What is a generous gift to an Indian woman helping plan our India trip?
October 21, 2016 11:49 AM   Subscribe

My friend and I are headed to India for a 10 days trip, and a lovely woman answered a Facebook post I posted to a travelers' group about finding a driver. This lovely woman and her lovely travel agent sister have been essentially planning our trip, hotels, driver, etc. for free and I'm so, so grateful. How can I show my appreciation?

I want to be respectful and generous, but don't know what I can bring this woman's sister and her husband. I won't be meeting the woman - she lives in the south, but I will hopefully be meeting her sister, who lives in Jaipur where the wedding will take place. We may even end up staying with her sister for a night or two. I'm just bowed over with admiration for this generous spirit.

What can I:
1. bring the sister especially if we stay in her home?
2. Send this woman who took the initiative to connect me with her sister and has been so helpful?
3. Tip the driver they set up for us? She's estimating that driver+hotels will be about 700 for 10 days (between two of us, wow that sounds cheap).
posted by namesarehard to Society & Culture (10 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
 
#1 and #2: Something decorative that's representative of where you're from. I gifted a nice Tiffany's snow globe of NYC skyline to someone who was nice to me in Mexico once (who'd never seen snow OR NYC). It came off as a nice exchange of cultures, plus a way they could remember someone exotically distant with whom they once connected. Notice that it wasn't a cheap plastic touristic souvenir...that's the sweet spot. Of your place, but not cheaply touristic.

#3. If 700 sounds cheap, decide what wouldn't have sounded cheap, and tip the diff.

I think it's also important to explicitly mention that you're always available to return the favor if they ever come to USA. Even if it never happens - even if they're in no way able to travel internationally - it will feel like a portal.
posted by Quisp Lover at 12:06 PM on October 21, 2016 [2 favorites]


I second Quisp Lovers suggestion of something decorative or functional and significant/representative of where you are visitng from. Duty free alcohol (assuming you checked first that they drink) is also always a big hit.

As far as tipping in India goes . . . this is something I know pretty well from multiple trips to visit family-by-marriage. Like you many things seem like crazy bargains, and im always being admonished by my mother in law for not caring when someone overcharges me by what, to me, is less than I would spend on a cup of coffee but may represent being over-charged by 2 or 3 times. I guarantee that if you tipped 10% of your bill to your driver he would be beyond thrilled (and your total would be a whopping 770 bucks). That said, you should just ask her what she thinks a fair tip would be (and expect that number to be lower than you thought, youre not obligated to give what she suggests but it is a useful benchmark).

While he is working I would be extra cognizant of day to day costs he may be incurring (which are probably expected to be covered by his paycheck but they are likely so minimal you could easily cover them). That basically means making sure hes got a couple rupees here and there for tea (like, 20-50 is generous, yes that's less than a buck) and some money to buy lunch or dinner when you stop (its been my experience with drivers in india that anywhere you are going to stop will have options for you and for them, 100 rupees may not go super fr at a tourist place but hell know where to get a decent meal for less). Depending on the set up he is likely staying in some form of accommodation and you might inquire whether those costs are built in or additional.

Tacking on a recommendation you didn't ask for: if you are going to be in Delhi and it is remotely convenient, I cannot recommend Café Lota (attached to the national craft museum) highly enough. They serve inventive and delicious takes on traditional dishes from around india in a lovely garden-like setting for breakfast lunch and dinner.
posted by Exceptional_Hubris at 12:21 PM on October 21, 2016 [4 favorites]


its been my experience with drivers in india that anywhere you are going to stop will have options for you and for them, 100 rupees may not go super fr at a tourist place but hell know where to get a decent meal for less

Idunno....I'd DEFINITELY want to follow him to HIS place. And invite him (or, if he refuses, add it to tip later). But that's just me....

Can't wait to try Lota one day!
posted by Quisp Lover at 12:45 PM on October 21, 2016


Not to sound paranoid, but are you certain everything is on the up and up? It sounds too good to be true and that's often a bad sign in international travel.
posted by Candleman at 2:24 PM on October 21, 2016 [17 favorites]


A Facebook travel group? Her "lovely travel agent sister"? They booked your trip, hotels, and driver? Don't worry, they're getting paid (and, echoing Candleman, that is the best case scenario).
posted by acidic at 8:05 PM on October 21, 2016 [3 favorites]


Yeah... I'm sorry to say it, but this is really raising my scam red flags. I know that doesn't answer your question, but I think it needs to be said.
posted by delight at 8:56 PM on October 21, 2016 [2 favorites]


Response by poster: well, I haven't paid them anything, and have been paying hotels directly (hotels with online presence), so I think it's fine.
posted by namesarehard at 12:38 AM on October 22, 2016


Response by poster: The reason I asked this Q is that they've literally refused to accept money, a tip, anything. Probably would have been useful to say that in the body, sorry.
posted by namesarehard at 1:26 AM on October 22, 2016


One of the classic ploys in confidence scams is to refuse small amounts of money in order to make larger ones. There's a bunch of stuff in your description that raises the hairs on the back of my neck, so please read up on some of the scams and crimes that happen with tourists.

It's possible that you just got really lucky and found two spectacularly friendly people, but it smells really, really off. I would never invite strangers from around the world to come stay with me after some internet interaction and would be suspicious of anyone that would.
posted by Candleman at 11:13 AM on October 22, 2016


People outside the west tend to be non-transactional to a degree that alarms many people. I'm not saying there aren't scams, as well, but it's important to remember that there really are very many kind-hearted people in the world, especially in places where kindness is not as inhibited as in other places.
posted by Quisp Lover at 8:39 PM on October 22, 2016


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