is likely to happen.
My information regarding wait times came from THIS study, along with various personal anecdotes from people in my area as well as the experience my physician relative has had with some of their patients attempting to have the procedure done.
Regardless, my question is "how to deal with the long wait time"....
posted by PuppetMcSockerson at 8:32 AM on October 25, 2016 [1 favorite]
My information regarding wait times came from THIS study, along with various personal anecdotes from people in my area as well as the experience my physician relative has had with some of their patients attempting to have the procedure done.
Regardless, my question is "how to deal with the long wait time"....
posted by PuppetMcSockerson at 8:32 AM on October 25, 2016 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
Would moving be a consideration? I have a friend who underwent bariatric surgery in southwestern Ontario, and the whole process (from counseling onward) was less than a year and a half. Hopefully the 7 years was just a poor estimate, but if not changing locations may help.
posted by valoius at 7:39 AM on October 25, 2016 [5 favorites]